While most are living their normal lives I'm rebuilding mine... damn I tried to have the life where I'd be sitting nice... instead I sit around n mousy most of the time bcuz money's tied up... n I believe I've lost the intuition to luv... seems the more i look around the harder I can't help but to feel incomplete... having to restart mid way through life when the good times should've captured my dreams... instead the bottom reached up n took everything I knew away... as hearing others talk about a struggle is a joke due to they know nothing of being homeless on top of betrayed... n it fuckin sucks to witness others enjoy their hard work when I'm still climbing outta a hole... in the slums giving up quality time with only time to get the job done... n I cannot help but to laugh for I've already forgotten how to be normal so fuck everyone's version of hope... as i drift on a thought mentally exerts efforts for me to truly bounce back in a home where I'm not alone... or am I to reside in the feel of ain't no one here for me as i'm so fuckin over it... jus do me n get on with what's to be jus bcuz relations bring so much extra fuckin bs... i need not be controlled nor wanna feel as if who i am isn't good enough... so i settle on to the grind to do it on my own without words that express luv... no friend n no mate to help me along the way... for i've never been able to count on anyone to be real to my face... as the pits linger with hollow depths wondering is another eventually worth the time... ain't no one been here n i've come from the bottom in a lonely mind... twisting thoughts into a reality that never make any fuckin sense... i believe i jus might be ok if i finish life out without someone trying to change to better of me on the defense... for earnings haven't stepped to the plate to comfort the feel of liking a lil company as of yet... it's always gimme emotions as they avoid things need to be taken care of so my own well being can invest... damn the trip of luv that sends ripples through attempts that end like waves upon a beach... stopped by dry lands for their desires cannot sail freely due to my vessel i refuse to leave... it's a work in progress that is gonna take some extra efforts to complete... n until then i must admit i jus might reside in peace as wants think about teasing the needs... i'm on reset n most don't feel me trying to come back to life... resisting anything n anyone that disrupts my goals to correct decisions that drifted beyond an acceptable life... fuck it is the mindset that doesn't wanna go back to where the tumble rolled... at a loss without a friendly face watching everything irrupt when it had to fold...
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