Too high too fast too soon...

Letting them go so they can live their life. Knowing there's nothing self can give to ease their mind. In a mature state of respect one hasta watch them step away. As a friend that cannot walk with them along their way. Feeling hands slide to fingertips never to touch again. Having no need in causing pain the releaae is a ban. To forbid a continuation diggin in to the heart. Having to halt their intent damn near from the very start. For it is self that fell short of fulfilling dreams. Leaving them before they get to deep in needs. Self hasta save them from the evident twist. Bcuz there's no belief in self being able to surrender to a kiss. The emotional aspect's bar is simply set too high. N the fall would only destroy memories that take flight. So the end creeps in to say its peace. Letting down expectations as passion bleeds. Freeing them so they can find someone that fits the mood. Hoping they don't dwell too long lost in an empty room. For apologies never seem to define the drift. But it isn't like self wouldn't like to taste their lips. It's just a matter of they shouldn't depend on luv so much. It turns off the switch that lit up worlds muted to a hush. Self will help them escape before it's too late. Wasted time can never be regained. Tears will always clear the eyes. N they'll soon realize it was all a hype. From the beginning the wall stood intact. As the key was hidden within waiting on the facts. Interests vanished as if true expressions were rarely seen. Only coming alive to the fullest when locks were picked to free the freak. They just move too fast n fail to take a peek at the truth patiently sitting still. Forcing self to decide what's best when desires are spilled. In a moment to admit something went wrong. Somehow along the way the lil light went off... They dove too soon n it fucked things up. Why can't they just relax to find an us?

Spoken in true form...

Lets be honest n tell no lies. Speak on what will save the heart before it runs outta time. Straight to the chase where the running stops. Finding a way to open up as we slowly rot. Time moves so fast when it gets away. So in the moment with me imma need u to stay. To admit it is i that u are lost without. As my truths face every word meant from thy mouth. We havta settle the nerves or fade like a memory forgotten. Listening to the twist of thoughts justify as concoctions. To live is to adjust without ever returning to a prior way. So say how u will with the tone that sounds my name. As real as comfort makes sounds through a vibe. Press yourself against me n feel how u affect my life. Reaching for a friend the same as u do. Exposing cracks that lead to depths within u. There's a must in the presence to create a never ending luv. Spoken in true form flipped from the tongue. Naturally giving reasons to gestures loosening clinches. We need to know venom has no place in between us leaning into kisses. So speak it the way it needs to be said. Or we might as well go ahead n call next. For who we are hasn't a fake smile to be shown. If we are indeed more than just not wanting to be alone. Lemme hear u even if it's a whisper so soft. Gentle enough to touch me deeper than I've ever felt lost. To revive me is to redefine u in so many ways. As it's vice versa when igniting the flame. With a flicker sparking a conversation no longer waiting to be heard. Discribing worth with every letter of every word. Breaking free from restraints that's tied to solitude's endless drought. Sync with me n bring beauty to how emotion gets down. Pulsating n bouncing to a rhythm of us. Believing in how we are the definition of trust.

looking for a reset...

When one has been with so many others their faces cannot be remembered. Becoming a vague thought of oh yeah every now n again before the memory is to once again severed. All in doin so just trying to find a place for the heart to be content so time won't seem so long. So a home has pictures hung upon the wall that show what the mind doesn't havta forget in moments that pause. When one has found what it felt emotion couldn't do without as life was clear enough to see future until the end of time. Having to let go of tge ultimate luv n prior flings that never made it into the depths of core living in the eyes. As they close on a past n reopen to what's ahead where tears have no purpose on the run... Gaining grounds n losing the ability to feed into the absence of the thingy sought out to comfort what's been hushed... When the thrill fades from intent n free drifts into a transformation on the other side of no return. The never again mindset loosens up as an unfazed direction of chuckles due to lessons have been learned. As the linger of a new sense of reason makes more sense than the impossible relations that fell in a falling out along the way. Expressions have a different type of motion in how movement shifts away from tasting old luv'rs names. When alone settles the nerve on lonely nights not having to deal with another end to come too soon. The silence is a bit more peaceful as anywhere is a place yet to be seen chasing the moon. But yet how long can one believe better off is as solo as individual tires that roll off into untamed sunsets? Until the feel itself also is to shallow to swim beneath the skies lit for not just one person to witness the display it too resets.

the arrangement of us...

what if i were to wake up in your bed? no longer wondering of belongings of where i wanna rest. even if we agreed emotions aren't part of the deal. let's say i felt comfortable enough to lay with what's real. moving to adjust my arm stuck under your head. when you awaken, would you wonder why i pull you into my chest? what is the chances of attachments once a few times over have come to a norm? do we avoid the makings of friends evolving into more? twisting the situation into a do not return way of life. accepting too far has over stepped enemy lines. as cutting loose the thrill as a must. to move on to the shallowness of what was us. if we accidently came to realize we have a deeper depth. reaching for the surface upon the lips feeling every breath. would the end of our moment free us from a brutal betrayal yet to occur? saving ourselves for someone else's worth. when we said hanging is ok with stipulations put in play. did u mean we could never gain more than a grope that eventually fades? whos' to tell a story that hasn't been lives? why the rules if we don't hold our word that forgets? do u think we'd ever look back to this thing we do as something let go too soon? if we disturbed the mood. changed the arrangement of us just wanting to live for a bit. reflecting on it as damn, but fuck it.

i am the wall...

honestly the walls have become what is me. without them i'll never comprehend what it feels like to be free. i'm safe from this world for i am capture from within. so what is my new found freedom if i cannot live. imma need a wrecking ball bcuz i ain't climbing shit. and i'm not looking to over exert myself trying to get closer to what it is i have so called missed. allowing a stranger to feel me inside and out. i'd rather save face and  keep what i have found. i'm happy even though i too could sure be better. but i can never accept the notion of having a together forever. and it's this imaginative structure that's become a part of me. a shield to protect me from those who cannot sleep. as here in my fort no one can harm the details of who i am. wanting to change me as if a finger is their wand reaching from their hand. i am a prisoner trapped in the confines inside my own mind. living within boundaries that give me a different type of life. one that isn't allowed to step outside for a fresh breath of air. instead i've been shackled to the only one i cannot get away from in which is the only one who fuckin cares. it' me n all i have is to be without this world inflicting its pain. claiming the insanity of the isolation is driving a free spirit insane. i'm unable to fly the coup for reasons that need not be told. as i stand in the watch tower wonder who has the key for my arms to unfold. to remove each block one at a time the same way they were put into place. with each n every tear that dried up with the cement so a solid form could remain. it's impossible for me to be sprung free from these bars sunk into my heart. knowing visitors can only get close enough no matter the charm. as poof, they're gone when they cannot have what they demand as if i do not exist. so i'll stand in my dungeon balling up fists with just one wish. to be left alone until time erodes my world. avoiding intruders wanting singular to transform into plural.

no one to be...

is it you need my hands to squeeze me from your heart? to drain you in such a way it doesn't seem so harsh. maybe with a slit at the bottom so the linger of me can escape. as my fingers pluck your emotions to correct the expressions upon your face. what will it take to rid yourself of me? so your feelings don't get attached to me disturbing your dreams. i need not take up the empty space in your chest so you don't feel for fuckin hollow. the truth is i'm just not the interest to follow. or is it, you need my help to rewire your brain? so you to can realize my presence isn't much of a gain. i'm just a moment that never acknowledges the confines of luv. and i do not understand why your eyes leak for my touch. special i am not so it is okay to let go. as within your mental images i seriously need to be dethroned. it' true tis in your own best interest to put me out. that way the true pieces of you can finally be found. i'd give you cpr but our lips might touch. please avoid the confusions of the makings of us. for i do not belong to the reason you smile. nor am i anyone to entertain desperations gone wild. although i do believe you need a lil help to push me over the edge. to say good riddance to my memory waiting to be lead. with one heave ho i can be done in. taking from you the burden that cripples your grin. i can be everything you've never wanted to see. and i'd be willing to dig up the burial of an after thought known as the seed. uprooted from your garden that i never asked to be planted in. as i'd even refill the hole if it would allow you to live. i am only one person your attachments for some reason cling to. as a flingy thing i need to be removed. i'll cut me loose once every ounce of me has been hanged out to dry. no, i am not what you want in your life. you just need to gather yourself so you don't feel so alone. you just havta understand someone like me shouldn't be felt like a home. the comfort you seek is a deceiving lie trying to make right for peat sakes. so step away form the mirror and realize there's no give or take. it's just you chasing something i can never give. and you spirit deserves more than a few broken ribs. learn how to laugh at me and not with me as you overcome my presence. and when you hate to admit it, know that i am irrelevant. i just want to free you from throwing your happiness away over me. just go and i'll choke out the grief to be blown away in the breeze. and any possibility of me as a thief for i didn't mean to steal you away from yourself. nor did i know you'd feel so deep for me that you fell. just see me for the monster that i truly am. trust me when i tell you, you don't want me as your man. i'd be something that you could never withstand. help me save me from ever becoming me again. 

It is not i...

How is it that i could ever change the look upon your face when i clearly haven't got a chance? To redirect your eyes to what stand before you wanting to earn where it is i stand. As for your heart, who am i that's not seen for me to be felt? Is it i need to have a loss of words that fall short in regards to getting through as the beginnings of help? It's as if I'm orbiting around your thoughts that haven't me in mind. I sit n i notice the lack of intent like I'm less of what you expect in life. N idk if it pains me or a relief to know the truths as I'm in the middle of a tug of war. I've tried to witness myself by your side but it's mine that is empty in my core. As i feel over looked n sidestepped as a sideshow to untold hopes. N i do not believe i am what you say for your voice doesn't match your heart alone. Days go by n nights loosen me to be on my way. Drifting in the dark just to see your face as the light of day... Feeling a collapse of memories never made to make it by tomorrow's rise... As my patience mingle with the discouragement of worth to whom as i reside... To cater to the unknown outcome waiting for you to open up to me? Or fade with the feel letting go as if it never wanted to grasp our combining dreams? If i may ask, what is it behind your eyes that you think is gonna appear? Like some sorta magical poof to grind your gears. 

unassociated lives...

change is merely a boomerang effect that moves with the wind back  to how things used to be... prior to the feeling of joy so happy that another helps us all be free... but it's the return to the end as if a new beginning isn't what was left behind... back to the lonely nights so time can help accept a norm on ones own running through thoughts in the mind... from the feeling of lost to the hope of days fulfilled with someone else's chuckles heard... just to come back to the drift that's more like resting in stagnant waters as if giving birth... to a different kinda self that finds the same old comfort with no one around... sleeping in the dark as the silence creates a realness of the nothingness in the background... as to  be alright just before another face slides into self's line of sight... bringing fear to the frontlines looking at another warrior wanting to stare in our eyes...  damn near tempting curiosities to cross over n go for it like life will just havta play along... knowing at the edge of the fall we'll stand wondering where in the fuck do we belong... making a decision to leap of remain where it all comes full circle... for the truth of the matter is going back n forth is somewhat like being universal... able to enjoy a lil something before the past catches up to claim us once again... to embrace us with the only thing we've come to know as from luv we are banned... cut loose from the chance not to wonder what's wrong with the individual known as me... losing confidence in glimpses in the mirror that notice age pulling away from dreams... as the reality of alone is as brutal on the heart as the very first time it ever forgotten how to feel... having to get content with how the walls never mentions how to cope with the ordeal... they just listen like emotions did when blinded by red flags... giving the lesson a fresh sense of sticking to the facts... the alterations get old as one hasta choose where happiness is... watching people come n go without ever allowing them to ever get close enough to the ribs... as the barriers go higher n higher until the isolation is not what it is cracked up to be... that's when we find ourselves too far gone holding the only key... so a norm will never switch up n force us to bounce in between unassociated lives... all we want is a life we can partake in where we're not to jump from side to side... trying to balance self out with a foundation up under the feet... one where we simply aren't expected to leave...

living behind her guard...

She keeps doin it again n again... My best guess is she believes she is no equal to a man... As she questions her taste... Finding herself in the middle of every game war made... She sits alone in wonder from time to time... In disbelief of how every night is as empty as the luv in her mind... And as she fights off the memories she reclaims her worth... For every time she's only reminiscing due to there's nothing going on in her world... But oh how behind the mask she hides it all... The art in which she maintains her secrecy fits her flaws... No one can tell she sighs when no one else is around.... But i see it sitting on her lip trying to move her mouth... I'm witness to her living behind her guard... As i'll never expose her playing the part... Accepting singlism as a way of life... And it's only bcuz she's been done wrong more times than she cares to once again confide... As in her mind a thought lingers of why add another face to the images that recreate the bs... For her soft spots are off limits to the feel attached to her ribs... She locks herself in so she feels safe... Relying on the only friend within that shelters her from the eventual pain... I've taken notice although i'd never abrupt her peace... She needs not be lured into the unknown for she wants not to believe... At least that's how she displays herself to be... But she cannot fool me.. I know her too well for we ain't much different in our natural ways... She'll be ok once she realizes she's caught up in the phase...

touch n feel...

It's your skin i wanna touch. As if the right words found the perfect ear. As fingertips feel their way along the flow felt with luv. Sinking into the feel of how i have no fear. Slowly opening you up the way I've been wanting to do this whole entire time. As soft stroke graze your flesh. As sighs create a sense of relief as fingerprints move thoughts in your mind. Getting used to how it is you and i mesh. N yet, it's only one way to be felt. But what an intense thrill it would be to bare myself to you. Through a moment to show sensitivities as hearts melt. I just wanna work you loose. To see how your made on the other side. In true form waiting on me to be real. With one door opening at a time. From attractions to sexuality to depths reaching plateaus in mindset ready for the feel. I wanna graze your check and move in closer to compassion waiting its turn. Wanting to lay as still as breaths so relaxed. To become something other than a face in the crowd that lurks. As i tell you this for they are the facts. I wanna touch and feel my way around. Needing only you to allow my intent. In a damn near motionless gesture as lips never move thy mouth. Laid with to confirm who i am for you to invest.

the purpose...

If I'm wrong about u, i may not ever be the same... For me to cross over will only be allowed if we don't get carried away... Getting too comfortable changes limits as friends and i don't wanna go so far... being out there causes emotions to speak in ways that at times are harsh... Over stepping boundaries that must remain for the individuals we are that demand respect... The disappointment of losing another due to the selfish display of power just isn't fair... Even passion needs to be control on some level of mental comprehension where life can flow and the mind can be spared... As this world is not our judge and jury to decide who we are if things were to fall apart... I'd rather not feel broken if we came to a moment where forgetting your face would be so fuckin hard... As is a friendship that moves in a way there is no return to what was... If it's not for the better for life to coexist it simply will never truly evolve into luv... And we both know the stare of lusts that fake smiles until the hype has done its thing... So if i get you wrong and don't learn you the way you learn me, we just ain't... With nothing to follow the up on... For us to accept the undeniable leverage that takes two people and turns them into an desire that's nothing more than a porn... There's more than a belief that factors into the purpose to mingle in depths... And if not careful, it'll be the remains of what coulda been as what's left...

what are we doing here.?.

I try to make myself believe in shit i have in which i have no belief... So who are you to me.?. Idgaf if you walk away talking shit... I'll encourage your demeanor as u flip insanities from your lips... No bs, i ain't what u think i am... I need not feed your ego for me to feel like a man... You can leave at any moment that fits the mood to fulfill a different type of free.. In all seriousness, who is it you think you are to me.?. Let's tell the story in a natural way... Are we a feud or a real ease that needs not be tamed.?. You're gonna havta come into your own as we stand face to face with a wonder of us... I ain't fuckin around with you on the other side of likes if you're just wanting me to hand you my luv... I can't go back and forth as if the uncertainty is gonna linger in your eyes... The behavior it causes isn't something i do well with and that's no lie... Know what you have so i can snuggle up to a friend who ain't waiting for me to expose my back... Or there is this this we know too well that claims memories known as the past... The simplest attraction is how we are... And there's a question in your tone switching up on the contents of my heart... I can hear your inner makings forcing me to respond to your very own truths hidden deep within... Surfacing from time to time due to your own issues that reshape your grin... It isn't me in your head playing with the thoughts you twiddle with... You're doing too fuckin much and if i havta speak on it we truly ain't meeting in the middle of a kiss... I'm not made for you to toss around as if i'm a puppet in a side show... If there's something else you want you can go... Save us both the time and patience we can never get back... Bcuz honestly speaking you don't seem to realize the realness to the facts... So why do i havta remind you to stand on your word.?. It's like for some strange reason the connection just isn't heard... And what you need to do is come on out with the nonsense you are attempting to down play... As you fail to witness i've notice a tilt in our world that's confusing my wellbeing like i'm being played... Don't do it or us if you doubt the interaction we possess... You are free without the burden of hurting me to do as you please if you've lost the interest... I don't have it in me to entertain the silliness when it's my calm that's affected by the endless indecisions... So be in true form in either way you're going for a friend looking straight at you and don't have a single thing you fail to mention...

the hypocracy of rap...

 I have something called morals followed up with some respect.... N the simpltons wanna push their own narrative only wantin the street cred....

To many people don't wanna try n so out for the easy life.... But the bs ain't shit but an over exaggerated hype...

Fallin sucker to a game that claims to be real... Talking the same ol shit thinkin it's a brand new feel...

Fake azz jabberjaws losing themselves to poetry in a stale mate...  It ain't nothin but drama based bs fed by hate...

With an I'm better than u mentality of look what I got... Always spewing off a struggle as everybody wants to be pac n it needs too stop...

The motive is a dead waste belittling everyone else... Having to build their own egos verbally bcuz they truly ain't felt...

Very few are actually in sync with what their teeth chatter about... They're just in character playin a role n make believing there's no other way out...

All more the reason to continue the childishness flippin from tongues... N no matter how good the flow there's always another side kept on hush...

The imaginative creativity as jus a story to tell for attention wantin to get paid... N the masses follow as their true reality fades...

From guns to booze n hoes n drugs it's a demeanor that ain't worth the listen craving to be entertained... For there's two faces warn while turning the sane into the insane...

N there's no movement left to stand it's ground... As only the shallow minded can say they relate to the details spat into sound...

Fueling the chaos by giving a voice to delinquents wanting to be like their so called idols... But don't say shit about their minds set to idle...

They'll argue with the facts when one asks can the music please evolve??? N from that moment on ur gonna be the problem of everything that's gone wrong...

right now!!!

i don't mean to be so horny but i cannot ignore the fact that i jus wanna fuck u. call me a dog or what u will, there's jus something in the way of wanting to feel u move. as ur sensitive lips is what i crave. n i'm not gonna be happy until i work u loose. i ain't never been able to get anyone outta my fuckin head like u. jus lingering with a lounge so playful the way u do. gimme gimme i want what u got. thing is u turn me on n u don't even try i jus wanna slide into the depths of ur groove. opening u up with stretch pulsating n dig deep until i reach ur heart. falling into sexual interaction of thrust that create a kaboom. i gotta have n n that's all i know. n if i can't i'd like to know what it is u feel u have to loose. bcuz attractions are a mutha fucka once they sink into the skin. moving with hormones met at the surface coming from within. thing is i need what u have in my life right now. so take ur clothes off so i can water ur roots. as sweat poor out of ur body mixed with mine. i don't mean to be so vulgar but yet, that's a lie. only if i could get u alone in a room. i'd smack the sparks outta that azz jus to ignite the fire in ur heart. jus come a lil closer n witness how i'm no fluke. i wanna touch u in ways it changes me in as we'll never be the same again. believe me when i say, every word i'm speaking to u is the truth. from passion's slow grind to choking u the fuck out i found my crave n it's me i wish u would put to use. i'd slurp u up n learn how to hold my breath. showing u who u are to me as u make me so fuckin hard. n my imagination wants to do more than skeet skeet n shoot. i wanna feel u in my hands as i grip ur curves before we snuggle the fuck up. i have a thing for u i wanna act upon n it hasta to with the all out lusts. coming to life as i temp ur sexual desires to live. why is it u havta be so fuckin cute. u have me saying shit i never wanna admit. though it's u so i don't mind wantin u to take me for a spin. it's as serious as i wanna go down on u for my own pleasure seeking the thrill. n i just may be as crazy as a loon but would u want to be felt any other way? as it's intriguing the way i feel for u. n there's no other that excites me the way u do. it's like magic the way u trigger my intent. as if ur some sorta magician n it's me that's been tricked... giving up the goods n goin all the way in... ssh jus moan n enjoy what it is i havta give...

individual quests...

There's always something better to someone who hasn't found What they're looking for... N this is a manor in which they will treat u accordingly until they are no more... As they'll tell u it's forever but their words only gets them what they want... To feel something asking for a heart in a way that resembles luv... Allowing u to believe in hope that'll last as long as u have life in ur lungs... But the lie will surface in actions as ur system will be flushed... Lacking true content the eyes can only pretend for so long... N that's when the twist reaches in to ring ur heart out once they're gone... Left to face the false presence of a friend that didn't mind doing u dirty... Forced to face the fact that u weren't their one as if u were never worthy... They play games when it isn't them craving to cross over with someone they'd rather not do without... N you'll hate the taste of how it's their name u cannot get outta ur mouth... Disqualifying the feel in the way tone changes like the intent they sworn to keep u safe...  But the pain will fade for the better as u become immune to play with the trade... Finding a chuckle likes a good laugh at the way they've said goodbye... Remembering the best thing was to let go of how they turned around like there life was just fine... As u fight the urge to open up without knowing for sure... But we all need just one to linger into our lives to awaken a more mature version of the adventure... With the mind coming full circle to tell the heart yes or no... It's a necessity to gain self in the makings of a real hope... To share deep secrets n listen to how another's past sounds identical to what shifted within... So thank those who couldn't stay as they were only lookin for the gathering of drips...  Let them have the tears that made u more than what u thought u ever were... Bcuz the one who truly likes u will read between the lines until u are heard. Helping u forget that there's people in this would that chase unknown origins at all costs... There's no need in climbing the walls running from new found so called flaws... Don't doubt yourself for ur happiness isn't depended upon someone who never gave a fuck..  The risks taken will lead u to a better understanding of luv... Finding the eyes in the back of the head getting some rest... We all have our own quest...

amplified belief...

Luv is an exaggeration of emotions amplified by their believer... A twisted version of hope that sidelines a friendship from the free thinkers... Thoughts lose control as emotions perpetrate from the contents within the chest... Enhancing intent to begin relations always claiming to peak at ones best...  In a cycle of events that revolve with spiraling attempts to make just one last... Betraying self n altering who we are for the sake of a chance to gather memories that make up a well earned past... The thumper gets away from itself as it rides each pulse reaching for someone else wanting a lil bit of balance that helps... As one must change inner makings to accompany a so called friend craving to be felt... As tears will eventually fall due to perfect in another's eyes doesn't exist... Just to hear the chatter redefine content leaping from lips... It cannot be trusted if like fails to admit how two people really get along... It's the key to the madness of where we all belong... Fitting in without trying to pretend to be what another wants... Rushing to the scene so sweet depths appear to be deeper than the shallows of an us... The trick as playful as a innocent game said to have no limits... Until one or the other feels cheated n quits... Taking with them a promise of forever seized by resentments rage... Wit the edge of luv cutting into the beginnings of hate... The desire to open up never allows the calm to live as is... For never enough is a moment too be plucked from the rib...

leftovers...

they'll make u out to be desperate when they ain't feelin u the way ur feeling them... knowing damn well it was ur generosity bending backwards as a gent... once ur  vulnerability truly opens up they won't look at u the same way standing in the middle of luv... you'll be too soft for them to ever feel safe as u will be crushed... becoming a bitch in their eyes who's never enough to feed their selfishness... n if you're not careful you'll adapt to a sense of uselessness... as they claiming to want one thing n switch hit in the middle of life... as it's ur own emotions they'll play against u so u never again feel alive... self will never be wanted n will be shunned before ever getting all the way in... as you'll be called crazy when you'd rather not live without them ever again... interest will slack of once self has been bared... forcing the thought of a question as in, did they ever fuckin care.?. as self steps to the line willing to dig in... handing them the shovel so they to can live... to bury what is not natural in any way... just to be rid of the memory of their face... u might as well due to they use u to against yourself... laughing at how they plated u 6 feet down n left u for dead... n if u listen u can hear them change the way they say ur name... just prior to the chaos that redefines ur face... they'll dismiss u if u ever tell them they are the one... you'll be turned into glass to be shattered as ur words are hushed... as the harshly speak on how ur no longer attractive... all bcuz they refused to see the depths on ur passion... accept ur fate was a thing of the past as their eyes turn away... it's ok to have character knowing what u have to gain... eat ur leftovers poison n all... n ignore the shallow childishness that couldn't be real enough to admit their true cause... you'll only feed the belittling that fucks with ur head... keeping u restless in wonder when laying in bed...

every day, n every fuckin night...

my roots need soiled like my heart needs fed...  with the moisture from ur lips bringing life to the thoughts stuck in my head... as my mind could use a different place to rest for a bit... lay with me n feel how for u my heartbeat skips... u see, my depths hasn't fund a guarantee to take flight for some time... n i'm curious to know if we were to be if you'd change my life... can we just bury our intent in a garden n watch it bloom.?. to see what it is to rise for us to consume... like a home that needs a foundation to keep it intact... you're not someone i'm willing to leave in my past... to be forgotten as the details of u become so vague... you're worth more than a memory as i'd like for u to stay... i'd be delighted if we could just pillow talk... bcuz when i'm next to u i feel as if time has paused... i'd water ur emotions n chase away the tide... careful not to drown the luv in ur eyes... we could be our own kinda special that calms the nerves... having a purpose to open up within a single fuckin word... but i'm not trying to convince u to believe in me... i just need a moment of ur time to feel u breathe... to show u i do have what it takes... n it's natural like the expressions upon my face... we all would enjoy an extra addition to ourselves to help us smile... someone other than self that won't go outta style... n i feel u too could use someone to help celebrate ur life... every day, n every fuckin night... bcuz i know how i feel when i close my eyes... chasing u through my dreams as we laugh with a sigh... there's no limits to where we could go... as i come back to reality with a heart full of hope... it is u i wanna sink into at the end of each day... i'm honestly wanting to get use to how it is u say my name... so let's plant some seeds n move with the clouds... become one with the horizons listening to the wilds... we could everything if you'd just give in to me... i'm standing on the outside craving to be seen... for it would be so nice if we were side by side... waking to u ever morning as u simply say, hi... u see, the joy i've been seeking i found in u... just beneath the surface where we can call a truce... trust me when i tell u my heart is not made of steal... it's just been waiting on u to give it a feel... i am in flesh n blood the same as u... n i just wanna hold u so i can feel u move... igniting ur wick so u too can shine... like a candle in the dark witness to what i cannot hide... loosening up to an exhale together as one... individually alive n completely in luv... exposed as the comfort laid up on a sunday morning not wanting to move...  allowing the details to match the flapping n blabbering of lips as u approve... just kiss me once to see if it's real... n if it's felt know that we can finally heal... to be pulled from the loneliness fighting off the cold... just keep ur feet off my back as we slowly grow old...

doubling down...

just listen n watch... observe... for there's more than words to be heard... with actions so smooth movements tells all... n that's when one can tell how shadows connect with the walls... the key is time... the difference between open n shut... n there's never a hurry to rush up on luv... as friends hold the line, waiting on what is to come... with a full clip loading the heart ready to have some fun... n it'll be pop pop with another one gone if hesitations fail to perform... just bluh is the falling of the feel if what u feel isn't in perfect form... as trying has no end for it has no true intent... it's just not natural to force what's real upon the lips.. it may not taste the way u thought it would... getting close enough to untold truths hidden beneath the tongue they way they never should... for when it's sink or swim n hope is at the mercy of demands... bubbles rising to the surface is usually the evident outcome when sinking with commands... for life in certain cases just isn't fair... with the head on a swivel peeking around listening to expressions gasping for air... notice the transformations of comforts as letters align... as if u were to let the wrong one in, you'll lose ur fuckin mind... emotion cannot wait so u must tame the beast... control the source n cleanse the knees... passion isn't as free as sex no matter how great it is... although u truly havta play to live... n from afar with so many trying to get close, hormones will be the only thing to that need not be groped... so witness the visual display of how the eyes connect... it's the stare that soothes every inch within the chest... so easy does it when a stranger is yet to be known... weighing out options to what's truly being shown... watching limits cross boundaries n going lengths with thoughts... left right left is the chant as the soldier within who knows that the war can be raw... as it's ok to leave the chaos standing still if the offering isn't real... mindsets do not play fair when it's turning inward to fight self afraid to feel... feeling lost is due to another attempting to hide their flaws... causing self to entertaining the thought of feeling so small... as truths only reason with  honesty when barriers come down... n the freedom to be is fluent with the silence that never makes a sound... it's needs before wants stepping aside... refuse to be blind for it's the comfort that depends on sight... as motion contains the flow of purity never to stray... moving in rhythm to sync with the ability to stay... what's seen never lies... n red flags wave in the winds of time... caution walks lightly for a reason n that's no doubt... even though desires beg, plead n pout... as endless wars are never enough to a gluten wanting it all... for they wonder why inner making take their time to unthaw... as their back burner is over flowing onto the floor... the game is as empty as the rotting of the core... n there is different versions of worth when patience is at stake... it all depends on who actually steps to the plate... vulnerability gives a weakness to strength when adapting to the twist... as bad habits aren't as hard to break if one realizes who has what to give... to live is to absorb the luv in true form... for we cannot luv self the way another can to become their norm...

for the best...

it's like i'm always looking out for someone else as i'm sitting still with my heart in my hands... is it they aren't truly felt or is it they're being released form what i cannot entertain? telling them there's someone better other than me that will come along n open them up n never steer them wrong... n it's bcuz i truly believe i ain't no one to ever be missed... i'm just an after thought that follows a dream that somehow touches their lips... n yet i care so i set them free... due to the shallowness of i cannot be anything but simple ol me... n even though they say they wouldn't expect anything else... n anything less of me is emotions going stealth... it seems i sit on the edge to draw them near just to push them over into another arms... but i don't wanna hurt anyone for i know that endless ache that plagues the heart... i'm just a middle man as they're on their way to a better life... as they stopped randomly to take a peek at what's in my mind... n i see their curiosity stare at me with a smile... n feel the physical reality of how i drive their bodies wild... but yet the truth of the matter is i'll never be their ever lasting thought... as i save them from themselves as my own feelings are never carelessly tossed... never to reach for them in any other way other than the way luv'rs touch... as my tongue never twiddles with the passions of luv... for i'm no more than in the moment one step closer to being on the run... n every time i release someone i feel i've done a good deed... helping them with scuffle of the movement of their feet... onward they go just to leave me behind... n it's okay due to i've gotten used to this version of my life... maybe it's me i just don't believe in anymore... or is it, relations jsut reminds me of having chores... bcuz if the games ever started i know i'd win... n i don't wanna caused no pain as i'm happy to be the has been... the once upon a time ago that sits alone in the dark... bringing out their inner beauty n not trying to confuse their hearts... damn the honesty that cannot wait to speak... i force them away so they'll never feel me leave... at least they'll be gone before the emptiness has a change to settle in...  n if possible maybe we can still remain friends... as i don't mind being someone to pluck for truths... as long as they don't look at me for a deeper use... the torture wouldn't be fair if everything went south... bcuz being returned to the silence is worse than anything that could ever leap from thy mouth... for i'd walk away before things ever turned raw... so i spare them the hatred n the anger as they'll never be stuck in a pause... it's just me n the way i am n i do not know why... there's just something in the way to them, i cannot lie... i just am what i am n no one will ever get in... as i cannot comprehend in which way i must live... by showing them i'm not what they're looking for, i'm a mere curiosity trapped within the image of a whore... i'm just easy on the eyes that stirs up intent... as words find my presence to be someone that attracts regrets... like i'm out n about with so many options to say the least... all with the factor of my choice of who i want to tame the beast... i let them believe these things they concoct in their heads... it makes it easier to give space to what's inevitable after everything is said... as i tell no tales for i have nothing to hide... i'm simply not worth their fuckin time...

no joke...

once you provoke me to entertain others for a laugh, imma tell you all about yourself right before i leave you in my past... i don't do well with half hearted smiles that are aimed specifically at me... as if i ain't someone you feel you need to protect you can finds someone else to fulfill your dreams... you can skip rocks until they sink like your own thoughts of me... for it's a reality i seek here in the now. n i don't deserve to be on the other end as a sideshow bcuz you believe i'm just another clown... imma sow you for so long of what you mean to me... and it's on you to act accordingly... and if you slip up thinking you're cute with a chuckle at my expense, imma leave... for it's friend first as luv doesn't exist if there's no compassion said to be free... i'm worth more than you trumping me as if you're a joker in a deck of cards... expecting me to sit still and deal with the confusion stirring up in my heart... this is my life where the real shit speaks so loud... n the bs you're on will eventually have your smile turned upside down... you'll be left for dead the moment you came to the conclusion of me being your fuckin fool... all bcuz of in front of others you thought you were cool... so if you're gonna wrap me up in your arms please don't claw at my back... my skin is not to be removed if it's character you lack... adjust yourself to the claim of me if i am to remain all that's good in you eyes... as you stare upon me making damn sure they never cry... or you'll find the little hope you have doesn't float nor does it have a bubble wanting to breathe when beneath the surface of not playing fair... and i will not be set out on display when you break down n forget not to care... when you're just having a good ol time at my expense, i need not take to same energy to come at my own defense... if you do not shield me from harm through even a verbal escape... please, do me a solid and never again speak my name...

if you...

if you could just save me from my face resting in my own hands. n make it to the point for me to look up and see my biggest fan. if you could just hush the voices that tell me that everything has an end. and just softly whisper in my ear something sweet like a special kind of friend. if you could just revive me so i too can feel alive. settling the chaos no one knows that's taken control of my mind. if you would somehow get me to believe in you. opening me up to find i do wan to be put to good use. if you could help witness you in me as i look in the mirror. noticing the changes for the better in which i need not fear. i you could would you just make me feel safe? without demanding to own my heart that needs not be tamed. if you could feel me without ever touching my skin. to loosen me up to the gentleness of your bliss. if your words could just find me laying low in the bs i've come to know. could you guarantee me i'll never again be alone? n if you would pulled me from my own useless slump. to find a way to accept the fact that i have never been truly luv'd. if you could just give me one reason that makes sense without the eventual hurtfulness of hate. maybe my walls could come crumbling down as this world for me would be a different place. 

forced silence...

i told myself i'd never cry for another due to i do not feel anyone is real. n yet here i stand on the backend of another moment getting away from how i truly feel. as i watch the flames torch the bridge upon the surface of water as if it were a mirror resurrecting the night. knowing i have it in me to swim across to the other side attempting to save my mind. but what doe one do when the complications strip the heart of a near perfect fit? without a gesture to show worth so intent can fade with the interests allowing another to somehow live. as walking away is the answer to holding in every bit of emotion clawing at the inner lining of the of the back of the face. i can hear myself coming from the depths in which crawl through my mind n taunt as true remains. as just one hint of truth could change the void before it begins. as the silence sitting upon the tongue is as still as the moon above that has it's own unique light to give. what does one do if there is a presence that is to be missed? damn near forcing them to go on with their life so they can at least enjoy one more last first kiss. as they're able to fulfill the linger in another for it is best. or is it self's way to come up with another excuse so self doesn't havta invest in what's buried in the chest? looking like a fool just past the moment where everything good abruptly came to a dead end. as the idiot within just set free the makings of one damn good friend. i told myself  luv will never matter bcuz i simply got tired of trying. n it's the questions that are truly frustrated with me continuously lying. a deeper calm is restless to have what it fucking wants. for it is my own self destruction refusing to be hushed. 

Ways...

Maybe i should learn how to luv u the way ur unique design needs to be fulfilled... Just get to know the details that make u click so life can flow in between us creating the thrill... I believe there's a change in the wind to step to the expectations that will complete u... It seems i have the opportunity in ur eyes as they're waitin with patience for me to make my move... All games aside it's dawned on me that I'm not the only one who has a nerve... N I'm not trying to pluck urs, I'm simply trying to touch it to see how it is we coexist with worth... As I've taken notice to the other side of interest like an outter body experience for the better good... N to get in sync with the feel of ur depths reaching for me could entice our mood... Switching impositions to for once play fair so smiles can live within their own natural curve... As the consideration of us is roaming through my mind in ways ur silence has been heard... Sending a surge of thoughts from another angle that's corrected the selfishness that i hide... It seems you've gotten past the wall to creep up on me when I'm alone at night... I'm gonna havta feed ur in particular craves that just want what's best for all it is u are... I must realize we're one in the same n give back to the willingness to acknowledge the reincarnation of the heart... Seeing things in a different truth as if i were u n u were i... N it's this comprehension that flipped my mindset to rotate 360 degrees n tell no lies... The monster within agreed to ease up n carress ur flaws so u too can open up... Showing u that u matter in the same sense if likes are to ever transform into luv... We all have our own tweaks that comfort specific secrets not just anyone is shown... N I'm witness to u attempting to come out n be with me so neither of us will ever be alone... As i appreciate ur distinctive quirky intutions seeking where it is u truly belong... N if we're honest about it all there's a possibility we could never go wrong... But it's gonna take a moment to understand the level of friendship that stands before us... Just taking our time to snuggle up to new ways that have a reason to trust... To accept it ain't just about self... That is if we actually do wanna be felt...

i.k.e & o.v.e.

there's a twinkle in her eyes that reminds me of diamonds n it makes me rich. as her adorable hissy fits are like temper tantrums i cannot help but to kiss. she's my ease n frustrations wrapped up all in one.me sanity is in her hands helping me to come undone. the secret to  n she knows she's the individual i'd rather no go without. n even though she has this advantage she never allows stupid shit slip outta her mouth. n her tongue is pleasant as my ears cannot wait to hear what she hasta say. for when her vibe touches me i find myself relaxed to the point where i truly feel safe. she's a friend when she doesn't havta be n fierce asf when she knows she's right. she's the missing pieces of me that balances out my own unique state of mind. n what she isn't to others she's everything to me. as she's came along to guide n give a focus to all my scattered dreams. n all she ever waited to see is to find out who i truly am. n for her patience, beside her is where i take my stand. bcuz i know she feels me every time she smiles. n she never hasta exert herself to awaken my inner child. i'm living the good life every time she rambles on those three lil words. although the third one ends in i.k.e for she knows my worth. even though her emotions over process at times as i become the sponge to her passions as the one person to settle her nerves. she also absorbs me in the same sense knowing i too can be heard. as our mentality mesh in a weave bringing out a twisted sense of humor. she's the female version of me in which is more than just a rumor. she's my mornings when i don't wanna get outta bed. my release when i feel trapped inside my head. there's just things about her that need not be explained. bcuz she understands i can comprehend every expression that moves her face. n just like water carving its way though earth using time. she's touched my heart in the same sense making sure from her i cannot hide. as she's the detail in my life that sets me free. bcuz she's the difference between wants n needs. as smooth as a player without the games. there's just something about how we say each others name. i have it all when i have her in my arms. with her cheek buried in my chest leaving her mark. n i swear she sinks inside of me every time she holds on. clinging to the pure purpose of o.v.e. living as the real norm. as she has the attention she seeks for she knows we do more than exist. as we coexist we are limitless n apart we will be forever missed. n when she fades into her silence that's my chance to life her up. n when in mine she never misses a beat to create a lil fun. it's the stare she gives that speaks without a sound taming her lips. to the lights goin dim with the flip of a switch. she's just something out there that's gotten person in which i thought i'd never meet. so as i fall asleep tonight trying to get back to her, please don't awaken me.

The first to go...

Will it be you or will it be yours truly falling away from untamed grins? To lose the fire that lights up the dark within. Moving emotions to the feel of having them close... How long is it gonna take to forget softer tones? The butterflies the get lost in the wind just wanting to live. Even after promises reach in n convince self of a certain set of lips. Tasting breaths easing from sighs as belief stands still. Who do you think it'll be to fold first? Unable to continue setting the other at their honesty worst. When the coarse of actions force the parting of hearts deprived. With every thought of, damn, there's no way to help luv make it out alive. Stepping to the edge of passionate suicide that awaits a new story to begin. Looking down as the leap tilts the head higher than the sky can reach the twist. Free in a different kinda sense so the chaos ends the fiasco's blame. Who's tongue will move to the sound where limits need not go? Changing everything in a home headed straight for nights spent alone. As the head shakes for a while until all the nonsense loses its grip. Placing another stranger back into the unknown origins of never to be missed. Are you gonna be the one who defines your version of what remains must be or else? Leading the way across the line of never to return to what was once felt. Loosening the norm for nerves to settle on there's hasta be something better to come along. When the attachments fade like tears that cannot hear those favorite songs. When the day comes to face music written for someone else to listen too. Would you like to see the gigs times hanged nude. Left out for the world to see every bit of what others truly don't need to know? Or will it be you that holds your ground until there is nothing to show?

Pluck a nerve...

 Stop being so nice n try to hurt my feelings... I'd like to know if i can be affected by ur dealings... I believe it's the only way to see that you've actually gotten in.... It maught be twisted but evenyou'd witness for yourself if it's in ur presence i wanna live... In all realness fire away n pluck a nerve n watch if it shakes loose... Attempt to adjust the way it is i move... Transforming my thoughts as if my eyes were chasing u I my head... Peep my reaction when u come for my heart trustig it could be u... We both need the visual in my facial expressions as u poke at my truths... Try me so we can agree on where this this is bound to go... Pushing limits to the edge of what's what that is being shown... Have i fallen or could i use apush to determine who u are to me??? Odk my guess is ir gonna havta step through me to see if I'll Vaughn u descending from my dreams... Maybe puttin me on the spot will touch an emotion that wants to come to life... Reassuring us of real content that i just cannot hide... Ur gonna do it eventually anyways so take ur best shot... Thought once we see honesty come to the surface the silliness hasta stop... Either way it goes were gonna need to accept what it is we should do... I feel it's time we to live with the proof... So swing n land a blow that'll change everything we've come to know.... It'll settle more the urge of the unknown hope... In one definitive moment piecing together a tomorrow's gain... As for the rest of today we can begin to release the bait... For there will be nothing left to catch but some sleep... Are u ready to face the real me???

alive n in a hole...

I've laid too many to rest in the graveyard in my mind... Poof, gone, deleted outta my life... Without a tombstone to identity who's who... I hold the shovel close just in case any other wants to shift with the way they move... as faces emerge to me in times spent alone... chuckles find the memories of luv'rs being groped... twisting reality into a distant calming phase... people were more than lost along the way... buried while still alive as i ignore their chants... testing myself to do better with who speaks n who rants... for lies n judgements have no place in my heart... nor do friendships that do nothing more than pretend to play the part... as faces turn behind the back to spit on thy name... they find the dirt heavy when they cannot reach me with hate... covered in their own doings i set myself free... to live in exile without the scattering of me... as betrayal lays six feet below n i cannot hear a fuckin thing... it's so peaceful knowing knives won't get to me when i blink... as the fake ones have been dismissed from my sighs... sent back to the other side where their existence is in my time... for the burial was swift as a calm settled my nerves... as it was me standing alone without all the bs to be heard... they're all in a hole filled to it's rim just to hear themselves ramble on... i needed not to carry their shallowness to where it is i'm going...

natural ease...

if it isn't natural it isn't something i want. there's no in a reality in saying i'm going to try at luv. that fake azz pretend shit you can take with you on down the road. it has no business stepping into my home. if you have to force yourself to feel me you can leave me be. because your false presence is something i just don't need. i don't understand how people are okay with wasting others time. just to claim they have someone in their life? knowing damn well it's too big of a task to keep it going. sucking the life out of someone else's norm. when they know deep down shit just isn't right. and true intent is what they truly hide. if you are one of those individuals please leave me alone. because i don't even have it in me to hear you moan. to make yourself adapt to the resistance of me, that bs just isn't felt. as my existence could be in luv with someone else. with someone who naturally syncs and tunes to who i am. feeling the magic awaken comfort when touched by thy hand. i'm not playing no games so please make up your mind. how easy is it for you to smile when you awaken with me in your life? i don't want to assume or ask for shit. you're either with it or you ain't as it is what it is. it shouldn't be a struggle to give yourself to another. if i'm not it i don't even want to be our luv'r. my heart is not for just anyone to walk in as if it has a revolving door.  and my emotions mean to me, so much fuckin more. so if you truly don't care keep that fake shit to yourself. let it be known so i know you're no help. i need me an guaranteed ease i can slide on into. someone who cannot help themselves when it comes to feeling my use. without the constant wonder of what the fuck. simply sinking in to the way we touch. so speak of truths and tell no lies. how is it i appear in your mind? who am i to you before my feelings change? as i ask, how do you feel when you say my name?

patiently waiting...

i don't know if you'll ever find my words. and i don't know if i'll ever be heard. but if you so happen to read along with me in your head. know i speak from a mindset and a truth pulsating from my chest. i may never hold you or see you smile. or even hear you laugh in which brings out my inner child. no, i do not know who you are. as that itself honestly causes an aching in my heart. and as time is flying by so very fast. we're missing out on memories made that can make up a past. so if you happen to find me first someway or somehow. don't be afraid to speak to me out load. because you can be anyone and that just won't do. i just want one person who happens to be you. but who are you if i've never seen your face? or maybe i have and actually said your name. i'm lost on the thought of where to look. it's like you don't exist and that leaves me shook. but i'd like to believe you're out there hiding like me. tucked into the creases of isolation unable to be seen. i get it, and i can use you, this you should know. and yet how could you if you've never been shown? knowing at this point you're no more than a dream locked up in my mind. lingering without a face to bring me to life. i'm patiently waiting but damn it would be so nice to hold still with you. and move woth the flow of luv put to use. to wrap you up so i can feel you breathe. creating sighs from the both of us as we find that ease. to be as we coexist. but how if you're just a wish? out there somewhere drifting alone. like me in wonder of feeling completely known.

from the dark side...

i cannot believe i allowed myself to be swallowed up. feeling the only thing that truly hurts is the hollows hush. felt is the word i'm curious to find in real life. n there's a place that's better than here before death n i don't wanna die. i'm just tired of spending so much time all by myself. only if i could let someone in n give to me some genuine help. turning the light on under the covers just to make me laugh. i'm not broken, i'm fully intact. i could just use a conversation that can stick to the facts. with a tongue that taste my name n then slides up my face. just to watch my expression trying to get away. yet who am i to ask for so much when i'd rather like someone before expressing luv. as here i am sitting alone calling out from the dark side. someone make a squeak, a sound, just lemme hear ur voice. i've been doing this for so long n wanna overcome the empty void. although the last thing i want is to be recognized as a whore. bcuz who i was yrs ago n who i am are opposing norms. i just want something more than a fuck to fling. a moment that never sees the morning's need. quietly kept i'm over how i talk to myself when no ones around. but it's prolly just another want to lift me up from feeling down...

lone...

emotion just doesn't mean as much as a piece of mind. n to get to me you'd havta sit back n realize there's a reason why. is it i lost myself in the middle of an emotional feel? we all know within that due process it takes way to fuckin ling to heal. one thing i can admit is i've been there n came back. n i found myself staring into a mirror with my back to my past. bitterness just doesn't compete with the sounds of silence when self can hear an other coming. quietly kept the heart beats somewhat different when they hit the ground running. i have no need in rushing to the chaos to take control by the end. never finding a friend for passions are stolen. as hope flickers with the breeze as candles are lit. head game sis all that ever evolves from that type of nonsense. that's why i like the peaceful life to remain alone. even though happiness revolves around a different type of home. issues n flaws just isn't any fun once time comes to call. n i'd rather not tossed around thoughts that never calm the nerves. i'd havts have something differernt than i've ever known if i ever went back in. in a sense of tongue never forget the friendship when speaking as they spit. to live without the confusion that creates a wedge when moving too fast. making due isn't an interest i seek when it never lasts. but i'm in no rush as lone is not so bad. it's something i can actually grasp. a soothing that settles the inner makings knowing there's no bs coming my way. i enjoy the comfort in a guaranteed kinda wait. a slow grind to get to know another's secret self. bcuz it's in the depths where trust is felt. n until then... i'm not giving in.

after the shenanagins...

in my mind it plays out like i've already fucked my dream girl, so now what? i've already been in n outta luv. past the emotional ruins of my life. as i know as in legal matters, know what it means to have a wife. so what else is left? i've already had what everyone in every other new relationship claims is the best fuckin sex. i stood within relations like a real man as if life couldn't phase me. n i rounded out since the thought process as wants over needs. n i'm actually wondering what is it i'm actually looking for. when i've already danced from within the center of a storm. knowing it was my actions too that created its trwirl. as this world went on about its way n i went back to being singular from plural. i've already been with my ultimate fantasy. as i had to step back n correct me ever changing reality. n i play with the though of, is there anyone who can bring my passion back to life? help bring me from within n somehow reopen my mind. bcuz i felt desires let go of hope right before i feel off the edge. as i now sit with a curious hmm, wondering what's next. bcuz i've done all but fulfill my dreams. n all the women i just cannot remember is nothing more than erotic's leap. i've had more than my fair share as fingers have had their way. n it's bcuz of this is how i know the depths of a woman is more than she'll ever say. so where in the fuck do i turn when i've even had strippers on the roster? i'm over playing around on back burners that are filled with imposters. my guess is i'm just too fuckin hard to please. even though in another i do wanna believe. n i feel the need in a new hype to change my ways. yet, who would i truly wanna hear say my name? i have no one sitting up on a pedestal high up in the mind. n not a one comes from the hidden intent that i thought of claiming as mine. so after all the shenanagins that make up my life. who will it be to cross me to insure i'm as real as the sun that shines.

as ur smile fell from ur face...

only if i was ready to open up, we coulda had the time of our lives. but i wasn't ready as i side stepped u n u walked on by. it wasn't easy to do but that's jus how life goes. not everyone is on the same level when they're totally alone. i had to figure some shit out before hands could be held. n there were times i wish i coulda opened up to the feeling that wanted to be felt. ur jus one of those good ones that knew ur worth. n u kept it moving as my honesty was heard. u come to realize getting close to someone i struggle with. bcuz so many say they're so different n yet the same ol chatter leaps from tainted lips. n it's taken me this long to get to where u were back the. at the doorstep knocking on the thumper talking about let someone in. the was a comfort in ur hands even though i picked u apart. it was like i had to find something so i didn't havta use my heart. it weird to hear truths speak up as i listen to my own crazy shit. but i remember how u were that lingering tickle in my ribs. n at times i think about how it must've hurt. uj were mentally with it n deserved someone to put in the work. as i believed it was a must to let u go. even though u were someone i truly wanted to get to know. keeping u away from how i had to evolve from behind the scenes. only showing others what i want them to see. n i ain't the same as i allowed myself to come to my terms. it was something i had to do by myself for my lessons to be learned. i never wanted u to be a cover for something deep meant for someone else. although i enjoyed ur presence n i couldn't get enough of ur smell. one whiff of u loosened me right the fuck on up. n to be honest, if u were here today i'd prolly fall in luv. but chances were given as i walked away. i straight stepped back n watched the smile fall from ur face. just believe it was something i had to do. there were things to me i had to prove. n yeah, i still live by i'm no one to be missed. as you'll never know of these words tucked behind my lip.

dead dreams...

giving up on dreams like days falling off my life. seems to me they weren't to be meant to last forever as they with me are to be buried in a pine. thoughts are fading fast n i don't know what to do. the older i get the least i'm more enthused. truth is i lost pieces of me i can never get back. as i tried to replace them with others although it feels like i'm wearing a mask. attempting to hide from the images in my own fuckin head. burying memories that reach up for me from the fuckin dead. i might be a lost cause after all but it's ok. bcuz when i look in the mirror i can't see desire in my face. there's nothing but emptiness behind my eyes. asi cannot wait to go to sleep for it's the one place i feel alive. n when everything comes back to me there's not much to believe here in the real world. there's too many chameleons not wanting to be singular yet pretending to be plural. n in my case, what i want, i jus cannot have. so i reside behind the scenes n allow the nothing become my past. my depths ache n that is no fuckin lie. n my heart at times, it does wanna die. as it was cut loose by luv that was said to be fate. n that's how thoughts somehow change the expressions upon my face. as the mind tries to transform the pain into the beauty that remains. asi tell myself my own true friend is within as it's the only person to be of gain. although as slippery as the tongue can possibly be. it also speaks on other bs that truly doesn't interest me. bcuz within my chest i'v buried hope so long ago. as i made myself admit i jus wanna be left the fuck alone. all bcuz my foresight did not reach the promised land as i lost control. becoming a stranger to even self as worth hung form a rope. left to take its last breath before my very own eyes. n for the life of me i still don't know why.

on the edge of the bed...

with slow movements sway as i undress u. as provocative as natural intent can feel the mood. now climb on up onto the edge of the bed. fulfill the image of u u keep in my head. put ur knees on the egde n spread ur legs. lean forward, arch ur back and show me how ur made. i just wanna look at u for a lil bit. before i caress u from ur neck to ur ankles n back up to ur pussy lips. jst to feel what my eyes have been lusting on. put a lil wiggle with it bcuz it'll make me want u even more. ease back n lean into my touch. i'll break out the feather until ur sighs are no longer hushed. i crave to see ur beauty on full display. opened up as u look back n say my name. as i suck on ur inner thighs. bringing every single one of ur hormones back to life. just feel the way my hand slaps ur azz. i promise u at first, i won't move too fast. my tongue can feel the anticipation of ur body calling a truce. i want to be the one that frees u from u. giving to me what i desire the most. u! that's who i want to get alone. as ur patiently waiting for me to lick ur skin from head to toe. then rub u in oils as every curve of u is groped. whispering in ur ear as dirty as i can. letting my presents known as a fuckin man. just try to be still when i drop down behind u to my knees. tasting every drop ur release. just do u as i do me. bcuz it's the bitch within u i'm attempting to free. stroking u until i force my way inside. losn n slow so u can stretch around the thing in which you've been deprived. as ur hair finds its way into the palm of my grip. fingers entangled in strands as i bite my lip. thrusting to tease as ur sensitivity caves in. that's when i dig in to ur hips. pushing deeper n deeper until the bottom is exposed. damn how u give my sexuality hope.

hi!

kiss me and bring me back to life. reincarnate me and listen to how every breath sighs. because that's what i see when i look into your eyes. as lips touch in a moment of passion's find. taste me day or night. from you i'd never hide. trust me when i tell you, it'd be so nice to make it past the hype. for that's where real relations truly shine. so come closer and see if you can read my mind. and up the walls shadows can climb. with a sound filling this room as we come to alive. i don't believe in signs or luv at first sight but damn there is just something about you i like. and that's something that can evolve into luv if that's how emotions slip as they slide. as you and i emerge to align. hi! no, i'm not shy. and for you i'm as open as the clear blue skies. stopping before you at the drop on a dime. putting aside for you me ego and pride. all that's left is for you to decide. am i someone you can tell goodbye? or am i touching that soft spot sas our interests combine? curious to know more on how i'm defined. just so you can unwrap the package in which i reside. it can be our special day every day if you'd just walk with me through time. as i'm just guessing that your flavor is perfectly ripe. sweet and sensitive to the touch that would never leave me behind. for some reason i believe in you and i don't know why. honestly speaking it's me you excite. so what do you say we just mingle and go with the vibe? we can see if there's depths that want to surface that need not be bribed. what do you say if we step away from here and go get a bite. talk and drift through topics as long as convo is free from lies. simply putting our do's and don'ts in a line and one by one we'll go through yours and mine. so we can witness how our friendship coexists before we ever take flight. far from our past that is nowhere in sight.

Drip dry...

 One can never slip in between the raindrops as if self cannot be touched... So one must stand in the rain to feel more than enough... Dripping without motion until the shoes cone off... Knowing the inner makings live n self wasn't so lost... In the down pour tapping upon the skin... The face tilts upward n slowly displays a grin... Beneath the skies dumping more than tears could ever escape... It's the storm the recreates the face... Dancing to the thunder in sync with the heartbeat finding w pulse... As the lighting is the vibe resurrecting the energy to believe in a cause... From the clouds above the viendo cleansing loosens luge to simply just be... N as they dispurse the sun greets a new twist defined as a more preeminent kinda  free...

loneliness's inhabitable mix...

drift just outta view n be forgotten... watch life move right on by as time isn't nothin... peep how no one truly misses ur presence if u do not make yourself known... n even if u do others tend to leave u alone... giving true purpose to worth embedded in the eyes.... although you'd havta pay attention to how ur absence hasn't any significance in their lives... just pull back n notice the way everything keeps on flowing without ur participation... n take in the factor of who u are to them having for u any type of anticipation... in a solo slide right outta the frame of sight... sitting still in the distance watching the feast of attention feed boredom's hype... but never pretend it isn't real enough to second guess realities lil trick... to grasp the use of self in ways we're blinded by spinning ticks... as moments tuned into a world so fake people only want to be entertained... n if u ain't doin ur part ur a memory to the game... lost as a thought every now n again to minds trapped in a phase that fulfills their empty needs... to be greeted upon them showing they exist but never seen to actually breathe... settle within n ignore the social scene is no more than a fix... n how repeated behaviors is for selfish gains to overcome loneliness's inhabitable mix... no one cares if u disappear without a trace... just live n the lack of real friendships will prove to be ur just a name... a face in the crowd that allows the unknown u to be famous if u choose... or  remain in hiding with a better understanding of what's real n what hasta be cut loose... it's a fictional place where ego n laughter are tucked in lonely rooms... waiting on someone to misguide the mind n help create a more enjoyable mood... when u lay ur head down at night n try to dream in peace... at the end of the day it's really not all that it's cracked up to be...

sleeping to be...

she said, I have everything but u... other than in the depths behind my eyes where u tend to move. yet, it's always with the sun to ur back so she cannot see ur face... as it's my silhouette that has become a shadow she cannot escape... carefully expressing that here in the real world we just do not exist... knowing she'd luv to stand between me n the sunset to catch a glimpse of how my smile adjusts to the nibbling of her lips... she needs nothing here for but a visual of who it is i truly am so she can shut off the alarm... she whispered softly that she's tired of waking up to alerts that never kickstart her heart... n the sleeping to be as one is the real joy forever felt bcuz she believes it's the only place she can find me waiting for her in the sand... lost with a patience for her to return so i can hold her again... though, with a mumble she asked, would it be cheating if she found me on the other side n left me to her dreams to linger on.?. she spoke of how i was the missing link to her forgotten norm... like she was reaching for me so her own visuals would align with who i am living life... as coming from the images stuck in my own mind... she told truths of how we were in luv in the middle of everything we've ever known... as i could relate to the crave to enter into realities shown... although her words never came from my own deep trans where i felt right at home... feeling a certain type of way when i awaken as if i am truly alone... in my head i have pieces of her scattered about... as my subconscious day dreams as if she were here to take these breaths from my mouth... with a rooted passion buried so far down she says, come get me with a sighing flirtation... n i'd want nothing more than to bring her back from my fantasies that claim her as an hallucination... mimicking me like a mirror that duplicates me as a mental image... it's how she knows me so well as to trigger intent pushing the limits... sounding as if she were me as she lip syncs my every thought... n in that moment is where i quietly pause... loosening to the realization that perfect is nonetheless a figment of the imagination playing tricks for treats... leaving a hole exposed in the chest that needs not be... but as i fall back under to rest there she is chuckling like i never left... damn, only if she'd appear the way she said, the sleeping to be as one is the real joy forever felt at its best...

outta place...

i have no fuckin clue to which direction i'm truly goin. all i know is i needed a come up to replace my norm. maybe one day soon i'll finally figure it out. n the day after that, it's possible that i'll go home somehow. i jus don't know n it really feels like i'm lost. it's like i'm in a sense of stuck in a pause. wondering what's next as it's yet to stroll into my life. as my head is set on a swivel looking for signs. strange thing is in those i just do not believe in. so i wait on time to drop me a subtle hint. a look within a stare that drives me wild. to awaken the silliness of my inner child. i'm not so far gone that i'm outta reach. i've jus been unfolding myself until i find a need. i had to come back to the center of everything i've ever known. as it's been way to fuckin long since i've given in to anything more than being alone. for i've listened to the silence for so long that i'm glad i'm still alive. n there's so many jus like me that have turned inward jus to save self from the whispering lies. knowing it was a slide of a card or two that cheated us outta the hands we were dealt. n that shit was more than felt. like me, they too jus gave up. coming to the line where lips felt good to say fuck luv. though it isn't the truth that slid from the tips of tongues that flips useless tones. even bypassing selfish desires that create passionate moans. the linger in life is a misplacement to rarely move. stagnant until appreciative once self has been cut loose. free to believe again so a key can find a lock. somewhere in a great big world the emptiness hasta stop. drifting into a defining situation that makes the wait worth the ache. i don't have any idea where i belong as i save those special expressions upon my face for my moment to simply escape. to come from depths n share who it is i found deep inside. able n willing to enjoy what's left of life.

no fuckery...

damn you if you mean what you say when you're mad. releasing truths so hurtful as they find their path. as if you couldn't tell me how you truly felt all along. hiding intent under your tongue that doesn't belong. n fuck you if you think an apology is going to work. i refuse to the instability of emotional outbursts. so don't go spitting your rage in my ear once you've had enough. because that shit doesn't reflect any true depiction of love. as you can kiss my ass with that childish ass behavior. there is no come back as if t every thing is going to be okay some time later. you can just keep that flip flop nonsense to yourself because i just ain't on it. there is no need to allow that kind of lingering venom to lay upon your lips. you can save every syllable left to marinade in a false presence for the next sucker to come into your life. that isn't the version of friends wanting share a little time. you're actually going to have to grow up to be put to an honest use. i'm not down with the surprise attacks of verbal abuse. all because you feel you can get away with anything in a moment where nothing matters. as my own worth in my heart doesn't need torn nor shattered. to be torn apart as if i could ever be healed with sex. you got me fucked up and you can stay the fuck out of my chest. you need to maintain yourself and mind yourself if we're going to remain. and don't ever loosen up so far you believe that kind of bullshit is okay. i'll tell you to skip bricks and watch them sink. just toe tag your ass knowing bubbles can't breathe. if you're going to come at me with a build up of irritations wanting to be released. i'm gong to be truthful and admit you're someone i just don't need. i don't play those type of games where i smile when you're ready. that is only a remedy of cutting up my worth for you to use as confetti. it ain't going to happen due to i'll leave you standing still all alone. just because you broke down on the other side of the thrill. thinking you can push the limits and see how far you until i adapt to your control. naaaah, you must not be playing with a full fucking deck. or that joker has you twisted with what's going on up in your head. don't ever think i'm going to let you get off on some ol fuckery just because i believe you to be cute. there's always someone else that can keep me amused. and that's just the bare facts if you slip the fuck up. i'll never be disabled due to the vibe of love. i'm too damn mind strong for you to treat me any ol fucking way. if yo don't believe me, try me n watch the expression upon my face. for once they change i'll never look at you the same again. n that's when i'll be done being your biggest fan.

let's go home...

back into the world we go. trying to get to the back of the scene alone. walking backwards into the crowd. trying to blend in without making a sound. hoping to make it to the rear of the hype without being seen. not wanting to be found so a piece of mind can dream. finding comfort in eyes of others lookin forward as we disappear into the pack. one step behind the other never moving to fast. with great patience attempting to make it to the edge of the sea of people we must get past. just to turn away n live with the facts. maybe then no one will notice we don't move with the heard. n how we care not to be voluntarily heard. as feet march on to somewhere else we've never been so the pain doesn't hurt. avoiding heads that spin on a swivel judging self's own worth. as the feeling of belonging clings to a more wide opened space. for it frees up the value expressed upon the face. deep out into the unknow where wind can't carry names. further than where the city lights fade so the mind can be sane. living life n caring about the lil things. listening to the breeze whistle as if it had wings. able to see anyone coming from a mile away. sighing with a relief as if they were ready to leave. as the heart settles in the silence so the body can breathe. needing to shed the weight of everything one has come to know. in no need of imaginary thrones. seeking the peace n quiet far from the population that all act the same. sighing with a piece of mind could never be explained. living out days as luv is shown. let's go home. 

curiosity turned towards u...

would u mind if i held ur hand and stood straight on where it is i stand? what if i promised we could never go wrong? would u be able to see the reality in my eyes just wanting to get along? n do u mind if i touched ur cheek? just so i could feel ur face lean into me. for a lil bit of comfort in my palm for a moment to remain as still as calm. would u mind if i asked u ur name? then told u mine so i could see the reaction upon ur face. hearing them for for the first time is something i'd like to see. as expressions move outside of long awaited dreams. would u mind if i wanted to spend some time to get to know who u are? pausing the heart n shutting off the buzzing of alarms knowing i'm just not looking for a war. for some reason my intent lingers with my curiosity turned towards u. maybe it's the way u carry yourself or even possibly it's the way u move. would u mind if i rambled on for a lil while about absolutely nothing at at? so the silence isn't absorbed by the emptiness of the walls. would u listen if i spoke n dug into the beginnings of a lil thing called hope. would u mind if i actually wanted to get used to u? to simply call a truce n find out who's truly who. to expose each other one itty bitty piece at a time. as usefulness opens up to a touch feeling its wat through life. would u mind if i witnessed u in ur eyes so i knew what u hide that only one can define? taking in their design n the way the colors flow. what if i never wanted to leave u alone? would u be ok if our lips found comfort in a kiss creating a magical spark? feeling the falling of the shield no longer having to stand guard. would u mind if i wanted u to see who it is i am? entering more than my personal space just bcuz u can. as you'd be able to do with me as u like. though lemme start by saying hi!

from then to the now...

chasing thoughts through the mind as if the past could ever be caught. around goes the curve of the lean for speed just to ease into a pause. oh how lost self sinks into trying to gather sense of what confuses the ability to think straight. as there's nowhere to hide when the energy settles in blank expressions upon the face. changing is the memories twisting into an opposing reality that slowly accept the depths needing to live. pulling outta the dwelling on the back end of the trickling effect that confuses emotional ties. the hunt defines the presence of self evolving into true form willing to adjust to a new direction mentally sound. though the interaction from then to the now hasta coexist to transform lessons learned into the correction of what spews from the mouth. as the tongue plays with tones n volumes so the one in the mirror can nod. with a lil time spent alone to reclaim the inner makings of pieces snug to the fit that at first seem so odd. lingering is the search through nights darkened n seeking a flicker to brighten the moods swing. rummaging in between the facts n filtered remains losing images along the way just doin one's own thing. reintroducing the head's content with the chest opened to be happy no matter the situation that comes to go. understanding the winging of winds that whip up whistles whispering soft breaths in the ear. in the aftermath of reinventing the person forgotten within the chaos of prior occasions that come to confirmations where willingness can hear. like the lights turning on n off day in day out so the eyes can see clearly once rest has done its part. mornings rotate so the visual can be appreciated with yawns awakening from a dream of a previous altercation that's shed worth from an absent charm. onlooking with embedded realizations of what to n what not to condone to make something eventually never wanna leave. stretching the smile that longs for the fire to ignite a warmth as bodies meet in the middle of hope's bob n weave.

i loved...

 I loved as no matter what.

I loved when another that was no good for me.

I loved until she forced me to walk away.

I loved because i couldn't help but to be.

I loved when hope thought i gave up.

I loved a single smile for as long as I could.

I loved her at her worst.

I loved because there was only one that my heart felt it should.

I loved even though I was nothing to to her.

I loved with a passion that lived in n leaped from my chest.

I loved deeply more and more every day.

I loved with pure intent.

I loved when a mind was somewhere else.

I loved the way one said they wish they could find someone real.

I loved as my fingers couldn't feel the flesh.

I loved as is to seal the deal. 

I loved well past the moment I should've let go.

I loved with all my heart.

I loved until I found me again.

I loved, and have since healed my wounds that have no scars...

love or lust...

We both know anything can happen in between now n mornings light... N I'm Chris's enough to allow the night to progress bcuz i believe in living life... My guess is well know more as time tics with whatever occurs... Maine we'll find the moments made to be what we need or walk away without a word... Though dinner n a walk around town sounds like a good way to start off... Can never go wrong if the convo presents itself to be as real as u n i in rare form seeming a cause... One that unites intent n lifestyles to have a lil hope to come... But tonight in all honesty me personally, I'm in rush... Maybe we will or possibly we won't reason with the attraction being more than skin deep... Settling the nerve for a lil comfort to simply breathe... On an intellectual level where self can be seen in a way not just anyone is shown... U never know, we could be snuggled up to the awakening of the sun coming up... Or we can say it's been interesting n part ways due to it's only lust... Ima lace it on u to figure if I'd be someone you'd wanna hang out with for a lil bit... With a discrete chance to witness inner makings surface as they attempt to see how it is we fit...