unwanted...

hanging on... something i've never felt in return... seems weird to think someone would actually like me... after all i ain't the same as the typical need... more outside the box willing to be who i am... yet others tend to forget i'm no every other man... expecting me to fit into what it is they expect...  in a now gimme emotion jus to outlive the comfort of intent... held is a short term possession once craved... i jus got tired of hearing different people say my name... saying the same ol cute names that drive me up the fuckin wall... like how many others have they called baby hun or a variation of it all.?. pointless is the heart to get involved jus bucz i ain't never be the one sought out... once it's all said n done it's jus me sitting alone with words fumbling in the mouth... as a firm believer that selfishness lingers through touch... n yes that includes luv... people wanna feel how another awakens them... n when it's all said n done the tears come from the hurt somehow not having a worth... but i'm wrong for thinking this way... even though it's the truth others cannot face... leaving me with a friendship i jus cannot find... n it has me constantly retracting back into the center of my mind... where things make more sense than acting out dead ends waiting to happen... as i'm considered to be the clown as i jus wanna be laughing... there ain't nothing so serious to havta play roles... it's a boom building to explode... wasting time that none of us can ever get back... n this is one reason i've been told i need to try n live before i hav an empty past... n yet, i already do with memories i cannot find a way to enjoy... i'm jus not the one for the typical bs n turn out to be the noid... so i settle in a heart made to have so much to give... but it ain't able to connect as it's forced to find another way to live...