i need a reason...

i keep running back n forth through my mind... chasing shit i have no control over as time slips away with the thought i hide... i get lost behind my eyes as they close for a better view... hung up on the drift dangling from a self made noose... wanting to be cut loose from aches n pains... restricted by ropes n chains... unlike a play date enjoyed to the feel of touch... in my head i run from luv... intertwined with being locked up away from the core... i lose myself every time i feel the need to want more... going at life alone... jus looking to go home... wrapped up in silence as the muted tone cant get out... hushed is the reasons neva to escape thy mouth... going in to quietly hide myself from what could do me in,,, seeking pleasure without emotions content... to self i stay for i know the type that feels me come to life... these are the things i speak not of bottled up inside... crossing over from the right side to the left is the images i carry in my wonder... looking for some kinda comfort from within instead of from yet again, a selfish luv'r... depths shut down as the mental awareness won't let u in... i know what it takes to rise to the points of the corners on my grin... worn on expressions are my secrets if i choose for my life to live... i jus haven't found a reason as to why i should even try... i stumble with the trip across the frontal lobe of neva wanting to say goodbye... as my cerebellum fumbles on the process to somehow come out n play fight... to find that goochie goo somewhere here roaming in the middle of life... in all honesty who in the fuck truly means what they say.?. bcuz i don't wanna wind back up here left with the flava of another familiar name... trapped in the deep where confusion luv's the grunts n moans... i sit with myself jus staring at my phone... afraid to be seen in the flesh... containing the feel i wanna feel in my very own chest...