Back again...

Falling in reverse of going back in. Not with luv but fighting how depression always wins. Sinking is the mind beneath the hearts warmth. Yet there's no spark aa it feels more like a mourn. Deep down the tug reaches for me as I'm back again. As smiles resist the eventual claim that owns the damned. Being sucked into the solitude is by far the end of life. Even when still alive there's a void before the body enters the pine. Missing chuckles that aren't periodic drags emotions out. Stomps on them n destroys positivity running off at the mouth. It hurts to be alone behind closed doors... But it's safe from this world's scorn. As depths claim the better side of self never to be seen. The weight of hope is an anchor to unfulfilled dreams. N to be normal isn't just something one can do. For there are times death is an option on the loose. To finalize the chaos that lingers behind the eyes. To actually have a happy lil life. But noooo, the pits climb walls like vines clinging to their take. N no one can see the emptiness in thy face. Hidden in plain sight as if a clown can act. Laughs come from within though they're no more than a snile cracked. It's self that is lost somewhere beneath the surface n out makes it hard to breathe. It's smothering to know no one in me has ever truly believed. Making it so easy to find bottom of comfort the only thing that never changes. Knowing even friendships are repetitive exchanges. So inward is the slide being that much closer to the top. Now sittin in the core without a voice to make the silence stop. Yet the ache wraps itself snug in the chest. Preserving what's left of such a fuckin mess. With no way to escape the head bows in defeat. As irrelevant as the dead that has no means. Quietly i descend into a place i hate to recognize. With a single thought this this is no kinda life.