Ways...

Maybe i should learn how to luv u the way ur unique design needs to be fulfilled... Just get to know the details that make u click so life can flow in between us creating the thrill... I believe there's a change in the wind to step to the expectations that will complete u... It seems i have the opportunity in ur eyes as they're waitin with patience for me to make my move... All games aside it's dawned on me that I'm not the only one who has a nerve... N I'm not trying to pluck urs, I'm simply trying to touch it to see how it is we coexist with worth... As I've taken notice to the other side of interest like an outter body experience for the better good... N to get in sync with the feel of ur depths reaching for me could entice our mood... Switching impositions to for once play fair so smiles can live within their own natural curve... As the consideration of us is roaming through my mind in ways ur silence has been heard... Sending a surge of thoughts from another angle that's corrected the selfishness that i hide... It seems you've gotten past the wall to creep up on me when I'm alone at night... I'm gonna havta feed ur in particular craves that just want what's best for all it is u are... I must realize we're one in the same n give back to the willingness to acknowledge the reincarnation of the heart... Seeing things in a different truth as if i were u n u were i... N it's this comprehension that flipped my mindset to rotate 360 degrees n tell no lies... The monster within agreed to ease up n carress ur flaws so u too can open up... Showing u that u matter in the same sense if likes are to ever transform into luv... We all have our own tweaks that comfort specific secrets not just anyone is shown... N I'm witness to u attempting to come out n be with me so neither of us will ever be alone... As i appreciate ur distinctive quirky intutions seeking where it is u truly belong... N if we're honest about it all there's a possibility we could never go wrong... But it's gonna take a moment to understand the level of friendship that stands before us... Just taking our time to snuggle up to new ways that have a reason to trust... To accept it ain't just about self... That is if we actually do wanna be felt...

i.k.e & o.v.e.

there's a twinkle in her eyes that reminds me of diamonds n it makes me rich. as her adorable hissy fits are like temper tantrums i cannot help but to kiss. she's my ease n frustrations wrapped up all in one.me sanity is in her hands helping me to come undone. the secret to  n she knows she's the individual i'd rather no go without. n even though she has this advantage she never allows stupid shit slip outta her mouth. n her tongue is pleasant as my ears cannot wait to hear what she hasta say. for when her vibe touches me i find myself relaxed to the point where i truly feel safe. she's a friend when she doesn't havta be n fierce asf when she knows she's right. she's the missing pieces of me that balances out my own unique state of mind. n what she isn't to others she's everything to me. as she's came along to guide n give a focus to all my scattered dreams. n all she ever waited to see is to find out who i truly am. n for her patience, beside her is where i take my stand. bcuz i know she feels me every time she smiles. n she never hasta exert herself to awaken my inner child. i'm living the good life every time she rambles on those three lil words. although the third one ends in i.k.e for she knows my worth. even though her emotions over process at times as i become the sponge to her passions as the one person to settle her nerves. she also absorbs me in the same sense knowing i too can be heard. as our mentality mesh in a weave bringing out a twisted sense of humor. she's the female version of me in which is more than just a rumor. she's my mornings when i don't wanna get outta bed. my release when i feel trapped inside my head. there's just things about her that need not be explained. bcuz she understands i can comprehend every expression that moves her face. n just like water carving its way though earth using time. she's touched my heart in the same sense making sure from her i cannot hide. as she's the detail in my life that sets me free. bcuz she's the difference between wants n needs. as smooth as a player without the games. there's just something about how we say each others name. i have it all when i have her in my arms. with her cheek buried in my chest leaving her mark. n i swear she sinks inside of me every time she holds on. clinging to the pure purpose of o.v.e. living as the real norm. as she has the attention she seeks for she knows we do more than exist. as we coexist we are limitless n apart we will be forever missed. n when she fades into her silence that's my chance to life her up. n when in mine she never misses a beat to create a lil fun. it's the stare she gives that speaks without a sound taming her lips. to the lights goin dim with the flip of a switch. she's just something out there that's gotten person in which i thought i'd never meet. so as i fall asleep tonight trying to get back to her, please don't awaken me.

The first to go...

Will it be you or will it be yours truly falling away from untamed grins? To lose the fire that lights up the dark within. Moving emotions to the feel of having them close... How long is it gonna take to forget softer tones? The butterflies the get lost in the wind just wanting to live. Even after promises reach in n convince self of a certain set of lips. Tasting breaths easing from sighs as belief stands still. Who do you think it'll be to fold first? Unable to continue setting the other at their honesty worst. When the coarse of actions force the parting of hearts deprived. With every thought of, damn, there's no way to help luv make it out alive. Stepping to the edge of passionate suicide that awaits a new story to begin. Looking down as the leap tilts the head higher than the sky can reach the twist. Free in a different kinda sense so the chaos ends the fiasco's blame. Who's tongue will move to the sound where limits need not go? Changing everything in a home headed straight for nights spent alone. As the head shakes for a while until all the nonsense loses its grip. Placing another stranger back into the unknown origins of never to be missed. Are you gonna be the one who defines your version of what remains must be or else? Leading the way across the line of never to return to what was once felt. Loosening the norm for nerves to settle on there's hasta be something better to come along. When the attachments fade like tears that cannot hear those favorite songs. When the day comes to face music written for someone else to listen too. Would you like to see the gigs times hanged nude. Left out for the world to see every bit of what others truly don't need to know? Or will it be you that holds your ground until there is nothing to show?

Pluck a nerve...

 Stop being so nice n try to hurt my feelings... I'd like to know if i can be affected by ur dealings... I believe it's the only way to see that you've actually gotten in.... It maught be twisted but evenyou'd witness for yourself if it's in ur presence i wanna live... In all realness fire away n pluck a nerve n watch if it shakes loose... Attempt to adjust the way it is i move... Transforming my thoughts as if my eyes were chasing u I my head... Peep my reaction when u come for my heart trustig it could be u... We both need the visual in my facial expressions as u poke at my truths... Try me so we can agree on where this this is bound to go... Pushing limits to the edge of what's what that is being shown... Have i fallen or could i use apush to determine who u are to me??? Odk my guess is ir gonna havta step through me to see if I'll Vaughn u descending from my dreams... Maybe puttin me on the spot will touch an emotion that wants to come to life... Reassuring us of real content that i just cannot hide... Ur gonna do it eventually anyways so take ur best shot... Thought once we see honesty come to the surface the silliness hasta stop... Either way it goes were gonna need to accept what it is we should do... I feel it's time we to live with the proof... So swing n land a blow that'll change everything we've come to know.... It'll settle more the urge of the unknown hope... In one definitive moment piecing together a tomorrow's gain... As for the rest of today we can begin to release the bait... For there will be nothing left to catch but some sleep... Are u ready to face the real me???

alive n in a hole...

I've laid too many to rest in the graveyard in my mind... Poof, gone, deleted outta my life... Without a tombstone to identity who's who... I hold the shovel close just in case any other wants to shift with the way they move... as faces emerge to me in times spent alone... chuckles find the memories of luv'rs being groped... twisting reality into a distant calming phase... people were more than lost along the way... buried while still alive as i ignore their chants... testing myself to do better with who speaks n who rants... for lies n judgements have no place in my heart... nor do friendships that do nothing more than pretend to play the part... as faces turn behind the back to spit on thy name... they find the dirt heavy when they cannot reach me with hate... covered in their own doings i set myself free... to live in exile without the scattering of me... as betrayal lays six feet below n i cannot hear a fuckin thing... it's so peaceful knowing knives won't get to me when i blink... as the fake ones have been dismissed from my sighs... sent back to the other side where their existence is in my time... for the burial was swift as a calm settled my nerves... as it was me standing alone without all the bs to be heard... they're all in a hole filled to it's rim just to hear themselves ramble on... i needed not to carry their shallowness to where it is i'm going...

natural ease...

if it isn't natural it isn't something i want. there's no in a reality in saying i'm going to try at luv. that fake azz pretend shit you can take with you on down the road. it has no business stepping into my home. if you have to force yourself to feel me you can leave me be. because your false presence is something i just don't need. i don't understand how people are okay with wasting others time. just to claim they have someone in their life? knowing damn well it's too big of a task to keep it going. sucking the life out of someone else's norm. when they know deep down shit just isn't right. and true intent is what they truly hide. if you are one of those individuals please leave me alone. because i don't even have it in me to hear you moan. to make yourself adapt to the resistance of me, that bs just isn't felt. as my existence could be in luv with someone else. with someone who naturally syncs and tunes to who i am. feeling the magic awaken comfort when touched by thy hand. i'm not playing no games so please make up your mind. how easy is it for you to smile when you awaken with me in your life? i don't want to assume or ask for shit. you're either with it or you ain't as it is what it is. it shouldn't be a struggle to give yourself to another. if i'm not it i don't even want to be our luv'r. my heart is not for just anyone to walk in as if it has a revolving door.  and my emotions mean to me, so much fuckin more. so if you truly don't care keep that fake shit to yourself. let it be known so i know you're no help. i need me an guaranteed ease i can slide on into. someone who cannot help themselves when it comes to feeling my use. without the constant wonder of what the fuck. simply sinking in to the way we touch. so speak of truths and tell no lies. how is it i appear in your mind? who am i to you before my feelings change? as i ask, how do you feel when you say my name?

patiently waiting...

i don't know if you'll ever find my words. and i don't know if i'll ever be heard. but if you so happen to read along with me in your head. know i speak from a mindset and a truth pulsating from my chest. i may never hold you or see you smile. or even hear you laugh in which brings out my inner child. no, i do not know who you are. as that itself honestly causes an aching in my heart. and as time is flying by so very fast. we're missing out on memories made that can make up a past. so if you happen to find me first someway or somehow. don't be afraid to speak to me out load. because you can be anyone and that just won't do. i just want one person who happens to be you. but who are you if i've never seen your face? or maybe i have and actually said your name. i'm lost on the thought of where to look. it's like you don't exist and that leaves me shook. but i'd like to believe you're out there hiding like me. tucked into the creases of isolation unable to be seen. i get it, and i can use you, this you should know. and yet how could you if you've never been shown? knowing at this point you're no more than a dream locked up in my mind. lingering without a face to bring me to life. i'm patiently waiting but damn it would be so nice to hold still with you. and move woth the flow of luv put to use. to wrap you up so i can feel you breathe. creating sighs from the both of us as we find that ease. to be as we coexist. but how if you're just a wish? out there somewhere drifting alone. like me in wonder of feeling completely known.

from the dark side...

i cannot believe i allowed myself to be swallowed up. feeling the only thing that truly hurts is the hollows hush. felt is the word i'm curious to find in real life. n there's a place that's better than here before death n i don't wanna die. i'm just tired of spending so much time all by myself. only if i could let someone in n give to me some genuine help. turning the light on under the covers just to make me laugh. i'm not broken, i'm fully intact. i could just use a conversation that can stick to the facts. with a tongue that taste my name n then slides up my face. just to watch my expression trying to get away. yet who am i to ask for so much when i'd rather like someone before expressing luv. as here i am sitting alone calling out from the dark side. someone make a squeak, a sound, just lemme hear ur voice. i've been doing this for so long n wanna overcome the empty void. although the last thing i want is to be recognized as a whore. bcuz who i was yrs ago n who i am are opposing norms. i just want something more than a fuck to fling. a moment that never sees the morning's need. quietly kept i'm over how i talk to myself when no ones around. but it's prolly just another want to lift me up from feeling down...

lone...

emotion just doesn't mean as much as a piece of mind. n to get to me you'd havta sit back n realize there's a reason why. is it i lost myself in the middle of an emotional feel? we all know within that due process it takes way to fuckin ling to heal. one thing i can admit is i've been there n came back. n i found myself staring into a mirror with my back to my past. bitterness just doesn't compete with the sounds of silence when self can hear an other coming. quietly kept the heart beats somewhat different when they hit the ground running. i have no need in rushing to the chaos to take control by the end. never finding a friend for passions are stolen. as hope flickers with the breeze as candles are lit. head game sis all that ever evolves from that type of nonsense. that's why i like the peaceful life to remain alone. even though happiness revolves around a different type of home. issues n flaws just isn't any fun once time comes to call. n i'd rather not tossed around thoughts that never calm the nerves. i'd havts have something differernt than i've ever known if i ever went back in. in a sense of tongue never forget the friendship when speaking as they spit. to live without the confusion that creates a wedge when moving too fast. making due isn't an interest i seek when it never lasts. but i'm in no rush as lone is not so bad. it's something i can actually grasp. a soothing that settles the inner makings knowing there's no bs coming my way. i enjoy the comfort in a guaranteed kinda wait. a slow grind to get to know another's secret self. bcuz it's in the depths where trust is felt. n until then... i'm not giving in.

after the shenanagins...

in my mind it plays out like i've already fucked my dream girl, so now what? i've already been in n outta luv. past the emotional ruins of my life. as i know as in legal matters, know what it means to have a wife. so what else is left? i've already had what everyone in every other new relationship claims is the best fuckin sex. i stood within relations like a real man as if life couldn't phase me. n i rounded out since the thought process as wants over needs. n i'm actually wondering what is it i'm actually looking for. when i've already danced from within the center of a storm. knowing it was my actions too that created its trwirl. as this world went on about its way n i went back to being singular from plural. i've already been with my ultimate fantasy. as i had to step back n correct me ever changing reality. n i play with the though of, is there anyone who can bring my passion back to life? help bring me from within n somehow reopen my mind. bcuz i felt desires let go of hope right before i feel off the edge. as i now sit with a curious hmm, wondering what's next. bcuz i've done all but fulfill my dreams. n all the women i just cannot remember is nothing more than erotic's leap. i've had more than my fair share as fingers have had their way. n it's bcuz of this is how i know the depths of a woman is more than she'll ever say. so where in the fuck do i turn when i've even had strippers on the roster? i'm over playing around on back burners that are filled with imposters. my guess is i'm just too fuckin hard to please. even though in another i do wanna believe. n i feel the need in a new hype to change my ways. yet, who would i truly wanna hear say my name? i have no one sitting up on a pedestal high up in the mind. n not a one comes from the hidden intent that i thought of claiming as mine. so after all the shenanagins that make up my life. who will it be to cross me to insure i'm as real as the sun that shines.

as ur smile fell from ur face...

only if i was ready to open up, we coulda had the time of our lives. but i wasn't ready as i side stepped u n u walked on by. it wasn't easy to do but that's jus how life goes. not everyone is on the same level when they're totally alone. i had to figure some shit out before hands could be held. n there were times i wish i coulda opened up to the feeling that wanted to be felt. ur jus one of those good ones that knew ur worth. n u kept it moving as my honesty was heard. u come to realize getting close to someone i struggle with. bcuz so many say they're so different n yet the same ol chatter leaps from tainted lips. n it's taken me this long to get to where u were back the. at the doorstep knocking on the thumper talking about let someone in. the was a comfort in ur hands even though i picked u apart. it was like i had to find something so i didn't havta use my heart. it weird to hear truths speak up as i listen to my own crazy shit. but i remember how u were that lingering tickle in my ribs. n at times i think about how it must've hurt. uj were mentally with it n deserved someone to put in the work. as i believed it was a must to let u go. even though u were someone i truly wanted to get to know. keeping u away from how i had to evolve from behind the scenes. only showing others what i want them to see. n i ain't the same as i allowed myself to come to my terms. it was something i had to do by myself for my lessons to be learned. i never wanted u to be a cover for something deep meant for someone else. although i enjoyed ur presence n i couldn't get enough of ur smell. one whiff of u loosened me right the fuck on up. n to be honest, if u were here today i'd prolly fall in luv. but chances were given as i walked away. i straight stepped back n watched the smile fall from ur face. just believe it was something i had to do. there were things to me i had to prove. n yeah, i still live by i'm no one to be missed. as you'll never know of these words tucked behind my lip.

dead dreams...

giving up on dreams like days falling off my life. seems to me they weren't to be meant to last forever as they with me are to be buried in a pine. thoughts are fading fast n i don't know what to do. the older i get the least i'm more enthused. truth is i lost pieces of me i can never get back. as i tried to replace them with others although it feels like i'm wearing a mask. attempting to hide from the images in my own fuckin head. burying memories that reach up for me from the fuckin dead. i might be a lost cause after all but it's ok. bcuz when i look in the mirror i can't see desire in my face. there's nothing but emptiness behind my eyes. asi cannot wait to go to sleep for it's the one place i feel alive. n when everything comes back to me there's not much to believe here in the real world. there's too many chameleons not wanting to be singular yet pretending to be plural. n in my case, what i want, i jus cannot have. so i reside behind the scenes n allow the nothing become my past. my depths ache n that is no fuckin lie. n my heart at times, it does wanna die. as it was cut loose by luv that was said to be fate. n that's how thoughts somehow change the expressions upon my face. as the mind tries to transform the pain into the beauty that remains. asi tell myself my own true friend is within as it's the only person to be of gain. although as slippery as the tongue can possibly be. it also speaks on other bs that truly doesn't interest me. bcuz within my chest i'v buried hope so long ago. as i made myself admit i jus wanna be left the fuck alone. all bcuz my foresight did not reach the promised land as i lost control. becoming a stranger to even self as worth hung form a rope. left to take its last breath before my very own eyes. n for the life of me i still don't know why.

on the edge of the bed...

with slow movements sway as i undress u. as provocative as natural intent can feel the mood. now climb on up onto the edge of the bed. fulfill the image of u u keep in my head. put ur knees on the egde n spread ur legs. lean forward, arch ur back and show me how ur made. i just wanna look at u for a lil bit. before i caress u from ur neck to ur ankles n back up to ur pussy lips. jst to feel what my eyes have been lusting on. put a lil wiggle with it bcuz it'll make me want u even more. ease back n lean into my touch. i'll break out the feather until ur sighs are no longer hushed. i crave to see ur beauty on full display. opened up as u look back n say my name. as i suck on ur inner thighs. bringing every single one of ur hormones back to life. just feel the way my hand slaps ur azz. i promise u at first, i won't move too fast. my tongue can feel the anticipation of ur body calling a truce. i want to be the one that frees u from u. giving to me what i desire the most. u! that's who i want to get alone. as ur patiently waiting for me to lick ur skin from head to toe. then rub u in oils as every curve of u is groped. whispering in ur ear as dirty as i can. letting my presents known as a fuckin man. just try to be still when i drop down behind u to my knees. tasting every drop ur release. just do u as i do me. bcuz it's the bitch within u i'm attempting to free. stroking u until i force my way inside. losn n slow so u can stretch around the thing in which you've been deprived. as ur hair finds its way into the palm of my grip. fingers entangled in strands as i bite my lip. thrusting to tease as ur sensitivity caves in. that's when i dig in to ur hips. pushing deeper n deeper until the bottom is exposed. damn how u give my sexuality hope.

hi!

kiss me and bring me back to life. reincarnate me and listen to how every breath sighs. because that's what i see when i look into your eyes. as lips touch in a moment of passion's find. taste me day or night. from you i'd never hide. trust me when i tell you, it'd be so nice to make it past the hype. for that's where real relations truly shine. so come closer and see if you can read my mind. and up the walls shadows can climb. with a sound filling this room as we come to alive. i don't believe in signs or luv at first sight but damn there is just something about you i like. and that's something that can evolve into luv if that's how emotions slip as they slide. as you and i emerge to align. hi! no, i'm not shy. and for you i'm as open as the clear blue skies. stopping before you at the drop on a dime. putting aside for you me ego and pride. all that's left is for you to decide. am i someone you can tell goodbye? or am i touching that soft spot sas our interests combine? curious to know more on how i'm defined. just so you can unwrap the package in which i reside. it can be our special day every day if you'd just walk with me through time. as i'm just guessing that your flavor is perfectly ripe. sweet and sensitive to the touch that would never leave me behind. for some reason i believe in you and i don't know why. honestly speaking it's me you excite. so what do you say we just mingle and go with the vibe? we can see if there's depths that want to surface that need not be bribed. what do you say if we step away from here and go get a bite. talk and drift through topics as long as convo is free from lies. simply putting our do's and don'ts in a line and one by one we'll go through yours and mine. so we can witness how our friendship coexists before we ever take flight. far from our past that is nowhere in sight.

Drip dry...

 One can never slip in between the raindrops as if self cannot be touched... So one must stand in the rain to feel more than enough... Dripping without motion until the shoes cone off... Knowing the inner makings live n self wasn't so lost... In the down pour tapping upon the skin... The face tilts upward n slowly displays a grin... Beneath the skies dumping more than tears could ever escape... It's the storm the recreates the face... Dancing to the thunder in sync with the heartbeat finding w pulse... As the lighting is the vibe resurrecting the energy to believe in a cause... From the clouds above the viendo cleansing loosens luge to simply just be... N as they dispurse the sun greets a new twist defined as a more preeminent kinda  free...

loneliness's inhabitable mix...

drift just outta view n be forgotten... watch life move right on by as time isn't nothin... peep how no one truly misses ur presence if u do not make yourself known... n even if u do others tend to leave u alone... giving true purpose to worth embedded in the eyes.... although you'd havta pay attention to how ur absence hasn't any significance in their lives... just pull back n notice the way everything keeps on flowing without ur participation... n take in the factor of who u are to them having for u any type of anticipation... in a solo slide right outta the frame of sight... sitting still in the distance watching the feast of attention feed boredom's hype... but never pretend it isn't real enough to second guess realities lil trick... to grasp the use of self in ways we're blinded by spinning ticks... as moments tuned into a world so fake people only want to be entertained... n if u ain't doin ur part ur a memory to the game... lost as a thought every now n again to minds trapped in a phase that fulfills their empty needs... to be greeted upon them showing they exist but never seen to actually breathe... settle within n ignore the social scene is no more than a fix... n how repeated behaviors is for selfish gains to overcome loneliness's inhabitable mix... no one cares if u disappear without a trace... just live n the lack of real friendships will prove to be ur just a name... a face in the crowd that allows the unknown u to be famous if u choose... or  remain in hiding with a better understanding of what's real n what hasta be cut loose... it's a fictional place where ego n laughter are tucked in lonely rooms... waiting on someone to misguide the mind n help create a more enjoyable mood... when u lay ur head down at night n try to dream in peace... at the end of the day it's really not all that it's cracked up to be...

sleeping to be...

she said, I have everything but u... other than in the depths behind my eyes where u tend to move. yet, it's always with the sun to ur back so she cannot see ur face... as it's my silhouette that has become a shadow she cannot escape... carefully expressing that here in the real world we just do not exist... knowing she'd luv to stand between me n the sunset to catch a glimpse of how my smile adjusts to the nibbling of her lips... she needs nothing here for but a visual of who it is i truly am so she can shut off the alarm... she whispered softly that she's tired of waking up to alerts that never kickstart her heart... n the sleeping to be as one is the real joy forever felt bcuz she believes it's the only place she can find me waiting for her in the sand... lost with a patience for her to return so i can hold her again... though, with a mumble she asked, would it be cheating if she found me on the other side n left me to her dreams to linger on.?. she spoke of how i was the missing link to her forgotten norm... like she was reaching for me so her own visuals would align with who i am living life... as coming from the images stuck in my own mind... she told truths of how we were in luv in the middle of everything we've ever known... as i could relate to the crave to enter into realities shown... although her words never came from my own deep trans where i felt right at home... feeling a certain type of way when i awaken as if i am truly alone... in my head i have pieces of her scattered about... as my subconscious day dreams as if she were here to take these breaths from my mouth... with a rooted passion buried so far down she says, come get me with a sighing flirtation... n i'd want nothing more than to bring her back from my fantasies that claim her as an hallucination... mimicking me like a mirror that duplicates me as a mental image... it's how she knows me so well as to trigger intent pushing the limits... sounding as if she were me as she lip syncs my every thought... n in that moment is where i quietly pause... loosening to the realization that perfect is nonetheless a figment of the imagination playing tricks for treats... leaving a hole exposed in the chest that needs not be... but as i fall back under to rest there she is chuckling like i never left... damn, only if she'd appear the way she said, the sleeping to be as one is the real joy forever felt at its best...

outta place...

i have no fuckin clue to which direction i'm truly goin. all i know is i needed a come up to replace my norm. maybe one day soon i'll finally figure it out. n the day after that, it's possible that i'll go home somehow. i jus don't know n it really feels like i'm lost. it's like i'm in a sense of stuck in a pause. wondering what's next as it's yet to stroll into my life. as my head is set on a swivel looking for signs. strange thing is in those i just do not believe in. so i wait on time to drop me a subtle hint. a look within a stare that drives me wild. to awaken the silliness of my inner child. i'm not so far gone that i'm outta reach. i've jus been unfolding myself until i find a need. i had to come back to the center of everything i've ever known. as it's been way to fuckin long since i've given in to anything more than being alone. for i've listened to the silence for so long that i'm glad i'm still alive. n there's so many jus like me that have turned inward jus to save self from the whispering lies. knowing it was a slide of a card or two that cheated us outta the hands we were dealt. n that shit was more than felt. like me, they too jus gave up. coming to the line where lips felt good to say fuck luv. though it isn't the truth that slid from the tips of tongues that flips useless tones. even bypassing selfish desires that create passionate moans. the linger in life is a misplacement to rarely move. stagnant until appreciative once self has been cut loose. free to believe again so a key can find a lock. somewhere in a great big world the emptiness hasta stop. drifting into a defining situation that makes the wait worth the ache. i don't have any idea where i belong as i save those special expressions upon my face for my moment to simply escape. to come from depths n share who it is i found deep inside. able n willing to enjoy what's left of life.

no fuckery...

damn you if you mean what you say when you're mad. releasing truths so hurtful as they find their path. as if you couldn't tell me how you truly felt all along. hiding intent under your tongue that doesn't belong. n fuck you if you think an apology is going to work. i refuse to the instability of emotional outbursts. so don't go spitting your rage in my ear once you've had enough. because that shit doesn't reflect any true depiction of love. as you can kiss my ass with that childish ass behavior. there is no come back as if t every thing is going to be okay some time later. you can just keep that flip flop nonsense to yourself because i just ain't on it. there is no need to allow that kind of lingering venom to lay upon your lips. you can save every syllable left to marinade in a false presence for the next sucker to come into your life. that isn't the version of friends wanting share a little time. you're actually going to have to grow up to be put to an honest use. i'm not down with the surprise attacks of verbal abuse. all because you feel you can get away with anything in a moment where nothing matters. as my own worth in my heart doesn't need torn nor shattered. to be torn apart as if i could ever be healed with sex. you got me fucked up and you can stay the fuck out of my chest. you need to maintain yourself and mind yourself if we're going to remain. and don't ever loosen up so far you believe that kind of bullshit is okay. i'll tell you to skip bricks and watch them sink. just toe tag your ass knowing bubbles can't breathe. if you're going to come at me with a build up of irritations wanting to be released. i'm gong to be truthful and admit you're someone i just don't need. i don't play those type of games where i smile when you're ready. that is only a remedy of cutting up my worth for you to use as confetti. it ain't going to happen due to i'll leave you standing still all alone. just because you broke down on the other side of the thrill. thinking you can push the limits and see how far you until i adapt to your control. naaaah, you must not be playing with a full fucking deck. or that joker has you twisted with what's going on up in your head. don't ever think i'm going to let you get off on some ol fuckery just because i believe you to be cute. there's always someone else that can keep me amused. and that's just the bare facts if you slip the fuck up. i'll never be disabled due to the vibe of love. i'm too damn mind strong for you to treat me any ol fucking way. if yo don't believe me, try me n watch the expression upon my face. for once they change i'll never look at you the same again. n that's when i'll be done being your biggest fan.

let's go home...

back into the world we go. trying to get to the back of the scene alone. walking backwards into the crowd. trying to blend in without making a sound. hoping to make it to the rear of the hype without being seen. not wanting to be found so a piece of mind can dream. finding comfort in eyes of others lookin forward as we disappear into the pack. one step behind the other never moving to fast. with great patience attempting to make it to the edge of the sea of people we must get past. just to turn away n live with the facts. maybe then no one will notice we don't move with the heard. n how we care not to be voluntarily heard. as feet march on to somewhere else we've never been so the pain doesn't hurt. avoiding heads that spin on a swivel judging self's own worth. as the feeling of belonging clings to a more wide opened space. for it frees up the value expressed upon the face. deep out into the unknow where wind can't carry names. further than where the city lights fade so the mind can be sane. living life n caring about the lil things. listening to the breeze whistle as if it had wings. able to see anyone coming from a mile away. sighing with a relief as if they were ready to leave. as the heart settles in the silence so the body can breathe. needing to shed the weight of everything one has come to know. in no need of imaginary thrones. seeking the peace n quiet far from the population that all act the same. sighing with a piece of mind could never be explained. living out days as luv is shown. let's go home. 

curiosity turned towards u...

would u mind if i held ur hand and stood straight on where it is i stand? what if i promised we could never go wrong? would u be able to see the reality in my eyes just wanting to get along? n do u mind if i touched ur cheek? just so i could feel ur face lean into me. for a lil bit of comfort in my palm for a moment to remain as still as calm. would u mind if i asked u ur name? then told u mine so i could see the reaction upon ur face. hearing them for for the first time is something i'd like to see. as expressions move outside of long awaited dreams. would u mind if i wanted to spend some time to get to know who u are? pausing the heart n shutting off the buzzing of alarms knowing i'm just not looking for a war. for some reason my intent lingers with my curiosity turned towards u. maybe it's the way u carry yourself or even possibly it's the way u move. would u mind if i rambled on for a lil while about absolutely nothing at at? so the silence isn't absorbed by the emptiness of the walls. would u listen if i spoke n dug into the beginnings of a lil thing called hope. would u mind if i actually wanted to get used to u? to simply call a truce n find out who's truly who. to expose each other one itty bitty piece at a time. as usefulness opens up to a touch feeling its wat through life. would u mind if i witnessed u in ur eyes so i knew what u hide that only one can define? taking in their design n the way the colors flow. what if i never wanted to leave u alone? would u be ok if our lips found comfort in a kiss creating a magical spark? feeling the falling of the shield no longer having to stand guard. would u mind if i wanted u to see who it is i am? entering more than my personal space just bcuz u can. as you'd be able to do with me as u like. though lemme start by saying hi!

from then to the now...

chasing thoughts through the mind as if the past could ever be caught. around goes the curve of the lean for speed just to ease into a pause. oh how lost self sinks into trying to gather sense of what confuses the ability to think straight. as there's nowhere to hide when the energy settles in blank expressions upon the face. changing is the memories twisting into an opposing reality that slowly accept the depths needing to live. pulling outta the dwelling on the back end of the trickling effect that confuses emotional ties. the hunt defines the presence of self evolving into true form willing to adjust to a new direction mentally sound. though the interaction from then to the now hasta coexist to transform lessons learned into the correction of what spews from the mouth. as the tongue plays with tones n volumes so the one in the mirror can nod. with a lil time spent alone to reclaim the inner makings of pieces snug to the fit that at first seem so odd. lingering is the search through nights darkened n seeking a flicker to brighten the moods swing. rummaging in between the facts n filtered remains losing images along the way just doin one's own thing. reintroducing the head's content with the chest opened to be happy no matter the situation that comes to go. understanding the winging of winds that whip up whistles whispering soft breaths in the ear. in the aftermath of reinventing the person forgotten within the chaos of prior occasions that come to confirmations where willingness can hear. like the lights turning on n off day in day out so the eyes can see clearly once rest has done its part. mornings rotate so the visual can be appreciated with yawns awakening from a dream of a previous altercation that's shed worth from an absent charm. onlooking with embedded realizations of what to n what not to condone to make something eventually never wanna leave. stretching the smile that longs for the fire to ignite a warmth as bodies meet in the middle of hope's bob n weave.

i loved...

 I loved as no matter what.

I loved when another that was no good for me.

I loved until she forced me to walk away.

I loved because i couldn't help but to be.

I loved when hope thought i gave up.

I loved a single smile for as long as I could.

I loved her at her worst.

I loved because there was only one that my heart felt it should.

I loved even though I was nothing to to her.

I loved with a passion that lived in n leaped from my chest.

I loved deeply more and more every day.

I loved with pure intent.

I loved when a mind was somewhere else.

I loved the way one said they wish they could find someone real.

I loved as my fingers couldn't feel the flesh.

I loved as is to seal the deal. 

I loved well past the moment I should've let go.

I loved with all my heart.

I loved until I found me again.

I loved, and have since healed my wounds that have no scars...

love or lust...

We both know anything can happen in between now n mornings light... N I'm Chris's enough to allow the night to progress bcuz i believe in living life... My guess is well know more as time tics with whatever occurs... Maine we'll find the moments made to be what we need or walk away without a word... Though dinner n a walk around town sounds like a good way to start off... Can never go wrong if the convo presents itself to be as real as u n i in rare form seeming a cause... One that unites intent n lifestyles to have a lil hope to come... But tonight in all honesty me personally, I'm in rush... Maybe we will or possibly we won't reason with the attraction being more than skin deep... Settling the nerve for a lil comfort to simply breathe... On an intellectual level where self can be seen in a way not just anyone is shown... U never know, we could be snuggled up to the awakening of the sun coming up... Or we can say it's been interesting n part ways due to it's only lust... Ima lace it on u to figure if I'd be someone you'd wanna hang out with for a lil bit... With a discrete chance to witness inner makings surface as they attempt to see how it is we fit...

the lingering...

the smell of her fragrance settles nerves on the edge. igniting an awakening to sniff air carrying her pledge. wanting to be noticed with a humorous sense of come get me. she sways with the scent like the night flowing with a breeze. smelling of a soft gentle pleasantry that draws him in to her charm. as lovely as a smile worn to pierce his heart. with one whiff of her skin he comes to life before her eyes. and she knows she's gonna be damn near every other thought that crosses his mind. for her aroma tickles his nose in a way sight focuses on only her. never to tell him of what perfume triggers his inability to refuse how it's her he prefers. capturing him through an aroma so interactions can progress. she knows what she's doing nonetheless. as she's playful with how sweet the linger reaches for his nose. as he sighs with an exhale unwilling to leave her alone.

don't speak...

when u need a convo n there's no one on that level to reach... u fight a transition so personal u wish u could step outta self n just leave... attempting to avoid the inner makings of the heart suppressed by the mind that had to take control... feeling the silence gripping the tongue wanting to rid itself of all the untold truths in a time of remaining alone... n friends are around to relate with, though there's something deeper than what's on the surface wanting out... as the eyes close so no one knows of the way their design cannot speak a sound... when a moment is at fingertips never taken bcuz that would mean crossing over into the crossfire is where depths are exposed... n there's no better place to bury the vulnerability that trembles when it's unsure of a place called home... when it's an ear the voice seeks to land... over stepping imaginary borders prior to feeling a gentle set of hands... as a friend so the lingering dealings that hide within can shift free from the weight baring down... though it's never known due to composure pulsating to the the chest that pounds... when the line is jus one inch from reality switching up... sssh, hush...

have you ever...

have you ever simply looked at someone and had gotten lost in a stare? feeling the walls within collapse without a hesitation or a struggle as the heart somehow come around instantly to care. there is a thing of love at first sight even if it doesn't last long enough to truly get to know. to admit it is the first step to knowing what emotion is willing to be when the chest opens up to allow another to roam. have you ever lost the words that disappear from the tongue as the mind pauses to capture the exact moment you fall in? so far gone life ignites by one touch of their skin that forms a gentle grin. as hope awakens to the mystery of noticing the answer standing close enough to feel just before contact is ever made. have you ever realized there's nothing you wouldn't do to show how special they were to the expression of hope upon your face? pulsating to a vibe felt that triggers intent as if it were self that you just couldn't hurt. have you ever gave in so easily the return was greater than the imagination's wildest thoughts that cannot help but to lurk. loosening up to the whispers woken up by the flickering twinkle in eyes gazing back into your direction. removing the shield that guards use so it can become a breath that saves self from the insane isolation. have you ever found your way into a set of arms that held on like seconds were getting away from all that was good? or swam carelessly in the deep of come get me trying to take one day at a time like you should. have you ever is just an irrelevant question to the makings that remember the possibilities to come. don't run from love!

Not me...

What i have in my chest is bigger than yours... What do i need to pound on it for.?. It doesn't need beaten n stired up with the confusion that just isn't me... So go prove to yourself how much of a man u are n I'll remain free... Never shackling my ability to feel my natural intent... I don't need to fake it like the energy u spend..  Wasting time on the bs u think is real when a supressed heart gets lost behind closed doors... Feening for attention like some sorta secret whore... Not knowing how to be who it is u truly are... As u imitate a character that's nothing more than playing the part...

on my own...

Well, here i am all on my own as i simply live. Doing better than i've ever been. N i can't help but to think how confusing it is. But fuck it, i ain't pissed. I'm better off without the over emotional weight. Even though i do miss a friendly face. Though silhouettes don't seem to have one of those. So i teeter on the balance of hope. knowing what it is i have to loose. My heart stutters to even wanna move. Truth of the matter is i'm all on my own. Yet, a body laid up against me at times would do a lil more than make me moan. 

to remember...

do you remember that time when uh, oh yeah i forgot we don't share the same past. isn't it funny how the memories we're not allowed to recall make self feel like they just cannot be had? damn near as if life until now wasn't even worth the living. having useless images stuck in your head like somethings missing. but there was that one moment uh, way back when, oh shit that wasn't you. no disrespect it's just those kinda things we havta figure a way to cut loose. you know, never being able to catch a feel worth a fuck. as dreams comfort the feeling of being worthy of luv. as i'd like to think it was you for me some time ago but by now you'd be so far gone. think of me in the same sense of everyone you tried to luv that took that walk. it's just weird as fuck sitting of the edge of  wanting to remember something good to share. i mean how does it feel to know that everyone you've came across, they didn't fuckin care? and i see you lookin at me like i'm lookin at you like, hmm, wtf. is this just another friend to come and go so in need of the rush? as it would be nice to sit still and reminisce with someone for once. over a prior time that leads up to the forever making of the now that never needs to be hushed. because under my tongue there's just too much left over flavor i do not like. so i gotta ask, will you ever be that one to bring life to my eyes? creating something so beautiful before the end comes to call. giving some type of meaning to hope when it is no longer paused. in the process of thoughts later on down the road where we're kicked back with the feet up knowing the mind isn't alone. with pictures of our mingling hung up on the walls as happiness is shown. don't you see i'm sick of the struggling ache that has nothing to think back on. and if i can be honest, i'd enjoy if you became a part of my norm. but we're gonna havta reason with likes before we can step up to what the heart truly wants. there is no need in leaving a friend behind demoralized and crushed. so do you think we can begin right now n say, do u remember how we met? as a smile stretches the face with content we need to get of our chest. just put your hands on me and u can feel it beating and breathing, reaching for you. wanting to absorb you so the brain can put you to use. drifting through my dreams so i can awaken to you every fuckin morning. as i havta say, there's nothing about you that i find boring. yet, do you have what it takes to stick around. i believe you do and i think you should show me how. just give me a piece of mind that i've never had. because there is a me like you that just wants to be matched. to put together a slide show no one else can see. other than you from your angle for you were there with me. moving and talking and doing our thing. if i ain't for you please just walk away if you're just another fling. you see i come in peace and i never wanna do you wrong. i only want that something in between us that makes us feel like we belong. me being that recollection that lives in your smile. damn, i wish it were you i've know since i was a child. what we coulda been all these years woulda been oh so fuckin nice. and yet, here we stand on our own just wanting to feel alive.

me to share...

 i have so much to say and there's no one to tell it to.

only if there were someone to cut my words from a noose.

it seems they've been dangling in my mouth for quite some time.

yet, there's no ears to listen to what resides behind my eyes.

lurking in the blackness upon my face.

no one knows i have things i'd like to say.

as i wonder if there's anyone out that understands my mumbles rambling on.

u see i wasn't made for this single shit always tempting the whore.

yeah i have one within me that's been wanting to play.

as the mind wins the battle avoiding the pain.

emotion wants to side with the hormones to have a lil fun.

if i just had someone to tell this to we could 

for i'd break my silence in a single moment to be seen.

though i gotta be careful due to there's just not much left of my dreams.

i don't wanna fade the way hope did when it escaped my chest.

although a friend would be nice to hear this mess.

bcuz i know they'd be able to relate to all the bs we've came across.

having the same metaphorical scars that ripped open our hearts.

as it's not a cry baby pity party that i seek.

there's just things about me that i don't want no other to see.

and i really don't want them to know i have another side that hides my truths.

for i ain't for just anyone as they tend to disappear with a vamoose.

uniquely gathered i have me to share.

but it's gonna take someone with a lil time to spare.

a different kinda individual that wants to take their turn.

to open up to a reality ready to define a worth.

as when the convo has no mentions of the tongue motions and is simply willing to get along.

sitting in silence together not once ever feeling lost.

it would be great to not havta babble the way i do.

for the content is merely a reflection of me waiting to be put to use.

one secret remains...

 i know what i'm worth. so why do i have this feeling like i'm never enough. with a cling latched on to everything about me except my voice box. it's like my vocal chords cannot speak the truth even though i claim to live outside the box. when i have a lil secret trapped within that cannot escape. it's as if it refuses to step out on to the tongue so it can accept its fate. as i could really go for someone punching me in my mouth to create a swollen lip so i i don't feel so fuckin numb. the truth about me is, i don't believe i'll ever amount to anything other than a has been. even with all the confidence i have there's a reason i stay in my lane n don't go seeking new friends. all bcuz i have something inside of me pointing fingers at the me in the mirror. n honestly i'm ok with me, it's others that i cannot help but to fear. i just get tired of falling short in their eyes, u know? the hope seems gone to wanna build a life with what is only imagined as a home. n i've corrected everything i could think of to become a better me. there's just this one itty bitty lil mutha fuckin thing that won't set me free. i don't believe anyone is gonna want me past the hype of digging in. it's as if they through dirt over the shoulder from the shovel into the same hole just fill it back in. my guess is it's easier for them to climb the fuck out once they walked on my depths. bcuz my roots have been buried in a grave n for dead they've been left. so you'll havta excuse me for not believing others trying to convince me of what they're saying is exactly what they mean. bcuz at the end of all their bs i'm tired of feeling like it's hard to fuckin breathe. i'm a man n i'm human but i ain't feeling it no fuckin more. everyone sounds the same just sawing on longs n i'm fuckin bored. falling asleep with zzz's flying over my head. as the only thing about relations anymore is taking the to bed. as i don't want what everyone else can have for i've been there n i've done that. i've had my fair share as i cannot remember them all n that's a fcukin fact. i've lost the thrill that gives into emotional lusts this i havta admit. n it bothers me on levels that leaves me more than pist. how did i become the one who cannot stomach luv due to there's no like for it evolve from? then again, that makes sense of why i stay on the run. onlt if i could feel the set of hands that never wanna leave my skin. nah, i ain't falling for the bs no more but i do wanna live. this alone shit is cool n all but even it wares off with time. n i'm way past that moment where the mind taps out n consciousness looks back at life. witness to how things could be better if i'd just open the fuck up. but there's something deep down that struggles to do anything to make it past being touched. for i am no one to anyone n that's jsut the way it is. i feel emptied with a malicious tickle in my rib. yeah, i'm just someone who ain't that hard to forget. as i've accepted who i am never to be missed.

chain of command...

if u really think about it, u can have a conversation n it'll never do any harm. even in the madness where words seem so harsh. as the mind knows it's just the way it is in the babbling of the lips. n sex is a crave just bcuz it feels good. n even if it ain't one still thinks it should. baring the body is just a lust that just doesn't hurt. it's just a pleasure that can never be taken from worth. although when it comes to the heart, that's where things get fucked up. especially when falling in the same as falling through luv. so why isn't it the last thing that's kept on hush? on the other end of when everyone wants to be touched. chain of command is an attraction before like. n once friends are established it's time to live life. then comes the approval of hormones that get turned the fuck on. as is as long as ur with just one person u could never be a whore. after that is the power of hope pounding from the chest. reaching for a friend n expecting their best. so why is there so many that get this shit confused? bcuz their free will luv's to be abused.

i want ur sex...

like two shadows falling into each other, hiding from the light. becoming more than a fantasy escaping the mind. we can reman silhouettes all through the night. gasping for air n sharing sighs. motions acting out dirty deeds to own the crave. listening to tones switch up willing to play with every sense of the game. moan for me n take notice in my face. bcuz my guess is, we'll never be the same. as bodies slide to the feel of getting it in. w9ith the head going down below where it's lips on lips. so curl ur toes if u truly wanna live. as nasty as u want it is what i have to give. dancing like flames to light up the room. easing in so we can get loose. fucked with a side of a hundred proof begging with nerves beg for a truce. but don't tap out is all i ask. bcuz i 'll lick u a lil slower from front to back. n then bend u the fuck over n smack that azz. yeah i luv it when u need it so bad... with my hand around ur throat to bring u out. as ksses are sucked from the softness of ur tasty mouth. imma need u here n now as i listen to how u get so fuckin loud. grind on top n i'll let u have ur way. bcuz the beast in me still needs tamed. as i was hoping it was u i could claim as fate. i just wanna help u fuckin escape. so let's come together on the edge of the bed. i like the feel of ur pussy when it's wet. n honestly ur better than the rest. damn u, i must confess i want ur sex. 

Sunset...

If u ask her what her favorite thing is, she'll reply "the sunset". Bcuz even though it changes daily it's as beautiful as fallin in luv... N it's the lil things in her eyes if u can catch her lookin ur way... For the way she wears the suns rays upon her face gives flavor to saying her name... N she can't hide who she is when emotions flicker with a spark... Though she ain't easy, she just enjoys the way one person fills her heart... A gentle beast she is n that's no lie... But be careful of how u continue make to her cry... One too many times n she'll return to the horizon to forget who u were supposed to be... Done with the bs as she sets herself free... She's as simple as waking up for another day to live... Rolling over to place a kiss upon ur lips... N all she wants is to feel like she belongs in ur life... She's not that difficult to figure out if u give it time... The secret is it's the lil things u do for her she finds as the best things in this world... As she can't get over the fact that she can call herself ur girl... Just remember the sunset will always make her feel right at home... Even if u fuck up n leave her all alone...

lemme know when you're done...

i'm ready to ease into a conversation that has no rush. nor leap upon the sliding of lips slowly pressed to become flush that's sucked. and when you get over yourself as well as meaningless lusts,  just lemme know when you find yourself again. when it's within yourself you truly land. when you don't look at life as if it's a fuck, shit or a damn! as luv isn't believed to be just another scam. just lemme know when i can peek behind the curtain to see you in rare form as you're done hurting. when you realize all that extra bs of wasted time just ain't worth it. lemme see you when you bounce back up. when your feet touch the ground and you ain't so numb. when you're finally over what it is you thought you could trust. as living becomes a unique type of must. lemme know if you get to that point any time soon. when you ain't so fuckin rude. as your smile just wants to be amused. and you step away from all the so called abuse. lemme know when you open up n wanna actually live. when it's a real friendship you have to give. as shovels complete their dig n your ex's name is no longer in the flavor of your spit. just lemme know the day you wake the fuck up. when you're at one with the air sucked into your lungs. knowing you need no one but who you are coming from within. i'll be right over here, biting my tongue.

you shoulda told me...

 you shoulda told me you were more in luv with the pain than you were with me. because i damn near turned into you walking away from my dreams. as wild as they were, why is it i talk to myself? i hate the fact that it was you that i felt. and yet, here i am in this great big world tinkering with time. trying to figure out who to get things back to the way they were before you walked into my life. i ain't mad because i'm glad you're fuckin gone. but you shoulda told me you'd rather be with another so i coulda left you alone. and how you did me wasn't what i thought you would do. i believed me being who i was meant something to you. as i'm still ashamed to say i fell into your trap. so do me one small favor and stay the fuck in my past. you're a coward that never stood before me and said goodbye. just so the wonder of you would stay in my mind. i figured out your game and it's all good. even though it seems you served me good. you went and played my emotions against everything i am. damn near stripping me from becoming a man. and you just don't know you walked on the bottom of my heart. you were felt that deep as the flame fell in luv with the spark. life came outta nowhere when i looked in your eyes. and as you claim your truths are real they're nothing but lies. you came at me from every angle as i let you in. i let you bury yourself as i regrew my grin. six feet down with your azz in the air. i wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person who cared. there was no need in trying to tare me apart. i guess it was my dick that made you wanna play the part. because it wsn't me you wanted to get to know. i'm just a born again stranger looking for a home. you were jsut lost wanting for me to help you find your way. and in the dark i didn't anna see your face. you the one that fell and attempted to hold on to any piece of me that you could. as that lifestyle you live changed the way you look. and it was a sad day when i realized you really wasn't shit. as i tucked that moisture behind the moisture of my lips. never again to re innact that first kiss that sucked you in. i was about it from day one because i wanted to live. thing is you were just the one i needed to get outta my head. as i was forced to believe you were someone else as i was fuckin you in my bed. damn your friendship and damn your tone. i don't even fuckin like you so the is no luv. though you didn't havta clown on my emotions as i stood true. as i allowed years to by just to call a truce. because i need to know what it is we were. and you showed me with applause and that's why it no longer hurts. and yeah, i'm still chuckling because i'm almost back on top. and if you were on your knees i wouldn't even slap you with my cock. though the thought is you can serve me and leave me the fuck alone. it's like that because there is no hope. no matter how good your lips look wrapped around my girth. just close your mouth for you need not be heard. you shoulda told me i neve meant shit to you. before i gave in because i had no clue. you were just weak and broken wanting to use my strength. and even know i was strong enough for the both of us you gave up on me. that shit makes no sense even to this day. but i'm hapier now so stay the fuck outta my face.

f bombs...

open up for what? so someone can claim they feel in luv? where in the fuck is that gonna get me? other than off in the corner calming my daydreams. especially no one knows what a friend is anymore. as they pretend to be so much fuckin more. so why would i hand over the keys to my heart? just for another imposter to leave their fuckin mark. fuck that i ain't got it in me the way others don't wanna take their time. it's just lie after lie after lie. n u always wonder why it fuckin hurts. it's bcuz everyone refuses to see another's worth. i have no emotion waiting to be fuckin provoked. people can just leave me the fuck alone. very fuckin few have it in the to do more than play the fuckin part. n i don't believe in n i fake azz fuckin charm. real is real n that's all i fuckin understand. f bomb f bomb fuck shit damn.

at the bar...

i'm no one. just a figment of ur imagination. even though i could reach down n get submerged in ur panties absorption. i'm just here for a brief moment trying to get drunk. do everything i can to avoid luv. go on n give up before the getting gets good. bcuz my azz ain't leaving this seat, the way it should. if u wanna talk, don't bring emotion into the mix. i ain't got the time to listen to ur sappy azz fuckin bullshit. i'm jus trying to get outta the house for once. so don't go attempting to make me feel like i'm wanting too much. if i hurt ur feelings u shouldn't be wearing that shit on ur sleeve. n no u will not be leaving here with me. i'm a lil different n i'll fuck ur mind up. having ur world turned upside down n cussing from babbling gums. n i really ain't wanting to entertain u tonight. but u can sit on down n we can talk about life.  maybe throw back some chuckles for a lil bit. just don't try to touch me with ur lips. bcuz if ur as good as u smell i don't need those kinda problems. n i'm trying not to think of u tied down at every fuckin limb. n if that's the case u can keep on moving. n go talk to the next bar flunky as u keep on losing. i'l just have a few more n go on home. u see i ain't got no fuckin problem with being alone. n if u can keep ur hands to yourself that would be great. bcuz from the looks of u i already want a taste. n i cannot be doing that type of shit. i just can't afford for u to tickle my ribs. but if it's a conversation u want, i'm all in. sit on down n tell me of ur life's lil twists.

never felt...

what's wrong with me? why not me? ain't i good enough? am i not worthy of ur luv? do i not help u open up? is there no energy when we touch? what is it i lack? are u ok with leaving me in ur past. why am i not what u seek. is it me that is incapable of setting u free? is my face to much to take? are we not one in the same? how is it so easy to throw me away? how is it u don't find comfort in my face? does it feel good to leave me alone? why do i not resemble hope? who is it u thought i was? am i not someone u can trust? how is it i let u down? does our hearts not sync as the pound? why is it u refuse to believe in me? do u not awaken with me walking through ur dreams? where in ur world do i fit in? is my voice not soothing to ur ribs? how come i'm the one i don't see in ur eyes? do i not possess that feel of the hype? is it ur looking for something else? why is it me that's just not felt?

ending singlism...

tones cannot be heard through words without sound... so tell me the extent of ur thoughts without being so proud... level up n join me in the afterlife on singlism's free will... new words are good as long as we understand the intent of the thrill... shit, let's be shallow n dive into the splash... i too need a moment to express myself n then crash... i'm as human as u... we can hold on until morning comes with the light... then u can get back to whatever it was u despise...in all realness i'd enjoy u bare butt naked... nasty is the way to the extent of lickin with the fingerin of my birdie... n i ain't wrong for wantin to do u dirty... upfront is an honesty of physicality that i'm more than worthy... fuck relations in the middle of the night.... even in mid day if u need a moment to take flight... think i'm joking n see where things go... if i get used to u, u never know... n if we're drinkin, there's things that cannot be explained... i'm gion all in to gain that fame... i'm an over achiever n i just cannot help myself... pleasure gives me a tingle felt... i incapable of lying to u... take me the way i am wantin to put u to use... timeis the only thing tickin n it's gettin away from the mood... n it would be u if i chose to drift from this singlism that restricts the beast from gettin loose... even i could use someone to open up too... grabbin ahold of everything no one else can touch... i sense the freak hidin n it's crucial to the possession of this crave i have known as a crush... let that calculate n create a natural sense of what it u wanna do.. though sex isn't the only thing on my mind... yet, if we ain't compatible then why even try.?. i'ma realist n shit has come to speakin the fuck up... what are u doin with ur sexuality bcuz i'd liketo feel the way u move... n maybe gettin to know a lil more could be on down the road... no one likes to be alone...

please, don't...

whatever u do just don't luv me. it might scare me off n i don't want to be that need. bcuz i don't know how to be just that. but this is pieces of the facts. for i know what unconditional is. i've just never truly felt it pressed against my lips. so the foreign flavor isn't something i'm accustom to. even though i like the feel of the way it moves. though that's even a thought that lingers in my head. due to a belief in the conditions of two hearts met. n i don't believe another is genuine in their selfish ways. n i'm tired of rotating names. having to remove masks of what others pretend to be. or maybe it is just me. it is possible i lost the will to open up. as i silently await the moment i once again run. picking at details i know that trigger me. so don't get close enough to get hurt, please. i can't be responsible for something i cannot control... nor defeat ur reasons u hold on to hope. just trust that i'm no one special so it's cool if u walk away now. in all seriousness i have a hard time coming out. so don't think for a second i'm gonna be ur person. there's others willing to give to ur that won't be a burden. i just ain't got it in me to fall back in to step right through another relationship waiting to be done. yeah i struggle n convince myself to shut the fuck up. yet i haven't the slightest interest to feel that kinda pain. friends aren't supposed to become strangers on the other side of hate. unable to see through flames flickering in the night as i lay by my lonesome. i've finally gotten to the point where i'm safe when tongues are hushed. i plead with u to ask yourself what's best for u. in all due respect, i call a truce. i'm incapable of fulfilling ur desire that reach for an honest consideration. as that is a time capsule yet to be opened with consistent demonstrations. allow me to fade so u can find what it is u seek. u won't be around as long as u might think. the feeling of giddy chuckles loses its essence after a while as we both know it to be true. keep me outta ur dreams n remain alive for u have a use. we can not be imagined on a one way street eventually walking into two direction away from each other. n can we just not be luv'rs?

at the beginning...

back to the drawing board without a visual in my mind. waiting on something to come along i can diddle to life. creating an image as it moves waves crashing the shores of my heart. as i watch it waltz with a sway for me to capture it as a work of art. with a clean slate to open up to a new sense of different i'm coming from within. seeking a sight to shape a silhouette lost prior to self growing into true grins. i returned to the basics to reinvent fundamentals so emotion can relate to the thoughts gathered. for i wanna live for once so i too to someone else matter. as i stand alone at the beginning of what's to come in memories shared. with a patience that doesn't need to rush relations process because i'm just lookin to care. retreating inward to a paradise that gave comfort to the evolution of who i was to become brought me here. loosened to the feel of possibilities of choosing who to involve n mingle within the getting over the imaginary lines that create an anxiety through fear. open minded truths dug into the bag n pulled out details to face one at a time. emptying the sack so no baggage was to turn another's joy into a short lived hype. so to the walls lips spat conversation as if the could talk back. n as the door swung to release me i felt i didn't have a past. just vague occurrences that mean nothing to where i'm to wind up. somewhere in arms wrapped in an embrace creating a home for luv.

Breather...

The has been that had everything to give... Feeling there's not much left to believe in... Seems life took its toll on such a pure heart... Still able to feel the marks made of scars... The once fierce luv'r so passionate time did not exist... Hides behind doors unable to coexist... As lost as not knowing which way to go... It's as if eyes watched the whole world explode... Leaving nothing but shattered memories of somewhere else... Feeling emotion run in n outta itself... The beast that has forgotten how to fight... Just another creature slithering through the night... Afraid to be touched so there's no opening up... Failing to remember what so long ago was... Fiddling at best with a linger n no aim... The pain hurt so bad intentions can't even hate... Yet there's a peace within that has eased the mind... Comfortable in the silence conducting rhymes... The big bad wolf finally got what it deserved... Having to sit still as the imagination repeatedly lurked... Creeping in between the head n the chest... As there's not much left to confess... The old dog leared its lesson after all... Able to kick back n relax its paws... Thinking of better days that don't mean shit... Glad that the balls some time ago were clipped... As the solitude has helped in so many ways... For the confusion of self to be drained... It was like drowning in a swamp when the undertow gave a tug... Muddy waters made it hard to see so it was the end to luv... With nothing to show for a lifetime of charm... The deadliest kiss came through like a closslining a forearm... Decapitating all sense of passion as it rolled across the floor... Kicked n stomped until there was nothing more... N the caring vibe let go of hope for quite some time... Redirecting worth n attempting to correct the eyes... For the blur took pixels n scrambled the colors into a smudge... As everyone looked the same n were constantly judged... Giving space to a loner in need of a breather... Begging the coach to bench the over achiever... Though yrs came around the spinning of the clock... As ears listened to the ticking n the tocks... Just to find a better version of the believer waiting for its turn... Mature enough to avoid the heat of a flame as it burns... As if a time capsule dug from the deepest of depths... Feeling the warmth grow near the pickings of one more chance before the becoming of death...

outta my way...

u shoulda told me u were more in luv with the pain than u were with me. bcuz i damn near turned into u walking away with my dreams. as wild as they were, idk why i talk to myself. n i hate the fact that it was u that i felt. yet here i am in this great big world tinkering with time. trying to figure out how to get back to the moment u walked into my life. i ain't mad bcuz i'm glad ur fuckin gone. but u shoulda told me u woulda rather been alone. n how u did me wasn't what i thought u would do. i believed me being who i was meant something to u. n i'm ashamed to say that i fell into ur trap. just do me one small favor n stay the fuck in my past. bcuz u never stood me n said goodbye. like a coward so the wonder of u would stay in my mind. i figured out ur game n trust me it's all good. even though it seems u served me with a hook. playing my emotions against everything i am. damn near stripping me of who i am as a man. n u just don't know u walked on the bottom of my heart. u got that deep as the flame felt the spark. life came outta nowhere when i look into ur eyes. n as u claim ur truths are real we both know they're nothing but lies. u came at me from every angle as i let u in. i let u bury yourself as i buried my grin. six feet down with ur azz in the air. n i wouldn't fuck u if u were the last person who cared. bcuz there was no need to try n tare me apart. i guess it was my dick that made u wanna play the part. for it wasn't me u didn't wanna get to know. i'm just a born again stranger looking for a home. u were just lost looking for me to help u find ur way. n in the dark i left u bcuz i didn't wanna see ur face. ur the one that fell n had to hold on to any piece of me that u could. oh how that lifestyle u live changed the way u look. n it was a sad day when i realized u really wasn't shit. as i tucked the truth behind the moisture of my lips. never to reenact that first kiss that sucked u in. i was about it from day one bcuz 9i wanted to live. thing is u were the one i just needed to get outta my head. i believed u to be someone else as i was fuckin u in my bed.  so damn ur friendship n damn ur tongue. i don't even like u so u know there's no luv. though u didn't havta clown my emotions as i stood true. as i watched yrs go by ending in a truce. bcuz i needed to know what in the fuck we were. n u showed me why it no longer hurts. as i'm chuckling my azz of bcuz i'm almost back on top. thinking of u down on ur knees gobbling on my cock. yeah, u can serve me n leave me the fuck alone. we're finished as i've found my zone. it's like that bcuz there is no hope. ur lips just look stunning wrapped around my girth. so suck it up from the depths of my worth. just open ur mouth bcuz u don't need to be heard. u shoulda told me sooner i never meant shit to u. before i gave in bcuz i had no clue. u were weak n broken n used my strength. n even though i was strong enough for the both of us u gave up on me. that shit makes no sense even to this day. but i'm happier now so stay the fuck outta my way.

What's not said...

 It ain't just the feel of a woman a fella tends to miss... It's the scent of her smell... N the way she smiles when she gets her way... Bcuz everyone time she does she knows that's a fellas way of telling her she is felt... Like sillly lil games that need no telling of tongues... As watching her dress quietly makes a fella wanna drop to his knees... N on those mornings she awakens it's how she doesn't know that's a fellas fav moment... Bcuz it's him able to see her raw n uncut as she runs for her toothbrush before she breathes... From her hair to her clothes she doesn't want his opinion due to she isn't gonna feel right until she's ready to go...  She's just indecisive n in the moment of saying fuck it, let's just stay home... N in his mind she's just too adorable to rush... All Bcuz of a lil thing called luv... A fella jus don't miss her old azz hands slidding up his back... But it's nice to hear her laugh... So it makes it ok as he tightens up... N these are things fellas keep on the hush... Willing to accept her as she comes... Bcuz there's magic in the way she puckers up... Being the handful she cannot help but but be... Snuggled up falling fast to sleep... Just wanting to be a girl luv'd bcuz she has that right... As any fella can agree she's more attractive when she's in luv with life... Although these are just a few things that find their way into his heart... Becoming his norm the way she sinks into his arms...

Secret admirer...

 I fall for u every time i see ur face.... But i never say shit bcuz then I'd havta taste ur name.... Believe me it's easier if u never knew... I'd hate to be the reason u break out the 100 proof... Even thigh my eyes fixate on ur curves... N ears listed ti ur every word... I'm just glad they're not whipaer upon my neck..  You'd simply lay my heart to rest... N i like so let's keep it on the hush... It wouldn't be the faking in the gets to me ores the falling out of luv... N there's no sense in waking through transparent voids... I just wanna admire. U without every making a noise... It might be weird but it's the truth you'll never hear... Even though ur laugh brings me cheer... I come lose at the seams every time u cross my mind.   I just don't wanna interrupt ur life... I Rutledge know how to ever close me up if we stent work out..  No matter how bad I'd enjoy nibbling luv from ur mouth... It works be the poison that drops me ro my knees..  I don't have it in me to beg n plead... Losing myself isn't what u deserve... Trust me when i say i know ur worth... So line a shadow hiding from the light I'll remain as a silhouette u do not know... But damn whay i would give to make ur never alone...

Tonight...

 I just want to fuck with ur body tonight. As ur expressions adapt to all the lil doings tgat have been on my mind... Waking my lips alonf ur jaw bone from ur ear to ur chin... To give u a slight nibble just before we kiss... N ima need u not to tell me no... Just lay on back n enjoy the show... For the creativity u inspire struggling me wants to play... N i wanna see how u accept me transforming ur pretty face... Tonight I'm all about u breaking the chains that have capture true intent... I wanna free u from ur head ur heas to ur toes... Feel u in ways ur hormones will moan... With sighs brought from deptgs from slow strokes across ur skin... I imagine the taste of u will prolly do me in... Though that's a small price to pay as u share yourself with me... Bare to the touch of fingertips pleasiring ur needs... From the tip on in staring u in ur eyes... I want every single piece of u tonight... With the lights off I'll be a ninja clinching ur walls... Sliding simultaneously with the night without a flaw... As motion syncs to the crave of ur body loosening to have a lil trust... Exploring u aa if the room is soundproof just having fun... How many times do u think u can, mmm.?. It's just a question of mine tgat grunts a hmm... Bcuz it's u i cannot seen you resist... The desire in its own just wants to live... N tonight imma give u reason why u should open up... As my hands grope n caress u with a grip easing from my grasp... To tease u in the makings of a moment that lasts...

Talk...

 I'm not trying to let anyone down... I don't like lookin at frowns... It reminds me of what i feel that no one can see... But you'd know this if u truly knew me... Yet how could u when i stay hidden behind closed doors... Avoiding interactions bcuz there's something more... In the swing of hinges that refuse to move... Just smile n keep it loose... I'm not what you've come to be accustomed to... In a world of who's truly who... I don't like looking at pain... Not even in the mirror that never seems to hide my face... So grin for me in moment when i ain't feeling this life... N ill return the favor once u need me to tap into ur mind... It's just me n the way i am... Beneath the smile when true grit defines a single man...  If u can understand that then maybe there's comfort in ur hand... A softness in the way u relate in a convo free to speak... We all have wants n unfulfilled needs... With an open mind damn near reaching with fingertips touching what u need not fear... I'm just a friend who's not in luv with the twist of emotions followed by endless tears... I like to laugh... N I'm too busy chasing cash... U see, i believe in how trust creates bonds... I just ain't into the how so many claim to be anything but lost... Bcuz single is a self righteousness faking the end result...  N that is to be felt by one person who accepts all of self's flaws... Though that's another topic as i ramble from a place beneath the ordinary tongue... From depths trying to surface as there is no rush... I'd rather giggle with how time passes on by... Without the hardships of relations that changes people into ugly memories when they were once sighs... So gimme something real i can nod my head too... Say some shit that means nothing but everything to an honest truce... Be friendly to someone who doesn't expect anything in return... Or don't, i ain't gonna get mad for I'm not looking for my turn... I'm on some other shit as I'm quietly just moving with the flow... Hoping some day i get over myself n someone gives me a reason to open up to the definition of a place called home... But ssh, if u repeat it i won't admit it's ever crossed my mind... Like u my vulnerability is a secret avoiding another hype... U can lie n even be stuck in a phase... But we're all human just wanting to hear a certain voice whipser our names... N until then I'm just here the same way you've come to be... Living in a different sense of free... Willing to get along for some sorta norm that's escaped ur days... Real is the new fake...

Chuckles create smiles...

There's this trigger to see women smile like life is worth living no matter what... N the feeling it gives for a chuckle that doesn't come at the price of sex nor luv... It's just a thing so free the reward is being descent before the end result... For no other intent other than time never to pause... N if a friend is made along the way ler it be... Bcuz even convo plucks answers needed from a different perspective to give clarification to wonders n daydreams... To listen when there's no one else to talk to... Bcuz there's a drop of hope within that means more to live than to drain worth until there's no use... N if it's a moment that creates a difference then why not... It's harmless to be someone to someone without a twisted plot... Though it would be more heartfelt if it were just one to enjoy... But until then the good deeds are free even if at bare minimum it fills a void...

my my my...

I can't allow myself to make luv to u. N i don't wanna admit how you'd strip the bars from my heart wanting to move. You'll never know you're the one I've come to feel in a sigh. So imma continue to tuck you away in my mind. Just because touching you would prolly bring me back to life. Like Johnny said, my my my. What you don't know will never hurt u in the long run. Consider the friendship a gesture in good faith on the hush. I'm not looking to complicate ur mindset to say the least. But damn would i enjoy more than just a lil piece. To feel the way ur presence defines what i've been waiting on. N even though i like a freaky woman i ain't attempting to treat u like a random whore. Fun is fun but there's a special kinda vibe i feel when i think of u. In a thought process in a dead stare contemplating of u n i having a use. 

in the way of...

It's wrapping ones arms around someone for a moment of truth. So in luv with the fact that emotion won't be forced to give up on comforts use. Listening to sighs hold on for dear life. Standing still to feel heartbeats that ease the mind. Flush to the skin with a friend like no other. Submitting depths to be touched intimately by a special kinda luv'r. Falling into the embrace of warmth held on point. Never to be steered off track to look for a way to fill a void. There's a completion felt in the makings of friends that need not lie. N when lips find the space where air does not exist, life truly begins. Win win. Having a long term effect in the heart as bonds weave. All in the snuggle of bodies coming together as they meet. Becoming addicted to the raw truth allowed to be seen in plain sight. N even though there's no true ownership it's in the way whispers claim mine.

Unfulfilled...

 I tried to have a normal life but it never panned out for me as plan b was a side step to reality. Now the linger is a smile of cheer spread trying to remember how to find that spark tucked away in childish dreams. Waiting on a set of hands to leave their mark on thy heart n give it a reason to allow a need. Charm n humor seems to be alternative to use of another who's more than just a freak. I can say the mind itself had gotten tired of the luv'rs comin n goin pretending to a be a friend to me. As belief slipped from harsh lips that hushed the inner voice wanting to scream. N it's the emotion that's been contained for yrs as it transformed from hardened stone into a masterpiece no one is allowed to see... Yeah i attempted the house filled with luv with no intent to harm n that's no lie. It just wasn't in the cards as now there's too many fuckin alarms in which behind them self hides. Throwing noise into the wind as a defense to say I'm too far gone for anyone to catch me in their eyes. Though beneath the chuckles n tart words is the unspoken defines of an unfulfilled life. Truths from beneath the tongue has been chewed from the start of the transformation awaiting its return to the scene, free to fly. Scrapping off the char to adapt n advance so self is better prepaired to know when it's ok to remove the bars for four letters of like. As scars no longer exist from prior lessons that have barked at a moon proving to me patiences is soooo much better than a momentary hype.

Back again...

Falling in reverse of going back in. Not with luv but fighting how depression always wins. Sinking is the mind beneath the hearts warmth. Yet there's no spark aa it feels more like a mourn. Deep down the tug reaches for me as I'm back again. As smiles resist the eventual claim that owns the damned. Being sucked into the solitude is by far the end of life. Even when still alive there's a void before the body enters the pine. Missing chuckles that aren't periodic drags emotions out. Stomps on them n destroys positivity running off at the mouth. It hurts to be alone behind closed doors... But it's safe from this world's scorn. As depths claim the better side of self never to be seen. The weight of hope is an anchor to unfulfilled dreams. N to be normal isn't just something one can do. For there are times death is an option on the loose. To finalize the chaos that lingers behind the eyes. To actually have a happy lil life. But noooo, the pits climb walls like vines clinging to their take. N no one can see the emptiness in thy face. Hidden in plain sight as if a clown can act. Laughs come from within though they're no more than a snile cracked. It's self that is lost somewhere beneath the surface n out makes it hard to breathe. It's smothering to know no one in me has ever truly believed. Making it so easy to find bottom of comfort the only thing that never changes. Knowing even friendships are repetitive exchanges. So inward is the slide being that much closer to the top. Now sittin in the core without a voice to make the silence stop. Yet the ache wraps itself snug in the chest. Preserving what's left of such a fuckin mess. With no way to escape the head bows in defeat. As irrelevant as the dead that has no means. Quietly i descend into a place i hate to recognize. With a single thought this this is no kinda life.