can someone help me.?.

someone help me... make me believe... i'm feelin the ends of emotions collect my thoughts... n i'm losin the fight as i'm comin away from this pause... seems feelin alive is takin on a new feel.. n free doesn't wanna surrender to relations healed... somebody tell me what it is i've forgotten how i've gotten here from my past... i cannot remember the tingle of passion without the fake smiles attached... n i look up hoping to cater to the expressions given as i'm finding it hard to go along with what is to come... please explain to me why it is i wanna jus take off n run... as keeping it real is the bottom line i can't help but to taste upon words that are released to the honesty of who it is i am... somehow get through to me as to why i have blocked out the correspondence of a hand wantin to get to the touch in which they land... remind me of the reason i need to open up n change the way i feel when i've found comfort in ridin solo... it's not like i don't know how to allow luv to freely be as it's importance has escaped me as no mo... n i've been thinkin of lettin someone in so have a person to spend a few memories with but i don't wanna do it jus so i to don't feel alone... i jus cannot depict for the life of me who to or why i should give in to a stranger i do not know... it's not that i've misplaced the man in me... i jus can't find the door within that unlocks the will to accept an other's ways that jus might not make sense to the way i live outside of dreams... i see how others are n the bs in which how the act n i don't find it attractive... as i am seriously not tryin to be proactive... i'm jus searchin for the border line that i crossed to get to where it is i sit... n i remember how devotion is so shortly lived... what is it that reassures time that the face on display day in n day out will remain the same.?. when i can't come to repeat a single fuckin name...