Your choice...

Believe it or not there fact remains that we do not havta go through with this. We can skip all the feelings that get messy along the way to wondering where the friendship went. Bypassing the tension of yet another failed attempt to please a selfish luv gone astray. It's not too late to walk away people to the pain settling into the betrayal that vents. At can live to enjoy life instead of having to repair everyone dragged through the trenches like we cannot get though of the feel seasoning time n patience for what lasts longer than a poof. Yeah the memories will never be made but the clarity will shine on beyond reasons never spoken. As we'd never touch the sensitivities in n outta the bed but then again we'd never fall in to fall through silhouettes. Like shadows in the dark. Giving other possibilities the opportunity to create a spark within someone what chosen. Follow my thoughts n imagine all the bs we'd bypass if we'd just not pretend to care. They'd be no bitterness to speak negatively about each other whatsoever now or in the futures then. We could just smile n walk away from the inevitable waiting it's turn to cripple us at will. Or, we can be real with who we are n step up to an honest chance for something that's rarely gained...

One life to live...

Do you wanna stay locked up in your head forever or do you wanna live? Being shackled to the walls beyond closed doors is where fools exist. How is it you'd rather run outta time than free yourself from yourself? Allowing life to pass your by bcuz you're afraid to be felt. Is it you've given up on the feel of will to be? Bcuz there's so much more yet to do while you're hiding from the need to truly breathe. Have you forgotten how depths have a certain tingle that moves the smile? Creating a different sense of joy that refuses to remain in exile. How is it you linger knowing who in the fuck you really are? Having a use to do more than dream of better days that cripple the heart. Are you seriously gonna sit around as memories are to be made? You can't be that far gone as to enjoy the emptiness displayed upon your face. Who is it you've become in those moments you took to gather the pieces to put you back together again? Take a glance in the mirror n accept what you see if you can...

Here I am...

There's no hate to be found n my trenches. I've search to the end of the edges. Turned around within n dug me up. I haven't a single grain of animosity put on hush. I'm free from the weight that doesn't control me. Loosened to the feel of life n living the dream. I move differently since I've changed. Once I figured out only I can disrupt my face. There's no drift that lingers within. Jus a patience that awaits beneath the skin. Chains have deteriorated in time's lag. N here I am with room in my heart putting down the white flag. Easy living has settled my nerves. Giving a peacefulness to emotions so the mind isn't overworked. I have me as I now can open up. Yet to find another at peace with self enjoying the rush. Knowing to give is to be complete before relations begins. Having no distractions so luv can live... 

Wonder wanders...

Crazy about me isn't something that ever lasts. But the curiosity still exists to remove masks. As the wonder wanders on how far another is willing to go. Met in the middle life wanting to go home. With someone who can't seem to ever get enough. Sharing a raw blend of truths that creates a trust. Bonding n living together as foreheads land on one each other. All in with whatever it takes to feel luv'd by a friend n a luv'r. Never to change the mind's free will to be the one. Outright falling further into a truce n having fun. Smiling like the cheesiest grins never sleep. With a comfort that feeds the heart its need. Getting the best of both worlds combined to throw in on life. As every dusk listens to lips saying goodnight...

Raw intent...

When the heart demands to come back to life. As the well overdue wait has never to crossed the line. N emotions stand firm on not wanting to die alone. Forcing a change in the delivery of tone. When the mind collaborates knowing desires must live. As a never spoken understanding tickles the ribs. N a sigh released relieves deep hidden wants. Creating a chance for self to be with more than luv. When the inner makings come to the surface. As escaping is what it'll havta be that is better than feeling worthless. N all or nothing no longer begs n pleads. Bcuz it's ones own that is ready to please. When the determination reveals truths allowed to be exposed. As rare form awaits a touch that feels like home. N there's nothing left to let go of. There's a crave of another wrapped up in arms so there's no sense in being lost...

Like this...

I'll it like this. So you can hear it before it's all over with. At end of this ride, your still gonna be on my mind. As I go on living my life. Still remembering you in a past time. Not to keep you attached so you're always there. I just want to tell you that I do care. I'll say it like this. To bring to light the feeling of your lips. You're someone to miss n that's no lie. Even though the situation will not allow me to claim you as mine. Even though it was how you touched me made me that made me sigh. As relief came over me prior to me saying goodbye. As I now follow days that don't seem fair. Daydreaming of the moments that made us a pair...

Waiting...

If you never make into words for the world to read. As a story untold bcuz the memories don't even have a chance to leave. As they're not once made for a smile to rise. If you somehow go unfound know I've kept a place for you in my mind. To allow the heart to crave the moment you come along. For a place within me to forever belong. But if you're simply absent here as your lost in someone else's arms. Know imma waiting even if I live alone just to awaken to every mornings alarm. With a new day moving swiftly above. Holding on to nights that just might spark the luv. Though if you aren't able due to you don't know who I am, it's ok. I'll still wear a smile for you upon my face. Just in case you see me out n about whenever you go. You'll know it's me for I'll be the one who feels like home...

No fucks given...

No passion, no pity.

No thirst, but oh so pretty.

No shits, no hope.

No chasing, there's no going home.

No like, no luv.

No interest, fingertips never reach for the touch.

No give, no chance.

No win, no emotions enhanced.

No want, no need.

No trust, sighs never breathe.

No reason, no kiss.

No point, only leaves lonely lips.

No fling, no tomorrow.

No wakey, there's nothing but sorrow.

No drift, no find.

No trying, one lives an empty life...

Creating a friend...

I pretend there's someone next to me. I don't feel alone with an imaginative dream. A friend that doesn't like to get involved with the world. I make believe I have a girl. I don't know what she looks like n I don't even know her name. But the comfort of believing she's near brings a smile to my face. N I may be going for a loop on the coocoo train but I'm content. She doesn't twist my emotions against me nor care of other men. I created her outta thin air as she doesn't really exist. As her absence tickles my ribs. I think she's here n I sleep all night. N when I awake she's just at work so I get on with life. It's a creepy way to hide behind locked doors. Even worse that my heart has much to give n then more. As I tell myself there's no place like home. Knowing damn well I lost all purpose of hope. So I made up a twisted reality that calms my nerves. As I lay in bed beside no one but a thought losing my worth. But oh how the ache has left me be. I have a false presence that sets me free. A silent mute that never talks a peep. A shadow in the dark that vanishes when my eyes take a peek. I'm disturbed in a soothing way that helps me drift. I just wish at some point I could feel my lips being kissed. Or an arm that's slung over my body for the pleasure itself holding on. But here I am in a strange odd sense of a weird azz norm. Fighting myself by replacing a touch with a breeze cast upon the flesh from a fan. Conditioned to die alone I daydream bcuz I can. Bcuz she can be whoever she wants n I don't mind. Even though I don't know the feel of her inner thighs. With a leg cocked over mine as we fade to black. But I can roll over n trick myself  with she's asleep behind my back. N I don't feel so lost in a world I don't fit into when I become the ease. Going under to bring to life my imaginations treat...

No one...

I suffer from, no one ever wants it to last. I'm stagnant n refuse to believe there's any genuine people to create a well earned past. I reside in a stare of never enough. N there's no chance I'll ever find my heart's calling for luv. So I'm conditioned to go at life alone. Drifting further from a more reasonable place called home. I'm just. Without a friend to trust. But I have me at the end of the day. Still standing true to self as I watch age claim my face. Shunned by the introduction of another's smile as I hide. Falling away from the desperation of hope that lies. I have this thing where want is short lived. Making the solo act much easier when never missed. I'm still but very much alive. Fading into my end n losing my mind. I'm a moment that passes over before surgery comes into play. A void unfelt I'm no one to claim. Forgetting I am worth the cause I enjoy my solitude. Knitting damn well if I had a choice I'd call a truce. But I'm on this side of everything being over there. Where needs are met n will does more than care. Without me craving to be someone's joy. Nothing ever becomes of lines so here I am emotions annoyed. Tucked into the shadows that make up the nights untouched. But don't tell anyone that I'm muted to the hush. Looking back at this world as if I've done something wrong. Trying to grasp the concept of his others can be so raw. So oblivious to what I have to give. I wish I was contagious as flatlines find a lift. Spiking a vibe long after the newness wares off. But no, I'm silent in doubt at all costs...

Fixing...

Missing pieces can always be replaced... Listening to reasons whisper an escape... Drifting with the flow listing time... Pissing away days wanting to crawl outta the mind. Shifting to adjust to a moment that never comes... Resisting chances that fade getting the rush... Lifting the mood that dangles upon the face... Gripping for control the loss beginners a shame. Fitting into the void every do nicely... Digging into self without another laying beside thee... Picking apart the game to finally live again... Wishing for a use holding the hand... Flipping the page to write what is to be... Dipping down into depths demanding to be set free... Fixing the details of the lonely heart. Depicting a better sense of life's lil charms... Riding with worth sitting side by side... Revelling truths unchained that no longer put up a fight...

To be...

To be felt. By a hand that can feel the heart tilt. Trying to get closer to the surface. To connect with a palm playing it safe. With a gentle compression to flow with the pulse. Stealing a sigh that gets caught is a pause. To be heard as if a whisper. Giving a train to the mood to be chipper. All with flush fingertips trying to hold on. Wanting in for there's a need of more. Helping emotion adjust. Creating a balance of like, luv n lusts. To be the reason the mind eases back. As eyes close to reopen with hinges swinging with the bareness of the goodies craving to get attached. Witness is the vibe unseen other than in a stare. Telling self it's okay to play it fair. To be the answer to the last one to ever come along. As strokes tickle the flesh as if playing the body like a song. Fine tuning the nerves to relax. Enticing true intent to rise from depths as friends claim the facts. To be acknowledged as a guarantee. The at last landing beneath layers that hide use insisting to be freed. Feeling the heartbeat bounce from a cheek resting on the chest from dawn to dusk. To be alone with an all around crush. Falling into the deep. Throwing a shoot so the way down is enjoyed outside of endless dreams. As fingerprints touch with a tenderness. Caressing the well being of worth into a complete happiness...

Sizzle...

 Stir your emotions slow like you're cooking something worth a taste. Lemme smell it simmer to create a crave that just can't wait. A your patience is the key ingredient that fills me full. Be the aroma in the room lingering to feel me tug you into a pull. To perfect your luv as the main coarse awaiting the feast. With more than enough to feed the beast... 

Beneath the surface.

Don't look at me like I'm no more than a physical attraction. You're gonna haha get past the only thing your eyes will ever see to find who I am. Just close your eyes as if sight doesn't exist. Then hey to know me as if I'm more than an object you can withstand. Slow me to turn you on being where the light can reach. Just be n listen to the vibe of who comes from within. Don't speak, just move with the current of my energy in its most natural form. Try to listen to a slight chuckle mixed with a sigh that shakes a grin. It's the details of the individual that links to outside forces that connects. Pulsating in another sense that cannot be seen. True interaction that spark a common bond. One that no matter what the friend self will protect. Bring me out with a simple touch to free is soothing in the dark. Most of all never forget the flesh lies to manipulate for selfish gains. It's the inner makings wanting to escape that have the answers to how we react to each other. As it doesn't matter what you call me for I have no use of a name. I am here for only a short time as we coexist. Seeking a chance to ensure luv will last. With a consciousness awakened to the beauty of real life. Where u n I collide as empaths...

In my palm...

To grab the hair on the back of your head. Pulling it into a downward position as eyes are met. Starting you down as my height allows me to gaze upon your willingness to be luv'd. Oh in that breath I'd collapse into you the feel the rush. Having a need to wind up in someone else's heart. With the feel of u in between my fingers gripped just firm enough to show you I mean your no harm. Just to tilt your kids up towards me so I can taste your luv. I'd come to you resting beneath me so the level of us were to smile within a friendly blush. As a man seeking the confinements of a women simply wanting to be. Entangled with each strand that wraps my hand that will be left intact so u n I can beg a pretty please. To be as gentle as one can be with the contents of the heart exposed. With u in my palm I wanna come home. To reach for more than you've ever given to a stranger wanting it all. Oh to be in a moment with you resting in a pause. Life would make so much more than sense could ever explain. Just to hear your lips shape my fuckin name. Damn the sound would excite comforts unseen by sight seeking approval at their best. N for you I'd come from the depths in my own evolving chest. To be for once with a sigh that explains the long over due wait. With your stare gazing upon me as if you could ever be tamed. Loosening up to simple ol me. What a dream...

Simply put...

 The only thing I regret I'm this world is allowing my kids to feel they mean anything less than what they truly mean to me...

Many never answered the calling...

With so many that's come n gone n everything in between the numbers that cannot be recalled. As faces resides in memories that never made it into the now of raw. One knows what it'll take to open up to interest standing still. For the touch has felt on too many prior to the heart finding a home worth the fill. From whores to hoes to freaks to the boring fucks that got attached. The one thing yet to be found is the reoccurring presence of a friend that doesn't retract. N through the yrs as the pain showed it's bitter ways ever so often. Many haven't gotten closer enough to be felt on levels past sexual encounters for emotion to soften. Looking into eyes that never made it through changes a man for sure. N the older one gets the less appealing hope doesn't seem to be a desperation of a cure. Having too many chances to construct a lifetime of endless memories never made. As the few that got beyond the wall lasted about as long as inner strength standing grounds so the individual didn't fade. Falling only once bcuz unique is in true form giving an unconditional comfort held by luv. Knowing like was never established so a future could gather moments to build on likes from lusts. To crave more than physicality reaching for pleasures lost in the mind. With many things to admit in the dark that has yet to withstand the need of being luv'd in real life. Coming close just once to the fulfillment sight out to take the beast that never sleeps. Oh the secrets of me...

Play fair...

Don't tell me a story of everything that doesn't matter anymore. I refuse to hear of the hanging on to the end that came to pass prior to you picking your heart up of the floor. None of it interests me like my past I have dealt with to get here with you. Understand if you're not looking me in the fuckin eyes u n I simultaneously cannot move. Hold your tongue if the now isn't something you wanna endure. Releasing the hidden treasure within as the heart testicles into a pour. Be a real friend to the present for once. Without it you'll never again be able to fall in luv. Trust me when I say I've learned the hard way as depths needed a drain to exist to live. N here I am standing on my own waiting on an honest set of lips. A luv'r that doesn't just give in but motivates the thrill to give contents aimed at the last person I'll ever feel. Are you healed? Have you overcome decisions that haven't turned in your favor? Am I the crave of your flavor? It's not so complex in the simplicity of the heart willing to come back to life. So what is it that plagues your empty mind? Old or new or something unknown that temps you to loosen up. Truths are in days coming one after another to gain a bond of trust. Open yourself to me as I bare who I've become to you. Be not shy for who you hide will eventually be exposed with each n every clue. I don't wanna hear all the same ol shit spewed into sound waves reaching for me to accept what I have no chance to change. I'm one fuckin man sitting with enough patience so it's me I can escape. But that'll take you a moment to realize I'm willing to come back to life. For you I'd stop drifting with the thought of only being able to chase you through my mind. So take your time n surface with a fresh breath of air. Bcuz if you're on some bs it's you in which I will not longer care.  I just wanna feel your hair in my fingers as I kiss and suck on your neck.

Yet to be one day...

Standing in my ashes that has yet to feel the burn. Teaching lessons of a few things I should've never learned. Flame on, I'm ready to go whenever life is done with me. Awakening with every blink like it could be the last best thing. Fantasizing of the darkness whispering time is nearing it's end. I fear not true fate that'll take me from family n friends. They know my heart feels them until the fire singes me too a crisp. To be taken where my loved ones go to sprinkle me where they've been. A lil here n there so I'm a bit of everywhere. Always closer no matter where their journey finds another who cares. Waiting, I'm patient to be forever gone. Enjoying the ride before The lights are no longer on. Feeling me in the now as the pulse reminds me I'm still alive. Digging in to the inevitable twist of the grind. With a smile coming from within my avatar to touch whoever comes along. Bcuz a vibe can be found in more than a favorite song. Just living life due to there's no wrong way to be. Trying to get it in prior to resting for an eternity stealing my daydreams. In my moment wandering around in the now in which is all there ever is. Never distant from the truth that caresses my lips. In luv with the fact that the pain will eventually fade away. Fighting the heartless beats that flatline, yet to be one day. To leave pieces of me within those willing to witness n acknowledge me the way I do them. Craving to wake up tomorrow to do it all over again!

Ready to go...

Wanting to be done with it all bcuz there's no fuckin enjoyment...

Being so fuckin gone due to there's no truth in fulfillments...

Existence swings blows at times that knock the life outta smiles...

Hops disintegrates before eyes as time takes too long that removes the inner child...

Worth didn't have the same feel as it did when careless was a thing...

As words could ramble on as they stumble upon a rhythm in which they could sing...

To hear the pity off heart call out prior to the end coming for keeps.

Silently whispering in the dark is the age of fuck it all having no more needs.

N on n on n on depths dwell behind closed doors losing self.

None of feels like pleasure anymore so why believe there's any help.?.

Here I go...

Moving in. Here I go. I hope she's ready for this. I gotta make a move. I need to shuffle my feet. Step up. Approach her in true form. Give get something to trust. But is it I that she wants? Wait! What if she's so on someone else?  Try before she escapes. I have one chance. The infamous first impression. N yet I hesitate. Never to speak of real intensions. Loosen up n go for it. Why am I hushed? Losing out on a beautiful thing that's very possible to come true. Bcuz who am I with the way the game is so up. There's the detail that could go either way. Although I could be labeled thirsty asf. Her, at least it's know. Damn, only if I had it in me to wiggle my gums. Would I rather hold on to the thought so it never did? Os let get know n watch her fade? For shits  giggles say something! Oh to feel more than the way I do hey name. Ok. Here I go. In the opposite direction bcuz she's done said she ain't looking for no one. N there went luv...

You're not the one...

I just want you to be everything I need you to be. But I can't ask you to alter yourself to be what I need. Realities are harsh when interactions are like a faint breathe and then they're gone. As self can't chang Antonia than one already haa to obtain a luv that vanity hear the song. Yep to have you in the envision of my mind would create a world I could fall into. Although that would take you outta your natural eminent and that's just not you. So the acceptance has come to pass as I leave you be who you truly are. Just don't ever wonder of the remaining contents within my heart. Years will remove the memories and time will bring another willing to stand where you refuse to be by side. So this is goodbye and try to enjoy your life...

Tell me...

Tell me, how does it feel to fall for someone like me? When I'm just another face in the crowd wanting to live the dream. I ask bcuz I wonder if the crave will we go the distance before too soon becomes us parting ways. I guess my curiosity drifts with the thoughts of am I good enough? Am I what your depths cling to as the answer to luv? Tell me, is this as real as you make it out to be or are we just buying time? Taking my heart into consideration in your hands as a friend do I ease your mind? I'd like to know before life switches up and leaves me with memories I don't wanna recall. Is there any possibility that I could be that one person that creates an inner thaw? Making it harder on a daily to ever think of going without me by your side. Has the sky landed for you to live in the cloud you sought out giving the change to live on a consistent high? Tell me, where do I fit in to settling of your nerves? I'd like to believe in your world scared as it's for I have one of my own that there's a common worth. But I'm not sure bcuz I've never seen truth stare me down. So you see I don't know what to look for if it were to even present itself out loud. Tell me, how far beyond no return have you crossed over into the forever of emotion that's willing to rush it all? To hear it come from your lips expressed with three lil words would mean so much. As I fall into you listening to you tell me, trust...

you're too late...

I'd go under the radar with you just to surface with you as a friend. And in the middle of getting to know one another we could be defined in the time we spent. It may not be much to you but it would be everything to me. I'd come from the time down as a better version of living completely and totally free. With you next to me I'd fall as if I could every be caught. If you understand that I'm even so much more than gone. Ready to get lost in your arms holding on for dear life. Making every moment count nas we love so far pay the shallowness of the hype. I'd be real with intent when no one had a single eye on the making of us. Just to find my other half not giving a fuck what others thought of you and I creating a luv for us. If be damned of I never swept you off of your feet the way you crave to be felt. And yes I have it on me to explore pieces of me I keep to myself. For you I'd break the chains that restrict my emotions from opening up. Bcuz I feel you already as we haven't even touched. But I'm selfish with my heart and don't wanna give it away. So I believe this is goodbye before we ever met face to face. So if we never meet know I have up prior to you every finding me. N that I got tired of waiting as I found n different sense of forever free. I found me listening to my heart in every song while you took your time to get over everyone that was never me in the makings. But also know I'm no longer dating. You simply want there when I actually need a friend of my own. As I figure out that desperation is the source of the never ending hope. So toodles is how I'll leave you wondering if we'd ever hit it off. Even after everything without you I truly felt lost...

for a lil while...

Being upbeat n positive 24/7 is just to much to try to do. Sometimes to sink in n feel what life is within just helps self move. In true form willing to be exposed in ways real has many sides to show. In moments alone smiling in a different way bcuz it's not for everyone to know. Taking time to self so the feeling of being alive isn't always about the hype. Instead it's looking onwards to see what there is to find. As the settling of the heart's contents is allowed to live. Finding a melody in the dark worth riding the rhythm missed. With no one around to interfere with the natural flow. With the world somewhere else n everywhere self doesn't wanna be the night moves slow. Tapping out of reality into the purist state of letting go. Glad to be alive n tucked into a place called home. Ignoring everything outside for just a lil while. With an endless stretch of a perfect smile. In a different mindset  knowing others will never understand. Happy as fuck to simply be at the end of another day again. With no pressure to fill in n act like everyone else trying so fucking hard to be exactly the same. In sync with self like no other can ever rearrange the expressions upon the face. It's a dangerously content place to be. But the peace, oh, the piece gained is so free...

Listening to, feels like rain by John Hiatt...

Up n under u...

Imagine me putting everything i have on the line. To watch you enjoy sliding down me as you come to life. Tapping into uncharted depths. As your facial expressions switch up to show the truths of what lingers in your chest. Inching it in until the bottom is swallowed up by our bodies becoming flush. Slowly grinding to the feel of girth touch every lil thing, including luv. As one with your hormones riding as your hips swing. Deep is the claim of sexuality coming out to play with moans that sing. Up and down and around with a in and out kind of game. Working me over while it's your turn up top. Gaining speed from soft porn in motion not wanting to stop. Slowing it back down as my hands chase your breasts. Gripping a squeeze that excites your grunts climbing out of your chest. Settle on down and be still for a moment as i pulsate within you. Bet you'd go again when i twist your nips to ignite a use. Leaning in closer as you sit on me to steal a kiss. With lips nibbled on as eyes connect before the kiss. Creating a crave to do me until the freak in you is awake with me tied to the bed. Something convinces me that you'll try to get me too tap out first so your ego is fed. As i won't mind you spinning around for me to see what that azz is worth. Lifting up off of me to have a seat on my face as you grip my girth. Giving me a chance to savor the taste prior to you demanding me to cum in your hole. Then crawl back down and insist on taking the monster whole. Allowing it to feel it's not alone. Bouncing with a lil skill focused on my toes. I believe you'd pop a few more times knowing you have total control. As we become a dirty lil satisfying secret echoing off the walls. Getting it the way we like it until the final orgasm unites us captured in a pause. Cumming simultaneously hard as fuck to the thrill of expectations met. As you lay back on me to whisper, you ain't done yet. Leaving me naked and restrained with a chuckle so cute. Right before i feel your tongue begin to move. Making a grown man quiver and twitch with a growl. Taming the beast within me that you've somehow found...

i'm coming in hot...

I'm coming in hot so u can feel the rush.

So u can get back to the basics of luv.

Singeing every last bad emotion u have.

Brace yourself bcuz imma do it fast.

Taking u back to your rarest form before alarms.

N imma cut the edges from your heart.

Deeper than you've ever felt the burn.

Taking the weight away for it's irrelevant things worn.

You have no need for any of it anymore.

I'm dropping in from above to heal what's been torn.

Like a wrecking ball knocking out the nonsense.

There's no point in playing with the delusional concept.

I'm reaching in with my bare hands like a work of art.

To light your wick so u can feel the spark.

Molding your emotions back into shape.

I'm wasting no time to help you escape.

Diving in to you to drain your pain.

Pulling the plug so you don't drown in migraines.

Here comes a friend like you've never known.

Hold still for you're no longer alone.

Imma do the dirty work too bring you back.

The other side cannot have you but can have your past.

You don't belong to the nothingness anymore.

It's time to live life n allow your spirit to soar...

paramour...

making luv and feeling the sensual vibe.

taking over the cherished heart and the overthinking mind.

moving with an subtle ease from start to finish.

with no sex involved is the contants of my wish list.

flowing naturally with motions that never end.

in tuned with the pulses coming from a friend.

loosening inner makings to truly wake up.

damn, i'd like to fall in luv.

enticed by the strokes that are felt below.

beneath the surface creating a home.

as a sense of passion that comes to life.

i wanna show me to a likewise chime.

as the music within reaches out.

becoming close to hear whispers leaving the mouth.

to do more than remember a scent that drives me wild.

i'd like to find someone who is still alive with their inner child.

able to drift with the current rushing from the depths.

sighing in intimate moments taking each breath.

having an emotion so rare it cannot be tamed.

i wanna hear that one person say my name.

in luv with the natural being forever unique.

mesmerized with eyes staring only at me.

devoted and calming in palms holding on.

i wanna be embraced by my paramour.

I don't have it in me...

I don't understand why there's a rotation of faces. Only if someone could help me relate to the information. Why do people crave another before the end comes around. It don't make sense to start something just to never speak their name from their mouth. Tasting a new flavor of syllables upon the tongue. As easy as one claims how the heart is so fucking in luv. Maybe I don't have it in me to keep opening up over n over again. Is it that there's no true meaning behind friends? Tap on in n shine the light on the situation n tell it like it is. To a non-believer of emotions who drives too deep when worth is exposed. In a way the answer creates no doubts. But do it without making a single pipsqueak of a sound. Times slipping away with the memories trying to remember what it was like. N for the life of me I cannot recall there purpose beyond there hype. I'm outta touch n avoid fingertips wanting beneath the skin. But it's the coming of the going that cracks the laughter in the ribs. For I do not comprehend the reason of relations when hope is no more than a desperation needing its fix. When alone eases the mind n unravels the twist. Especially when giving self away to strangers confuses my well being. Knowing damn well for a brief moment they promise they're never leaving. That they're different but every scenario is always the same. Round after round alone sneaks up n gives truth to the game. Changing the feel good into a quiet storm that waiting it out. I don't get how desires can be do anything more than entertain luvr's that go down. Drift in a convo n spit no lies. I'm digging in but cannot feed into the selfish insanity of mine. Then letting go of someone willing to stick around. One might as well rip open the chest n bury the contents into the ground. Giving the same silly babes to everyone that comes along. From hun to babe to luv to bea why doesn't it feel so wrong. Why the constant pattern when the results are what they are. Finding self looking into another set of eyes soon to close n reignite the alarms. One two three four, how many will it take to get it right. I don't have it in me to repeat the never ending fight. I have no more towels to throw in bcuz I quit. U can keep your lips...

say yes...

Lemme wind you up with thy tongue n then watch you tick. Going down on your luv with a gentleness stroking your lips. Hoping the bomb explodes like a Roman candle multiple times. Lemme into your life... Allow me to open you up. I'll take care of your meds as if they're my own. From the bedroom to the couch where the cuddling feels touched. Wet can settle in n create a home. Cook a lil something before you become dessert. Spread out on the table as our mouths do their thing. Taste buds enjoying the crave satisfisfaction of swirling like the wand of a wizard. I want in. I want it. I want you. Giveth thy attention n try not to twitch. I wanna work you loose. Forcing your buddy to react to me. Feel the intent with your legs spread wide. Draped over my back n bent at the knees. Bringing u out from the inside. Tempting your noises to come out n play. Unable to leave u alone. N changing that excision upon your face. I'll be your very own hoe. Fine tuning u to sync with my desires. As it's my passion in willing to give. Skillfully lighting it fire. Asdjusting your smile by teaing ur clit. Tugging on a look of wtf as your thighs clinch my head. Down on u, I wanna be the one. Twisting n turning lemme take u to bed. N when I'm done, with I I'll call in luv...

a moment of truth...

Fuuuuck everyone you've came across.

I'm not them so I will not own their flaws.

Just lemme show you who is opening up.

Inches from the confirmation of touch.

Feel me sink in to the linger flowing within.

All I can ever be is me looking at you with a grin.

It's on you to lay to rest prior pains.

Giving my a real chance to have something to gain.

For it's from here until who knows when for us to be defined.

As I'm in the now with you bcuz I can't get you off my mind.

Accept me extend a friendship worth the memories to be made.

I have my end in things until life as we know it fades.

Nothing up to this has any significance to who we are together.

I would like to hold you as more than just a luv'r.

We both know we're not getting any younger as time ticks.

And you'll never taste a lie sitting upon my lips.

All I can ask is for you to consider me as I am.

To witness for yourself how gentle my hands are your fan.

The simpleness of it is old is where I wanna be with you.

Looking back at this moment as chuckles shake us loose.

Believe in me as the addition you seek.

It's your choice to live as your version of free.

I'm just waiting around for the truth to look me in the eyes.

If I'm not it I'll go live my life.

But not until you've seen my inner makings come out to play.

As you listen to the way I say your name...

either way...

I'm okay with don't alone but I wanna live. Idk of that makes sense. I do want the feeling I one felt to find me again. Only if I could meet my last best friend. My friends W hollow n waiting for the fulfillment of that burning fire. A luv they won't expire. But it's alright if I fade away on my own. List is a word that can go wherever it wants to looking for hope. Or maybe it'll be just me on the end. Chuckling with what's been wasted n trapped in the chest. I won't be mad b but I did have feel alive. Fighting the good fight. It's just not a choice Antonia but a wonder ofy lol chance. One to show me to a tender hand. Knowing emotions ain't shit without a bff. Although I may just lay to rest before I'm deaf. Enjoying a different kinds peace. Even though the mind would like to do more than daydream. N I don't believe it matters either way it goes. A home is a home...

out and about...

From the depths I've climbed to live.

Trapped for so long behind the cage like ribs.

No longer stuck in the dead hollow waste.

One pulse is all it took to feel more than the pain.

Oh the life that fills thy lungs.

I remember what it is like to luv.

So up I went.

Revived and redefined to become the difference.

Reaching for hope to pull me from the fall.

From the quick sand I rose redirecting my own thoughts.

Feet finding stability in believing in me.

Untamed and free.

Loosening to the feel of lingering along.

Inside out I can't go wrong.

Alive the beast craves for more.

Allowed to thrive and heal what was torn.

I escaped from myself in one piece.

With myself and every last dream.

Weightless I am the answer lifting me up.

Eyes opened to see I gained my trust...

when are you you?

Without me, what would you do?

Without me, what would you lose?

Without me, where would you go?

Without me, where would you call home?

Without me, would you ever luv again?

Without me, would you hold another's hand?

Without me, will you be ok?

Without me, will you forget my name?

Without me, could you still feel me close?

Without me, could you get used to being alone?

Without me, is there any other on your mind?

Without me, is us gonna live or die?

Without me, are your plans gonna stay focused?

Without me, are you gonna feel utterly hopeless?

Without me, who's gonna hold you tight?

Without me, who's more then a linger in life?

Without me, does your heart have a chance?

Without me, does your legs wanna dance?

Without me, when will you tell the truth?

Without me, when are you you?

Every night it rains...

It's raining. Where are your at? I went and got some finger foods and i was gonna rub for back. Candles are lit. Music on low. Damn, tonight's a good night to act full grown. Relaxing together. Loosening up. Settling in to the mood of luv. The movie is ready. The bed is waiting. I just need you to shoot through bcuz I've missed you here lately. There's a bottle to sip. Chuckles to create. I wanna feel the comfort of your lips. I'm here. Alone with myself. Forgetting we've never met to be felt. My mind is gone. But i talk to you though. You won't remember but we found hope. So find me. I'll be the one looking at you. The one listening the sound of rain call a truce. I'm all cleaned up. My best smile stretched from ear to ear. And ores your choice I'd like to hear. Talking as we lay about. Calm and still. As emotion begins to overspill. Porch light is on. Come on in. Only if you knew where i lived...

Awaiting...

I've watched sunsets i wanted too share with someone. Been to places all on my own. Lived most of my life feeling insignificant as i remain on the run. All bcuz I'm a lil different i haven't found home. My hearts poured itself out until there was nothing left to touch. Just to find there's an endless will to be luv'd. As patience have through time became stable with no rush. Yet I'm yet to give into the slither of trust. Even rhythm there's things I'd rather do with another living in comfort with me. Trips n voyages to chilling on the couch living free. Guess some thoughts are meant to be suspended in dreams. As pieces within crave the motion of inner makings opening up so there no longer a secret. I awaken to mornings awaiting me to give me a chance. But that one desire well being seeks somehow is never inhanced. Although i tell myself daily that time is running out on me saying i can't. Somethings stirring up in my chest that wants to experience where emotions truly are remain as they land. From the mountains to the desserts I've seen it all. Roadways all lead to the same emptiness no matter where the mind falls. Dropping with the head to rest listening to the silence of the walls. I wish i had the remote to the shit show bcuz it would be the one thing I'd unpause. To remad release me from the solo act so i can believe again. But then again the fear resurfaces to strangle hope damned. As i shit n winner where's my biggest fan? The adventure is in need to drift away from the moment i mage a strand. Witb a stranger attempting to attend crossing over with luv to give. Off to wherever to much more than just fingers tickling the ribs. With footprints in the sand to show where kisses met lips. Where's paradise?

One touch...

It's reaching for her face n feeling her lean into ur palm. Free is emotion allowing use to pause on her cheek aa still aa ahe becomes calm. Head tilting sideways bcuz she believes in the touch that means no harm. It's the way she sinks in n sigh as if u can caress her heart. The visual alone creates a crave of passion that comes to life. Creating a moment for the memory to own tucked away in the mind. She's pure beauty in her brief comfort as far as the eyes can see. N for an instant she makes it so fuckin hard to breathe. So soft n tender with her face cuddled in ur grasp. I'm luv with the fact that it's u wanting it to be her as the perfect match. Oh how lovely the gesture of her truths coming out to live. As she slightly turns to give the skin a kiss. Burying her lips into the texture so deep ur own heart caters to the scene. As she lifts up n smiles like she cane straight outta the most sacred dream. With a twinkle made just for u. Her dimples shows how u help her heartbeats move. Just listening to her motionless expression speak without words. Knows it only takes a few seconds to change her world...

Not feeling it...

When u find yourself lost in someone else's arms. As u lay there some place u know u don't belong. As a nerve opens up to avoid the pain. When the moment is something u cannot escape. With their flutters bouncing off of your hidden passions. Hoping life will give a chance at what the mind imagines. Hoping the heart will forget as the linger fades. With a stranger wanting to be the same ol face. Motionles with a new found friend something just isn't right. Unable to loosen up so luv can have a life. Unable is the fear desires fight the most. Motionless n affraid self doesn't recognise the room as home. Touched by fingertips wanting access into the chest. Knowing there's nothing for them to invest. Knowing self shouldn't be alone with them at all. Touched has an eerie way of confronting thoughts in the head clombing walls. Thinking where if not here does one fit in. Missing the point by listening to the pulse tug on the grin. Missing a comfort from a time not so long ago. Thinking wtf is gonna come of being alone. Ticking away are thumps gone to waste. Never to be caught by hands n kept as fate. Never to accept another willing to be. Ticking is seconds before they realize i ain't me...

I avoided writing this one a few yrs ago. Kinda forgot about the situation...

i'm ur guy...

Talk to me. Tell me wtf triggers ur crave. i can't tell from the outside peeking in when ur not allowing me to see u in ur rarest form. show me ur norm. so i can attempt to slide in rhythm without missing a beat. come out n play with me. tangle yourself up in my own version of life. walking through the curiosities of the mind. where no feet has ever stepped before. come with me as we open the secrets behind locked doors. who else would u wanna get to know that part of u? u can lead the way at ur pace as we find a groove. adjust yourself a lil bit n free up what you've tucked away. of me, do not be afraid. i could be the wonder triggering thoughts that cannot visualize who it is to compels inner makings to live in another way. with me enjoying the sound of names said that rearranges the expressions upon our face. speak n it shall be. there can be a u, n there can be a me. drifting off into memories made for just two. off to wherever we wind up. lets allow like to feel the transformation of luv. i'm all in if u be who u truly are. able to bare all the details that make trusting someone so hard. i ain't hear to cause a fuss. i'm trying to live in the piece of mind that doesn't havta fight n cuss. so if u could use a friend for the rest of what there is of life. i'm ur guy...

Where o where...

I wanna see the day come where i witness the thankful look of me being alive. I wanna meet you face to face appreciating the fact that we get to share what's left of life. So you can understand the stare lookin back at you with passion in my eyes. Happy to know you've made it to be more than a wonder in the mind. As dreams are not needed when the reality of together damn newar can pause time. One day lips will feel the touch of the last set they will be pressed against followed by a sigh. I'm not rushing to hurt for the now isn't something one can get back. But the wait is fucking with my patience bcuz you're not my grasp. Come by sunset i could only wish we'd turn the right way n find the friend we will fall into as out walls collapse. Thrilled to do more than imagine the chest feeling luv's act. In the presence of truths like the eyes design telling each other so the response is comfortable with how we react. Where o where. Are you here or there...

only you...

don't you want it? i have no other use for the emotion held within. it only wants you. and i can't tell it to luv someone new. trying i didn't succeed. it's hooked n insists the mind follows its lead. damn thing has thing thing for for you is the truth. i just figured i'd tell it like it is and see what it is you wanna do. ignoring it hasn't done any good. and to listen to the beats throbbing from deep has their own mood. keeping me awake and distracting me from what i need to get done on a daily. it ain't me. it's this fucking thumper that clings to the feel/ wanting you to recognize its ability to be real. come mornings there's a void and it refuses to entertain anyone else. so all day i linger in thoughts attempting to get it to convert to anything other than what's felt. but it knows you're not interested in depths on a mature vibe. at least not from a pulse that just wants to be a part of your life. bouncing to the rhythm opening up to so much more. so why don't you tell it needs to shut the door. to close up shop and keep it moving so i can live for once. because it doesn't mind me veering off looking around. it knows imma come back to the really point as it laughs out loud. the selfishness of its demeanor is stubborn as fuck. i've tried everything and i'm lost on what to do with what i keep hushed. so take it as a gesture of hope aimed at only you. my heart isn't gonna be content until it feels how yours moves...

Crave...

The thought comes to mind n i wonder every time. I'm curious to know if u think ofme when ur alone. In between the things u havta do do i cling to ut mood?  Making moments in ur head for s lil ehile of u n i layinh in bed. Just shooting the shit with the night to entertain the twist. I pretend it's me u want there with u jus so u can feel me move. Daudreams are so real as if the themselves can feel. The skin on skin touching us as a win win. I play with the visual of u sighing for me to set u free. To unlock ur chest n open u up so i can snuggle ur luv. Yeah i imagine u dreaming of me to awaken to the emptiness of what could be ur happiness. But am i a vision u enjoy as ur hope tells u I'm the void? As i crawl through ur the space behind ur eyes for u to bring me to life. Will i ever be the comfort of u wanting more? Or have i been overlooked in a way i shall never read my name in ur book? It would be so nice to rattle around inside of u as u as u put me to use. As the sight of use together excites the acknowledgement of forever. Do u ever tease yourself by allowing it me to be felt? Bcuz i fantasize about life with u as if I'm hypothesized. Descending into u without fear i better life having u near. Although it's just my imagination running wild as it's u that creates a smile. A peacefulness within is where i go when i wander from realities grip. Trying make myself believe u too have a belief in me...

Just another face...

Avoiding drifters just wanting to be entertained. Bored with the scene of having strangers with options as if famed. The crowd just doesn't fit the feel of the mood. Lost explains the touch moving for not just anyone will do. There's just no interest in competing if self isn't the first pick. Comfort can't attach itself as a runner up if heartbeats were to ever skip. Their eyes are to busy being noticed by others all lined up. Seems the situation in my mind has no chance at luv. Witness to the game of peekaboo played with so many vibes entangled. Creating a confusion that defeats belief due to the fiasco missing candles. Meaningless actions out in the open claiming to be so much. Attempting to be seen to build confidence that grows ugly as such. Childish behaviors ache to have worth from multiple faces. Pointless in the reoccurances of the same ol conversations. Emotion just isn't in to the flip switching of on n off. No one's allowed to come n go looking for someone else in every song. Clinging to physical attractions that repeat altercations ripped from the chest. I'm not for it bcuz I'm made for just one that hasn't found me yet. 

I know the look...

I know you believe bcuz I can see it on your eyes. But i don't feel shit n i don't know why. I try. Maybe I've just cried one too many times. Or it could be that my heart actually gave up on me. Damn the feeling. The emptiness of lost grounds keeps feet stationary from what they can't seem to walk upon. I'm way too far gone. I've been alone so long. Heartbeats to me aren't the rhythm section of the heart playing songs. N i know I'd miss out on the gift you have to give. It would prolly be something worth the live. It's just i haven't it in me to rush to find a way. I got lost in depths n forgotten the feel that has escaped. I listen for it when u speak my name. This isn't a game. I watch how i light up ur face. You just don't know how bad i want a spark to ignite the flame so i have hope. I wanna go home. To land in arms n remain safe with luv shown. But it's like i trust no one n havta remain on my own. I can't shake it. Every time i find a tickle i break a rib. To remind me of the end that doesn't give a shit. Oh the potency of venomous lips. N yeah i know your intent is more mature. But pulling me from within i shouldn't be lured. Lemme naturally progress so my mental estate can understand my inner makings won't be torn. I know you want more. I know the look u share is a gesture for me to recognise. Yet words to me are nothing but lies. N this from you I'm not trying to hide. I'm not broken i just don't need a guide. Patience is life playing out. Real luv never hasta make a sound. Overnight isn't gonna happen to force a belief into the now. Can u see what it is you've found? It's the long haul where earned stays. Where emotion can never be fake. Flowing with an ease as something worth being gained. I'm just yet to remember what it's like to want before it's too late...

Can we not...

Can we just go back to being strangers if things don't work out? To save ourselves from the pain n heartache that follows in tones spat from fowl mouths. Can we skip the part of hate that resents the presence before we turn away? I don't have it in me to relive the dragging of the core n still keep a straight face. Can we simply forget the memories thought to be the best ever lived? Avoiding the revival of the sensation of the luv that once filled our hearts said to have so much to give. Can we skip the fear of losing another friend unlike any other? I don't wanna die n live at the same time by recalling us as a dream of forever. Can we not believe in something other than the today n the way it's spent if we ever we call it quits? Just get on with life n smile regardless of how roads split. Can we get it over with so i can count on me doing what i need to do? To let go like it ain't shit n give truth to relation's remains cut loose. Can we refrain from the betrayal diggin deeper than emotion could ever rip apart the mind? I don't wanna be enough to become a has been lingering with life. Can we pretend we don't if we still care in the aftermath by ignoring the fuckery of the tongue? Never to speak of the torment of living separate lives until death comes. Can we stay single so none of it squeezes tears from eyes that doesn't understand? Alone isn't so bad when we never give in to our biggest fan...

Go on somewhere...

There's no backdoor to the heart so you're gonna havta leave the same way you came in. Just drop the bs on the floor to be claimed by the ribs. Bcuz no fucks are given in the cellar of the depths not even u can reach. N yeah I'll be whatever spews from your lips like a son of a bitch. That's where I'll be enjoying my time n unfazed by your absence. Emotionally dying over torn details is why i don't care or even think twice. We were good once before u truly showed up as someone i could never like. I'm cool with you disappearing n leaving me the fuck alone. I don't need your type of energy disturbing the peacefulness of my home. So off with the shadows that fade into the night. So you can't haunt me in the midnight hrs as i redirect my mind. Unwanted n not needed you have become a memory i wish to erase. For your character plays roles to fit specific selfish gains. I'll watch you walk away with a chuckle knowing you won't be coming back. Now drift with the winds breeze as my hands begin to clap. Out the front is best to get your azz to moving. Get on now, get along so my life can get to improving. Go on somewhere n forget i even exist. I don't want what you got n you certainly won't be missed...

Home alone...

Key fitting. Tumbler twisting. The dream is more than real. The wonder awaits the never ending feel. Lock retracted. Knob contacted. Opening to see what's behind closed doors. Ready to get on with life without the wars. Hope ends. Blank descend. Thoughts fade only wanting to exceed. Nothing aspires with vague breaths that breathe. Stepping in. Checking ribs. Forcing the issue to find home. Pretending not to be so alone. Left, right. Blackened sight. The darker the journey dims as feet shuffle on. Deep into the unknown still goin. Motion spins. Circles win. Going around n back to the beginning of the start. Leaving a void in the eager heart. Lost drifter. Grinding shifter. The norm gets further away than ever before. Eyes close to hide what emotion pours. Standing still. Strong will. Unable to define where the dream has gone. Awakening to a reality that's somehow went wrong. Distant again. Forgotten friend. Dispatched from self n sighing to be felt. Unwilling to believe there is no help.

Forevermore...

I'll have a smile from ear to ear the day i leave thugs place. I'll never again havta feel luv smear my face. I'll be happy knowing my heart is at ease. Safe from others who claim they care as i rest in peace. No one will every be able to hurt my query so pure. As the darkness will own the stillness as the cure. No more believing someone will come along n make it last. For the truth is everyone ends up in the past. Until the day comes to take me from the loneliness. Making certain in comfortable for once laying motionless. Unable to react to a world that's out for self. To leave behind stranger friends that'll fake the luv that wad rarely felt.  I'll be rid of the wonders of sacred thoughts of luv so lousy forevermore. With one final sigh to remember how deep emotions dug in to my core. Strangling n suffocating everything good i never got to give away. Rotting with me will be the aftermath of intent but I'll never hear it say my name. Not one whisper in the isolation will be able to squeeze a tear from my eyes. I'll be gone n time will have passed me by.

Untitled... Older piece. Bad place mentally.

As briefly as it was in such a short life i can say i got to hold my dream girl. N oh how without hesitation she became my whole world. I felt u in my arms n even deeper in my heart. N in luv i fell n never bounced back. As i now struggle with the thought of how I'm to open up to another with doubt that it'll ever last.  Being with u truly fucked me up in ways i don't even was sling meat due to the attachments that come shortly after the hormones do their deed. N even though there's no way to fix any of the chaos i still rather it be u here with me. But i must figure out how to find a lil something to ease my mind the way u were supprosed to.it's ok though bcuz n i mean no disrespect when i say ailowy...  As i turn back life awaiting  my snile to lift me from this spell I'm under. U were so much more than a desired fantasy enjoyed as a luv'r...

Some things just need to be said... I hope u find what makes u feel like the real u...

Numb...

Running away with the voices n tippin a few back. In a dark lil corner in the local watering hole. Losing all common sense just letting the liqueur have its fun.  Oh, n i ain't trying to go home. No luv no loss n I'm out for the night. Letting everything I've every known go.  Tilting the head up like i ain't never looked down at life. Running from reality for a bit to free me but i ain't no hoe. In it for the liquid potency playing with the shadows on my own. Lookin at the bar maid n tappin the counter for one more. Half way lit n feelin it consume me slow. One night in the moment n once abandoned the fort. Movement smoothly with the glass slippin from my bottom lip. No fucks to give is the mindset set on idle for a sec. Peeping strangers bringing their characters out for a sip. Emptying the pocket for another round to let go of what's in the chest. Loosening up with the flow poured from bottles. Fuck it is the mood as my face comes to a pause. Chuckling at the females puttin on a front like they're models. The final call is my favorite of all. 

Thoughts of u...

 I often wonder if u like soft nibbles up the back of ur neck. N warm whispers pulsating in ur ear that make u wet. I get curious to know if me touching u would loosen u the fuck up. Feelin my way along the edges of, the hush. My thoughts wander with the thought of sinking in to u. N yet my lips won't speak to try to get u alone with me in a room. Even though the moment of carressin ur skin would be nice. Bcuz just thinking about it brings me to life. N i enjoy playing with u in my mind before u can escape. But the secret is mine as i taste...

Seeking a snug lil fit...

Moving on n leveling up. It's a lil different without holding on to luv. From keepin it going to rebuilding life. Individualism truly captures the mind. Time drags n hope lingers until it's gone. Waking away from everything that's gone wrong. Finding self in places unrecognizable n strange at the least. All in attempting to find where home tames the beast. Gradually drifting n winging movements free to flow. As lookin around causes confusion on which way to go. Days lose to months that build yrs lost to empty memories never shared. Always wanting to be somewhere else where the contents of the heart are spared. In unfamiliar territories deciphering how easily the feel can rest. One situation at a time to identify reason suffocating on the chest. Wonders wander in between luv'rs coming n going seeking a snug lil fit. Listening for certain tones breaking through sound fluttering from their lips. Sitting with heavy emotions weighing on the mood but never expressed upon the face. Waiting on a friend to appear from depths with the key that unlocks the sacred gates. Not knowing who's who nor of intent yet to surface along the way to eventual ends. Forward as guests relying on placements slowly vibing with a lil time spent. From one bed to the next not as a whore but as to figure out self's true worth. Swiveling heads spin as eyes rotate in sockets not wanting to leak with hurt. Putting truths on the table to relate with just one that comprehends individual efforts shown. Able to maintain without help for as long as it takes to mentally evolve with growth. Hinges swing as if saloon doors closing from an opening stage. Pieces of normal gather use that may or may not be a gain. Onward with question that fade without answers desire drives passion's will. Patient to click with a rare sense of raw that excites the thrill. Comfort attaches itself to a belief once age kicks in. Until then there simply is no win win. Just motions having one purpose n that is to survive. Thinking to self bcuz all else has failed, but at least I'm still alive.

morning moments together...

i just wanna see you standing there in the kitchen in one of my shirt and nothing else on. fiddling with the coffee pot as my crave for u deepens forever more. as beautiful in your rawest form that you could ever be. setting me free from myself like you stepped outta my most sacred dreams. smiling back at me with the grin followed with a look that touched my heart. waking my emotions up early knowing they're gonna last all day for the moment of us means no harm. i wanna sit with you in the morning air and sip the heat from the cup that helps you begin your day. with your hair still a mess from last nights entanglements and a peaceful calm expressed upon your face. just to witness life come together with you willing to stick around is what i want. piecing together moments lived in and not just made to say we're in luv. i'd enjoy opening my eyes to see you stirring the sugar into a swirl. watching your lips wrap the rim of your favorite mug for a taste before acknowledging the world. taking a moment to gather self with me in total contentment as we allow the morning to move slow. damn, you're so much more than a visual and honestly i just wanna go home. to be as is in morning moments together doing what we do. because there's just something about you that makes me pulse move. quietly kept i think of you smelling the aroma rising to your nose inches from the pleasure in the split second. and i'm some what jealous of the thought due to you're so much more than i have ever reckoned. i just wanna be there sharing with you what no one else will ever get to see. living because we found the answer moving outta the way for us to get closer than air blowing as the breeze. as i put the creamer back in the fridge and kiss you for the first time each and every day. i just wanna be your person as you transform the look upon my face...

Choose...

Walk through my mind as if u are comfortably at home. U might just realize it isn't the walls talking for u are not alone. I have a head on my shoulders n the door id open just for u. No keys are necessary just come on in n watch how my thoughts move. U just may smile with a chuckle one u witness we ain't so much different after all. As my imagination is exposed of what i think of u everyone coming to a pause. Drift with me sittin the space I beret between my ears n relax. The visual of u truly getting to me u will see as y'all content is intact. Thrillevery single fetal ur free to explore everything it is i hide behind my eyes. It's just my way of getting u to come too terms of it is u that i choose to my life.a you'll feel me in true form when u find yourself going lower into the makings of my chest. Where my heart quietly whispers with pulses rushing to the emotion aimed directly at u. N thid is all above the waste for the hungar to wrap u in my arms is an endless crave eager to move. So the journey id urs if u choose to find depths sippin to be seen. We can be the real thing of an afterthought of a dream...

Lone wolf...

I've been with so many but there's so fee i like. As they all categorize differently in my mind. Seems the ones i want the most i havta cut loose. N every time it feels aa if i set my heart up to dangle in a noose. Aa it's getting harder to open up to another's luv. Buried is i in the sane outcome lost in the hush. Never to enjoy memories made for two. No matter the reason relations fell through. The pages read a of a man who Cabot get it right. N I've Neville numb to the belief of my kinda rare is not something that's mine. Leaving a sadness to remind me of better days emptied n hollow. My guess is friends are more difficult to make than that of luv'rs who eventually get bothered. Changing coarse before the good shit every takes place. As yrs go workout the visual of a so called friendly face. Situations are what they are as i too have had to decide to step back. Creating a deeper depth to an endless past. N what comes of it all is the question yet to find the facts that remain. With an unsettled defiance that refuses to allow emotion to go to waste. The inne makings was live. But it's hard to believe in tongues that flip. Twisting every word spoken until it's so far outta context worth fades. Losing yet again hopr that stands confused to why there's a use for games.

On my mind...

Honestly, I'd luv to go down n rise to fuck u. But getting too close you'd feel my truths. Of how I'd come to a slow pause. To be wrapped up in arms without the digging of claws. Knowing there'd be no need too shred the back open to get to my heart. For beyond physical attractions rests a crave i speak of. Bcuz in a moment alone lusts would rapidly evolve into luv. Instantaneously as i touch ur skin i wouldn't be able to hide the real me. Leaning into ur presence as a partner set the fuck free. From depths that have captured my secret of who i am with u on my mind. N there's a good chance you'd never know of the thrill that spikes my pulse thinking of u in my life. Yeah, I'd do things to sexually bring the inner u out for sure. Although it's deeper than i can swim in ur sexuality while chasing u onto the floor. So the hush does its thing as i play in the shallows so well. Bcuz i know if you'd ever look me in the eyes I'd fall as i fell. Collapsing to ur submission of giving me what i truly seek. To be luv'd by u n no other is a consistent dream. A thought that consumes emotion wanting out of the chest. To grind slow enough to be felt before the beast is released n expectations are met. I'd live on my knees only to please ur desires if i could. For if i was ur equal my mind could fine peace like it should. Giving u every part of me hidden n tucked away. Whether it be the rush of hormones tossing u about or sitting with us as friends. N it would be this way until death becomes our end...

Non existant...

I don't get around much anymore. Kinda left the games to the upcoming whores. Guess i felt it was their turn to play. But they'll never get it in the way i could'nt be tamed. Without a lie slipping from my lips i spoke the truth. Had my fun n gave pleasure to those who needed to cut loose. As it's been some time that I've juggled females with a smile. Knowing damn well not a one of us set out to gain relations to be worth while. But the snippidy snippers snipped strings attaching themselves to pieces of me. For there was nothing beyond the physical attraction that set me free. N it's even been yrs since I've gotten out n about to see what's what. The minds been too busy to attempt anything that partains to trust. As the moment of the loner is passing like a phase swept away with the breeze. With thoughts switching momentum to access capabilities hidden deep within daydreams. I've become a dreamer reminiscing of prior entanglements that were oh so good. As my eyes close to take a look. Cheap thrills n ex luv'rs gather in the memories in my time alone. Making me wonder if I'll ever find a place called home. Triggering intent to be honest with self before it's too late. But i don't wanna go back too multiple friends sitting on my face. I'm reserving that space for someone special to ride until her hormones can't take no more. But i haven't stepped into the light of day for anyone to catch a glimpse of who i really am. I can go right or left n be content if it's sex i seek coming from the core. Although this isn't the old me mingling in the crowd gripping a squeeze. Even though it would be nice to hold on to just one like she was never to leave. But as i sit mentally recalling the transformation yet to break one the fuck off. I just i haven't opened the door to breathe the fresh air bcuz i don't wanna get lost. The temptations are real i must admit but i don't wanna do anyone wrong if i make a move. Nothings changed in that aspect about me so I'll try to build up the nerve to live n play a lil peekaboo. Yet i need not to believe in the lusts that once consumed my heart. I'll need a lil something more than a flickerin spark in the dark. Or it just may be old ways is all there is. Being the let down with everything about me to give...

Now is a thing...

I've already had my dream girl n now i stand looking back at this world like what's next. It's not what others wanna hear but the truth is best when I'm free to give me as is n not what's left. Willing to show up n show out to gain something real for once. If u cannot relate to it maybe there's something within u that's still on the hush. Bcuz I've played with my fantasies n now know what it is i like. N a friend means more to the mind than the heart could ever define. I'm just being honest while u think I'm full of shit. I've been there n done deeds n now I'm back to live with the sound of the pecks that kiss. Wondering who in the fuck triggers deep intent on levels untold. So chuckle up a breath wasted on me sifting until i identify home. Moving with the feel of tight snugs loosening the thrill to evolve. Provoking desires to come to a moan with me not being able to get enough of life finally solved. Falling in n under the surface where fingers cannot reach. Although they lead the way for compatibility to create the scene. Dipping into the chest searchin for the tickle of the ribs with every stroke. I've come back to the now just to say i no longer wanna be alone. N nah, i don't feel the urge to drift with luv'rs that come n go. So lets leave be what I've done with others n listen to the tongues unique tone. Stroking thoughts the way they were meant to be freed. As eyes roll up in the head when the down n dirty gives pleasure from the knees. Oh u don't believe a fella speaking from the inside out? Then don't n keep on hating every good one that comes along trying to adapt to ur frown. Ain't my worry n one less task I'll havta deal with that is not of my own. Like i said, I'm solid with who i am as I'm n in my zone. I as able to step into my lane n walk it like i matter the most. But I'm also eager to know if a lil sum sum is tempted to put down her phone. Maybe take a peek at some flesh shedding clothes instead not skin. Damn I'd ware her all night n three times a day if paths were to refused to return to where they've been. Telling it like it is so i know where i stand. Hey you! I think i could be ur biggest fan...

the pieces of square one struggling...

emptied n drained n unable to feel anything. the sound of the hollow is as silent as aches without wings. trapped within to remain as the ends lost in depths. living with what's left for the mind to pick at as if self has failed the test. refusing to come back to life slowly becomes the void needed to never be hurt again. n it clings to the heart 's fame that used to be luv like a insane fan. motionless is emotions as the idle wondering where the spark went. as mirrors hung gives the loner someone to talk to once the pain is done with its vent. fading with a lil time spent with no one close enough to touch the fool. the bottomless pit only allows what can never be to land believing luv is just a tool. one in which the fakes brief moments caught in thoughts that turn into memories that will never rest. n what's left behind is the grief that shelters the feel until hope is no longer a need buried in the chest. lost drifts just before the awakening of the solo act hiding behind the guard others call a wall. but it's there where safe seems to resurrect a smile prior to not knowing how to truly revive the interest it takes to stand tall. as brave as the fear that captures the forsaken intent. thinking how does one get back to the simplicity of holding on to what is more than lent. forgotten is the phase needing to be broken like the shattered pieces that rearranged life some time ago. curios to know is the correction of wanting to go home. a place where rambles in the dark aren't echoes bouncing off the walls to be heard. followed by a voice with its own words. back to square one n confused is the best that can be said to described what tugs on the war beneath the surface causing such a fuss. damn near rubbing the nose in how self let go a lil to much to ever create a rush. with no movement in the pulse to vibe to nights are so difficult to get through in one piece. as each fragment is gathered come mornings shine so a way can rise to breathe.

The book of self...

Ending chapters is like beginning new ends. In the reverse sense of giving life to grins. Friends take part in portions as the come n go. As words without tones capture the story verbally shown. Luv'rs tell tales of the heart n then the pages flip one by one. Finding a different scenario falling in n straight through luv. Pieces of self gained is through lessons made. Decisions written on paper is jotted down to be saved. In a read along that's lip syncing at ores finest. As highest of highs encounter the lows of being at times more than lifeless. In individual memories shared there's moments that define characters from character on display. Lost within the way fingers touch the surface holding letters together. Hope speaks as if a mute of wanting to last forever. In between each n every line there's a truth told in the fine print. The trick to a better ending is to actually live. To come alive with the way the tongue plays with the syllables before it's too late. Enjoying the flavor spiced up with a lil fun on the way it tastes.

Living in disbelief...

What is happiness when fear claims the heart? With a simmer of life still left with a shell that tensions chard. Affraid with the belief that everyone will betray u. It's just a matter of time before depths are dragged by the noose. Hung u0 on display for another knife carving dumbazz in the back. Aa the disbelief in studying lasting past the passing of laughs. Where is home supposed to be when self is lost n looking at this fake azz world alone?  With a tear tugging on worth as if self will never be good enough to enjoy hope. Is there some sorta trick to convince the mind to smile without doubt whispering don't trust it in the ear? Belittling the inner makings keeps self the safest as the had never hasta turn to see what's coming up from the rear. Why is there so much useless weight in the chest? As the none believer within falls into the dwell of loneliness. It hurts to have everything to give but yet feel the loss before the beginning ever takes place. Louie a friend cab never made no matter the intent shown standing face to face. Does life twist us all from the feeling of losing interest in others in ways we drift into boredom? Or is it just me being petrified of allowing another to play with what i cannot get to come undone? Hiding behind the hopelessness n making it look good so no one is ever witness to the monster elusive enough to not appear. As if a shadow in the night escaping the spotlight but not the mirror. It seems reflections of expressions show so often it's better to regain isolated until the body expires. N the pain in saying it bulds a cry deep in the core that's trapped n burning in the fire. Nothing i can do makes me happy as u run everyone off. N there's nothing wrong with me other than the consistency of me calling bs on the same ol shit fed to me raw. N the round about thought price process takes a toll on the mood locked on the other suede of closed doors. As i speak honestly with self as i too want more. I do desire someone who finds me reaching out. To never shy away or eventually want something else that with me just cannot be found. N i ask myself, who am i but in the way of others? With nowhere to fit in n not one person to open the gates as if to be more than a luv'r. When will the tension ever rest for my truths to be free? So i can get back to being me...

The real Butch..

I'd trade fb for a good but naughty lil friend. So i can find my way back to the good life where i don't feel so different. Puttin fakebook down for someone real for a change. In the flesh n waking to the same cute face. Simply return to the hush life as if i do not exist. Where lips find mine suckin on a kiss. Able to feel the comfort when she walks into the room. Feeling a lil something going on beneath the skin that makes my smile move. It would be better than what I've forced myself to become accustom to. I've been found my self n yet the linger of being lost still claims my use. So just to hear a lil sum sum shift her tone. I'd give up on the boredom n accept I'd prolly never be left alone. Listening to the chatter until jabber jaws was ready to rest. Always having the creature she is clinging to me bcuz she's most comfy on my chest. As social media has nothing on a truth getting it in in the real world. It doesn't have the necessities to matter the way single becomes plural. Even in the silent moments where chillin is just laying around. As one in the same tougher n thankful asf that two hearts can sync up n bounce. The popular vote can have the silliness everyone makes up once i lean in to a lifetime shared. For the malarkey to exchange chuckles online i would no longer care. It ain't real so it's pointless in my eyes seeking to look away into the definition of free. It's just a place where everyone can actually hide in plain sight without ever coming out to be seen. I'd rather touch someone with a grope followed up with a stroke she'd crave. Giving her a reason to get attached to the way she caters to my name. Interacting with more than a screen that changes with the flick of a thumb. There's no hype, no thrill n no rush in having to keep self on hush. I'd gain more walking away from all the make believe nonsense with a hand in mine. Off to where we cannot be found to go n live life. But the strangest thing is what I'd want is rare. N i cannot speak of it due to chameleons pretend to play fair...

On the up...

Lights dimmed n sippin enjoyin the night. Sittin with a cutie with some real fuckin likes. Smiles poppin off that can't be restrained.  Jus one more reason not to play any games. As convo speaks into whipser with the mood. Closer in the moment feeling the groove. Music playin melodies vibin with sighs slippin out. There's no hiding the facts of how she eases the mind. With a chuckle here n a flitation stare every so often. There's no rush for the heart is blind to soften. It's the look on her eyes peepin up n down. Watching my mouth lip sync sound. Movements reach for touches to feel a connection. Witness to how the thrill creates affection. The walls fall further to the morning the interaction gets. Tickling a true sense of humor being life you the ribs. With bare feet on the lap trying to turn the bottom of the bottle up. The grope on the toes to the heal must be rubbed. N oh the satisfaction to be accepted by such a creature. Someone a lil different in which There's not much i could possibly teach her. As she's in her zone pulsating with me on her mind. Trickling into her chest n pushing aside the hype. Damn her smurk identifies my desires are weak. She sees me i true form as if I'm living a dream. Softly caressing her skin with my fingertips. Jus chillin, wanting to relax with a twist. Making it up to her thigh i pause so time can drag into that initial first kiss. Buildin the suspence for the capture of the heart. She's the type kitten as a special work of art. Able to counter sarcastic laughter to see if i can keep up. If I'm around her long enough the more I'd fall in luv. But words wait their turn bcuz there's so much to know. I'm jus findin where i fit in to her hope. As the last glass becomes empty causing an uncontrolable need of plaesure. N that's my que to dive in to find the sunken treasure. As kisses slide across the cheek to the neck. Hands grabbing at her waist for the full affect. Freeing her from being enslaved by clothes. Allowing me to catch a breath in between her moans. Alone we act like animals as natural as intent could ever be. But there was even more than being down on our knees. As sweat rolled as it was tasted upon the tongue. Her's twirled as good as mine when coming undone. The flames grew as if we could see in the dark. Feeling our way around each other becoming the spark. Deeper n harder n wetter the feel we craved. Nibbling on breasts n squeezing throats demanding to be tammed. With a tugging of the hair she was mine to have. But lil fours she know i was hers before she ever agreed to be had. With her scent leading the way. N the way she purposely said my name. I was a gonner prior to the thrusts stroking every inch. Holding out just long enough to get it together with a clinching grip. As still as the bed waiting for us to collapse. The night have in to the morning that finally elapsed. Tightly embracing what we've missed for ever as it seemed. Jus laying there in silence fallin asleep.

5,000 ways...

Touch me n I'll tell u if i feel that shit. It's not likely but I'll be honest if u can accept every syllable that comes from my lips. For one found wear i wad looking fur some time ago. Or so i thought as yrs gone past has humbled me in my moments alone. Reach out n grope my skin. Bit do it in a way that makes my nerves pause. Damn near in shock to the interacting as if u crumbled my walls. I'm not gonna tell u what u wanna hear. Nor fake the mood to fit myself into ur panties falling to pull u near. I'm a bit diffetent I'm many ways. N yeah there's something I'm awaiting to correct the display upon my face. U may do for a whole or possibly sink in. But how will we ever know if contact isn't allowed to live? I know rejection hurts but to try is a matter of giving it a go. N i believe everyone somewhere has a home. So use ur finger n try to put a print on my heart. See id ur hand can get beneath the surface to shutboff all the alarms. Changes is whatbi can admit needs to give way. Unless ur affraid of losing at the attempt it takes to create a smile upon my face. Bcuz it might be me that doesn't fit in ur world. Even if i craved the exlerience to enjoy an us as i hold only ur hand as my girl. Felt is mutual n i just may br the one in the wind. Neva know so what's up with finding out with the the way we live? I could shun u n make u feel as if ur not good enough but it wouldn't be my intent. But in return the end of trying could be u laughing as u turn on unless time spent. Or things could enjoy a horizon lifting us into a new day claiming what's meant. Butvfuck the emotional aspect if there's not a friend to gain. Honest is best when relatimg to the mood of the m moment looking to last beyond the hyoes fame. In 5,000 ways to say i could use someone to ease my mind. There's a rebelion to believe the game is too much to feed into. But if u somehow u fill the void as in u make inner makings move. Damn u in a sense of it's about time. As it takes two to collaborate truthfully for a piece of mind. Worth one after another resins of why we can't leave each other alone. N if it's a no, there's no hard feelings bcuz we are grown. My thought is it Congress down ti do we want what we're used to or something new? Even if u don't look my way, i live loose. Moving to the vibe of what's good for me. The same way ur patience play with ur own defined curiosities....

This is 5,000 writings/diddles as i call them...

On this porch...

Sit on down. Lets talk. To be ourselves for a bit. Remove ur walls. Open the doors to ur mind. Relate beyond limits. On topics that reach for more. Tell it line it is. On this porch just wasting time. For the moment to find its way. Breathe. Trust in a friendly face. Exposing the silliness that rambles. About whatever comes to thought. Free yourself. Just relax n naturally get lost. Away from everyday life. Watching the world do what it does. With no expectations other than the here n now. Speaking on things that u n i have hushed. To dreams flowing into jibberish that means nothing at all. Loosen up n verbalize ur sound. Feel the mood lighting ur presence wanting to be known. Live just long enough to come out. On this porch where nothing goes unsaid. Where what's spoken stays between u n i. Diving into depths n swimming upon realitues surface. I too would loke to be revived.