dead roses...

what's it feel like to live unleashed.?. free to luv as if it's so easy to breathe... contrary to what i may appear to be in ur eyes, i once felt it come alive... i jus cannot remember how to open up without consequences that linger in the mind... though i was damn good at what i used to could... my memory is vague to the hearts crave to desire more than jus a look... touch jus isn't the same when fingers find me running to hide... sheltered n safe from emotions that trust no one afraid to live a shared life... fuck me n leave me be has even come to be a thing rare enough to recall from here n there... as a certain kinda frisky can only arouse my inner beast that jus does not fuckin care... it's scandalous to admit i'd rather resort to gigolo ways other than to give in to the hate that come from a so called friend... n i'd jus like to know how i could cross back over to believe in whispers that speed the pulse with no chance to never end... what am i if i cannot evolve from the solitude in which i've fallen in luv... seeking money to take care of self with birds flung... help me relate to a reason i some how refuse to cater to... so someone will appear to be more than a passerby on the move... the comprehension of ownership rattles in my head as a trap... putting new faces that come along deeper than those the hurt me in my past... a somebody to who to keep tabs on my actions like i'm not allowed to live the way i must... i'm chained to my train of thought chuckling at smiles wanting in... n sometimes i get close to adapting n retract due to four simple rules that make or break grins... as romance is missed but jus isn't worth the chaos passion claims is real... i lean towards desires for a presence is better when the sway that finds a grove loosening garments that peel... though those attachments are a done deal when a few times together want a lil more... n nah, i don't understand the rush as i am confused by why i shut down on the tenderness to score... it matters not to me even though i get bored as fuck... or have i jus matured to the point where it's hard to find someone else that's leveled up.?.