ready for a lifetime...

step inside, n see in which the design i put myself back together again... it's quite nice to look at i'm sure, yet i can only feel it from my inner makings as a man... the gate is open for u to join me in depths waiting for u to enter at ur own free will... as the transformation is laid on a tilt made to snuggle up in moments that have a certain spark lighting the a rare kinda thrill... gathered by the mind for a better understanding so i know what's best for me... n i believe it could be u that fits the feel with ur hands around my heart's lingering need... to rectify the luv so deep down it no longer hasta hide from an embrace worth the expressions given in return... come on in n find out who it is i am wanting to partake in ur own emotions that yearn... as a friend inviting u beneath the surface to relate on life... spend some time n kick up ur feet as u explore a different type of fella who is more than willing to share a lil time... as i am jus one individual giving u a choice to decide if i am good for u... with a matter of patience to getting to wherever we wind up on the move... laying still in arms as desires allow passion to live... feel me from the on the other side of our physical presence n learn what it is  i have to give... so u can determine what i could possibly mean to how ur smile lights up my world... living in my eyes as a twinkle digging in to a lifetime of hope becoming memories made in moments even after the toes uncurl... i hide nothing n only ask if u can see me in which way i truly come to u... with a curiosity i jus wanna tell the gate keeper he's no longer needed for i've found a  use... i tempt u to fall inward n witness how u yourself say someone real would be so nice... then come out to stand before me n admit ur truth to ease ur mind... as a chance to cross boundaries only dreams as of yet have ever been thought to be no limits... i wanna be ur witness...

all natural...

life... it's needed to be seen... shown on ones own in how they simply live... as smiles are the contagious factor in which fulfills dreams... to be happy by self is an addictive trait... with ones presence to naturally live... as the feel of relations catches a vibe... opening up to soo much more to give... it allows others to add to the will of enjoying any n everything there is... comforting the nerve of it's gonna be fun to share moments with memories that are gathered... n it's never too late to adjust ones own free will to luv self... it will attract an other who is in tuned with their own silliness as well as what truly matters... for the inner makings hasta come from within... crossing paths with those who can jus be themselves... without any other having the main trigger that creates chuckles... knowing it's an individual way of life to not need anyone's help... yet not arrogant to dismiss someone who can intensify the he he ha's... as together the thrill of desires to passion can do as they do... in sync with the pulse jus wanting to hang out for as long as possible... having not to go about time as the full affect of human intent is to be put to use...

relationship goals...

if all you're ever gonna do is leave me to do all the things your gender tells u you're not supposed to do, i am just going to sidestep u... getting it in is just what it is...rounded out n more than willing to do for self as if i was never around.. making relations a real team that has a real use... either helping out from your end of things or doing some shit because i can't get to it... so if your childlike listening to the social wave of others of what a man n woman's role is, you're not attractive to me... pretty or having a pleasant way about yourself... i just can't get addicted to u the way emotions wants to get ever so close to the pressing of lips... that whole package deal is a multiple of abilities that gets to my inner core... like an ease knowing there's someone else one can truly count on to do it all with... no limits, no task shied away from... to me it's someone worth the endless kiss... to slow one where the connection reaches for the heart... as the thought crosses the mind that self really isn't alone... as so many pretend to give all... allowing guidelines to determine their presence at home... whether it is in the kitchen, bedroom or in the garage, it's nice to know life is a little easier with a friend like no other... in the mix of being human is where it's at... within every moment spent as two claims to be one... anything less is half stepping a friendship with life on the line living a in a more unique kind of habitat...

withdrawn is withdrawn...

there's no point in anyone knowing self is dead... when the time comes to slip away it should be as silent as they are in ones life... nonexistent n doing what it is they do... not worried about no one else as the thought of others never crosses their mind... it would be much simpler to be withdrawn from faces that do not partake in everyday bs... unable to hear them as if the now is still going on in some future loss they cannot feel due to how people live... reclusive n withdrawn from comfort as inward has sucked them outta the norm... there shouldn't be an option to say farewell once the end captures an other jus so they can pretend to mourn... sacred in a celebration to know someone is to enjoy a living smile as much as possible... as too many claim to actually be real when the friendship is truly exposable... in a time of death only those closest should accompany the remains... those who were there day in n day out that doesn't want the glorification to attend such pain... when life fades from the heart's will n the movement can no longer go on... no one should be told until after the fact so the truth of luv can be worn... as tears fall looking over a lost luv'd one that is to lay as still as eyes peeking for jus one more stare... to say goodbye in peace bcuz they are the ones who honestly care...

preliminary foreshadowing...

do u remember how it felt inside.?. when the thought came along of someone leaving ur life... n how the pain n the misplacement scared u so bad... like life itself would never be the same as the truth unused luv feeling so sad... does it still linger with a certain sting bcuz they jus had no idea what it was you'd do to help them smile.?. as emotion reaching had no other choice but to be retired... to simmer for as long as it took to gather some kinda other way... do u recall the twist of that first time e seen the after effects of not having them around.?. when u knew somehow it wasn't gonna be long before being alone was to be tortured by letting go of a clown... creating a mime within self... trying to hold on to anything that resembled an attachment dying harder than the fall in which the heart had some sorta help... when the initial process touched the softer side of desires.... how was it u got lost in the burning of the flickering fire.?. said to be the spark in the eyes that lights up the night when making luv... prior to ever even losing the mind to the thought caught up in the rush... can u go back into a past time n gather how it foreshadowed what was to come.?. able to know how far u went in to bounce off what u hushed... seeing the distance grow as u ignored the facts... even though now u laugh... where were u as everything became as still as the end closing in.?. losing vital recognition of how to respond to the way they turned away from the chuckle in the ribs... as friends were no more than a poof in the wind blowing by... preliminary to as premature as it was jus a trick in the mind... did u ever think it would come true.?. now that u sit in ur distant solitude...

a forever ago...

it's been some time since my lips has shared luv...days have turned into weeks gaining strength forgetting what it's like to lay flush... it's strange to be on the opposing side of it all... looking onward at others goin in n out of relations not taking the time to correct their flaws... damn, it seems like a forever ago since i've truly felt anything... i remember how the emotion made it feel as if the limits were as endless as having everything... held for the sake of never wanting to let go... life itself was worth a story to be more than told... oh how the depths were reached by hands that tended to my own worth... believing in every thought out word... n the comfort was like it jus had no limits... sparing every ounce of hope so fuckin vivid... two as one living for the moments it took to become the memories made... not looking for any other encouragements for it was in the way we said each others name...n it's had its way with a heart falling in further as nights came back around... it was like being alone was the place to be as there was no need to make a sound... jus to lay about with arms wrapped around an other was all that was ever needed... yet it's a lifetime ago for the mind to recall as the memories have been almost unweeded... with softened whispers crawling atop pillows on their way to the ear... i didn't ever think i had anything to fear... as it got lost to the past as the solo act claims to have so much more piece than relations ever had... jus to sit n think of how long it's been since i've expressed what drives me mad...

one, two...

one heart... one start... one attraction... one direction... one friend... one bend... one attachment... one enhancement... one truce... one seduce... one luv... one crush... one chance... one dance... one must... one thrust... one need... one team... one time... one hype... one second... one mention... one life... one sigh... one kiss... one rib... one touch... one rush... one bliss... one insist... one smile... one freestyle... one connection... one question...one answer... one gander... one exception... one dimension... one thought... one pause... one expectation... one demonstration... one devotion... one emotion... one hope... one home... one cure... of lure... one moment... chosen... one desire... one fire... one passion... one compassion... one comfort... one drummer... one happiness... one fabulous... one shore... one pour... one drink... one blink... one looseness... one smoothness... one worth... one flirt... one vibe... one mine... one sensitivity... one opportunity... one satisfaction... one reaction... one will... one thrill... one movement... one fulfillment... one sway... one stay...  one now... one found... one use... one, two...

have u ever...

have u ever had ur whole body sucked on.?. from the top to the bottom of ur moans... as someone goes from ur front side to ur backside leaving not one inch of u bored... tasted in place ur hormones wake up n crave more... as a tongue wants to lick what has prolly never felt real pleasure... digging in like a shovel in between ur legs spread looking for ur lost treasure... eaten as if they've never had a meal quite like u... have u ever felt someone crave to go down on ur use... giving without u ever having to do a fuckin thing.?. as u lay back n enjoy the swivel rotating through ur fantasies... bringing desires from deep... from the inside out, have u ever been the excitement of another jus wanting to feel u breathe... as ur heart races n pulsates n reaches for a cure... have u ever had ur curiosity fondled on as to be lured.?. provoked to come out n play... to release free will of fantasies craving to be introduced to a few games... fondled n tied to the bed... body stroked with fingertips wanting u to explode... have u ever had an other unable to leave u alone.?. obsessed with how u sound when u cum... as at times it's too much n u jus wanna run... with an attraction that i cannot resist... i havta ask, have u ever thought about spreading wide to be resurrected by the suction of lips.?.

as pretty as teal...

from u r complexion to ur height... ur as lovely as unused time... with a smile that would wake up life... moving so beautifully before my eyes... n what makes u better is who u are coming from the inside out... showing how soft ur heart is as it jus wants to pound... to be in sync with someone in a way words have no sound... the good kind is what u are that is never too proud... making me keep a looksie in ur direction... creating a curiosity of ur affection... to be touched by more than fingertips looking for direction... u do not know but u have a certain amount of my attention... even though i do not know u... nor have i ever been close enough to smell ur scent in a room... i drift in thoughts in the flesh as we come unglued... doin what is felt in between us as we rip loose... as the image sends me for a ride of where i wanna be... taking serious consideration in wanting a friend for me... n to know ur more than a face playing peekaboo from a far is something that gets captured in daydreams... i can only hope one day, i jus may actually feel u breathe... from the quietest sighs coming from within... to the deepest arousal making its way through a night opening up again... with u resting n draped across my chest as u land... lost in the comfort of having a true fan... it's in the timing is why my lips refuse to move... truth is, life ain't getting any shorter so words are gonna havta be cut loose... free to speak for a few... giving my own mind a truce... for it's ur tone, skin n how u say my name... from ur shape to ur size that has me wanting to go insane... n what makes it so much more is who u are beneath the surface wanting to play... with eyes following lips for its mine u wanna taste...

the possibility...

I might be not what u want me to be, but i could jus be everything ur heart desires...  In a world with eyes lurking to know what luv truly is i stand to light only one fire... Lit from the inside to witness a twinkle in ur own eyes... Flickering as if dancing with the breeze flowing with my motions giving life to ur sighs... Even if i ain't what ur used to there's time to get a feel to do so that gives comfort to a use... To enter the mind with a chance to change what it is you've come accustom to... Jus to be a difference when all else has left u socially withdrawn from a simple thing called touch... I'm merely a thought u have never seen as u fixate on the same ol lusts... Set aside in ur head somewhere is the knowing what is good n what ends in pain... As i am the diversion of such hurt bringing forth a fresh sense of gain... A friend beneath the texture settling on the nerve... To soothe the pulse from expressions within words into a stability of worth... Yet to see me as a consideration are ur sights dry one moment n leaking the next... Falling in n outta belief ur heart refuses what could work out best... As u wonder of someone unlike others that are as shallow as being emptied yourself... Hands on is the one thing u have honestly never felt...A peace that contains a piece of mind waiting to be explored... Why is it a necessity to continuously be vulnerable n subject yourself to wanting more.?.

nunya...

why me.?. what makes ur eyes focus in my direction.?. watching to see how many others i jus might entertain... curious to know my truths hidden behind a smile without an erection... who is it u want me to be.?. to fulfill this image stuck in ur head... or to prove a point of how i could jus be playing the field... not like i give a fuck it's jus every now n again i jus poke a lil fun how lips spread... is it u wanna feel me up close n personal.?. to see if u can snag a piece of me jus laying about... so u can dig a lil deeper into who it is i say i am... do u not believe the words coming from my mouth.?. as i'm jus someone not wanting to bother anyone... altering a to an attempt to not allow feelings to adjust... have u ever though some people jus need to left alone.?. braving life by self so no disturbances can form from what most consider luv... i'm a lil different n i could care less if u think u can get to me... i already know what it'll take to have me touching more than skin... n i don';t come out for jus anyone thinking it's okey dory to play around... it's not me to cater to interests i do not share with the wearing of grins... they lie in their own intent as long as they get what it is they want... n i'm past the point of bowing to an other not truly having me in mind... as if i choose to mingle it is for purposes that have nothing to do with u... so i ask to clarify, what is it u seek to find.?.

am i him.?.

lemme in... past the shelter in which ur equipped... it's gonna havta be someone so why not me.?. am i not good enough to enter ur dreams.?. to take a walk through ur mind... what is it ur afraid i will find.?. the way there's only one type that can get to u... or is it u jus ain't ready for an other to give set ur luv loose.?. open up... allow the temptation to play with trust... unless ur waiting on some kinda perfect miracle... then i won't even bother to for i am not mythical... so what it is u seek if it is indeed anything at all.?. should i waste my breathe to flatter u or leave it alone n go talk to a wall.?. it's ok to chuckle if u think ur outta my league... jus know i ain't the one believing i'm better than anyone here in reality... unlock the gate... let it swing n give a chance to a man willing to relate... we all have depths waiting to be filled... trying to see if we can fit inside an other along with the thrill... to pass time n collect memories that never wanna end... i jus wanna see where we'd wind up when it comes to friends... as late nights cling to who's honesty is held so tight... wanting one thing n that's to add to the enjoyment of life... gimme the key... lets see where this thing could actually lead... if i am considered to be someone you'd be interested in... as it would be to let me know ur looking for something else before my heart skips... u see there's something in the way u move.. i can't describe it but i like the feel of how it wants to break loose... with no boundaries n no limits that will keep us apart... i'm interested in so much more that ur heart...

waiting in turn...

it's been so long since i've been happy to be near someone... damn near lost it's feel yet i can remember how the heart wants to find a home... being close to luv with emotions that are not afraid... able to speak without fear when tasting an others name... seems time got loose n ran off with free will to somewhere i wasn't allowed to tag along... n it's cool n all but i coulda used a friend here n there to collaborate on a few things before passion said so fuckin long... basically fingering my mind in its waste of hope having to redefine the details within... though it was a good thing to leave me with no way to feel desires grin... so mad i am not as i rest in the makings of a more suitable cause put back together again... waiting in turn to hold my end of life in place jus bcuz i can... it feels like forever wrapped itself around me when i was down n out... forcing smiles to show strengths that wasn't always a thing to come from the mouth... as the talking to walls was as real as depths could be... exposed in the mirror for a correction to find a way to live past the struggling dreams... a touch jus hasn't felt the same since the chaos swept everything away... n now that i'v overcome the downside the skin yearns to play mutual games... willing to find out where self will be able to kick back n trust in someone new... from one end to the other listening to all of the woo's...

it's a like kinda thing...

would u like to step away from it all.?. take a lil time n entertain someone in tune with ur flaws... it could be fun if u wanna try to have some fun... maybe mess around with the physical presence of having a crush... do whatever comes to mind when conversation reaches the lips... there's life waiting to be enjoyed if u have it in u to play for a bit... allowing the inner child to break free n jus live... there's no harm no foul in chuckling over life... the night could go anywhere at any moment as we refuse to hide... unwilling to deny there's comfort in the middle of the space in between smiles on the move... morning will come n u can return to what it is u do... n if u liked what was shared u know where i will be... thinking of how nice a round two would tend to have at me... to see ur face with a possibility of it's me u feel is ok... letting me into ur world as mine seems to accept u taking up space... jus getting along as friends so everything isn't so fuckin empty... u might actually like who i am as i can only come from within me... u can see me for what it is that jus wants to giggle n poke a some fun... with no strings to attach emotion or even speaking about luv... it be nice to have u around... we could jus be n unwind as we clown... that is once u know i mean u no harm... this ain't about anything to do with the heart... that shit comes so far down the road there's time to get there... if u feel it necessary to mingle after we gather who's who so shit can be fair... but even so that ain't the angle of where a few evening can go... whether it be out n about or at either one of our homes...

dreamless...

dreams capture by the nothing that cannot be remembered... damn near as if another place away from the chaos has been surrendered... that or the heart jus gave up on passions will to find something to believe in... then again it could be the mind needs a rest from all the thoughts that have no give... nights go without a single image to settle the nerves... seems there's no outlet but total darkness as if death is creeping in on worth... has the end of fantasies died or are they jus at a loss... even desires have no will to throw in on a lil something not wanting to touch what has become so raw... lost to the other side where anything goes... maybe the gates shut due to the over thinking is as corrupt as it remains stuck in the head trying to visualize home... la la land doesn't seem to be interested in witnessing what would transpire... shutting the door in between worlds so the fire doesn't spread even higher... no matter how tire the need is to go somewhere else... the awakening always finds the sun wanting to listen to what never occurs within self... 

snuggling up...

it would be nice to cuddle, i cannot lie... to have someone close enough to feel me hold on through the night... laid up in a moment for whispers to say what needs to be known... as kisses touch the cheek n sigh find comfort in smile shown... oh the feel of a body flush... there's something in the way it rests jus right... laughing for a while with a roll where a head winds up on the chest falling into a different life... easing the mind from a day spent taking care of the odds n ins... coming from a somewhere deep enough to relax with a one of a kind friend... getting lost in snug lil squeezes that make a difference to how the mood plays along... with no sex required to enjoy something as real as the heart in rhythm with in a pause... taking time for sensitivities to reason with what has been found... as words need not be spoken for the distance closing is doin so without sound... craving more than emotion can handle as motion becomes ever so still.. drifting beneath the light switched to off... in tune with the silence to hear heartbeats reaching for what has been lost... a chance to have the dream of loosening up... as likes open up the admit there is a truth to luv...

darker times...

the gate is locked n the key is hidden somewhere within yet to be found... can u help with the hinges to bypass me being trapped inside my heart beat that pounds.?. pry it loose n free me from this devastation before i become lost... jus don't touch me for some time so i can heal from a place i was left to rot... i'm not ready to fulfill someone else reason to live... so on second thought leave me here as i watch others run their sticks down the fence... i don't recognize anything but the solitude swallowing me whole n i know all to well the never ending fear... i guess one could say i sold myself to a luv once lived that took the proceeds n put me in here... though i hope the swinging of the eerie creek opens to release me some day soon... with a clarity on the loose to wander into arms beneath an uncovered moon... in a sky shedding light on my darker times as the bars rust away... falling from the mind as better days allowed me to escape... tricked i was n this is the results of what fiends got me in the long run... trusting nothing as the steal keeps me safer than smile having fun... awaiting a prison to capture the willingness jus wanting to live... jus to beg for a hand to touch the skin to transfer the pain that has no reason to forgive... tossed into a dungeon where chains restrain hope losing patience in surviving the era of betrayals game... from the inside looking out i rest in the silence where the chaos cannot reach for me as if a wild animal set on display... looking at the crowd with eyes on me wondering what i did to get myself is such a situation in which i cannot be freed... dwelling in the process of self being the one not to be trusted n having a chance to correct the comprehension of wants from needs... unable to climb out due to the spikes that top every few inches of the attempt... yet it's somewhere safe where tears can dry with a lil time spent...

fiasco...

hearing voices talk of never again is jus the lips way of doin what is instructed of them... knowing if the right one comes along the heart will wanna reason with what is warming up in the bullpen... denial in words muffled to the blabbering of loosening the lies gathered for a bit of comfort that will never be true... as it's into the night where thoughts have their way with the details of how the heart has been abused... unable to take accountability in choices the luv isn't felt with self behind the scenes... in a phase of pain n suffering the battle in its own is a struggle to admit worth without arrogance poking a lil fun at an empty need... turning on the one within jus trying to manage the confusion that settles into the nerve... yet when speaking on the matter the smile is sorta resurrected for a brief show n tell knowing it hurts... allowing only the strength of what tries to overcome the fiasco to be seen... the hiding shields the proof of vulnerability so no one can take advantage of stagnant dreams... as the tone spoken in is no more than false vibes attempting to trick those wanting to get in... hoping someone soon would seriously be enough to lay down defenses too high to overcome another awaiting hit... so it becomes a game of catch me if u can digging into sights witness to the display... others can relate as fools aren't as dumb as the pretending believes in its own silly dismay... lost in stares refusing to make eye contact due to the resistance must remain in sync with the mind in control... checking emotions that tend to accept trouble for a better cause that never evolves as the too fold... finalizing another chapter that goes unheard for some time captured in its silence... molding a diamond under the pressure is the belief when life is the only true guidance... figuratively jus wanting to feel uplifted during days spent so a norm can be enjoyed... falling into a void noided by noises where avoidance is vital to growths getting on the where to good gets to goin...

a hard cookie to break...

stare me down so u can be witness to how hard it is gonna be for u to get in... it ain't no game when i tell u emotion is the last fuckin thing that will cater to ur grin... u can chip pieces from my edges but it's gonna take more than what u might be willing to do... n if it's too much u can linger on through life the way u drifted into my presence demanding luv be put to use... with a fuck u coming from my depths that u have not earned... know there's a friendship first n foremost that starts with self that will not bow to ur eagerness of empty words... straight to the point in which never gets confused by mental thoughts arising from a wonder put to rest... if u want me, ur gonna havta be as real as u are standing alone in a room feeling with truths confessed... i could care less of how u feel coming for a tenderness that justifies ur worth... i don't need sensitivities that bad to ignore the facts never to be heard... no matter what is only something fools says when passion over rides their minds... like a virus flowing through the blood that cripples reason in due time... without a base to construct a form of norm that lasts ur gonna havta understand i ain't on no dumb shit... i got me until someone comes along i can relate to that i know is good on another level where desires step back to allow the findings of individuality that have no purpose wrapped up in fists... able to do more than peek into the willingness that confirms the proof that has no doubts... fuck the gimme gimme now... it'll never last long enough to establish sighs in anything other than in those moments jus after sex... even if it's that good it itself is jus a cover to get closer to the pulse creating another ex... n where would i be set to the side in ur head for u to come back to when ur all alone.?. i don't wanna play n i damn sure ain't on the division that tares apart my home... i need not babble on the ramblings of things u should already know... i prefer relations with a more natural flow...

decapitated by luv...

goin in i never thought i'd come back out... but then again i led with emotions that ran off at the mouth... drivn to the ends of worth... dragged until the pain didn't hurt... then left to die in the emptiness for all time... i didn't think it was possible to lose my mind... allowing the heart to have it's ultimate crave... a friend turned to me in my reflection with tears running down my face... destroyed was beyond words chewed unable to be expressed... i fell to find myself on the other side with anxiety obsessed... digging into life to reemerge from my darkest depths... not knowing what to expect... having that one person that matched the energy that died... n somewhere along the lines she even got lost in rhymes... redirecting me on my way far from the kryptonite used to tare me apart... i got sucked in by a dream that came to me in a version of reality i waited so long to take part... n the shredding of hope tore me from my inner tuition... having pieces of me scattered through yrs that had the greatest intentions... i opened up n has dismantled by the oe person i never thought would do me wrong... attaching her to memories that led me straight to certain songs... defeating the purpose of moving on... but i got it goin... looked back a few times n learned of who i was overlooked.. of what not to do when likes are no not ease into the wanting dreams being shook... i lost myself n got decapitated by luv... though i stood up with a comprehension that there is no rush...

unwanted...

hanging on... something i've never felt in return... seems weird to think someone would actually like me... after all i ain't the same as the typical need... more outside the box willing to be who i am... yet others tend to forget i'm no every other man... expecting me to fit into what it is they expect...  in a now gimme emotion jus to outlive the comfort of intent... held is a short term possession once craved... i jus got tired of hearing different people say my name... saying the same ol cute names that drive me up the fuckin wall... like how many others have they called baby hun or a variation of it all.?. pointless is the heart to get involved jus bucz i ain't never be the one sought out... once it's all said n done it's jus me sitting alone with words fumbling in the mouth... as a firm believer that selfishness lingers through touch... n yes that includes luv... people wanna feel how another awakens them... n when it's all said n done the tears come from the hurt somehow not having a worth... but i'm wrong for thinking this way... even though it's the truth others cannot face... leaving me with a friendship i jus cannot find... n it has me constantly retracting back into the center of my mind... where things make more sense than acting out dead ends waiting to happen... as i'm considered to be the clown as i jus wanna be laughing... there ain't nothing so serious to havta play roles... it's a boom building to explode... wasting time that none of us can ever get back... n this is one reason i've been told i need to try n live before i hav an empty past... n yet, i already do with memories i cannot find a way to enjoy... i'm jus not the one for the typical bs n turn out to be the noid... so i settle in a heart made to have so much to give... but it ain't able to connect as it's forced to find another way to live...

boredom's rotation...

the boredom of every day being alone... the safe zone in which the wonder lurks... having a worth in self said to be greater than attachments can prove... yet the truth is the mind is on the loose n needing a friend... wasting away in time waiting on an end due to self righteousness one creates... locked behind closed doors where the debate crawls freely through the night... as life itself feels a void when talking to the walls... therapeutic attention causes flaws to settle down... listening to the sound of silence with a heartbeat wanting more... pounding from captivity is the thumps gone ignored by a real use never to give up... cautious to believe luv has anything to do with like... telling self lies of how self is better off goin without the comfort that always turns... avoiding the hurt so many enjoy as lips spit venom that sound so harsh... making it hard to trust in free will... missing out on the thrill where passion meats desires... n it's in the dark where the flame is what ignites emotions to be burned... as in solitude the dwelling becomes the distance within... echoing with a grin to the vibrations tapping on the laughter beating on the rib cage... there's an admittance of being lame as a conversation is the one thing that would be so nice... getting caught up in the hype so a bit of physical touching can be relieved... in a sense of fuck n flee with a side of hit me up next week is all there is... but that's jus the hormones talking shit to get a rise outta a different approach... knowing it's better to jus to loath about in ones own freedom...

juicy...

are u wet.?. can i feel it.?. take my fingers n roll them on ur clit... slide them through ur lips... mmm... i wonder how soft she is... on the ends of my fingertips... so smooth to the slip... i think about how she drips... taking my mind on a trip... sexual n seductively jus lookin at her split... such a beautiful slit... around my cock i think of how it grips... take the tip... moving with a dip... damn near as if it was written in a porn script... enjoying my width... stuffed n filling with nibbles bit... watching u sit... rotating ur hips...  as up u go with the bouncing of ur tits... kissing n swapping spit...  n i must admit... the thought alone on knowing ur legs are split... the thrusting isn't afraid to commit... giving a lil bit... to the whole shaft diggin deep into ur pits... wanting a sip... forcing u to ride my face as i get a lick... allowing u to have a lil fun before u submit... forcing ur climax to adjust to a swivel for a tadbit... feeling my hands flow to ur breasts exposed to my ownership... as ur flipped... tossed onto ur knees for my discrete pleasure wanting to give... thick meat  pounding within... hair tugged with a twist... azz slapped as u get a hard fat long juicy stick... feeling it go deeper n deeper like a sunken ship... discrete n fuckin ur moans from ur wits... touching ur flesh n squeezing ur throat as my sidekick... my thrill under the light of wicks sparked that give life to candlesticks... to break u as if i'm a lunatic... until u cum n i feel ur tingle tense up in a moment so poetic... with words spoken that are as filthy as the mood depicts... is it ready to do this.?. loosening to be used for a purpose tied down at the wrists... bcuz when i'm not thinking about it u are missed... as i jus wanna dive into ur abyss... to see if i can touch ur ribs... ur so juicy, gee wiz...

the endless heal...

it's crazy how long it takes to get over someone we know isn't any good for ourselves... feeling the linger within that doesn't wanna let go of the heart jus wanting to live... unable to move on with someone more than worth the life sparked ignited... it's so foolish to hold on to the emotion slowly dying knowing it'll one day have nothing left to give... n yet the mind plays games with the memories still at large walking around in the head... as others reach for what they cannot have... it ain't ease to adjust to new intents after going all the way in... losing senses of what's best for self when the end comes along to fuck with life enslaved... wanting to keep the promises alive for they were meant... as an other jus gives up on the notion of it jus isn't enough in a pivot spin to walk away... forcing the feeling to rot over a coarse of painful memories taunting free will... until one day self remembers how it's ok to accept the change that helped delete the hate... transforming the hurt into a healing gain...as the ease soothes in a positive manor awaiting a laugh... jus to think back at the yrs it took to regain control... knowing what will never cause misfortune again is left deep in the past...

hey.!. hi...

hey.!. hi... how r u.?. what's life like from ur perspective.?. i'm jus curious to know what crawls through ur mind... what was it that changed u.?. or made u stronger than u once was... who have u become.?. tell me of what ur eyes have seen as u have lived on both ends of luv... enlighten me... i'll listen if u choose to open up... to give ur angle on where u went n have been... coming back around to adapting to the ins n outs of trust... hello... are u there.?. could u use a friend.?. someone who actually play fair... i'm only asking bcuz it would be nice to know i too am not alone... awaiting a voice to speak up n talk to me... there's noting but the silence to be filled... what is it that muted ur inner realities.?. hidden in depths of the heart... n how can i be the one to take a swim.?. jus wanting to go deeper into the u no one knows... is it possible u could see it as a win win.?. to take a moment to settle with the dust... share with me a few details n see if i can relate... let me in... to wrap conversations around the tongue that has so much to say... why be hesitant even though i understand ur position... it seems we've had some bad judge of characters... but does that mean u n i cannot meet in the middle of life.?. holding on to all the intent of unsaid syllables... are u not jus looking for a friend... someone who has the mental comprehension to live n let live... is there any way i can get u to consider me on another level of remaining sane.?. bcuz like u, i too have what i was always unable to give away... reason needs a purpose n i get it... a meaning to go further than hope... where does ur willingness begin.?. aren't u tired of being alone.?.

lookin for luv in the dark...

maybe i am peeking around for someone n i don't want anyone to know...

waiting on that moment in which eases into the nerves letting go...

hoping they come strolling along in the meeting of something we cannot deny...

making a difference sought out to fit the eyes mood that refuse to lie...

it is possible i hide from life until it itself will never be the same...

casting stares n able to touch the skin that creates an emotion to gain...

wanting to taste lips only i will ever kiss as the missing piece...

allowing me to gather unused dreams as they align so perfectly with reality...

it could very well be my patience jus needed a lil time to get me together...

perhaps to give to an other that will turn out to be more than a luv'r...

with emotion on reserve ready to come from depths to be the glue...

holding all the other components snug with a gentleness as we move...

falling in to a hand pressed against the cheek...

landing my own lips upon a forehead worth the greet...

it jus might be i don't wanna give my passion to another stranger saying my name...

as desire craves my last attempt to show a lil more than to be tamed...

i scrummage through thoughts to see if i know who it could be...

n without them coming from within the crowd i haven't a clue to think...

yet it doesn't help how i run with a pickiness i want for myself...

for i've come to relate to a reason of why comfort jus isn't felt...

hello.!.

i've come from below...

switched some shit up n found a better version of self to share...

damn, i cannot believe what i've tucked away that is so fuckin rare...

with raw intent that hadn't surfaced with it's truths until now...

n it's a good thing no ones knows that i jus wanna feel the way a heart beat sounds...

pulsating n reaching for a smile stretched across my face...

i wanna feel it vibe as it pounds with the syllables of my name.?.

playing with the tongue to enjoy the tone it makes...

as my devotion awaits a presence to motion towards me that cannot be faked...

i'm silently watching for a sway in the back of my mind...

believing on day i can leave all this wandering behind...

for all i know the fear is wearing off n the weight isn't as heavy as it once was...

it's feasibly the answer to the linger of questions within is a friend looking for luv...

burning worth...

why is it u feel u need to fight for someones luv.?.or cater to their needs as ur own is treated as if a lust... having a self sense of bettering an other's flaws... being their safety net when urs has holes worn as fishnet to please their awe... is it u need some sorta worth no matter what level it comes to be.?. doin nothing but having a never ending conversation about empty dreams.!.  with an upper hand giving to broken people bcuz u haven't yet found yourself... bcuz control is what drives ur heart to have someone u wanna prove something to claiming to be felt...  explain the demand of emotions u jus havta have from someone that u feel obligated to... do u not posses the intuition to knowing what's poisonous to u.?. always in a craved state of mind for ur not receiving the potential capabilities can give... wrapping depths around the constant feeling of ur jus not enough trying to help an other live... can u see the weakness within ur own design opening up under unconditional terms.?. left to ramble in ur head alone wondering why does everyone tend to half stepping u burning worth... is it a friend u want or a luv'r.?. a go to u know will never shy away for he cares or a feeling rushed to the affects catching fire beneath the covers... allowing every piece of u to be used by free will to get what they want... all  due to they know u don't have it in u to turn away no matter the frustration that haunts... able to depend on u to be there for them as u remain alone... dwelling in ur thoughts attached to a visual playing tricks in the zone... with space in between to connection that will never be fulfilled... who is it u think has better skills.?. the one showing there's no limits to relations or the other who is jus in the moment as long as it's good... at any given second ready to flip birds on the walking away as ur eyes leak believing they're no-good... n yet how come that u still remain to continue to become a toy... thrown to the side when ur not of any interest to their joy... trying to hide the pain... telling everyone they're all the same knowing damn well it's the movement of ur own flame... held n melting into nothing as ur left in the dark... ur truly are work of art... attempting to fix people so they have a reason to confide in u... ignoring the fact that if they ain't doin it on their own they will never make u any room... as selfish as the laugh chuckles behind ur back... used is a reality that surfaces to create another past... so where are u when the light goes out.?. when will u ever want more than cheap words released from the mouth.?.

introvert...

magically misplaced is emotion somewhere in the heart...

mysteriously forgetting the shape of names carved...

as embedded in the mind once lived curiosities cure...

as the mind has forgotten how to give chase to wanting more...

hands like the warmth of pockets where it's safe...

not having to touch an other's transforming face...

as eyes roll into the memory hoping to find sign of life...

coming up short of thoughts hiding what resides...

sighs rustle in frustration wanting to understand it all...

there's a blockage in between the head n chest known as a flaw...

n it cannot be reached for a change to take place...

the emptiness is a comfort settling nerves without a trace...

it lingers within the walls of the core as it is felt...

needing a flushing to rid desires of the confusion dealt...

stuck in a rather strange mindset where the puzzle begins...

unable to comprehend why there's a what might have been...

only if the loosening could redefine a subtle soothe...

maybe a miracle can trigger a better use...

living with how one once had free will...

to give a lil chase so passion sparks a new thrill...

yet deep beneath the skin a twist has transformed a smile...

as what's needed to remember how self was versatile...

is to open up to enjoy someone without the fear of being hurt...

though the sleeves now wear a different kinda introvert...

wishing to overcome the nights craving to live...

even when asleep to feel a body would be worth the dip...

but it's come to be a stillness that rests in depths hungry to survive...

wondering how was it ever possible to believe in the hype...
caring only of self at the end of the day...
in the silence an unknown presence has taken interest in others away...

no treasure left...

upside down the glass tilts... filled with a getaway for the imagination to build... emptying each round attempting to forget... getting sucked into the music banging n fuckin with the mindset... slowing with every bottom the goes up... the tempo feeds the feel of becoming lost without luv... drinking potions recall details locked in the head... bringing them to life in a moment staring off into what's next... from the rim to midway around the ice... careful not to waste to poison thinking about paradise... jus wanting to relive better times for a lil while... avoiding the reality that it'll be gone come mornings lonely profile... there's no treasure left that helps tips up the fucks not given... for there's nothing else to remember but the has beens sailing on the horizon so forgiven... so it's a matter of resurrection so the heart can tingle somehow... having a nerve awakening that wants to reach for another yet found... as taste buds accept the flavor drank to get drunk... going back n forth in the mind over what the fuck is wrong with emotions being sunk... tapping into a place self jus doesn't belong... listening to old tones connected to the past with every other song... vision blurring to focus a lil more on faces that can no longer be seen... with the sway of the numb reminiscing to escape a reality that can only dream... slipping into a trans from the booze having it's effect... chuckling as if it's funny where one winds up once everything has been wrecked... stranding in the middle of a chaotic world all alone... hoping the beauty of having someone has a chance to be shown...as the hand grips a shot taken straight... loosening the body to move with a vibe easing the weight... opening eyes to notice the night needs a different outcome... so the smile stretches able to acknowledge what was no longer beats the drum... for there's still a bottle that has not been drained... an understandable image that gets the mood to remove restraints... gulp gulp pour another one waiting it's turn... getting on with the now of having self worth...

setting the pace...

i'm scared n no one knows it... anxiety in change is hidden from the texture of lips... there's a way others wanna get close to what they consider something real... emotion i something i truly fear... the next phase of my life has my pulse racing n my heart beating outta my chest... as the thought of the kids not having me around sends a vibe shooting through me that won't allow me to rest... i'm so sick of the sacrifice n jus wanna live... to ease back n enjoy a lil of life bcuz i have something to give... yet the i am petrified of everything outta the norm it telling me i havta deal with a lil while more... it's like everyone else gets to do all the things i thought i'd be doin instead of hiding what wants to pour... seems i ain't got no quit is still trying to get to that place in my mind... jus outta reach yet so far from what is occurring within known as the divide... trust got hear in this never ending cycle of pain... suffering from memories i'm don't wanna remember as i jus wanna escape... there's no room in my head for me as i'm so done feeling so fuckin empty... but i have others depending on dad that need a better way so they can be happy... i don't even live for my own smile as it's others i try to entertain... there's times the solitude drives insane... but i'm safe from tucked deep enough away others think i'm fine... n i hope one day i to can enjoy a lil thing called time... it's like i'm missing out on my own life always having to work... n the times i can do something i can't bcuz i havta hold on the the money so everything doesn't go berserk... i'm terrified of what it to come if i cannot find a way to slow down... faces are changing with age as there's no one to luv around... imma be one of those lonely old men that is found a few days after i expire... n it makes me wanna cry bcuz there's something in me that cannot seem to light a fire... as it's been dark enough in the stillness in which i lay... having to switch shit up one more time before i can ever consider a friend to stay... the secrets others don't know lives in depths strangling sighs... causing havoc behind the ribs that resemble bars as desires are trapped in the clink... i jus wanna be free to fulfill the dream lost in the mind's confuse state of what the fuck... even though my patience has been the key to getting closer to the rush... flowing freely to watch my luv'd ones gain from my will power paying the cost... n there's a minimum of two more yrs before i can ever reflect on the thought of a pause... n people wonder why i stay in my own lane... i'm not only rebuilding my life but giving a reasonable chance for mine reign... n it hurts but is worth every second it takes to set the pace... bcuz i know one day it'll all be over n it's on me to link the chain...

too much...

having relations past a friendship is jus too much work... it's like having a weight to drag around always demanding worth... constantly being so needy the fun ends freedom to be self... n so many believe it to be healthy jus bcuz the comfort within depends on an other's help... as the rotation of faces leads to heartache attempting to force the feel... with a mindset of attraction being the key ingredient for the heart to never heal... continuously wanting to know where someone is at all times... when this n why that can cause one to lose their mind... don't talk to this person to even judging friends that have been around longer than relationships tend to last... n the thought process overlooks individuality like a shadow on a rainy day as if something of the past... neglecting the fact that it takes two to maintain a mindset healthy enough to make it... n then comes the matter of having to fake some shit... space being invaded by a stranger turned into someone that jus does too fuckin much... having no alone time when it's the only true feeling knowing why the smart ones do not wanna fall in luv... jus to left due to selfishness that seek something different... as that's when one realizes it was all for nothing wishing they could get back the time spent... it's a capture n release for the game of saying one tried... jus long enough for the sake of filling a void that settles in to life... n when it seems to be ok it really isn't... there's always something that keeps the mood from transforming into the distance... as what becomes in between two can never be the same ever again... feeling the presence of birds lifts the feel from the knees as fingers rise to an occasions that ran... running for shelter back into the solitude where a real peace of mind resides... n self of all things never hasta hide... free from the restraints that trap intent... it seems when giving to someone one isn't allowed to vent... for the volume of conversations are turned up n tones get distorted... n yet, this is what everyone calls proof of what need to be aborted... claiming only cowards don't have it in them to stick it out... when in actuality what's best for ones own is a moment where the lips do not havta make a sound... n listening to the silence is as pure as the harmony of a favorite song... without having to cater to what another wants to hear, so why belong.?.

short n sweet...

everything has its very own unique kinda process... n i've been in situations that help me determine relations take time... i'm in no rush for relation to become stale as fingers do not feel the same when they touch the skin to caress... everyday is a good day to live life... n everyday one gets closer to what doesn't come over night... as patience feels the anticipation of luv evolving... taking into consideration that hope is created in the mind... with hinges on the hearts doors that keeps a continuous rotation revolving...

new beginnings

to allow self to live... moving with the change that gives... past a life so wanted luv felt as if it died... finding new beginnings moved by thoughts as actions play out to be life... to evolve n accept the terms that nothing ever remains the same... as smile reason with new faces that settles in the memories space... gaining fresh thoughts so time isn't wasted... adapting to what is to come from a different type of equation... able to resurrect the will to involve others wanting in... as people come n go making their own way through what they havta consider within... finding joy n chaos that go hand in hand... living to predict ones own future through choices made so an ease can wrap it self around how bodies land... so moments made are a feeling so crisp true purpose is moving forward like the nights ending days... to be is to refusing to hold back what could be if self is applied to spark a fire blazed... letting go of periodic trials that have a proper place in the head... it's what makes people uniquely different in experiences yet all in the same when determining what's best... n to keep the reality of it ain't over is to rotate with hope... it cannot be lost no matter the feeling that drags it down n away from home... to continue to have the tenderness of another opening up... for the keeping of friends to settle in for a cause to fulfill the emptiness' that cuss...

the painting of panting hearts...

they wanna feel what i have tucked away... n at times it's the girth that rest down between my legs... it being jus one reason to get a lil closer to who it is i am... damn, i gotta be careful with hands wanting to touch me with all the flimflams... there's always more to the initial interest that consumes eyes that go blind... as emotions aren't to be trusted without a friend that's good for the getting on with life... slow n steady is the rush they over look when coming straight for the heart... changing images in the mind of how the once came into focus wanting to tame what isn't easily disarmed... the mental concept is the lacking there of how even sex is to be on another level to ever get beneath the skin... though it's the comfort sought out that they tend to confirm as a reasonable win win... yet, it comes with a overlooking of facts trying to relate to what creates more than jus a thrill... if two cannot get to the adaption of relations there's no truce to ever sharing bills... for the seek hides behind walls where the most honest gestures wait on timing of knowing doubts have no grounds... n they wanna provoke feelings with demands to open up to a stranger into a norm that is yet to be found... but i gotta say the need to be had is a necessity as sexual preferences is as rare as raw intent... i'm a lil different n somehow they can see through the nice guy jus wanting to live... even finding a curiosity that strikes a nerve to roll around for the chance of an attachment to form... it's hard to keep self safe when natural tingles jus wanna spread their legs for the diving of a lil homemade porn... taking the mind on a trip somewhere off into daydreams fuckin with hormones that get me in trouble from time to time... as they ask why i remain single when good women would luv to enjoy a good man for once in their lives...

help me...

give it to me straight to point in which i need to know... from a perspective i can only assume sits upon its throne... i'm willing to come back down from the cloud i ran off too... yet it's gonna take a moment to relate truths coming together for a common use... help me understand the other side n correct what it is i believe i know... i ain't perfect, i jus came up with my train of thought due to what i've allowed with false hopes... but i ain't broken by far as the cover smiles with the clown everyone can see... i'm jus trying to get on with life n wind up where belonging doesn't always havta dream... so tell it the way it needs to be said as it's ur lips that babble that i'm listening to... like u i need a lil proof that what rests in the mind is real or a gathering of bad times that needs cut loose... help me comprehend a better image of another in a way it's not one sided... n the flow of a deeper friendship jus might open up so i don't havta hide it... i wanna hear what i've never been able to feel as i pretend others are all the same... there is no stone written on until i can wash the memory of all these played out games... there's jus too much bs in the head keeping me from witnessing worth the way it was meant to give... n i'm tired of resisting the recreation of something better due to my own stubborn shit... talking about my angle as it's the only one ever to exist... lemme sit in silence n take in someone else's drift... maybe i can learn a few things that'll help me confirm what was isn't what will always be... but don't touch me until we can communicate properly... jus go back n forth with me so we can openly admit a few things that hold us back... i'm not scared to flip the tongue for a rotation of words ready to spew of what's considered to be intact... for the jugular u should extend ur version of life n what you've come as u somehow evolved... i have this endless puzzle i cannot seem to be able to solve... n i'm thinking i could use a friend to help me with the pieces that do not tend to fit... from the other side of the equation that isn't as clear as an emotion believed to be so counterfeit...

rainy day...

during the downpour of rain coming from the sky... lets play under the drops that drip from above... loosening up our inner child n allow them to have a great time... running around with a heart wanting to live beyond adulthood's lusts... play with me without a care in this unreasonable world... showing life how we choose to spend time shaking of its yrs forced upon us... as wet as the waterworks slipping from clouds as in circles we can twirl... we could even become better friends as we jus do not give a fuck... enjoying the cool breeze flowing with the smiles created from within... beneath the trickling that touches the skin in a way it drenches the body that fits like a transparent glove... able to feel the joy of the chest chargin... awakening to a presence forgotten some time ago that revives a moment to adjust... come outside with me n release the restraints that restrict u from being who u truly are... laughing n having fun is the only thing that can knockoff the settled dust... lets dare to come back to life jus bcuz the chaos is what we need to rip apart... as we stand together when the moon gives a certain kinda light for us to reason with falling in luv... taking what is there for what it's worth... the freedom awaits for u to do whatever u want... we could go somewhere out in the wide open where chuckles doesn't hurt... like a work of art caught in a pause moving as we become flush... as it's our heat that keeps the pulse reaching for the puddles we dance in... for a lil while we can go halves the same as goin dutch... jus celebrating seconds that turn into a day well spent... making a memory as we give what it is that craves to open up...

harmony...

a lil rockin rolla mixed with a splash of soul... ooh the adversity settles the nerve listening to the stories to be told... take a bit of country n spike it with the funk that finds a groove as the pleasure tends to create a smile... filled with the ease of jazz jus to turn up the volume to the flow of hip hop's freestyle... the feel is in the vibe that loosens the peace within... right around the time the blues is slowed to ground back out jus before a lil instrumentals sounds off goosebumps upon the skin... goin back n forth through moods that adjust to the comfort sought out... reggae navigates its way through the system so the pop can come with a different kinda style down its own isle switching up sounds... tapping into the masterpieces forming a sense of relativity to ease life... goin to the extreme with rap n metal banging in the head to amplify the hype... as the alternative riffs slide into place for rnb to bob the head... at one with the rhythm giving without ever wanting anything in the return of a song well said...

lost in a moment to be found...

up under a tree on a hillside over looking nothing but peace... as natural as life can relax the nerve wanting to unwind with the need... lost in a moment to be found to ease back n rest with the sights of having no one around... out in the middle of nowhere where self cannot be found... done with the chaos n the games of social silliness... clearing the head of all the polluted thoughts in tuned with my own happiness... as the clouds form shapes in the early mornings rising... as quiet as the breeze that gives to the mood with no compromising... jus as is with the clearing of the mind to get back to what truly exists... settled on the thought of how lovely this world can be if one stops to admire its greatness... feeling the roots of life touch the heart shedding weight... as untamed as a the face smiling listening to the birds celebrate... whistling a song as the sun has wrapped back around to show the beauty of it all... as still as forever could ever be witnessed as a pause... without a flaw to the naked eye the scenery is such a sight to see... with today being the only thing promised for the mind to think...

help me relate...

what's the mood in which u seek.?. forgive me for asking but the answer is something i need... there's too many falsifications playing the mind for a fool... lips babbling on about one thing jus to find out intentions wanna take another to school... even the emotional type get ahead of themselves when they don't know how to act... as being to mental is a glorified justification of self being worth more than what others under attack... where's ur mind when it comes to heart.?. are u keeping everyone out due to the comfort you've found on ur own... finding peace within so fine u jus don't feel like opening up for another show... in all fairness, what's ur angle of operations.?. what is it u tend to release upon free will looking to find a friend n not castration.?. define ur level of communication here in the now of coming forth... there's no better time to adjust to the feel of the force... loosen up n help me relate to ur expectations so i can respond accordingly... the selfish intent hidden in mixed messages is boring me... mirrors can also be used to see the past... n that's where the games will rest with u if u intend to ur afraid of these questions i ask... so how is it u wanna spend ur days when looking into the abyss.?. in what atmosphere is it u wish to live.?. are u empty jus wanting to be filled with some sorta norm that makes u feel whole again.?. yet to twist another into a spiraling downfall of betrayal as within them u land... who is it ur wanting to locate in this chaotic world made of characters.?. to breathe knowing the heart has a caretaker... along what lines of comprehension is it u have come to be.?. are u wound up from something that occurred some time ago or are ur actually free.?. move to the left n look beyond me standing in front of u... do u see something else or is there a crave to rotate ur eyes back towards me waiting on a use.?.

when walking the edge...

what is it u think when u think of me.?. as the doors to ur mind open up n i appear in ur dreams... what roll do i play when walking along the edges of the backside of ur eyes.?. taking on ur thoughts to be as free to the way u feel me in ur mind... do i give u a chuckle from time to time.?. helping u bare this world n all of its swallowings of life... or is it more subtle as i'm jus someone who jus is.?. being no one of importance as all we wanna do is live... giving a friendship a shot to find a comfort in another who don't mean u any harm.. n ain't trying to dig the sanity outta ur very own heart... if i were to come to u in a daydream jus as easy as a breath taken... who would i be in ur visions when they come to terms with when u awaken.?. is there a tingly feeling of wonder that u keep on a hush... never to say much other than a respectable trust... as lanes do not merge for the better cause of remaining safe n sound... able to adjust emotions interest in secrecy as ur days move with the motion never said aloud... where is it i fit in to the periodic glimpses u see in ur head.?. am i even in there somewhere causing a ruckus in thoughts misled.?. or is there a deeper passion over flowing from desires waiting for the right moment to pounce.?. or is it there's no chance to even take up the space in which is in between ur ears as i would be denounced.?. whether it be friend, foe, stranger or other knocking to get in... where would i rate on a scale of one to ten.?.

luv'n some me...

i wasn't made to feel a certain type way... 
never once ever meant to hide my honest use...
i jus got sick of the mood leaving me to never be the same...
so inward emotion went to become whole again by focusing on being recluse...

years got lost n the smile took a hit...
it got old as fuck constantly having to redefine myself...
changing into a different version i never knew could exist...
n when speaking so many say that my words are felt...

mastering the tucking of behind doors not wanting anyone to find me...
i waved with toodles to what once was...
to reconstruct my mindset doing away with useless dreams...
when i found me in a mirror wondering what the fuck...

shoulders didn't even lift in disgust as i flew the coupe...
i was not meant to continue with the chaos in which i had gotten lost...
as hard as it was to step back it was even easier to accept the bs let loose...
as it was evident that i was a lil more than wasting around to the rot... 

as i looked myself in the eyes fixing the issues i had allowed...
creating a mixture of depths surfacing for the mind to adjust behavior patterns...
wrong was expressions falling in luv with the feel of exaggerated frowns...
as life itself reasoned with me to tell me i mattered...

n how i forgot this lil detail is beyond my wildest thoughts...
stirring the nonsense of corruption that plagued who it was i was truly without...
it was me i had to go deep enough to pull from fear holding my flaws...
using each one against me to gain control so i never wanna come back out...

n yet, it wasn't in me to submit to such standards that gave up on me...
i buried myself somewhere jus long enough to correct the situation staring at me in every reflection...
with a no quit mentality i dug to survive a low self esteem...
n when it was all said n done i turned my back on the depression...

it wasn't for me to be split into two halfs fighting a battle i coulda never won...
so i took consideration in my own will to invest in the cracks to be healed...
n now i can awaken not having to go with the flow as i am my own way having fun...
yes, i am jus one but i am real...

n the lessons that poured sits in written rhymes for whoever chooses to read along...
attempting to relate to the realness of this world... 
awakening the emptiness of solitude's played out song...
i am not a piece to someone else's puzzle when i put myself back together as fingers took a whirl...

as the bottom is where i bounced back to my feet...
believing in there is a true guidance no one else can give...
able to feel my heart intact with a better sense of what character really means...
i stood at my ruins n forced an opposing reality in which i demanded to live...

n now it's jus me n my inner child sown together at the seams...
free from the twist that consumes passion enslaved...
all by my lonesome i've come to terms with what helps me breathe...
n i ain't been this content to jus be since i've been given my name...