every level of satisfaction...

let's get past ourselves n come on down from our clouds... stand eye to eye n have a conversation out loud... we'd be right there as thoughts find a flow... so we can dig a lil mo... into the chest once the mind can relate... feelin the drift in the draft as the heart cracks open watchin the expressions upon one an others face... findin great joy in somethin a lil deeper than a friend... as we go below to another level sexually as desires insist... goin down to rise to a kiss that sucks on the neck in bewteen thrusts... naked in every sense fallin in luv...

I've...

I've lived in a state of she's never coming back... Even though it wasn't on my end things went astray... As that rounded out to accepting I could never go home... That's when I gathered myself n started thinking I could use a real friends face... N I sit laid back looking at what I can find as somewhere I could belong... No race as patience slows the emotion according to the wisdom of a few run ins with trouble... Still don't drink as it jus ain't my thing to fall into every forsaken saddened song... I've allowed me to gain what was needed to insure the mission within by the hands that once touched me... Knowin we've all pretty much been there a time or two... As I've watched me wash my hands of what was n can never be again... If it ain't a no matter what with some stability in the mind, we're through... Friends ain't gonna hurt each other even at the bottom of shit gone wrong... I've been there n tongues do the most damage as my heart ain't about to allow me to turn on self.. The valley of darkness is a place for those who luv the drama n pain as it's their way of life, not mine... I'm past the manipulation as stares do not faze me if I ain't accounted for n felt... Tides away dragged the surface beneath so i could find a lil somethin that resembled what it is I stand for... Life jus gave trust into others that had not chill so relations feel through... Yes, Ive been there to as time lost has become the absence of who I was as it's takin notes... Waitin patiently I move with no one for I know not what they are capable of nor can possibly do to me if things hung from a noose...

pushin away...

It's a lil too personal to allow jus anyone in... So at a distance we hold them off... Feeling the curiousities awakened by chance... Yet thre's a need to fightin the need to go further as relations could neva enhance... As goin so far with them is all u can do... Tryin to spare feelings for in which u have no use... We know when we find somethin we'd love to keep around... N some people jus don't fof the feel of found... Yet, they keep comin undeliverable to give jus in case we change our minds... Hopin u can find it in u to luv them through time... Playin g cat n mouse with the game of wantin someone close... To be felt is their motive through patience that folds... Replacing that once true feeling they had for u into a rejected type of attitude... It's nothin we do to them that tends to let them down... As we overlook the individual givin interest in which we aren't attracted to past the physicality bein sexually drowned...

so c l o s e...

it's like attemptin to say somethin but neva findin the words... feelin the need yet not havin the moment of relyin on want... it's gatherin the time that gets swept up or even under the rug.. comin up to short to catchin up to luv walkin in a different direction goin unheard... it's knowin u have what it takes yet wind up sittin alone way to often... n how the meanin of friends would be great as there's jus no one to talk to... it's the thought that escapes interest again n again... somehow not bein good enough even though we're put back together the best we could possibly be glued... it's like reachin for the door nob n no one ever to be home... as if lost takes on a whole new reason to why life must go on... it's findin self comin to life without an other standin by our side... pullin away unwillingly bcuz hope doesn't know which way it's goin...

cuttin the edge...

feelin the effects of life ware on more than the body.... thoughts literally hide til the lights go out knowin what it took to find the smile... as time plagues the minds rotation shakin loose the thoughts cuttin the edge of sanity free... hatin the feel of tenderness that neva wants to stick around as if we're outta style... grippin the reigns of imaginary thrones thrown to waste time... climbin up the spine with that chill wrapped around the heart turnin us so fuckin cold... wonderin who's mind we win up on... thinkin what it be like to finally go to a lil place we can call home... comin up on dead ends after every bend curves a chuckle upon a face... lettin things be what they were intended to be so there's jus no more confusion... takin the best shot we can to see for self if it's us that resides behind the eyes of luv claimin to be real... waitin on someone to take consideration in their own intrusion...

Off to the next...

I'm jus saying... It seems I never get anyone's best bcuz they always seemed to be playin... It's always whoever is up next after me that gets the things I'd like to have... U know... All the lil things put in to relations that are neva returned as if my face is a steppin stone forced to feel sad... Yet, I got me as I take notice in how it ain't shit for others to take more than they are willin to give... Releasin me from the end of a partnership due to they neva seem to have it in them to wanna live... As it came to at some point I jus gave up on lettin the next person reap the rewards... My time n patience simply got tired of watchin the results of selfishness show me what it was they thought I was worth... Nah, that's why I now could care less as I fly two birds... Therefore I know I'm not an easy one to follow as I've heard... As I jus don't give a hoot when I say, all I want is to hear the middles fingers that have learned how to chirp...

Tearful thoughts...

It's it possible to watch the tongue without having a filter... Jus speak the truth on matters in which how we feel... Removing the name callin n bagging from our vocabulary... There's only one way to truly have something real... All that luv hate luv bs some healthy to make it in this world... We already can't only get so close to being as one... Words can neva be unheard with immaturities callin out obscenities... Bcuz I won't make it to a second turn to come at me for after the first encounter I'm done...

Tell it like it is...

Describe to me that image of who it would take to get in ur head... Do I fit the description u seek as that silhouette u hold at night feels lonely in ur bed... Talk to me in a room with no lights on n find out what it be that u know nothin of... Do u have a face from the past plastered  on it as if ur n luv.?. Words only find the beginnings of what's to come if u have realized we don't know who it is to remain... Speak as ur tongue will neva lie to the one that shall become ur friend... Am I to move to the side while ur search continues to evade every attempt to dig in.?. Can a stranger come along n feel u the way u need to be felt.?. Listening to that voice of reason escape through touch that caters to tge skin that feels like felt... How does ur crave work n intend to slip into a set of arms with what we all consider, the time of day... Figures don't come with depths on the sleeve unless immaturities have grown into the meaning of names... Who is it u wanna collide with as if u can tell from the vanity that has lied so many fuckin times... As the mind trips over the heart, what is it u truly wanna find.?. U see, individuals make the money, the money doesn't make the individual... N when it comes to emotions, the way relations flex, don't make ur happiness impractical... Can u shift the shadow u know nothin of beneath me.?. Could I possible be that dream u seem to wanna believe.?. Tell me to my face I could keep it movin n you'd be jus fine to go on with ur life... That is if it's not me you'd like to feel inside.!.

let's get on with it...

ain't no fun in it... i lost the feel... shits gettin old... i need somethin  a bit more real... there's nothin left for me... drives done slipped through my fingertips... grip let go after bein left alone... n i get it... yet the shit seems to be along the lines of childish... n i don't wanna deal with it no more... i haven't a reason to live this way... i'd rather be a whore... isolation set in stone isn't what i want on my tombstone... so who gives a fuck.?. it ain't like they dont look at me any other way... bcuz a friend to me they can't seem to be as they jus wanna be touched... damn... n this is my hand in which i havta play... why is it i gotta participate in these games.?. i don't wanna n i don't have a choice... so why do i hide my face.?. this lonely nonsense shouldn't be my life... i put the time in to have luv call to me... yet, here the fuck i sit... what a fuckin dream.!. when did i sign up for this.?. n the clock still reminds me i'm runnin out of what i can neva get back... as if those i let in should've jus told me to walk away... now i know i'm seen as there's gotta be somethin wrong with me... only if i could get far from this place i wound up bcuz i've been enslaved... by the mind fightin off th heart of what it used to know... i'm done waitin for my turn... i need a face to take the meanin of luv n give it reason to fuck with me... there's no fuckin way i should feel this ache hurt... i want out... a fresh start would be great... but ain't no one hearin me... n it's prolly bcuz i'm either picky or seem to be crazy... even though i'm the normal one unable to scream... let down in every walk i've eva strolled upon... as paths failed to lead me all the way... i don't need or want this so called way of useless time... n i'm done listenin to jus anyone call me by my name... knowin i ain't neva did a random selection... the ones i've held i actually got along with... as they ain't here due to their issues that drove us apart... somethings gotta fuckin give... these long nights are killin me inside... jus to wake with a smile like i refuse some emotion to settle me down... the one thing i ain't neva ran from was the desire to be felt... as others can't get with it long enough to matter without tryin to make me out as a clown... i wanna live too.!. to feel what jus can't to go without me by their side... this goofy shit if for the birds... two of them flicked high for the skies to visualize the pain i try to avoid in my mind...

beyond the feel of ready..

alone... again... feelin the same way as watchin em dazed in between reality n somewhere this world can neva hurt them again... i feel alone... like i did bein in relations with those who luv to be impaired... that lonely feelin is here... n i'm so far away from home... the ache of solitude found me again... i thought i outran it when i left my luv'rs alone... bein with them was a life of solo dreams witness to them unable to awaken to  my friendly face jus wantin to live... as i sit here with ol familiar watchin over me tryin to ignore the fact that i have n still am alone... again i recall what it was like to live with an addict... it's the exact feel of bein by myself with noone to talk to bcuz they weren't with it enough to talk to me... as i ran through myself tryin to find somethin to do for yrs... n there was no connection to a hand that gave the comfort of makin me feel i had someone.. yet, i'm still alone waitin for the day i can escape this tear jerk from my eye... i don't wanna be alone anymore... i don't feel the need to ask myself question i cannot answer in this cell like room...  here i am... again... fightin the silence when i need a fuckin friend in the flesh... as most of my life i neva had anyone to wanna enjoy things normal people do... it hurts in the chill that's found a breeze through my thoughts tonight... alone n jus wantin someone i can hear n feel as time is spent... neva to leave in the physical presence nor fade ito a dream world as i get left behind... i've been there too many times... i jus need not to drift as if i have no purpose to anyone anymore... where's my piece of ,mind.?. i'm scared to be alone with myself again... knowin i can't even see one of them nod off... they're gone n took their bodies away... one of the few things i found comfort i... as it was no mopre than a shell n i sat with myself as they went under their trans... i could use jus one person to come into my life n remove this misfortune of my own heart beggin me to open up n give it luv... as i am alone with that sneaky lil tingle that reminds me i've been this way for far to long... my emotion is unoccupied n i don't wanna live this way no more... if u can here me, come get me... i've been abandoned n friendless for quite some time... as my movement is unassisted by an other that can actually relate... this isolation has deserted my inner most cravings n i don't know what to do... even within relations i was single unable to find someone to give in to me... there's non reason i should havta spend my nights without a body close enough to chase away that endless feel of discomfort... i wanna live again.. like back when i first met those i shared moments with... yet, i don't eva want whoever it be to go ghost... it's here where i can obtain a use n give more than i eva shown... to hold on to what will neva wind up makin me feel worthless again... i am alone n these are my thoughts crawling out from the inside of my mind... runnin from my heart cryin out for a lil attention for once... to ease the feel of loneliness that's taken of my thrill... i feel dead here as i'm unaccompanied with my best friend... losin time as life doesn't feel as if it wants me to smile... secluded i'm goin to waste... here in the middle of life with only me to confide in...

truths of the matter of facts...

i fear who my hands jus may wanna touch... reachin to play with sexuality of another luv'r that will neva stay... to gettin emotional with someone new that simply doesn't know what to do with the feel willin to be opened  up... as the mental aspect writes of how the thought gets in the way of free will wantin to escape n jus live before nothin good remains... tellin myself to stand down i'm scared of what immaturities can do to me... i don't wanna be ripped from limb to limb as a smiles intent laughs at me again... it's a fear of knowin not everyone's the same but bein unable to figure out ahead of time who is who prior to the wreckin ball swingin at the salvaged shell jus may take... i'm petrified on the contact of gettin comfy with the expressions comin from within as feelings are shown as a man... to tamper with what i've corrected at this stage of what it is i could use in my life would end me if it were jus another game... i'm too far gone to rely on the uncertainties comin along to squat for a bit... waitin on the next strom rollin through n pressin the issue of what is is i have to give to the shallowness of truths that catch a feel upon the surface... yet i'm ready if she is willin to choose me in the meetin in the middle of a depth defyin kiss... lookin down the barrel through her eyes into where the mind resides... i'm done with the chizzled perfection that jus doesn't exist... as long as imperfection can relate i'm certain i can give luv a chance to live beyond a set of lips...

behind the scenes...

laughing on the under layers hidden away from everything except time... i reside beneath what u cannot see dis attached from the negative life... triggerin the presence of the mind to gather wtf took place to get me here... as those moments alone have long been an reinactment for the ages of the transformation that took place behind the scenes... i regrouped n found matters of self comin to terms with how the release cured me from the tunnel vision keepin me from escapin my past... seems dreams came to close as reality stood to clarify what is to be... so here i am chucklin to the ends of beginnings for every loop rounds about to keep it movin... yet i'm unable to trample over the same ol grounds it took to overcome a self centered torture that was allowed to rectify the eventuality of hope... stashed away i lingered to hear myself heal without the help of any other wantin in... n i'mma comin as i'm done driftin so i to know my way home...

likewise...

how much different is ur life than mine.?. with what twist is yours seen.?. i know u to have ur own version on things.... there's no way we've come to witness what's molded us into the differences in between... i see you've come into play with ur own feels that lifted u with a grip that dropped the ball... shackled to the everything u own... while waitin on somethin similar to the feel of what makes u tick... or shall i say what you've gotten used to... attachments are nothin more than comforts settlin within what makes u click... attractions that somehow doesn't last as long as to wanna remain side by side under the same sky... released back into the chaos afraid of faces that can't pretend enough to keep a smile goin... findin comfort in yourself comin to life behind closed doors so no one can watch u go through the motions... so who eva said we were on opposin ends of life bcuz neither of us know where we're goin.?. stranded with emotion askin questions in the absence of light... i can tell you've felt it the way i have as covo now comes in mirrors on the walk by of encouragin words... do u truly think we ain't some much alike.?. sittin on the other side ramblin in silence where tone of an others voice could help the feel lost to worth... as unlockin the passage way to the heart is through the mind a lil more intact... to play the ribs like an harp so the music of laughter can once again live... retractin even these words due to who's face is gonna come close enough to kiss.. flush with the knowin of it ain't gonna be a walk through of lies that fib... in ur world luv exists as a choice to believe it is in fact real... like my own belief in the term is a damn near miss for i'm jus on another level of need... messin with wants as room has been made to rest a combo deal misunderstood... i too feel like u do as the hidden intentions refuses to trust anyone without an honest cause neva to leave...

waitin away with life...

bypassin yesterday knowin it was at one point so far off... came n gone like luv was walkin on through... time rounded the clock as the day fell behind the memory of another seam tucked for comfort to hold... it was as if what took so long went on a spin cycle as seconds caught up to minutes n wound up here with the thoughts i cannot cut loose... within the storm of those moments that were draggin me along the edge of my own mind... i found an empty place i could fill with all the things i still luv'd about me... as tomorrow will find itself in the present changin from a wonder to a past sense of neva again... as i made it as life moves on with the goin of wind blowin its breeze of free...

catered...

lemme get a grip on ya feet... as my fingers brace the mood... thumbs goin circular in a motion felt diggin in... rubbin in the tlc jus cater to ease u through... load off, soles up... take a load off n end the pressure as i ge to the point... beneath the surface n all around with a splash of lotion to moisten the soothe... slidin in between every single joint... as fingerprints roam the perimeter tryin to get in... to ride the leg further than i've been before... relax... settle on down to the movement in which i grab a hold of ur energy... there's so much more of u n i don't wanna go to fast... for the glide along the skin is like a wave causin rivets in my own heart... in tune with the ripples along the shores of the emotion addin to the affect... fallin within every nerve in sync with the way u moan... palms opened to the placement of a friend so smooth life could come to terms at our best... applyin a lil somthin to the tension of days returnin to the motion gropin the touch... listenin to the way u let a bit of comfort lay as still as ur thoughts... eyes peekin in on who it is i am as facial expression tell so much... lost in the visual with a greater cause... crawlin is my own intent upon ur flesh ready to entertain me... rollin u on to ur tummy as contact makes for my heart to skip a beat... slippin up ur spine as sighs find the heated release in ur eva so motionless tone... i jus wanna place a rub on a lil food for thought as we breathe... holdin on to what i'd luv to relieve from passions wait under a few candles lit to watch shadows dance on ur edges tilt... cockin ur head for ya neck to find a mmm whisper silence into emotions findin sound... gimme ya nakedness exposed to the sights of my own excitement in a raw untamed gesture to please... walkin on ur body with a the way tenderness lands on ya curves around to the flip of u starin back at me found...

To number thee obsessed...

Obsession number one, pretty n petite... Nice azz n a smile that goes straight through me... Secondly, a sense of humor wins me over... There's jus nothin like someone who is free... Third on the watch is that fuckin stare... There's times I jus cannot look at any other as I know kryptonite hurts n weakens the plunge... Double up on two evens for a four with a twenty smoked the fuck out... Five is flat out luv... Depths are raw n bared in which motivates the mind... Sexy lil six is the motion used to cling in such a way I personally obsess on the notion of goin into the nude... As the chance of luck is said to cater to seven... As the choice to feel her come to life is what I wanna get used to... Nibblin to eat is the eigth most flava of who to dine with daily... Nothin like a convo to munch on into a night of makin the jaws rattle loose... Nine is as fine as their mental compacity that speaks to me... As if my ten nubs were to make a fist I will free myself from the torture as there is a lack of proof...

ssh, i'm not their business...

if anyone crosses her path, tell her i'm dead... it doesn't matter which one of em it is... ain't a one of em eva tried to better my fuckin life... i died n that's all there is to know if she asks of how i got on afer her goofy bullshit... no one needs to know i was reincarnated after i fell in luv's grave... bcuz down in that hole i found a piece of mind in which i heard em say one at a time, they were the one... my tears filled my emptied depth as i floated upward slowly from 6' down... if anything is to come from ur lips of me, reply butch went home... the beat of my heart neva stopped... from one through the next that tried to cripple my emotions, none of em were successful... i'm alive but don't eva speak of me... they need not know of me so as far as they need to know, ur not resourceful... don't lie to the friendships they claim between us bcuz it's been deceased for some time now... partin ways looked to be the best case scenerio as i killed who i was in the sucka like mindset that gave into the emotional torture... as i, yes, am capable of so much more than what i tried to show em... yet the one in particular, look at her n say i've been muredered... by a madman with a heart so big she culd walk through it herself n not feel a fuckin thing... i'm fine but don't go spreadin my life around so their ears can fel my joy... they weren't with it when they were with me so fuck em hard with their mams dick... it is 2018 n there's no luv lost as i jus wanna be left the fuck alone to gather my life n find me a new toy.!.

to escape...

diggin into depths ain't shit if real presented itself to be known in true form... even past the new feel of intentions that relations tend to explore... once the tingle in the tickled rib settles into a lifestyle ready for comforts stay... tappin in to those emotions put on hold is willin to play if worth stood on words given with the exchange of names... as hearts fill with the one thing that'll find that craved fuckin ease as an others face is exposed... receivin a piece of the mind that touches pleasure comin to life in ways thoughts neva seem to need to roam... the plunge is possible if truths in the way a friend comes along to open up in which way they claim... fallin in luv with like as life resides deep within the giddiness that understands in them is where i wanna escape...

It's cool...

I took it on the chin... That left hook that felt like a slap... She got to asking about where I stayed... As I mentioned nothing about my past... Her words were as if I wasn't worth shit... Mine on the other hand got turned around... Some shit I had no control over took place n I wound up face to face with the lack of reason so absurd... I was to far in n couldn't regroup quick enough to skip out... As I tried to give a reason to why I myself was looking up... But she didn't wanna hear it... N it was at the point of seeing the pettiness for I knew... I seen my reflection in her eyes as what she saw matche the noise coming from her lips... All I heard was, I jus ain't what she's looking for in so many words... N it was cool n all... I got it as she had no interest in a man trying to get back to the top... She was jus flat out raw... As some people are just fucking shallow as fuck... As she was unable to relate to how I got caught up financially even emotionally once upon a time ago in the mix... Seems I was a waste of her time... Yet, lil does she know I don't give up easily over some goofy bullshit... I don't chase as she's that type to need that kinda attention... It's the finer things I have no use for that make her happy... Not the petty luv as she simply refused to see me with no quit... Silly broad would rather go through relations over n over instead of doing something that doesn't drive her crazy... So I stepped back n jus took a gander at what it was I was witness to... A materialistic female that wants it all right now... Even though if I hadn't lost it all she would've gladly stood by my side... As I'm jus grateful I had the opportunity to do more than visualize who she truly was before I fucked up again somehow...

i'm jus askin as a friend...

do u live in a false sense of reality.?. believin in things you've been forced to memorize.?. can u not think for yourself so u can fall in luv with life.?. is it u wanna be like so many tryin to be like each other livin within societies lies.?. who is it behind ur eyes.?. do u feel more like yourself caught up in the mix.?. who is it u wanna pretend to be.?.  are u ok with livin enslaved by a legal world like u trsut it.?. where's ur mind a i ask these things.?. what is it u think of me.?. am i so different to what's been drilled in to ur head.?. do i even have a chance in gettin to u with the way i am restitchin my seams.?. does a man made religion ruin who it is u truly are.?. is there any hope of u wakin up to what's goin on in this world.?. can u see our government is the enemies of humanity.?. are u trapped within the box you've been packaged so nicely for the lies to hide in ur head that swirls.?. has materials found their way into ur happiness as nothin can match the feel of havin the best money can buy.?. have u gotten anoid with so many question u feel are attackin u on a more personal level where i'm the crazy one.?. where's the end of the cycle for u as u break free n jus be who it is as u naturally are.?. without the teachings of others, can u relate to the message delivered to ur dome.?. how is life seen through ur eyes.?. are u safer not knowin the truths of human intent.?. is it possible ur so far into ur own lil  throne jus tryin to get it to fit so u too fit in.?. who is it truly that needs to be fixed.?. do u spit color instead of one race as us.?. can u understand the concept of divid n concur.?. or do u even care to think for yourself.?. who is it u see as a threat to lash out n hurt.?. has ur loneliness realized as ur own doings is the cause of u pain by not payin attention.?. is gay not happy while u down others for bein who they are.?. is ur house n vehicles what u are willin to sell ur time for.?. where is ur heart.?. do u judge n poke fun at the same shit that pisses u off.?. is music a waste of time if it doesn't come from ur so called culture.?. when's the last time u looked in the mirror to fins an individual taring away from what u know is fuckin wrong.?. is u mind in tune with life or is it bothered by the thought of being afraid of being yourself instead of jus another vulture.?. can u see that this world is out for itself.?. who do u think plugged the juice into the televisions that infect our homes with no regards to respect.?. do u believe u actually have a vote in who takes office.?. who are u if u aren't the entity on ur birth certificate.?.  do u know there's a way to life debt free.?. what if it were as true as it is that ur being extorted as ur natural rights are at war with a a legal system outta control.?. have u even asked yourself what is to come of those u yourself bring into this crazy world.?. or do u like actin like u n urs are the royalty sittin upon ur thrones.?.

i wanna know...

i jus wanna look at u n see myself... comin to life is wicked if not taken in to consideration that ur starin at help... for our own selfish luv... i wanna see me the way i see u... locked into the visual of a stare reflected n stuck... knowin it's u that pulls me out of this faze of waitin to be touched... to witness who i am have the effect of none other than my best friend finally comin in to view... so i too can cut loose... i'm patient til i know i can't hold back... as the emotion matches the mindset rendered to the feel of what's to become attached... i want that look of her collapsin inside when she turns my way... the way i come undone to the sights of her willin n wantin as if needin to stay... as lonely will neva come into our plans as it be us livin it up... that one person that shows me who in the fuck i am accordin to her luv... i wanna find out who she's gonna be... jus to watch her walk towards me... knowin she knows what to do with me... as life as she knows it only adds me to what she has goin on.... in the same way pieces connect all the question rounded up for the answer lookin straight back into the connecton of her eyes as if passion is worn... as i take a gander at the faces that idk n wonder if i spoke up, what would become of tongues workin out as if in the middle of reps... no longer muted so they can speak the flava of trust not even i can sidestep... i wanna do more than visualize the what if i fondle her in my mind... i want her here eventually, in my life...

the trifecta of how i became alive...

i buried myself deep within her... expressed my luv n found eyes blinkin through a blur... it was my word that i gave that did not budge... yet, she returned my luv as if she had no use as i was crushed... time opened up to drive me into her pits... i did not know she was empty n there was no way for me to land within... seems i drifted beneath her shell that turned out to be stronger than i could eva be... then again, i know her truths as my lips shall neva free.. as she asked a few dozen times as if she needed a reason for me to cling to her the way i did... i couldn't help but to feel her deeper than i've eva felt anyone as life came to my ribs... changin my face in more ways than one... from the wonder of who to the luv shared i ended up left on the other side of numb... somewhere i neva thought she'd send me off to die alone... i've seen her depths n it's more like an unfortunate broken home... there's no truths behind words that revealed intent as life rolled on... so without her, i kept goin... found my answers standin in the mirror in which i forgave myself... findin pieces of what i'm lookin for along the way where daydreams somewhat help... here is me, peepin like a tom in no need of a replacement but a true friend like i've neva had... as i say my past can lterally kiss my azz... one two three, i watched em fail me in luv with a substance more than they could eva feel me... booze to pills that sound a pair of em doped up n hatin everything about the way i breathe... no, i haven't any time for the chamber to unload in my direction... luv is suicide jus in case i failed to mention... emotional torture set in place so desire chases em around... so fuckin in luv with the way their moans sound... as only the one got deep enough to teach me what i need to know... as the last one brought me back to life by showin me who i am before my reflection caught on to where she was in her dome... runnin like the others, away from what could hurt em the way i couldv'e neva initially taken that kinda neglect... so i rest easy with where i've been as i will neva return to listen to their type of interest... as selfish as it may sound i don't need a half azz woman nowhere within my hearts contentment fallin from self they way they need someone to give into em... hmmm...

Reclaimed...

She said ilu...  As I slowly replied, I wish u did... I wouldn't have been walkin away... That's when the beat of my own heart dropped as I sucked it up so I too could live... Words found silence as she let me go... Somehow she could jus watched me turn n leave without a word... That's when I knew... I'm on my own... Solo... Tryin to find my way... Losing another best friend... What is luv if this was in fact, the end.?. I didn't peek in a reverse sense the way she refused to stop me as I slipped outta sight... I jus went about my way as I had to adjust to a different way of life... She said, I luv u... As I turned away knowin she was no good for me the way i was for her n oh how I tried... With that ache I felt deep enough to allow all feelings to rest with her face... Feet moved into motion in the act of livin with the truths of doin my thing... Dead emotions were left layin at her tootsies as she neva thought how i felt for her would die... Yet, it wasn't I that forgot who she was supposed to be as betraylal claimed bein unconditionally wanted inside... Nothin come of what was shared for that matter... As time rotated n gave peace to my mind... Even though I often hear her whisper to me ilu as if she meant it... Lookin around n alone watching my back I still remain in my solitude awaitin someone unlike her that's real enough neva to lie... I told her once, jus don't let me go... N she did the day she looked at me n said, I luv u jus to get what it was she thought she was gonna get... As it wasn't me behind her eyes... I was jus the only one that neva to give up as she kept comin back to run with her crazy legs n leave with the selfishness of the rush... She once told me it was me she was in luv with... But her actions spoke of a life in which I did not exist... Trust went astray the day her own influences removed me from her world... Showin her face every now n again until I stood on my behalf... N no  matter how much she tried to get me to believe in her twisted ways, she was neva my girl... As I heard her tone in the sense of the ilu that ran from her lips... As one last look told me I had to finalize the chaos... Ties like the lies ended on that very day... Face to face the goofiness had to stop... No more savior when It was me she thought of when no one was there... I too needed my friend that took the fuck off without a care... yeah, I gave her enough time to show me what it was i meant to her n what she was willin to do... shakin my head when she opened her trap to spit I luv u as we were through.. It was the precise moment i got my heart back i gave to her... N since, I haven't hurt...

Three candles lit...

Three candles lit to set the mood... Petals scattered from wall to wall as if luv exploded n went kaboom... Emotions flickering in the eyes due to the effect... An offering comin from within the chest... Favorite beverages placed in hands reach... With a lil music jus to lick fuck back as we meet... Talk to me... Close enough I can feel u breathe... Flames rise to shed light on who we can affect... Timing the precise moment to tilt the heat for a kiss at best... Tellin us who is who... Three candles lit as ones for u, another for me n the last is to enlighten two fools... Comin together feeling a groove... Takin a night to loosen up for some use... Sittin with legs overlapping comfort feeling the heart beats that rep... Bouncing like the shadows skiing the walls interest... Finding want tangled up with with need... Letting tongues enjoy what is to become free... Opened n allowing the touch drift within as ur more than a guest... As when it comes to u, fuck the rest.!. Present in the makings of trust is us bared to be nude... Three candles lit bcuz we were in the mood...

My kinda crazy...

I met my kinda crazy n it drove me beyond what I thought was real... Out of my mind I ran through my heart taring my apart... As the lettin loose took control in the mirror as emotion fell... I felt it within n again when it released me due to a life I didn't luv to live... I found pieces scattered about like e bomb she was... Lit to take fire to my life as it burned down before my eyes... Leavin my in well being in particles tossed about... Fallin like smut for the visual effect to take place so she could laugh from a far... Grabbin ahold of my twist  in a fucked up state if mind the betrayal went deep... As I now walk with a more hehe sorta feel knowing how distant luv can be... I roll in the memories it took me to gather what was left of me... Head tilted hands cocked n loaded ready to get it solo as fuck... Bcuz ain't no fuckin one has my back the way I had it before she came along... As I sit lookin at a sea of the same type of pain that's healed peekin around prolly tryin to find me... I tempted to look my best friend in the eyes as the turn fucked me up... Let's get real n express some shit we've all had an acquaintance with... That big was only to prep what was to come as it was as if I died inside... Yet, I respectfully stepped back n saved the remains for me to adjust here in the middle if the chaos... Not yet done to the touch of the texture loosening the thrill... I ran in to what killed the immaturities n placed life back in my own beatin vibe... As feet got to movin in a spinnin rotation as the end of all bad things was left on a dotted line so I could finally be free.... Fuck it..  I've gotta be the only thing I know how to be... Me!!! Yes... I can't across me jus wondering about somewhere I believe I to be... In my demented Looney bin u call thoughts..  I went down on levels that stood me up bcuz luv had enough n had to lemme go... With birds blazin wishing her well I'll neva fuckin complain... This is me without the weight of another tuggin me back into my past... Smilin bcuz I jus don't give a fuck... Cuttin ties burying the influence I fell under we've named trust... Only to be given to someone who can see me corrected with my head over my heart... I stand without the imagination of who it is u think I am... Rattled with an unzipped lip nibbled on til I get what I want... My kinda crazy is simply infuckinsane... No limits... No boundaries... No walls to climb... Opened as not an expression of no but the feel of jus saying yes... Rockin the boat to take a swim on tbe other side of what we're taught how to be... I've already trusted to see what I am to recalculate as self wantin to play... Chucklin... I'm waitin... Holdin out to participate in a different approach with that tweak I luv to entertain... N I've used up all my tears that took to fuckin long to evaporate... So it's to getting at it with two chirps to what didn't make it onto my now... I dabbled into the connectivity of that coocoos nest n went on one hell of a ride... Got wrapped up thinking there's wasn't any other place I'd rather be... Hehe... Look at me!!!

In my time...

Once we begin to luv someone there's no turning it off... In all honesty who are u to tell me who luv... I'm the one that parts the cost... Bcuz if it were up luv'd, for the feelu flush... One cannot jus turn emotions into smoke n walk through... Makin for a visual  finally claimin it was indeed luv... It is impossible to cover raw intent up without hurtin someone else... Even if it's self hiding those feelings we thought we could trust... I choose who it is to be felt... No matter if they feel me or not... The nature thing is to down what actions are about... N who doesn't wanna enjoy what isn't too be stopped.!? I'll step when my knowin is my depths comin out...

in tune...

i keep forgettin about me... at least until here recently... i turned around n set my issues down... how do u like me now.?. there are no faces in my head that i'd want to stay... exposure is over for luv'rs swappin names... i'm all there is somewhere i can jus be... doin me n thinkin i am where my ends meet... right here as i am jus gettin along jus fine... knowin luv is selfish in its find... i can't forget that i am what matters... n how i am with self is how i am with others... seekin my happiness... at last...

short~n~sweet...

fazes unfaded that changed faces within relations to far opened as temptation found self in a different situation knowin the demonstration was more along the lines of expectations frustratin bad behavior without yellin danger danger... shapes of curve misplaced visuals of the same games rollin in flames puttin a patten on the smoke unfoldin names on tongues under a different kinda sane claimin like over luv... left to dream of better days unchanged in the mind til the dyin inside hides from times undisputed rhyme felt for the fame of life exchanged.. peepin new features round with the spin of a fresh creature to endure further than emotion hurts the texture of a lifetime switchin shit up to go right back to the same ol worth flirtin with the dirt beneath the exposures turn...

As self...

Open minded with her own view on life... One that's actually thought out as her version to herself is understood... With a goofy side of silliness jus wantin to live... Openin me up like it's natural to the way I should... As in her eyes I see why in fuck I'm on her life... Kickin it with my best friend that simply likes havin me around... Diggin in behind closed doors in every sense of the term of gettin it in... N I'm jus sittin back waitin patiently for that spark to flick the switch within n turn me on wantin what has been found... I jus wanna witness the way she notices me in the same way we feel the need to complete the chase of relations... Livin as close to one in the same as we can possible be bcuz she's worth the mindset taken u relate... As her tender side isn't on that childish shit knowin I ain't goin a fuckin place but home... Lookin at her face of all others exchanging all sorts of creative names... Givin what it is she has to bare for someone real to come along n accept that she's not perfect... As her corks twist the better side of me loose... In sync with like, havin a more level headed connection than luv could eva have... Trusting me with her heart n emotions for they're attached to her mind that doesn't need the games makin character into a suspect... In her weirdest moments caught up is where the raw depths are shown... She's gonna havta be the reason I come back out to play... Wrapped up at night so her presence like mine eases the uncertainties here in the middle of this cold azz fuckin world... As it's my lips craved n cravin to lean in to place a lil compassion upon her face... It's the comfort that rides a tone taken when she speaks of me... Willin to do what makes passion awaken so she to can finally live... In her own unique flow rushing up on the memories to be made like a fuckin adult in a mature state of being... Tucked into my rib as she cuddles her dreams of knowin the silhouette found a face that neva hasta be missed...

Beautiful...

I wish I could take it off... But it's who I am... Features representing what lays beneath... As opposing genders have a way about them that wants to bind my hands... Seems being externally beautiful won't allows others to find a reason to believe in me... As if they can't ever seem to get past the candy shell... Therefor I crave in the wait I stand within as the mirror knows the truth... People can't dig into depths as the surface is their only use that they refuse to tell... In luv with the representation of a shallow mind playing with vanities cure... For I to found their wall that lacks the trust it takes to free intentions wanting to play... I'm uncomfortable with others bcuz they have trust issues knowing how they are... N there's times I can literally see the relentless bs spread through the expressions upon my face... As tongues get tied up with words that influence actions forced to feel past the skin... Claiming what talks beyond the shadow of a doubt is anything more than the same ol same as they too are afraid to be friends... They come n they go n others follow their lead acting the same ol way as the one before them... Making for an uncalled division of difference mentally done in its inevitable end...

same life, new me...

I tried to show the luv I have to give...

Even believed what I seen was real...

I wound up feeling like I had nothing else to give...

So I began to luv me again n I was headed.!.

End of story...

As the new beginning of me woke up...

Chuckled, n got the fuck on...

N now I'm capable of luv...

Yet I had to die inside to enjoy my own self made suicide...

To truly understand what it was like to live...

After giving me away...

I bounced back n am currently waiting on an other that recovered from their slip...

Someone who fell in n found peace within...

Finding a best friend scattered into pieces...

Stepping from the mirrors edge content with who I am...

All bcuz I redirected interest in myself by removing leashes...

Time stood me still n gathered my mind...

At one point I even knew that I existed but that didn't matter...

My attempt drew me backwards to reconsider who it is I choose to be...

N all I eva wanna hear is laughter...

In the split...

On the loose n crawlin up ur leg... Leavin a moistened trail watching em spread... Playing with the texture waitin to be felt... Feelin u twitch as my head tilts... Lips walkin in between ur thighs... Hearin He moans escape ur mind... Further n deeper into the tingle of ur flow... The smell excites tastebuds climbing over one another on a roll... Pausin to feel heated breaths in between ur u n I... Bouncin from ur flava back into my face listenin the way u such... Slowly reachin with the sliver of the tongue lookin for some fun... Landin softly like a place across the surface... Teasin the crave to lick ur thoughts damn near surfin... Touchin the tenderness of the wait... Playin in splits comin completely undone... Unable to hold still u begin to run... N I'm inl quietly fallin in luv with the way ur hormones attempt to escape... Archin ur back to the twirl of pleasure as u grind my face... N all I want, is for u to say name...

effort...

roundin the curve back to the same ol thought... to sit alone after the effort put in to relations... the round about tranfered emotion from luv to wtf... thinkin back into the now of different dimensions... the past went under the bridge n switched shit up... jus sittin here lookin in reverse comin to the front lines of the memories shakin my head... all that like i wasnt good enough as if a child runnin from maturities... layin night after night resumin in bed... lettin loose on the attachments re;eased by my mind.. to be still enough to entertain what doesnt even matter... yet im alone with time lost wonderin who i could snuggle up with who aint on some bs... shits a trip as my lips cant find it worth the effort to express the feel... n jus to reminisce on the fact that i actually told myself, of all people, i got her...

Unlike words...

Justifiable words without supervision... Awe shit, no limits by definition... Crawling from beneath the skins texture... How far will u venture with no need to retract... Comin from within what's under the hat... Level one complete... Magically walkin through walls n over buriers... Unbound by restraints... On the loose as freedom aligns with wisdoms worth that flirts with failures... As one in the same is as open as air felt... Noddin away with the rhythm in which lived... A drifter lingerin to the moves groove... As words never spill yet leap from sensitive lips...

The difference of here nor there...

In another place. In another time. I was someone else. Somewhere where everything made sense. Where I did more than play the cards that were dealt. Somewhere else is where I left whom it was I was. Standin as a proud man with the comforts in my life. Makin it happen cuz purpose formed n molded my heart ache. Now findin a new way to stand n watchin for the edge of the knife. In my depths I shake in fear of a hand to ease the tensions with touch. I was free once from the questions we all ask. Yet a gentle hand scratched n dug n raw I was rubbed. Findin the climb up, back to the top a struggle. N The same I will never be. I fell. For the face in the mirror has found a cocked head twisted sideways of a harsh reality. The best of me was poured out to bloom. To grow roots under the suns soil to symbolize luv. Yet the garden was mowed n dug up. N the reinvention of this man has become a battle within without a crutch. Its the secrets of the heart ignored by the minds will. Followin the leader that knows the way. Holdin on the the positivity in life thats left. N as an atheist, for me there is no god that can if I ever crossed reality can hear me pray. Yet in another time n in another place, thought I understood. As I now walk in complete comprehension of what a true friend is. Cuz I was mislead. Blinded by the rush that filled me before the rain that showed me the intensions that were b.s.. So I confess, I submit. With my head on swivel I accept life. With rollin eyes of those things ive heard once upon a time ago repeated. Believin in the actions n not the emotional hype.....

Bringing forth reality...

When its a smile all u wanna see.
Cuz that smile knocks u off ur feet.
Its then when u understand with a stare.
Stuck lookin as a witness findin u care.
For someone elses smile cuz it makes yours come to life.
Livin n feelin the emotion gathered n expressed before the slit of a knife.
Bringin forth a reality that everything must come to an end.
As a smile will fade n u to will lose a friend.
Once given that feelin of pleasure so flush.
A smile alone will destroy the confessions of luv.
Turnin upside down in the blink of an eye.
As only one is left to fight.
When a smile is all thats needed to show ur best.
Itll never be enough as somehow u to will fail the test.....

version to version...

comin up on yet another version of reality left to be found by relations in a sense of free... listenin to the silence's wisdom rushin up on the other side of the feel angled towards me... it's the leap that tends to exchange emotion for the curiousity of havin the lights back on... figurin on which way is the best route to findin somethin close enough to home  n where it's goin... at the end of connectivity grabbin at the threads of luv to swing across the canyon to rid self of past pains... returnin to what exists here in reality as touch isn't felt the same... playin peek-a-boo with options so time isn't so much of a waste to the point of who's who... yet to stand face to face with someone new here in the acts that remain as life itself jus needs to slow the fuck up n cut the thought process loose... it's reachin for the cure of not knowin that resides behind the eyes of what is yet to be exposed as depths surfacin to have a moment of truth... takin a different approach tryin to sneak up on worth as a surprise waitin for the grip in an others hands put to use... in the length stretched out of nights wrapped up in the design of passion friends dig to be filled as one question flips the switch... tastin words that's come to ask with the upmost respect to protect who they cannot see beneath the skin as who in the fuck isn't a selfish bitch.?. from a far wantin to feel breaths up close n personal so the heart can find a rhythm to intertwine with as the bounce ricochets with a graze to awaken the mind... in a stand still damn near fuckin around with the roulette aimed at the satisfaction afraid of takin another hit fallin back in to the hype... walkin in a life size seek n search here as the puzzle moves n changes before the eyes of the beholder as everyone has their own version standin still in the center of everything goin on around them as well... hope rests to reset the ticker openin back up with even more to give as a bein toe tagged jus isn't an option to sell...

Giving in...

How many do u need to get through to find one piece of mind willin to show what it means to fuckin live..?. Down how many memory lanes will it take to find that one special moment that express what it is u have to give.?. Goin a lil further the more u drift into that neva endin void jus to collapse behind closed doors... When time is the only thing that speak to the fill of the fools u allow in so u can look jus the same wantin more... How much longer do I have before u close up shop n turn inward as if luv jus doesn't exist.?. Tellin yourself u can attempt to die emotions believin that words jus might be as true as unheard lips...

Entry 3306

I know the type... N I know one jus that way... I've met her before... I remembered her name... She's someone who got away... Only if i were her taste...  But I know the kind... N to me they could neva go to waste... As hands are not allowed to touch... As it seems I ain't their flava n such...  But I know what I crave... N with jus one of them I'd fall in luv... One imparticular I'd go all out... Yet it's not like that... For friends tend to matter more... even though my tone sounds beautiful with her if 

I were to state the facts... But I'm not in her heart... N I haven't spoken with the tongue of untold truths... Some things jus aren't up for discussion... No matter in how many ways u could put them to use...

Flood gates...

Am I delusional to believe if I were to open the flood gates you'd be able to maintain.?. Collecting your emotions by a train of thought that sets you apart for someone like me to enjoy the gain... Because the image in my mind of you and I is beyond breath taking... That is if u are capable of witnessing a different kind of man who isn't for all the excess fuckery... Chucking bad habits is past tense as we chuckle to the vibes breaking loose from the ribs joining sovereignty... There's a level of certainty that simply doesn't have shit to do but wait on the feel of I don't want to do without... As words are best heard with the clarity of sound whispered as close as lips can direct the mouth... So am I going to find what it is u claim to fucking be or is time another waste unable to be keep in the heart.?. U see, someone like me is just looking for a fresh start... Where thy head rests easy for a piece of mind crawling with kisses late at night... Are u a friend that has found who matters the most behind closed doors as your reflection walks with you in your mind.?. On some deep shit coming to the surface to live and get with it... Into me, are you willing to trip.?. Finding a man with no past worth the walk it took to leave where it lays... Thing is, I just need to know your name.!.

Imagining me...

So u wanna play peek-a-boo n not tell me who u are... As u read along with words that have touched my heart... Keepin quite like I don't know u are there... Or even if I've gathered enough nerve to show that I fuckin care... That depths have been dug n I find them emotion yet to be filled... As ur own eyes goin from word to word can't hold still... Lil screen peeker u must be waiting on ur moment to tell me what u think... Listenin to how I express myself in ur head tryin to imagine my voice n the way I breathe... Say something n let yourself be known or lip sync what comes from my head... Takin to yourself as u keep comin back each letter is being spoon fed... Hey u.!. Can u hear my truths.?. Rippin from my chest faster then I can put them out in the open where air can dry them up... Lemme know if it's the way I speak of the pain or if it's the way with life in so in luv... Here within these writings hidden from others that do not seem to care if they exist... What brings u to my story dropped with the clarity of wits.?. My curiosity is jus a piece of what it is I find a mystery... How is it u imagine me.?.

beginnings of ends...

we were great together...
that was until u went n forgot that i was ur friend before ur luv'r...
as i now know what it feels like to live without u as reality is crystal clear...
we die right here...

here in the dark...

lost in lines unread by the naked eye... tappin out the truths wishin they were rollin off the tongue... seems words truly don't mean shit if they can't be heard... fallin further away from the usefulness of being flush... arms dangle in suspense of a day to hold on tight... time in thoughts correct the feel of outspoken dreams... comin from these writings in true form wrapped around pieces gathered in a display... goin rounds around doorknobs yet to be twisted as palms sweat as they breathe... hesitations cling to the wordplay due to emotion plays a wicked game... alone is the feelin of free to be me locked away as if livin is caught up in between the overflow rushin to the surface... bringin to life past present n wtf there is to come... cautious not to become another version of someone else's worthless... curvin with letters wrote for use to find a reason to open back up... diggin in to the escape waitin its turn to evade this tuck within a crease i keep others from... magically relatin without verbal communication listenin to voices in my head come to life... damn near forgotten is the physicality of motion other than in the expressions fli[pin off at the gums... alone n in the dark for most of what's waste tends to find its way in a visual sense... lookin at my abnormal ability to speak without sound n get htrough as i to sit in the silence idling away... giving a peek of somethin more than i can get out to show... twistin the mind to bend with the understandin missed pushin through the games... here sits a man reconstructed by trial n error as depths wrapped the lettin go of one simple plan... neva give in to jus anyone as it's not an option to give up on what climbs in to adjust to the passions tale... within is a peek through the thinnin of skin unafraid to be kown for what it is the stands in view...from the mysteries we hide mine crawl out into the open of how relations taught me as they failed... jus one way to say beneath the whispers in which written is an individual attempt to catch myself ready to be felt...from broken lingo to proper tones as fingers play a typin mime goin the fuck off... usin a rearranged alphabet to find the point of no return as this is me as self... entangled in the syllables tryin to keep up with the conversations i have in my fuckin head bcuz there's no one here to talk to... as fingerprints erase these creative ways to reach for what i've neva know n everything unexpectedly found as focus fights through a blur... typin a story unseen in the real world to the realization that winds up shunned to the side... in the moments it takes to rub keys i could be releasin my alll from my mouth as i'm trapped gabbin to myself in a relentless exhaustion buyin time i can neva get in return... shoved into sentences is rhymes with no music as lips mutter with the proof that i'm willin to get it... tasted is the sliver of uncontrolled delivery more bitter as the sweeter i find the end comin soon enough... somewhat smeared is the dribbe of length gone to have a lil more than this in my life... yet actions have shown every single term tell the spittin truth of not everyone can luv...

U don't havta deal with me...

I may not be what u are seeking... Nor fit the image u hold yet to come to life that will make it easier for u to continue breathing... But I am here n I am a real being... N it's ok if I'm besides the point of what u think ur needing... So for me to relate to relations in regards of jus how ur fleeing... Jus tell me so before my own heart begins it's leaving... Feeling yet another one as I to create the magic pleasing... Words could neva hurt if truths open up to the way emotion could be leaking... Pretending until we get to wearing jus isn't appealing... The same way I find it disturbing that u refuse to see the real me... Meeting expectations at the highest levels of revealing worth to the dealings... N i know I might jus be another distant feeling... It's even possible that I alone am interfering... But I'll never be a waste of time to sit n watch u healing... So I'll wait if I must, on u tto tell me what u consider is the real thing... I'mma do my thing bcuz I ain't one that's into stealing.... If it isn't mine to enjoy I don't wanna attempt the memories in ur head reeling... U feel me.?.

the saddest thing known...

they tell me i'm the one that's missed... as their words reach to me as i'm the one they lost... i hear them say they wish they could go back n change the way things took place... as from a far i listen to how I was the best thing in their lives as they're payin the cost... apologies send chills up my spine as my mind cracks in disbelief...when i stood in the way of a different kinda freedom they couldn't see me... It seems time makes them remember how it was me that made them feel wanted... as i've been placed back into their loneliest fuckin dreams... i'm told that i was the only one they could count on as they feel ashamed of how they did me caught up in their own thoughts... n it's hard to sit still long enough to gather the words to express i could neva return to the way things were... as they understand i'm jus not strong enough for us all to keep the fiasco goin well beyond the moment of control losin grips on flaws... they call n they text in an form they can jus to hear my voice... to speak a few truths of how i was felt in their own unkind gestures i didn't deserve... damn how time flips its switches after the fact of the hardships that wind up in situations like this... n i wonder if they'll eva quit or get over me the way they said they would in the heat of the moment that neva went unheard... they claim the luv is real as they realize i witnessed my own worth take a bow... n i try to remain friends from where i rest my head jus so i know i can sleep without lookin over my shoulder... it's fucked up to be so close to someone who jus wants to rip u apart... n i'm still the same person through it all as they now see me in a way i stand out in their minds as we grow older... lost in a sense yet, found by what could neva be denied... from time to time i feel them as they cry due to me bein gone... as it's in their tone cracklin n breakin sounds... n we all know, no one won.!. 

Misfits...

There's times where I don't feel like shit... N others where I can't close my lips... I have moments in which I'm on to falling off the world licking it... As the sneak up creeps when done is not feeling like dealing with this worlds bullshit... I can touch my own goofiness goin goochie goo in my ribs... But, yet, I'm no one to get excited about being caught up on the mix... It depends on the mood I'm feeling in happy or pist... Sometimes life gets me down n i go under my own whip... Finding life besides the point of losing my wits... I even awaken to a chirp that jus finds its way as if I'm a gift... Different things occur due to i spend so much time alone somewhat by those who've failed me missed... Feeling the distance actions brought about to shy away from their kiss... Pieces of rage rise from memories the same as the chuckle i get when thoughts slip... I'm jus human n i go through the motions emotions tend to fix... From the highest of highs to the adjustment my attitude needs as a twist... Thinking the pain isn't worth clinched fists... As those happy lil seconds make a different to laugh n tug a smile with a twitch... Even sexual acts wind up hands on felt with my very own mits... Tasting words flipped... I tend to teeter on the balance of what"s been dismissed... To what remains as the light coming from a single candle as the definition of lit... N I luv swapping spit with someone close enough to lemme in well past the tip... I have days that make no fucking sense as worth takes a hit... somewhere within me I forget there's no difference in any one of our pits... there's things goin on inside that surface when we're trying to exist... As we from within exit... Seen as strengths n weaknesses talked about as if we are the only ones who digest the interest... Yet it's our intent to be who we are growing cold to be heated up for the sake of selfishness... I go back n forth fighting my loneliness as I trip... Thing is, do u get the point bcuz here n there I'm nothing more than pocket lint... As I'm better than letting someone else affect my bliss... Yes, i care n I still don't give a fuck as I'm jus like u, a misfit.!.

i want u...

take em off...

let's get lost...

pause n roll with a stare...

lean into what's so fuckin rare...

remove what hides ur truths...

lemme see use...

call a truce with me...

open up m breathe...

free n willin to be seen...

mix ur wants with ur needs...

dreams freed become reality...

finger fuckin the skins sanity...

gimme some proof...

sail with my heart on a cruise...

show me u care...
as yourself , with me, share...

rise me hard n drop me soft...

dig in n get raw...

from the shallows of ur mind...

to the depths of ur time...

wave me in to u as i swim...

do a lil somethin like live...

butt azz naked goin all out...

listenin to the vulgar sounds...

as whispers turn into moans...

mouths tastin the flow...

movin lips walkin across the skin...

release the hesitation tucked in between ur ribs...

live a lil n cum...

it's ok to fall in luv...
u must know, i have this crush...

n my emotion don't run...

not the way u do...

givin chase to the way u move...

come from beneath ur clothes...

upon my texture roam...

collide n slide with the sweat...

as sweet as the bitterness explodes to the sweep...

drip with me...

i wanna go deep...

landin within u somewhere no ones ever been...

feelin depths come from within...

standin along the wall n bent over whatever we can find...

jus takin our time...

i mean what i say...

lip to lip to lip n face to face...

bared n taken away with the sensation of touch...

flush...

the making of pet names...

i can feel u... n the smell that makes ur scent... lingerin in the air with luv... in a moment in which i fell i go back to what hasn't happened... i see u but only behind my eyes... as ur figure blurs an unknown face... as nights fall into the presence of our lives... i know it's u that whispers my name... hidden in the silhouette in my own mind... time seems to have u tucked in a cuddle... not yet ready to reveal u to me... n oh the wait to hold u is felt with a muzzle... how am i to speak.?. ur touch rushes the emotions clingin to ur movement... fingertips playin with the way my bodies twitch... selfish to the keep it's ur passion u give to me as i hold it... caught up tongue tied with the tenderness of ur own lips... listenin to the way u chuckle as u laugh... my mind wraps around u the deeper the darkness gets... i have thoughts tryin to figure of the shape of ur days crash... laid down beside me chatterin at the jibs... somewhere along my walk ur there steppin in my way... dippin into a stare peepin back locked the fuck in... beneath the sinkin on the stay... makin that sweet ease of passionate luv'n... comin to life is u alive in my mind... calmin the beast that tracks through unused motions... closer than the expressions can rhyme... droppin tongues to please the texture of devotion... i see an image... in true form with a gentleness in its sway... ready to enjoy my life growin old with age... yet, i do not know ur name...

Hancock's freedom...

Damn near free... In a sense of the mind finally letting go of a fucking dream... Released is the seams not needing to be busted loose... Time gathered what it needed of proof... Opening the hands to let the air once again breathe... Through with the emotional greed... The let down of a relation that sucked me dry... Finding who I am needing my eyes... Coming up on the truce of it's no longer a thing that concerns me... A voided contract is the weight that's out me in my knees... Now as close as I can get to stepping away for someone else to realize the bitch truly ain't shit... Yet thy tongue won't stoop as low as to babble at the lips... As luv is no loss with a smile I cannot resist as the signing allows life to retract back to the way it was before... Keeping quiet to how the heart fell in love with being laid out in the floor... There was a special place where I've learned what I craved to know... N coming from within I don't believe I can be cloned... I have it in me live in comfort once again... Out into the open as a new found man... For it's something I've waited on for quite some tics... Even unclinched the hatred in my fists... As the day is upon me to reclaim the individual I lost along the way... I'm here n in this mindset of mine, I'm gonna stay... So thanks to a long friends that had come n gone that forced me to see things in a different light... Bcuz now, I truly get to live my life...

back to life...

walls breathin as if their tired of seeing my face... heart beatin like i jus can't seem to escape... life rolls by with me trapped behind closed doors... n it's my mind that's beginning to want more... hidden away from this world to gain what i already have... i found a piece of mind sittin alone n unafraid of my own name... yet, the paint bubbles from the boil of me bein in this fuckin room... damn near doin time waitin on my moment to remove this noose... i;m thinkin of breakin free from the loneliness that's ran its coarse... comin in a sense of back to life for my face to be seen jus wantin a lil bit more... i haven't been livin these past few yrs due to a decision that wound me up lookin for a way out... i got sucked in to regain what i lost as me tappin on letters that rarely reach the mouth... enclosed in my head is the same as bein locked away... i feel i'm ready to open the gates n release the wait... time has taken its toll on the healin of who it is i am... n i know who it is that sits still enough to be recognized as a man... not that i care what others think as i've stayed in my lane while i searched for me... only if the echos here didn't mute themselves into the silence as the words that went unheard were a steppin stone now removed from lost dreams... i wanna come out n play again before i get trapped within these shackles in which i've placced on myself... n i was wantin to neva return as there is somewhere in live someonme who;s willin to be felt... for the moments i spent solo residin with out a friend to talk to is where imma leave what i shed from my thoughts... no weights can drag me down n i carry no one that cannot go with the way life is tossed... with a smile i've linger for far to long... n by fuckin golly i jus need a fresh start that opens my hearts emotion prolonged... from the depths of the shadows here without a window to see the light of day... i am alive n i believe i'm the same as a single sun ray... as i only have a couple more writings in my fingertips left... i at the brink of gettin outta this domain that;s captured best... written as if words have become actions with movement to be seen... watch out world, i'm yet to be me...

peepin...

how much different are u.?. where do u stand on ur own lookin back at this world.?. bcuz i'm a lil out there n don't mind jus gettin it in the way i do... so, how's is it in which ur head twirls... have u broken away from the same ol bs that has everyone actin the like their so different.?. whether it be gender race or any other common issue that only exists if u allow it to be who u are... where do u fit into who u are unaffected by the influences that tend to wanna as self reinvent.?. i wanna know bcuz it determines the effect of the temptation of my own heart... i don't do those social nor society attachments of twisted feelings leachin on emotions... are u free.?. allowin yourself to live n let shit be exactly what the fuck it is as there's a simplicit kinda devotion... one in which has found ya groove n u jus do what u do livin in the day where we come together as friends first so there's more than a sense of feelin complete... pretendin isn't my thing as i roll with the mornings that come for another chance to get up n at it... mentally i jus luv to be... figurin a way to enjoy as it comes as natural as an attitude that brings out the best of sidesteppin to bs... lookin from my own angle waitin on someone who can't help but to be an individual at one with the way they breathe... how much do u appreciate what it is u have away from the materials that ruin people lives.?. able to relate beyond the falsifications of a superficial life... in which way do u consider free to be as life goes on.?. u see, i ain't like anyone you've ever met so do u havta live through someone or can u sleep at night, depopulating thoughts in an unpeopled mind ... on somethin everyone claims as some real shit lettin loose with the way i'm goin... can we jus be similar without all the two who can neva truly be as one.?. what's the treasure u seek that tends to elude ur grasp.?. holdin on to what u say u luv... do u know there is no such thing as a perfect match.?.

let's be as real as even crystals aren't clear...

i cannot sleep so here i go... let's research what i can find to help me live it through...  i need some positive shit that jus simply doesn't know how to hide... reverse jus isn't an option when i can take the financial burden to be free from bein enslaved in the mind... no can do for the creativity to see life in a different way lives... n there is ,uch i still have to give... to my fuckin self... bcuz i deserve  to be happy in every aspect with only what helps... don't speak outta line bcuz i will be gone so u to can find somethin u enjoy.... baby, i ain't the one to be tried as a toy.!. if i cannot have what i lend as a bit of a comfort, there's no reason in clingin to me... i am not one of ur forced realities where miserability takes control n dreams... actions will neva take a back seat to my own fuckin shine... i could give a fuck less if it isn't real n worth my time... lookin at angles that thrive with a moment to relax rather than hold me down... i wanna live for i've spent more than enough time alone to find who it is i am standin on my own two feet wonderin with the silence of sound... lookin in a new direction... over in the yonder for my own protection... n that goes any of u... let's speak the fuckin truth... u wanna know the same way i'm literally dyin to find out... i'm zoned the fuck out knowin what true luv is n i ain't seen nowhere near the likes of it put to use...walk with me, leave n come back... you'll know then without pushin youself to have a heart attack... for me i'm mentally intact the way u so claim to be... luv it or like it we want the same things n that is to be truly free... for i am not lost nor here or there... my home is not open but for sure isn't  bare... there's room to move around in my emotions like the sliver on a stick can get.... as we would havta be friends... otherwise i can't do it as assumptions are shut the fuck up... it's like over luv.!. or stay the ur silly azz awat from me... i know what i live to breathe... you'd jus be an additive understood to give pleasure in many different ways... n right now i'm here within this day... prolly talkin to u... or even u... bcuz for the life of me idk who u are... so no, u cannot have the depths of the lunge into my over sized heart... step along side n let's move as action speak without words... sssh, as even this shouldn't havta be heard...

hey mama...

i jus caught a tear thinkin of u... seems i spend to much time alone if i were to speak the truth... i remember how u were my life... mama made life so much better as u cross my mind... i can't find a friend my morals will accept... i believe i'm more like u than what was expected..  i've become a lil to hesitant... n i've learned how to  isolate myself protectin what rests in my chset.... i miss u beyond words that can express the luv u gave to me... damn near 19 years without u i somehow got lost in this dream... i ran from the reality of u being gone for so fuckin long... n somewhere along the lines i went lookin for a lil comfort that went wrong... n as i think of u here tonight i whipser behind these walls... i know u can;t hear me but iwish u could tell me how to correct this one undeniable flaw... i heard u tell me what it would be that would take me away from myself as i didn't listen to what u had to say... yet, i don't have anyone to open up to who wants to share the exchange of names... i know, i gotta take care of me n me n neva rely on anyone else that'll eventually run away... u were right n i'm not for jus anyone to come along n think they have what it takes... as these fuckin tears are beginning to run down my face i wish u could tell me one more thing... why do i havta pour my heart out jus to watch em leave.?. i can feel the emotion rippin me apart even though i have a presence of mind thanks to u... no, i'm not a bad man, i jus can't seem to get life together nor rid myself of this caboose... i could use some help here mama... but i can't take another female that feeds me the fuckin drama... the pain in which u spoke of is as real as the air i breathe... u knew who i was long before i did so it seems... i hide behind closed doors not afraid jus unaware of who's who playin those same ol lame azz games... everyone talks of how it's always someone else's fault they fell in luv n fell from the same feel as if there was nothin to gain... blame blame blame, u tried to express to me to jus be who it is i am... n that i have as they look at me as if i'm too far gone to luv as if i'm not their type of man... although i recently had to separate from one that was a lil different bcuz there were things that complicated what i could allow in my life... mama, when's it gonna be my time.?. why can't i find my groove here as i feel so fuckin alone... u know i ain't for the fuckery as i jus can't find my home... when u told me i'd find the realist person within me i didn't know i'd havta go through so many fake faces that force a smile jus to get what they want... not matter where i go i wind up lookin around n no ones there... i jus keep comin back to typin my life away to the thoughts that take the place of friends that simply ain't here... it takes my mind back in time to when someone actually cared... n i can't remember the last time i had a lil fun with my emotions bared... i wish u were here so i could have someone to talk to... everyone here always winds up actin like fools... i luv mama n i miss u in ways i neva thought i would... i'd bring u back if i could...

focused on lil ol u...

lay it down... if u wanna play fair ur gonna havta come out... i ain't about to dig in to find what u don't want me to know... let's be grown...  is it me or is it u u don't trust... i'm not talkin about luv... i jus wanna see u in ur true form... no, u don't know me but there's somethin in me worth a lil more... that is if you'd like to see for yourself... there's a possibility we could be felt... but ur gonna havta throw the bullshit to the side... to get it goin it's a must to find a reason to have one an other in our lives... how much time are u workin with.?. lemme see what it is u have to give... i ain't lookin to complicate ur life... i'm jus curious to how u feel on matters that others only claim as words create lines... i'm straight to the point n i'm interested in what makes u tick... open the doors the ur saloon of fools u let in n i'll show u why u won't need em to live... maybe we can relate n witness someone as real as we speak of... goin with how smooth we come into the nights skies in a wonder of what's to become of luv... place who u are in front of me the way i'm willin to let u crawl beneath my skin... it jus might come to temrs of a win win... that is if ur who u say u are... bcuz i don't play when it comes to my heart... i'd rather sit alone the way i do... yet, i somehow got focused on lil ol u... so place what it is u claim into a view in which i could neva deny... let's fly... take that moment we could both pass on n see where it goes... there could be a mornin when one of our beds or both could comfort our toes... slippin on the roll ove in between the sheets holdin jus past the movment of the night... as for now i'd jus be present to how sink behind my eyes... crossin my minds feel of u n i goin a lil further than we were jus yesterday... i'm jus sayin don't count me out but i'm not gonna wait around for i have a life myself to find satisfaction that jus wants to stay... 

if u knew...

it's not bcuz i can't be luv'd... nor the option of blame in which i don't know how to flush... it's jus the drugs that got in the way that fucked me all up.. ones i neva have done that others thought were so much more fun...i'mma damn good man when relations come along... i have no issues with the way heart beats bang to the drums of what can neva be prolonged... all in a snazzy lil way of words not once put into a song... as it was me i thought could neva go wrong... yet as it turns out i jus wasn't enough... n those iv'e chosen seemed to fall one at a time to the hi of the touch... when it hit their bloodstreeam the felt the rush... as it was me standin outside their mood crushed... tryin to find my own movement so i to could feel like i'm luv'd... the way they were before they went under their fix... as it was me in the center of their mix... that  lifestyle jus wasn't for me as i was forced to pull away from their lips... findin myself as the enemy as my own emotions were ripped... from the dope to the booze to the pills that invaded my life... i lost years i can neva get back jus doin what's right... n in between the crack of my mind i found a piece of me that got tired of givin away my time... it wasn't me that gave up on what i had to reclaim as mine... i too feel things that are hard for me to believe in... knowin how lil of a thing that could replace me within... the substances must've felt greater than i coulda eva made em grin... bcuz i sit alone time n time again... followin finger that point like i'm broken inside... not kowin i jus want a friend how won't leave me here in reality who's guaranteed to remain by my side... so judge me if u must n talk into ears that sit upon the shoulders that collect the lies... i'm very well capable of turnin like into luv once i get to the point where i know without a doubt they luv it here in the middle of life... able to think for themself... it's not what u think sittin wherever u are castin assumption of why i'm single without relations that help... it's not that i jus cannot be felt... they jus all turn out to be addicts as it's my passion like a candle that melts...