morning moments together...

i just wanna see you standing there in the kitchen in one of my shirt and nothing else on. fiddling with the coffee pot as my crave for u deepens forever more. as beautiful in your rawest form that you could ever be. setting me free from myself like you stepped outta my most sacred dreams. smiling back at me with the grin followed with a look that touched my heart. waking my emotions up early knowing they're gonna last all day for the moment of us means no harm. i wanna sit with you in the morning air and sip the heat from the cup that helps you begin your day. with your hair still a mess from last nights entanglements and a peaceful calm expressed upon your face. just to witness life come together with you willing to stick around is what i want. piecing together moments lived in and not just made to say we're in luv. i'd enjoy opening my eyes to see you stirring the sugar into a swirl. watching your lips wrap the rim of your favorite mug for a taste before acknowledging the world. taking a moment to gather self with me in total contentment as we allow the morning to move slow. damn, you're so much more than a visual and honestly i just wanna go home. to be as is in morning moments together doing what we do. because there's just something about you that makes me pulse move. quietly kept i think of you smelling the aroma rising to your nose inches from the pleasure in the split second. and i'm some what jealous of the thought due to you're so much more than i have ever reckoned. i just wanna be there sharing with you what no one else will ever get to see. living because we found the answer moving outta the way for us to get closer than air blowing as the breeze. as i put the creamer back in the fridge and kiss you for the first time each and every day. i just wanna be your person as you transform the look upon my face...

Choose...

Walk through my mind as if u are comfortably at home. U might just realize it isn't the walls talking for u are not alone. I have a head on my shoulders n the door id open just for u. No keys are necessary just come on in n watch how my thoughts move. U just may smile with a chuckle one u witness we ain't so much different after all. As my imagination is exposed of what i think of u everyone coming to a pause. Drift with me sittin the space I beret between my ears n relax. The visual of u truly getting to me u will see as y'all content is intact. Thrillevery single fetal ur free to explore everything it is i hide behind my eyes. It's just my way of getting u to come too terms of it is u that i choose to my life.a you'll feel me in true form when u find yourself going lower into the makings of my chest. Where my heart quietly whispers with pulses rushing to the emotion aimed directly at u. N thid is all above the waste for the hungar to wrap u in my arms is an endless crave eager to move. So the journey id urs if u choose to find depths sippin to be seen. We can be the real thing of an afterthought of a dream...

Lone wolf...

I've been with so many but there's so fee i like. As they all categorize differently in my mind. Seems the ones i want the most i havta cut loose. N every time it feels aa if i set my heart up to dangle in a noose. Aa it's getting harder to open up to another's luv. Buried is i in the sane outcome lost in the hush. Never to enjoy memories made for two. No matter the reason relations fell through. The pages read a of a man who Cabot get it right. N I've Neville numb to the belief of my kinda rare is not something that's mine. Leaving a sadness to remind me of better days emptied n hollow. My guess is friends are more difficult to make than that of luv'rs who eventually get bothered. Changing coarse before the good shit every takes place. As yrs go workout the visual of a so called friendly face. Situations are what they are as i too have had to decide to step back. Creating a deeper depth to an endless past. N what comes of it all is the question yet to find the facts that remain. With an unsettled defiance that refuses to allow emotion to go to waste. The inne makings was live. But it's hard to believe in tongues that flip. Twisting every word spoken until it's so far outta context worth fades. Losing yet again hopr that stands confused to why there's a use for games.

On my mind...

Honestly, I'd luv to go down n rise to fuck u. But getting too close you'd feel my truths. Of how I'd come to a slow pause. To be wrapped up in arms without the digging of claws. Knowing there'd be no need too shred the back open to get to my heart. For beyond physical attractions rests a crave i speak of. Bcuz in a moment alone lusts would rapidly evolve into luv. Instantaneously as i touch ur skin i wouldn't be able to hide the real me. Leaning into ur presence as a partner set the fuck free. From depths that have captured my secret of who i am with u on my mind. N there's a good chance you'd never know of the thrill that spikes my pulse thinking of u in my life. Yeah, I'd do things to sexually bring the inner u out for sure. Although it's deeper than i can swim in ur sexuality while chasing u onto the floor. So the hush does its thing as i play in the shallows so well. Bcuz i know if you'd ever look me in the eyes I'd fall as i fell. Collapsing to ur submission of giving me what i truly seek. To be luv'd by u n no other is a consistent dream. A thought that consumes emotion wanting out of the chest. To grind slow enough to be felt before the beast is released n expectations are met. I'd live on my knees only to please ur desires if i could. For if i was ur equal my mind could fine peace like it should. Giving u every part of me hidden n tucked away. Whether it be the rush of hormones tossing u about or sitting with us as friends. N it would be this way until death becomes our end...

Non existant...

I don't get around much anymore. Kinda left the games to the upcoming whores. Guess i felt it was their turn to play. But they'll never get it in the way i could'nt be tamed. Without a lie slipping from my lips i spoke the truth. Had my fun n gave pleasure to those who needed to cut loose. As it's been some time that I've juggled females with a smile. Knowing damn well not a one of us set out to gain relations to be worth while. But the snippidy snippers snipped strings attaching themselves to pieces of me. For there was nothing beyond the physical attraction that set me free. N it's even been yrs since I've gotten out n about to see what's what. The minds been too busy to attempt anything that partains to trust. As the moment of the loner is passing like a phase swept away with the breeze. With thoughts switching momentum to access capabilities hidden deep within daydreams. I've become a dreamer reminiscing of prior entanglements that were oh so good. As my eyes close to take a look. Cheap thrills n ex luv'rs gather in the memories in my time alone. Making me wonder if I'll ever find a place called home. Triggering intent to be honest with self before it's too late. But i don't wanna go back too multiple friends sitting on my face. I'm reserving that space for someone special to ride until her hormones can't take no more. But i haven't stepped into the light of day for anyone to catch a glimpse of who i really am. I can go right or left n be content if it's sex i seek coming from the core. Although this isn't the old me mingling in the crowd gripping a squeeze. Even though it would be nice to hold on to just one like she was never to leave. But as i sit mentally recalling the transformation yet to break one the fuck off. I just i haven't opened the door to breathe the fresh air bcuz i don't wanna get lost. The temptations are real i must admit but i don't wanna do anyone wrong if i make a move. Nothings changed in that aspect about me so I'll try to build up the nerve to live n play a lil peekaboo. Yet i need not to believe in the lusts that once consumed my heart. I'll need a lil something more than a flickerin spark in the dark. Or it just may be old ways is all there is. Being the let down with everything about me to give...

Now is a thing...

I've already had my dream girl n now i stand looking back at this world like what's next. It's not what others wanna hear but the truth is best when I'm free to give me as is n not what's left. Willing to show up n show out to gain something real for once. If u cannot relate to it maybe there's something within u that's still on the hush. Bcuz I've played with my fantasies n now know what it is i like. N a friend means more to the mind than the heart could ever define. I'm just being honest while u think I'm full of shit. I've been there n done deeds n now I'm back to live with the sound of the pecks that kiss. Wondering who in the fuck triggers deep intent on levels untold. So chuckle up a breath wasted on me sifting until i identify home. Moving with the feel of tight snugs loosening the thrill to evolve. Provoking desires to come to a moan with me not being able to get enough of life finally solved. Falling in n under the surface where fingers cannot reach. Although they lead the way for compatibility to create the scene. Dipping into the chest searchin for the tickle of the ribs with every stroke. I've come back to the now just to say i no longer wanna be alone. N nah, i don't feel the urge to drift with luv'rs that come n go. So lets leave be what I've done with others n listen to the tongues unique tone. Stroking thoughts the way they were meant to be freed. As eyes roll up in the head when the down n dirty gives pleasure from the knees. Oh u don't believe a fella speaking from the inside out? Then don't n keep on hating every good one that comes along trying to adapt to ur frown. Ain't my worry n one less task I'll havta deal with that is not of my own. Like i said, I'm solid with who i am as I'm n in my zone. I as able to step into my lane n walk it like i matter the most. But I'm also eager to know if a lil sum sum is tempted to put down her phone. Maybe take a peek at some flesh shedding clothes instead not skin. Damn I'd ware her all night n three times a day if paths were to refused to return to where they've been. Telling it like it is so i know where i stand. Hey you! I think i could be ur biggest fan...

the pieces of square one struggling...

emptied n drained n unable to feel anything. the sound of the hollow is as silent as aches without wings. trapped within to remain as the ends lost in depths. living with what's left for the mind to pick at as if self has failed the test. refusing to come back to life slowly becomes the void needed to never be hurt again. n it clings to the heart 's fame that used to be luv like a insane fan. motionless is emotions as the idle wondering where the spark went. as mirrors hung gives the loner someone to talk to once the pain is done with its vent. fading with a lil time spent with no one close enough to touch the fool. the bottomless pit only allows what can never be to land believing luv is just a tool. one in which the fakes brief moments caught in thoughts that turn into memories that will never rest. n what's left behind is the grief that shelters the feel until hope is no longer a need buried in the chest. lost drifts just before the awakening of the solo act hiding behind the guard others call a wall. but it's there where safe seems to resurrect a smile prior to not knowing how to truly revive the interest it takes to stand tall. as brave as the fear that captures the forsaken intent. thinking how does one get back to the simplicity of holding on to what is more than lent. forgotten is the phase needing to be broken like the shattered pieces that rearranged life some time ago. curios to know is the correction of wanting to go home. a place where rambles in the dark aren't echoes bouncing off the walls to be heard. followed by a voice with its own words. back to square one n confused is the best that can be said to described what tugs on the war beneath the surface causing such a fuss. damn near rubbing the nose in how self let go a lil to much to ever create a rush. with no movement in the pulse to vibe to nights are so difficult to get through in one piece. as each fragment is gathered come mornings shine so a way can rise to breathe.

The book of self...

Ending chapters is like beginning new ends. In the reverse sense of giving life to grins. Friends take part in portions as the come n go. As words without tones capture the story verbally shown. Luv'rs tell tales of the heart n then the pages flip one by one. Finding a different scenario falling in n straight through luv. Pieces of self gained is through lessons made. Decisions written on paper is jotted down to be saved. In a read along that's lip syncing at ores finest. As highest of highs encounter the lows of being at times more than lifeless. In individual memories shared there's moments that define characters from character on display. Lost within the way fingers touch the surface holding letters together. Hope speaks as if a mute of wanting to last forever. In between each n every line there's a truth told in the fine print. The trick to a better ending is to actually live. To come alive with the way the tongue plays with the syllables before it's too late. Enjoying the flavor spiced up with a lil fun on the way it tastes.

Living in disbelief...

What is happiness when fear claims the heart? With a simmer of life still left with a shell that tensions chard. Affraid with the belief that everyone will betray u. It's just a matter of time before depths are dragged by the noose. Hung u0 on display for another knife carving dumbazz in the back. Aa the disbelief in studying lasting past the passing of laughs. Where is home supposed to be when self is lost n looking at this fake azz world alone?  With a tear tugging on worth as if self will never be good enough to enjoy hope. Is there some sorta trick to convince the mind to smile without doubt whispering don't trust it in the ear? Belittling the inner makings keeps self the safest as the had never hasta turn to see what's coming up from the rear. Why is there so much useless weight in the chest? As the none believer within falls into the dwell of loneliness. It hurts to have everything to give but yet feel the loss before the beginning ever takes place. Louie a friend cab never made no matter the intent shown standing face to face. Does life twist us all from the feeling of losing interest in others in ways we drift into boredom? Or is it just me being petrified of allowing another to play with what i cannot get to come undone? Hiding behind the hopelessness n making it look good so no one is ever witness to the monster elusive enough to not appear. As if a shadow in the night escaping the spotlight but not the mirror. It seems reflections of expressions show so often it's better to regain isolated until the body expires. N the pain in saying it bulds a cry deep in the core that's trapped n burning in the fire. Nothing i can do makes me happy as u run everyone off. N there's nothing wrong with me other than the consistency of me calling bs on the same ol shit fed to me raw. N the round about thought price process takes a toll on the mood locked on the other suede of closed doors. As i speak honestly with self as i too want more. I do desire someone who finds me reaching out. To never shy away or eventually want something else that with me just cannot be found. N i ask myself, who am i but in the way of others? With nowhere to fit in n not one person to open the gates as if to be more than a luv'r. When will the tension ever rest for my truths to be free? So i can get back to being me...

The real Butch..

I'd trade fb for a good but naughty lil friend. So i can find my way back to the good life where i don't feel so different. Puttin fakebook down for someone real for a change. In the flesh n waking to the same cute face. Simply return to the hush life as if i do not exist. Where lips find mine suckin on a kiss. Able to feel the comfort when she walks into the room. Feeling a lil something going on beneath the skin that makes my smile move. It would be better than what I've forced myself to become accustom to. I've been found my self n yet the linger of being lost still claims my use. So just to hear a lil sum sum shift her tone. I'd give up on the boredom n accept I'd prolly never be left alone. Listening to the chatter until jabber jaws was ready to rest. Always having the creature she is clinging to me bcuz she's most comfy on my chest. As social media has nothing on a truth getting it in in the real world. It doesn't have the necessities to matter the way single becomes plural. Even in the silent moments where chillin is just laying around. As one in the same tougher n thankful asf that two hearts can sync up n bounce. The popular vote can have the silliness everyone makes up once i lean in to a lifetime shared. For the malarkey to exchange chuckles online i would no longer care. It ain't real so it's pointless in my eyes seeking to look away into the definition of free. It's just a place where everyone can actually hide in plain sight without ever coming out to be seen. I'd rather touch someone with a grope followed up with a stroke she'd crave. Giving her a reason to get attached to the way she caters to my name. Interacting with more than a screen that changes with the flick of a thumb. There's no hype, no thrill n no rush in having to keep self on hush. I'd gain more walking away from all the make believe nonsense with a hand in mine. Off to where we cannot be found to go n live life. But the strangest thing is what I'd want is rare. N i cannot speak of it due to chameleons pretend to play fair...

On the up...

Lights dimmed n sippin enjoyin the night. Sittin with a cutie with some real fuckin likes. Smiles poppin off that can't be restrained.  Jus one more reason not to play any games. As convo speaks into whipser with the mood. Closer in the moment feeling the groove. Music playin melodies vibin with sighs slippin out. There's no hiding the facts of how she eases the mind. With a chuckle here n a flitation stare every so often. There's no rush for the heart is blind to soften. It's the look on her eyes peepin up n down. Watching my mouth lip sync sound. Movements reach for touches to feel a connection. Witness to how the thrill creates affection. The walls fall further to the morning the interaction gets. Tickling a true sense of humor being life you the ribs. With bare feet on the lap trying to turn the bottom of the bottle up. The grope on the toes to the heal must be rubbed. N oh the satisfaction to be accepted by such a creature. Someone a lil different in which There's not much i could possibly teach her. As she's in her zone pulsating with me on her mind. Trickling into her chest n pushing aside the hype. Damn her smurk identifies my desires are weak. She sees me i true form as if I'm living a dream. Softly caressing her skin with my fingertips. Jus chillin, wanting to relax with a twist. Making it up to her thigh i pause so time can drag into that initial first kiss. Buildin the suspence for the capture of the heart. She's the type kitten as a special work of art. Able to counter sarcastic laughter to see if i can keep up. If I'm around her long enough the more I'd fall in luv. But words wait their turn bcuz there's so much to know. I'm jus findin where i fit in to her hope. As the last glass becomes empty causing an uncontrolable need of plaesure. N that's my que to dive in to find the sunken treasure. As kisses slide across the cheek to the neck. Hands grabbing at her waist for the full affect. Freeing her from being enslaved by clothes. Allowing me to catch a breath in between her moans. Alone we act like animals as natural as intent could ever be. But there was even more than being down on our knees. As sweat rolled as it was tasted upon the tongue. Her's twirled as good as mine when coming undone. The flames grew as if we could see in the dark. Feeling our way around each other becoming the spark. Deeper n harder n wetter the feel we craved. Nibbling on breasts n squeezing throats demanding to be tammed. With a tugging of the hair she was mine to have. But lil fours she know i was hers before she ever agreed to be had. With her scent leading the way. N the way she purposely said my name. I was a gonner prior to the thrusts stroking every inch. Holding out just long enough to get it together with a clinching grip. As still as the bed waiting for us to collapse. The night have in to the morning that finally elapsed. Tightly embracing what we've missed for ever as it seemed. Jus laying there in silence fallin asleep.

5,000 ways...

Touch me n I'll tell u if i feel that shit. It's not likely but I'll be honest if u can accept every syllable that comes from my lips. For one found wear i wad looking fur some time ago. Or so i thought as yrs gone past has humbled me in my moments alone. Reach out n grope my skin. Bit do it in a way that makes my nerves pause. Damn near in shock to the interacting as if u crumbled my walls. I'm not gonna tell u what u wanna hear. Nor fake the mood to fit myself into ur panties falling to pull u near. I'm a bit diffetent I'm many ways. N yeah there's something I'm awaiting to correct the display upon my face. U may do for a whole or possibly sink in. But how will we ever know if contact isn't allowed to live? I know rejection hurts but to try is a matter of giving it a go. N i believe everyone somewhere has a home. So use ur finger n try to put a print on my heart. See id ur hand can get beneath the surface to shutboff all the alarms. Changes is whatbi can admit needs to give way. Unless ur affraid of losing at the attempt it takes to create a smile upon my face. Bcuz it might be me that doesn't fit in ur world. Even if i craved the exlerience to enjoy an us as i hold only ur hand as my girl. Felt is mutual n i just may br the one in the wind. Neva know so what's up with finding out with the the way we live? I could shun u n make u feel as if ur not good enough but it wouldn't be my intent. But in return the end of trying could be u laughing as u turn on unless time spent. Or things could enjoy a horizon lifting us into a new day claiming what's meant. Butvfuck the emotional aspect if there's not a friend to gain. Honest is best when relatimg to the mood of the m moment looking to last beyond the hyoes fame. In 5,000 ways to say i could use someone to ease my mind. There's a rebelion to believe the game is too much to feed into. But if u somehow u fill the void as in u make inner makings move. Damn u in a sense of it's about time. As it takes two to collaborate truthfully for a piece of mind. Worth one after another resins of why we can't leave each other alone. N if it's a no, there's no hard feelings bcuz we are grown. My thought is it Congress down ti do we want what we're used to or something new? Even if u don't look my way, i live loose. Moving to the vibe of what's good for me. The same way ur patience play with ur own defined curiosities....

This is 5,000 writings/diddles as i call them...

On this porch...

Sit on down. Lets talk. To be ourselves for a bit. Remove ur walls. Open the doors to ur mind. Relate beyond limits. On topics that reach for more. Tell it line it is. On this porch just wasting time. For the moment to find its way. Breathe. Trust in a friendly face. Exposing the silliness that rambles. About whatever comes to thought. Free yourself. Just relax n naturally get lost. Away from everyday life. Watching the world do what it does. With no expectations other than the here n now. Speaking on things that u n i have hushed. To dreams flowing into jibberish that means nothing at all. Loosen up n verbalize ur sound. Feel the mood lighting ur presence wanting to be known. Live just long enough to come out. On this porch where nothing goes unsaid. Where what's spoken stays between u n i. Diving into depths n swimming upon realitues surface. I too would loke to be revived.

In my lap...

I just wanna put my head in ur chest. As I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. As u come over n have a seat in my lap. Pulling me near with a slight laugh. Feeling ur arms wrap around me the way they do. Listening to ur heart move. Pulsating in my ear. Telling me i have nothing to fear. I wanna dive in to ur embrace. Fall so i to can feel sane. Get lost in a world where there's no one but u n i. Held softy to preserve our lives. With my cheek buried between ur breasts. My hands as ur eyes behind ur head. To feel ur body close to mine. Giving me more than a piece of mind. I wanna loosen up so i can let me out. As our movement speaks without a sound. To know i have u to comfort me in every way. As i enjoy how u whisper my name. Tuning out everything that isn't about us. To kiss the lips of luv. I wanna stop time to be at one with u. Swaying like smoke on the move. From the heat generated in our hearts. Believing in a work of art. Pausing to gain seconds to smell ur scent. Before we topple over n have a night well spent...

Who is ur wait worth?

Could u use someone who's a lil rough around the edges but has a mindset intact? Maybe a person u can rely on that won't switch up as long as u remain who u are as time moves too fuckin fast. Do u feel the need to open up to a real one that ain't no better than anyone else but ain't for the same ol shit? Possibly believe in another who can relate to everyday life n in luv with living to create a chuckle in the rib. Are u able to take a moment to stare a lil at a smile ready to lift up the mood n never let it go? Settling the hmms so hahas lead the head nodding to a diversified list of music playing when we're alone. Do u think i might be the ease that rushes through the heart that wraps u in the warmth of arms? Never to leave u hanging for selfish intent after exposing yourself to a rare kinda charm. Where are ur memories without a friend listening with a convo reaching levels deeper than vanity can dive? When sexual desires come to the surface to play with sensitive nerves flowing to the grind. Does that tingle tickle ur goochie goo when thoughts cannot hide curiosities? Bringing u from within due to u like what has come along to put rest to all the inanities. Who is it that's beautiful in the way u define what it is u need to truly be free? That one who has the rhythm as if plucked from ur dreams. What's the possibility of u n i getting lost for a while to recognize the individual wanting something different than we've ever known. Leaning towards a set of keys that eventually unlock the same door when we get home. So, when is waiting around gonna run its coarse for u to exist for once? Breaking the hours glass to release the sand back to the beach to enjoy the same sunsets in which u too can trust. What type of character will fulfill the void that has u fading further into the abyss of depths. Something tells me u could use a hand to grab for a dance that comes straight from the chest.

From dusk to dawn...

My heart dies every night just to awaken to a new life of hope. As days wait for me to decide to be luv'd so i can finally go home. Yet i don't know where to turn to so i too can find my peace. Although I'd enjoy falling into my imagination away from daydreams. To live in the now knowing i am worth another's thrill. But i rest alone waiting for the morning to come to me with it's free will. From lost in the dark hours of wonder to the head swiveling attempting to catch an eye. My emotions are restless like the thoughts that have stepped outta myself to reclaim my mind. I'm here when i wanna be there. Wherever the spark never allows the emptiness to be the only thing that cares. Feeling a snuggle lean in before the feet ever touch the floor. Always in the moment as if there's no such thing as ever wanting more. With a chance still crawling through my chest for i know what i have to offer. Only if that one person would appear that i simply refuse to go without as i tenderize to be a lil bit softer. And Yet in bed i sit shaking my head of the yesterday wasted due to i didn't even try. I just let things flow with the breeze n felt me wanting to cry. Slipping off into a place where my vibe moves. I died for a few. To live on the other side once again like a coward afraid of luv. Although if i knew where my friend was I'd give her something to trust. To break free from the pitch of black where sound seizes to exist. Expressing a goodnight place gentle upon her lips.

.

More than a mood...

If u cannot catch my sighs floatin through midair n shake em like dice until u hear my secrets whisper softly as if they're vibes playin with the tone walkin across the pillow to get to u. Just move outta the way so my tongue doesn't havta sidestep the feel of heated breaths in a moment gone to waste seekin something new. My lips doesn't blabber foolishness when it comes to the heart speakin in rhythm with what matters the most. N by chance u miss my worth comin from within with a purpose to be heard in between the spece between us wanting to touch hope. Keep on gettin on to where u were to pause for the next curiosity talkin sweet nothings deep in ur ear. For there's only a split second for truths to show up n catch the delivery meant to be grasped bybthe mind so emotion can settle with the pulse bouncing with excitement without an ounce of fear...

DEEP DIGGING...

MAYBE I'M TRYIN TO ESCAPE FROM MYSELF. TO FREE UP SPACE FOR SOMONE ELSE TO BE FELT. MAYBE I JUST DON'T WANT THE WRONG ONES TO KNOW. BUT DAMN, HOW I COULD GETUSED TO ANOTHER GETTING CLOSE. OR MAYBE I FEEL LOST LIKE I HAVE FOR SO LONG. IT COULD PERHAPS BE I BELIVE THERE'S NOWHERE I BELONG. MAYBE A TOUCH OF WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BECOME. ONLY IF THE OLD ME COULD SEE THIS NONSENSE OF ME BEING ON THE RUN. JUST MAYBE I'D LISTEN TO TO ME AGAIN. THE SIDE THAT OPENS UP TO OPPORTUNITITES WILLING TO ACCEPT A FRIEND. MAYBE I'VE FINAALY GOTTEN BORED WITH MYSELF. SITTING AROUND WONDREING WHAT TO DO WITH THE TIME LEFT SO THE HEART CAN FIND A LIL HELP. MAYBE THIS WAY ISN'T THE BEST THING I CAN DO. LIVING IN ISOLATION KEEPING EMOTION FROM EVER ABLE TO MOVE. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I'VE OVERCOME ME OWN REASONS TO HIDE. COULD IT BE, I'M MORE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE THAT BRINGS ME TO LLIFE? MAYBE THE UPS N DOWNS N BACK N FORTHS HAVE SHIFTED ME IN WAYS I GET THE CONCEPT OF HOPE. BUT WILL I ALLOW ANYONE TO DIG IN TO KNOW?  \MAYBE IT'S FEAR OF FAILING ONCE AGAIN. FUCK THAT, IT IS N I CAN'T STAND I FIGHT MYSELF TO ENJOY A FRIEND...

Behind the wall...

The front is built of lies that we all hide behind. To protect vital sensitivities locked away in the mind. Far from the heart that only knows how to feel. Separating emotions from thoughts like an art awaiting eyes seeking something real. With hope in the pocket as if a dollar bill to be spent. Outta sight n stuffed deep enough for a hole cut out the end. Damn the secrets of the heart that conflick with the mind. Tucked up n under the tongue with the personal reasons of why. Allowing time to pass beyond expectations that define a fool. But yet the boundaries that exist are put in place as a tool. Frustrating the facts of solitudes purpose after all. Stepping back n away from any attempt to fall. For luv is a sidekick to the true show of friendship rarely put into play. As expressions in mirrors characterize the face. Lost lingers in silent tones damn near as if whispers pushed away by the wind. Self cannot be heard when words never wanna tell how one has been. Off into the unknown with uncertanties that comfort what refuses to change. Having the same sanity that claims reality trapped beneath the surface avoiding accelerated heart rates. In a pause peeking around the walls in the way. To high to climb n to afraid to remove a single block well intact. N these are three facts.

can we relate.?.

life ain't gonna wait so what is it you're looking for? does your patience have the time of loss drifting with the thought of just a lil more. wanting to hold out so the right one somehow comes along. trust me, it's a lonely process predicting perfect not to go wrong. it's no more than a drawn out specification that ends before the findings ever collapse into arms as such. u might wanna find a friend that won't spoil the makings of luv. because this world will spin you into your grave if you fade with days that can't be relived. so what is it you truly tend to miss? have you still a silhouette yet to capture something similar to what is your type of norm? n if so. why is it you keep going for what you've already worn. the look wasn't good for your well being n you know it. but i'm not judging you as my words are just attempting to bring you out for i am trying to live. curious to see for myself if eyes linger past my presence like i don't exist. or if a stare sets in to how space in between lips is nothing more than a first kiss. although it's depends on what stage you're in for intent to reach out. so, where are you mentally with emotions slowly creeping behind the scenes afraid to be found? it's just a few questions that gives clarity to a situation in which you know i am aware of. but if you're ready to leap i cannot fall so fast as to rush. everything needs its moment to evolve. especially when it comes to the feeling a need to wanna be involved. n that rounds the convo back full circle to what is it you're doing from day to night? are you just in the mood when you figure you're tired of running around inside with nothing but a grind? or are you just willing to waste away being caught up in a slump? shit, who knows, it's a long shot of me being that one. but like the game played it's your move to consider another face popping up in your visual to be seen. n i can go away the same way i came bopping my way from here nor there as i leave. no worries n issues caused if we ain't on the same level of bring in on. idk where it is your worth is going. i'm just in your way for a split second because you came into view. n i liked what i witnessed from afar as you like a chance is something new. a fresh reason to feel the vibe. at least i'm willing to try. hoping you're a lil different than what my choices a have shown me so far. or you could just avoid me as a reality you wouldn't wanna get to know as i won't take it so hard. we have one take on how we mingle so do your thing. i'll be doing me...

live it...

how bad did it hurt to stay that long down? now that life feels different by the shape of your mouth. i can see it as plain as day. even the phase in which you're in smeared upon your face. i've been there n know the transition all to well. but it ain't until you get over the how did i fall the feeling felt. trust in a friend that wants nothing but to see you come from the betrayal with a better sense of hope. bcuz the defining factor needs patience in when sitting alone. just past the arrogance of that self proclaimed solo act there's a transition in the mind. understanding the hearts will that lingers with life. so let it drag the depths until the bottom has no monsters to invade dreams. the process is the becoming as you know you're better than repeating false hopes that make it hard to breathe. allow the pain to do its part as you lay in the pieces shattered within. it's more enjoyable to choose how self is to be put back together at its end. live it n embrace the empty drifting that occurs. you'll find your way back from the isolation when you find your own true worth. for i know where you're thoughts linger when you rest at night. each stage you enter is the path to regain sighs. trust n believe in the flow that directs you to the shores where you cannot drown. n chuckle along the way for it's your turn to grow with a smile to flip from being upside down.

it seems...

with so many good ones to a few bad decisions that broke down my dreams. it seems i've had some missed opportunities to moments i could barely breathe. faces linger in times when alone is a lil too far gone. as chuckles bring me back with one belief that remains as luv some day won't be prolonged. n yeah i may be something else in eyes that all hold the same stare watching me do what i do. but the truth is, i'd trade them all in for just one i could get used to. for the list is so long i can't imagine remembering each one individually. from the gigolo to the family man n everything in between the honesty. i kept it straight up in more ways than one that spoke without words. even gave a couple a real chance to please worth. although there's been some that i faded on that didn't deserve the retreat. but a lie i cannot live so my lips told no tales on the visions i had of what it was i thought was free. then i turned n released myself from situations that did not define me the way i felt i needed to come to life. there was always something to keep me from feeling alive. n as for the flings that are a smear to the memory that catches a periodic poof. i hope they know that they do not hang in my daydreams from a noose. i did no one wrong so guilt isn't something that's attached to my heart like it belongs. i didn't know what i had in the rare ones that found a comfort just having me around. i just wasn't ready or feeling certain things that surfaced from beneath what i could allow. because it was the whole picture from start to a coarse of events i foreshadowed in my mind. n choices were made to linger off on my own with emotions sidestepping ends not wanting to hide. from then to the now of here i am in the flesh. the things i've learned has me reasoning with the gates opening to accept a lil help. n it's like i have an army in my head putting there guns down due to they're tired of the war of fighting one another. done with the safe keeping that is as endless as the battles that replay visions in the dead of nights of lost luv'rs. tears are no existent of past experiences playing in the hollow depths. leaving one question of what is really next? can the guard be lowered for hands to reach my skin? pressing in on my hidden intent to live. moving slowly my chest pulsates behind closed doors thinking forward like i've never been hurt. but if i'm to truly smile imma havta do it prior to being laid six feet down in the dirt. buried like every n all those who aren't by my side now. as it seems i must eventually face the crowd. knowing i'm just one person just the same as they are. just curious to know who it is that can do more than play the part.

just being herself...

When she's got her shit together n has no need to perform as being crazy to gain unneeded attention just to fill an ego... Having no purpose trying to fit in with everyone else that all mingle to be whatever the crowd expects them to be... With a twisted sense of humor that doesn't need another to be entertained... When her mentality isn't anything less than her humbleness that refuses to be disrespected... With an understanding that she's more affective to get what she wants when she keeps her head over her heart... Never come outta character knowing a friendship is worth more than emotional outbursts... As she ain't average when the bedroom door closes by far...  Presenting herself in true form no matter what chameleon crosses her path... When her strength isn't a defense mechanism but a willingness to relate... It's when she needs no substances to cope with life due to she accepts what choices have brought her to be... As she's capable of feeling n able to walk away from anyone on some bs... There's just things about her that speak for themselves as she's no better or any less than anyone doing their thing... But to find such an individual who doesn't cling to wanting to change a fella isn't an easy task... But she herself knows people have their own journeys as they walk together for as long as it lasts... As others claim to be all n the above yet there's not many on her level without putting others down... she'd be the type i'll admit that's my kinda gal...

peekaboo...

looking without letting it be known. eyes wandering from face to face seeking that stare of hope. mind on a prowl taking notice in who is who. piecing together a curiosity so that heart can move. adjusting to the thrill of another wanting a true friend. silently i watch from afar so too soon doesn't interrupt luv trying to contend.  the wait ha been long. the loneliness was prolonged. needing to understand what self is and how composure is maintained. for i too crave something real to be gained. as intact and well rounded i believe i've become. but my tongue is hushed. actions still halted lingering just outta reach. but her i am loosening to the thought to hear a sigh breathe. patiently i await the whispers crawling across pillows wanting to talk. giving moments of my life to comfort a reason to pause. to ease back and claim seconds for memories to come to life. but imma havta accept another in the flesh when lips move to say hi.

only with you...

comforted by just you. at peace with my eyes closed just feeling your fingers move. releasing me from within as i drop my guard. giving a shhhhh to settle my will in your arms. sinking into a piece of mind i've never known. able to accept someone like i've never shown. as one with the moment touched to be saved from self. as my friend you are the calm that helps. pulling me closer to safety's embrace. with your body motionless i lay. claimed by the flow that soothes the beast. as your fingerprints feel my skin the ease the way i breathe. you're the magic that lingers in my heart. the irresistible creation holding me together. as movement rests upon you wanting the friendship to make it beyond forever. i lean into you with beliefs that have found a truth. not needing words to assure the truce. as your silence is all that's done me in. with you i am alive to live.

Reaching for u...

Appreciate me. Know i am just one outta so many that could be. In my own way. Jus wanting to remain. Loosening up to the feel of the wonder of what kinda friend u could become. Falling from egos into luv. Locked into a stare if you'd allow me to simply fill that void. Understand who it is i am still yet to know. Be the piece that that creates a peace so we can create a home. Jus be free to accept me in which the way i come. Evolving to land in ur arms so i don't feel so fucikin alone. To that drift of a wonder that hides in our minds. Enjoy the details that conforts life. Im nothing more than a face u could get used to this i know. As i linger within ur grasp of who will it take to fulfill more than moans. See the inner makings wanting to be seen by the naked eye. From ur early mornings to the stillness of ur nights. I rasie my hand for the chance to be put to use. To feel the way u move. I'm more than u think i am. I just need someone to believe in the middle is the moment of truth u prolly ain't used to. As i havta admit it'll take a so called miracle for my heart to move. Although I'm feelin the way u vibe. N I'm telling u i cannot get u off my mind. N as mental as I've somehow become i have a lil something I've held in. It's ready to open the gates n live. To leave the solo act so far behind the imagination that cannot remember it ever existed. As i reach for u line i cannot resist it. With a thought of hope that awaits u in return.  Question is, to u, do i have a worth?

I can only wish.

I wish it were u who made time step aside. But life has its own way of teaching its reasons of why. It would be so nice if there were a way. N yet days come n go without a chance for luv to be saved. The thought of comfort alone settles my core. Although there's other factors that defy what can never be poured. Ur tucked into a no go zone in my mind. Forever to be a memory of hope wanting u in my life. Her today gone tomorrow is the story told in whispers that are never meant to be heard. As three lil words when directed towards u has so much worth. Only if there was a way to capture the moment that pulsates the heart. I'd give u every last detail of me line a work of art. There's just too much space in between where we belong. N that in it's own has inner makings feeling lost. Drifting as trapped images of ur smile that's never to be forgotten. Even though everything i wish we were is slowly rotting.

Don't go...

Unheard words of don't go to be flipped from the tongue in a moment of definitive clarity. As a pause adjusts to confirmation of truths leaping outta depths with a rare energy. Settling the wonder of tones shaped by lips that refuse to remain silent. In the do or die scenerio showing intent on another level so vibrant. Lusts step aside n likes transform into a crave of pick me. As the linger awaits a response to feel the fulfillment of the heart's dream. It's a leap at an end to bypass the parting of ways. To pour emotion out into a display for eyes to witness the escape. Racinreaching for luv before it slips off back into the crowd of strangers lerking about. With time ticking slowly patiently hoping for the answer the creates a happiness spoken out loud. Just prior to friends losing the good fight one last chance comes to soundwaves in a blurt. Don't go, is the chant that is like a fading echo struggling to be heard. Sending shockwaves to revive the ripples caught up in the confusion that exists. All for the one person that describes a reason to live...

Back to the questions...

What to do with too many miles in between the heart n who it is that has what it takes to ease its vibe? N how can long distance luv'rs ever coexist if lives live in different cities that are sar far apart the situation is shut down in the mind? Why does such a harsh reality drive its wedge on the middle having to let go of a friend? N when is the comfort of the unknown every gonna give in to a more reasonable end? Where is the gray area that actually plays fair emotion can come out n play? Who will be closer than distance traveled that can stand n deliver without all the overrated games? Is there no answer to seek if a leap cannot be the one thing within arms reach? N does the depths of relations havta cross where feet can't walk to have the creation of hopes need?

I faded...

I've luv'd in a way i handed another the reigns. Allowed myself to feel whatever came about n that's when i felt the pain. The erie twist within that changed me forever so it seems. As i no longer believe in relations being an actual need. Shit hurt too deep n it damn near felt as if i wasn't gonna overcome the ache. But when i came to i didn't quite look the same. My expressions were different as i had to get to know me all over again. Just to find myself thinking to myself on a beach with toes buried in the sand. Thoughts lingered with dreams that faded prior to the moment of sitting in disbelief. N it was my heart that made it hard to breathe. For it was the first time i realized everything i ever wanted to do has changed. The memory of new encounters were to be attached someone else's face. I opened up n dove into the future way too far. I seen it all n i wanted to do more than play the part. Yet i drift with a heart not knowing wtf normal couple ever be. Truth is what i desired turned n washed away from me. Leaving a void to possibilities i have no intent to comfort any time soon. Problem is idk where home is so i claim the moon. As the earth is my resting place no matter where i sleep. N i never thought I'd wander off without a diving thing to seek. It's just an empty road that leads to nowhere in the makings. But at least it isn't what's left of me up for the taking. Healed i am but lost fear is the hole i haven't been able to shut. N it all fell into play bcuz i couldn't help but to fall in luv. As i fell straight through n bounced to my feet. It took some yrs but look at me. I'm on the run trying to figure out what kinda life awaits me to settled down. With words hushed so no one can hear me make a sound. As from here to over there I'll find my around to adjusting once more. Sad thing is i believed by now I'd be happy but my mind has been on tour. Looking at cities n countrysides as i zoom on by. Scared that I'm wasting days n ill be too old when i sit still enough to tell another hi. I just don't wanna get caught up in the end of it all. It's much simpler to avoid all things that remove pictures from the walls. So for what it's worth this is not who i set out to be. I've just become dependent on me. Never giving in to the loss resting until it all comes crashing down. It sucks but this way of live is better than the eventual frawn. As i lie to myself here in these words no one will ever read. Knowing I'd rather enjoy living for the weekends then chase an endless greed. I'm bot me anymore n I'm not sure i like who it is I've become. It bothers me I'm missing out on so much fun. As even family n friends will come to know me a vague. All bcuz i faced from memories never made. N I'm turn between an opportunity to see what i prolly couldn't have n belong remembered as a ghost until i return. Which has more worth? It's likeI'm to busy fixing where everything went wrong to be a part of what i can never get back. But if i don't handle business how will i ever correct the facts? It consumes me to be this free as I'm trapped within. N all anyone else sees is my half hearted grin. Mountains have been crossed n desserts have been roamed. N yet i still feel totally fuckin alone. Sidestepping everything that isn't what i set out to do. I just hope when it's all said n done i can reclaim my natural mood. After slipping out the side door not known where to go. I honestly just want to go home...

Too high too fast too soon...

Letting them go so they can live their life. Knowing there's nothing self can give to ease their mind. In a mature state of respect one hasta watch them step away. As a friend that cannot walk with them along their way. Feeling hands slide to fingertips never to touch again. Having no need in causing pain the releaae is a ban. To forbid a continuation diggin in to the heart. Having to halt their intent damn near from the very start. For it is self that fell short of fulfilling dreams. Leaving them before they get to deep in needs. Self hasta save them from the evident twist. Bcuz there's no belief in self being able to surrender to a kiss. The emotional aspect's bar is simply set too high. N the fall would only destroy memories that take flight. So the end creeps in to say its peace. Letting down expectations as passion bleeds. Freeing them so they can find someone that fits the mood. Hoping they don't dwell too long lost in an empty room. For apologies never seem to define the drift. But it isn't like self wouldn't like to taste their lips. It's just a matter of they shouldn't depend on luv so much. It turns off the switch that lit up worlds muted to a hush. Self will help them escape before it's too late. Wasted time can never be regained. Tears will always clear the eyes. N they'll soon realize it was all a hype. From the beginning the wall stood intact. As the key was hidden within waiting on the facts. Interests vanished as if true expressions were rarely seen. Only coming alive to the fullest when locks were picked to free the freak. They just move too fast n fail to take a peek at the truth patiently sitting still. Forcing self to decide what's best when desires are spilled. In a moment to admit something went wrong. Somehow along the way the lil light went off... They dove too soon n it fucked things up. Why can't they just relax to find an us?

Spoken in true form...

Lets be honest n tell no lies. Speak on what will save the heart before it runs outta time. Straight to the chase where the running stops. Finding a way to open up as we slowly rot. Time moves so fast when it gets away. So in the moment with me imma need u to stay. To admit it is i that u are lost without. As my truths face every word meant from thy mouth. We havta settle the nerves or fade like a memory forgotten. Listening to the twist of thoughts justify as concoctions. To live is to adjust without ever returning to a prior way. So say how u will with the tone that sounds my name. As real as comfort makes sounds through a vibe. Press yourself against me n feel how u affect my life. Reaching for a friend the same as u do. Exposing cracks that lead to depths within u. There's a must in the presence to create a never ending luv. Spoken in true form flipped from the tongue. Naturally giving reasons to gestures loosening clinches. We need to know venom has no place in between us leaning into kisses. So speak it the way it needs to be said. Or we might as well go ahead n call next. For who we are hasn't a fake smile to be shown. If we are indeed more than just not wanting to be alone. Lemme hear u even if it's a whisper so soft. Gentle enough to touch me deeper than I've ever felt lost. To revive me is to redefine u in so many ways. As it's vice versa when igniting the flame. With a flicker sparking a conversation no longer waiting to be heard. Discribing worth with every letter of every word. Breaking free from restraints that's tied to solitude's endless drought. Sync with me n bring beauty to how emotion gets down. Pulsating n bouncing to a rhythm of us. Believing in how we are the definition of trust.

looking for a reset...

When one has been with so many others their faces cannot be remembered. Becoming a vague thought of oh yeah every now n again before the memory is to once again severed. All in doin so just trying to find a place for the heart to be content so time won't seem so long. So a home has pictures hung upon the wall that show what the mind doesn't havta forget in moments that pause. When one has found what it felt emotion couldn't do without as life was clear enough to see future until the end of time. Having to let go of tge ultimate luv n prior flings that never made it into the depths of core living in the eyes. As they close on a past n reopen to what's ahead where tears have no purpose on the run... Gaining grounds n losing the ability to feed into the absence of the thingy sought out to comfort what's been hushed... When the thrill fades from intent n free drifts into a transformation on the other side of no return. The never again mindset loosens up as an unfazed direction of chuckles due to lessons have been learned. As the linger of a new sense of reason makes more sense than the impossible relations that fell in a falling out along the way. Expressions have a different type of motion in how movement shifts away from tasting old luv'rs names. When alone settles the nerve on lonely nights not having to deal with another end to come too soon. The silence is a bit more peaceful as anywhere is a place yet to be seen chasing the moon. But yet how long can one believe better off is as solo as individual tires that roll off into untamed sunsets? Until the feel itself also is to shallow to swim beneath the skies lit for not just one person to witness the display it too resets.

the arrangement of us...

what if i were to wake up in your bed? no longer wondering of belongings of where i wanna rest. even if we agreed emotions aren't part of the deal. let's say i felt comfortable enough to lay with what's real. moving to adjust my arm stuck under your head. when you awaken, would you wonder why i pull you into my chest? what is the chances of attachments once a few times over have come to a norm? do we avoid the makings of friends evolving into more? twisting the situation into a do not return way of life. accepting too far has over stepped enemy lines. as cutting loose the thrill as a must. to move on to the shallowness of what was us. if we accidently came to realize we have a deeper depth. reaching for the surface upon the lips feeling every breath. would the end of our moment free us from a brutal betrayal yet to occur? saving ourselves for someone else's worth. when we said hanging is ok with stipulations put in play. did u mean we could never gain more than a grope that eventually fades? whos' to tell a story that hasn't been lives? why the rules if we don't hold our word that forgets? do u think we'd ever look back to this thing we do as something let go too soon? if we disturbed the mood. changed the arrangement of us just wanting to live for a bit. reflecting on it as damn, but fuck it.

i am the wall...

honestly the walls have become what is me. without them i'll never comprehend what it feels like to be free. i'm safe from this world for i am capture from within. so what is my new found freedom if i cannot live. imma need a wrecking ball bcuz i ain't climbing shit. and i'm not looking to over exert myself trying to get closer to what it is i have so called missed. allowing a stranger to feel me inside and out. i'd rather save face and  keep what i have found. i'm happy even though i too could sure be better. but i can never accept the notion of having a together forever. and it's this imaginative structure that's become a part of me. a shield to protect me from those who cannot sleep. as here in my fort no one can harm the details of who i am. wanting to change me as if a finger is their wand reaching from their hand. i am a prisoner trapped in the confines inside my own mind. living within boundaries that give me a different type of life. one that isn't allowed to step outside for a fresh breath of air. instead i've been shackled to the only one i cannot get away from in which is the only one who fuckin cares. it' me n all i have is to be without this world inflicting its pain. claiming the insanity of the isolation is driving a free spirit insane. i'm unable to fly the coup for reasons that need not be told. as i stand in the watch tower wonder who has the key for my arms to unfold. to remove each block one at a time the same way they were put into place. with each n every tear that dried up with the cement so a solid form could remain. it's impossible for me to be sprung free from these bars sunk into my heart. knowing visitors can only get close enough no matter the charm. as poof, they're gone when they cannot have what they demand as if i do not exist. so i'll stand in my dungeon balling up fists with just one wish. to be left alone until time erodes my world. avoiding intruders wanting singular to transform into plural.

no one to be...

is it you need my hands to squeeze me from your heart? to drain you in such a way it doesn't seem so harsh. maybe with a slit at the bottom so the linger of me can escape. as my fingers pluck your emotions to correct the expressions upon your face. what will it take to rid yourself of me? so your feelings don't get attached to me disturbing your dreams. i need not take up the empty space in your chest so you don't feel for fuckin hollow. the truth is i'm just not the interest to follow. or is it, you need my help to rewire your brain? so you to can realize my presence isn't much of a gain. i'm just a moment that never acknowledges the confines of luv. and i do not understand why your eyes leak for my touch. special i am not so it is okay to let go. as within your mental images i seriously need to be dethroned. it' true tis in your own best interest to put me out. that way the true pieces of you can finally be found. i'd give you cpr but our lips might touch. please avoid the confusions of the makings of us. for i do not belong to the reason you smile. nor am i anyone to entertain desperations gone wild. although i do believe you need a lil help to push me over the edge. to say good riddance to my memory waiting to be lead. with one heave ho i can be done in. taking from you the burden that cripples your grin. i can be everything you've never wanted to see. and i'd be willing to dig up the burial of an after thought known as the seed. uprooted from your garden that i never asked to be planted in. as i'd even refill the hole if it would allow you to live. i am only one person your attachments for some reason cling to. as a flingy thing i need to be removed. i'll cut me loose once every ounce of me has been hanged out to dry. no, i am not what you want in your life. you just need to gather yourself so you don't feel so alone. you just havta understand someone like me shouldn't be felt like a home. the comfort you seek is a deceiving lie trying to make right for peat sakes. so step away form the mirror and realize there's no give or take. it's just you chasing something i can never give. and you spirit deserves more than a few broken ribs. learn how to laugh at me and not with me as you overcome my presence. and when you hate to admit it, know that i am irrelevant. i just want to free you from throwing your happiness away over me. just go and i'll choke out the grief to be blown away in the breeze. and any possibility of me as a thief for i didn't mean to steal you away from yourself. nor did i know you'd feel so deep for me that you fell. just see me for the monster that i truly am. trust me when i tell you, you don't want me as your man. i'd be something that you could never withstand. help me save me from ever becoming me again. 

It is not i...

How is it that i could ever change the look upon your face when i clearly haven't got a chance? To redirect your eyes to what stand before you wanting to earn where it is i stand. As for your heart, who am i that's not seen for me to be felt? Is it i need to have a loss of words that fall short in regards to getting through as the beginnings of help? It's as if I'm orbiting around your thoughts that haven't me in mind. I sit n i notice the lack of intent like I'm less of what you expect in life. N idk if it pains me or a relief to know the truths as I'm in the middle of a tug of war. I've tried to witness myself by your side but it's mine that is empty in my core. As i feel over looked n sidestepped as a sideshow to untold hopes. N i do not believe i am what you say for your voice doesn't match your heart alone. Days go by n nights loosen me to be on my way. Drifting in the dark just to see your face as the light of day... Feeling a collapse of memories never made to make it by tomorrow's rise... As my patience mingle with the discouragement of worth to whom as i reside... To cater to the unknown outcome waiting for you to open up to me? Or fade with the feel letting go as if it never wanted to grasp our combining dreams? If i may ask, what is it behind your eyes that you think is gonna appear? Like some sorta magical poof to grind your gears. 

unassociated lives...

change is merely a boomerang effect that moves with the wind back  to how things used to be... prior to the feeling of joy so happy that another helps us all be free... but it's the return to the end as if a new beginning isn't what was left behind... back to the lonely nights so time can help accept a norm on ones own running through thoughts in the mind... from the feeling of lost to the hope of days fulfilled with someone else's chuckles heard... just to come back to the drift that's more like resting in stagnant waters as if giving birth... to a different kinda self that finds the same old comfort with no one around... sleeping in the dark as the silence creates a realness of the nothingness in the background... as to  be alright just before another face slides into self's line of sight... bringing fear to the frontlines looking at another warrior wanting to stare in our eyes...  damn near tempting curiosities to cross over n go for it like life will just havta play along... knowing at the edge of the fall we'll stand wondering where in the fuck do we belong... making a decision to leap of remain where it all comes full circle... for the truth of the matter is going back n forth is somewhat like being universal... able to enjoy a lil something before the past catches up to claim us once again... to embrace us with the only thing we've come to know as from luv we are banned... cut loose from the chance not to wonder what's wrong with the individual known as me... losing confidence in glimpses in the mirror that notice age pulling away from dreams... as the reality of alone is as brutal on the heart as the very first time it ever forgotten how to feel... having to get content with how the walls never mentions how to cope with the ordeal... they just listen like emotions did when blinded by red flags... giving the lesson a fresh sense of sticking to the facts... the alterations get old as one hasta choose where happiness is... watching people come n go without ever allowing them to ever get close enough to the ribs... as the barriers go higher n higher until the isolation is not what it is cracked up to be... that's when we find ourselves too far gone holding the only key... so a norm will never switch up n force us to bounce in between unassociated lives... all we want is a life we can partake in where we're not to jump from side to side... trying to balance self out with a foundation up under the feet... one where we simply aren't expected to leave...

living behind her guard...

She keeps doin it again n again... My best guess is she believes she is no equal to a man... As she questions her taste... Finding herself in the middle of every game war made... She sits alone in wonder from time to time... In disbelief of how every night is as empty as the luv in her mind... And as she fights off the memories she reclaims her worth... For every time she's only reminiscing due to there's nothing going on in her world... But oh how behind the mask she hides it all... The art in which she maintains her secrecy fits her flaws... No one can tell she sighs when no one else is around.... But i see it sitting on her lip trying to move her mouth... I'm witness to her living behind her guard... As i'll never expose her playing the part... Accepting singlism as a way of life... And it's only bcuz she's been done wrong more times than she cares to once again confide... As in her mind a thought lingers of why add another face to the images that recreate the bs... For her soft spots are off limits to the feel attached to her ribs... She locks herself in so she feels safe... Relying on the only friend within that shelters her from the eventual pain... I've taken notice although i'd never abrupt her peace... She needs not be lured into the unknown for she wants not to believe... At least that's how she displays herself to be... But she cannot fool me.. I know her too well for we ain't much different in our natural ways... She'll be ok once she realizes she's caught up in the phase...

touch n feel...

It's your skin i wanna touch. As if the right words found the perfect ear. As fingertips feel their way along the flow felt with luv. Sinking into the feel of how i have no fear. Slowly opening you up the way I've been wanting to do this whole entire time. As soft stroke graze your flesh. As sighs create a sense of relief as fingerprints move thoughts in your mind. Getting used to how it is you and i mesh. N yet, it's only one way to be felt. But what an intense thrill it would be to bare myself to you. Through a moment to show sensitivities as hearts melt. I just wanna work you loose. To see how your made on the other side. In true form waiting on me to be real. With one door opening at a time. From attractions to sexuality to depths reaching plateaus in mindset ready for the feel. I wanna graze your check and move in closer to compassion waiting its turn. Wanting to lay as still as breaths so relaxed. To become something other than a face in the crowd that lurks. As i tell you this for they are the facts. I wanna touch and feel my way around. Needing only you to allow my intent. In a damn near motionless gesture as lips never move thy mouth. Laid with to confirm who i am for you to invest.

the purpose...

If I'm wrong about u, i may not ever be the same... For me to cross over will only be allowed if we don't get carried away... Getting too comfortable changes limits as friends and i don't wanna go so far... being out there causes emotions to speak in ways that at times are harsh... Over stepping boundaries that must remain for the individuals we are that demand respect... The disappointment of losing another due to the selfish display of power just isn't fair... Even passion needs to be control on some level of mental comprehension where life can flow and the mind can be spared... As this world is not our judge and jury to decide who we are if things were to fall apart... I'd rather not feel broken if we came to a moment where forgetting your face would be so fuckin hard... As is a friendship that moves in a way there is no return to what was... If it's not for the better for life to coexist it simply will never truly evolve into luv... And we both know the stare of lusts that fake smiles until the hype has done its thing... So if i get you wrong and don't learn you the way you learn me, we just ain't... With nothing to follow the up on... For us to accept the undeniable leverage that takes two people and turns them into an desire that's nothing more than a porn... There's more than a belief that factors into the purpose to mingle in depths... And if not careful, it'll be the remains of what coulda been as what's left...

what are we doing here.?.

I try to make myself believe in shit i have in which i have no belief... So who are you to me.?. Idgaf if you walk away talking shit... I'll encourage your demeanor as u flip insanities from your lips... No bs, i ain't what u think i am... I need not feed your ego for me to feel like a man... You can leave at any moment that fits the mood to fulfill a different type of free.. In all seriousness, who is it you think you are to me.?. Let's tell the story in a natural way... Are we a feud or a real ease that needs not be tamed.?. You're gonna havta come into your own as we stand face to face with a wonder of us... I ain't fuckin around with you on the other side of likes if you're just wanting me to hand you my luv... I can't go back and forth as if the uncertainty is gonna linger in your eyes... The behavior it causes isn't something i do well with and that's no lie... Know what you have so i can snuggle up to a friend who ain't waiting for me to expose my back... Or there is this this we know too well that claims memories known as the past... The simplest attraction is how we are... And there's a question in your tone switching up on the contents of my heart... I can hear your inner makings forcing me to respond to your very own truths hidden deep within... Surfacing from time to time due to your own issues that reshape your grin... It isn't me in your head playing with the thoughts you twiddle with... You're doing too fuckin much and if i havta speak on it we truly ain't meeting in the middle of a kiss... I'm not made for you to toss around as if i'm a puppet in a side show... If there's something else you want you can go... Save us both the time and patience we can never get back... Bcuz honestly speaking you don't seem to realize the realness to the facts... So why do i havta remind you to stand on your word.?. It's like for some strange reason the connection just isn't heard... And what you need to do is come on out with the nonsense you are attempting to down play... As you fail to witness i've notice a tilt in our world that's confusing my wellbeing like i'm being played... Don't do it or us if you doubt the interaction we possess... You are free without the burden of hurting me to do as you please if you've lost the interest... I don't have it in me to entertain the silliness when it's my calm that's affected by the endless indecisions... So be in true form in either way you're going for a friend looking straight at you and don't have a single thing you fail to mention...

the hypocracy of rap...

 I have something called morals followed up with some respect.... N the simpltons wanna push their own narrative only wantin the street cred....

To many people don't wanna try n so out for the easy life.... But the bs ain't shit but an over exaggerated hype...

Fallin sucker to a game that claims to be real... Talking the same ol shit thinkin it's a brand new feel...

Fake azz jabberjaws losing themselves to poetry in a stale mate...  It ain't nothin but drama based bs fed by hate...

With an I'm better than u mentality of look what I got... Always spewing off a struggle as everybody wants to be pac n it needs too stop...

The motive is a dead waste belittling everyone else... Having to build their own egos verbally bcuz they truly ain't felt...

Very few are actually in sync with what their teeth chatter about... They're just in character playin a role n make believing there's no other way out...

All more the reason to continue the childishness flippin from tongues... N no matter how good the flow there's always another side kept on hush...

The imaginative creativity as jus a story to tell for attention wantin to get paid... N the masses follow as their true reality fades...

From guns to booze n hoes n drugs it's a demeanor that ain't worth the listen craving to be entertained... For there's two faces warn while turning the sane into the insane...

N there's no movement left to stand it's ground... As only the shallow minded can say they relate to the details spat into sound...

Fueling the chaos by giving a voice to delinquents wanting to be like their so called idols... But don't say shit about their minds set to idle...

They'll argue with the facts when one asks can the music please evolve??? N from that moment on ur gonna be the problem of everything that's gone wrong...

right now!!!

i don't mean to be so horny but i cannot ignore the fact that i jus wanna fuck u. call me a dog or what u will, there's jus something in the way of wanting to feel u move. as ur sensitive lips is what i crave. n i'm not gonna be happy until i work u loose. i ain't never been able to get anyone outta my fuckin head like u. jus lingering with a lounge so playful the way u do. gimme gimme i want what u got. thing is u turn me on n u don't even try i jus wanna slide into the depths of ur groove. opening u up with stretch pulsating n dig deep until i reach ur heart. falling into sexual interaction of thrust that create a kaboom. i gotta have n n that's all i know. n if i can't i'd like to know what it is u feel u have to loose. bcuz attractions are a mutha fucka once they sink into the skin. moving with hormones met at the surface coming from within. thing is i need what u have in my life right now. so take ur clothes off so i can water ur roots. as sweat poor out of ur body mixed with mine. i don't mean to be so vulgar but yet, that's a lie. only if i could get u alone in a room. i'd smack the sparks outta that azz jus to ignite the fire in ur heart. jus come a lil closer n witness how i'm no fluke. i wanna touch u in ways it changes me in as we'll never be the same again. believe me when i say, every word i'm speaking to u is the truth. from passion's slow grind to choking u the fuck out i found my crave n it's me i wish u would put to use. i'd slurp u up n learn how to hold my breath. showing u who u are to me as u make me so fuckin hard. n my imagination wants to do more than skeet skeet n shoot. i wanna feel u in my hands as i grip ur curves before we snuggle the fuck up. i have a thing for u i wanna act upon n it hasta to with the all out lusts. coming to life as i temp ur sexual desires to live. why is it u havta be so fuckin cute. u have me saying shit i never wanna admit. though it's u so i don't mind wantin u to take me for a spin. it's as serious as i wanna go down on u for my own pleasure seeking the thrill. n i just may be as crazy as a loon but would u want to be felt any other way? as it's intriguing the way i feel for u. n there's no other that excites me the way u do. it's like magic the way u trigger my intent. as if ur some sorta magician n it's me that's been tricked... giving up the goods n goin all the way in... ssh jus moan n enjoy what it is i havta give...

individual quests...

There's always something better to someone who hasn't found What they're looking for... N this is a manor in which they will treat u accordingly until they are no more... As they'll tell u it's forever but their words only gets them what they want... To feel something asking for a heart in a way that resembles luv... Allowing u to believe in hope that'll last as long as u have life in ur lungs... But the lie will surface in actions as ur system will be flushed... Lacking true content the eyes can only pretend for so long... N that's when the twist reaches in to ring ur heart out once they're gone... Left to face the false presence of a friend that didn't mind doing u dirty... Forced to face the fact that u weren't their one as if u were never worthy... They play games when it isn't them craving to cross over with someone they'd rather not do without... N you'll hate the taste of how it's their name u cannot get outta ur mouth... Disqualifying the feel in the way tone changes like the intent they sworn to keep u safe...  But the pain will fade for the better as u become immune to play with the trade... Finding a chuckle likes a good laugh at the way they've said goodbye... Remembering the best thing was to let go of how they turned around like there life was just fine... As u fight the urge to open up without knowing for sure... But we all need just one to linger into our lives to awaken a more mature version of the adventure... With the mind coming full circle to tell the heart yes or no... It's a necessity to gain self in the makings of a real hope... To share deep secrets n listen to how another's past sounds identical to what shifted within... So thank those who couldn't stay as they were only lookin for the gathering of drips...  Let them have the tears that made u more than what u thought u ever were... Bcuz the one who truly likes u will read between the lines until u are heard. Helping u forget that there's people in this would that chase unknown origins at all costs... There's no need in climbing the walls running from new found so called flaws... Don't doubt yourself for ur happiness isn't depended upon someone who never gave a fuck..  The risks taken will lead u to a better understanding of luv... Finding the eyes in the back of the head getting some rest... We all have our own quest...

amplified belief...

Luv is an exaggeration of emotions amplified by their believer... A twisted version of hope that sidelines a friendship from the free thinkers... Thoughts lose control as emotions perpetrate from the contents within the chest... Enhancing intent to begin relations always claiming to peak at ones best...  In a cycle of events that revolve with spiraling attempts to make just one last... Betraying self n altering who we are for the sake of a chance to gather memories that make up a well earned past... The thumper gets away from itself as it rides each pulse reaching for someone else wanting a lil bit of balance that helps... As one must change inner makings to accompany a so called friend craving to be felt... As tears will eventually fall due to perfect in another's eyes doesn't exist... Just to hear the chatter redefine content leaping from lips... It cannot be trusted if like fails to admit how two people really get along... It's the key to the madness of where we all belong... Fitting in without trying to pretend to be what another wants... Rushing to the scene so sweet depths appear to be deeper than the shallows of an us... The trick as playful as a innocent game said to have no limits... Until one or the other feels cheated n quits... Taking with them a promise of forever seized by resentments rage... Wit the edge of luv cutting into the beginnings of hate... The desire to open up never allows the calm to live as is... For never enough is a moment too be plucked from the rib...

leftovers...

they'll make u out to be desperate when they ain't feelin u the way ur feeling them... knowing damn well it was ur generosity bending backwards as a gent... once ur  vulnerability truly opens up they won't look at u the same way standing in the middle of luv... you'll be too soft for them to ever feel safe as u will be crushed... becoming a bitch in their eyes who's never enough to feed their selfishness... n if you're not careful you'll adapt to a sense of uselessness... as they claiming to want one thing n switch hit in the middle of life... as it's ur own emotions they'll play against u so u never again feel alive... self will never be wanted n will be shunned before ever getting all the way in... as you'll be called crazy when you'd rather not live without them ever again... interest will slack of once self has been bared... forcing the thought of a question as in, did they ever fuckin care.?. as self steps to the line willing to dig in... handing them the shovel so they to can live... to bury what is not natural in any way... just to be rid of the memory of their face... u might as well due to they use u to against yourself... laughing at how they plated u 6 feet down n left u for dead... n if u listen u can hear them change the way they say ur name... just prior to the chaos that redefines ur face... they'll dismiss u if u ever tell them they are the one... you'll be turned into glass to be shattered as ur words are hushed... as the harshly speak on how ur no longer attractive... all bcuz they refused to see the depths on ur passion... accept ur fate was a thing of the past as their eyes turn away... it's ok to have character knowing what u have to gain... eat ur leftovers poison n all... n ignore the shallow childishness that couldn't be real enough to admit their true cause... you'll only feed the belittling that fucks with ur head... keeping u restless in wonder when laying in bed...

every day, n every fuckin night...

my roots need soiled like my heart needs fed...  with the moisture from ur lips bringing life to the thoughts stuck in my head... as my mind could use a different place to rest for a bit... lay with me n feel how for u my heartbeat skips... u see, my depths hasn't fund a guarantee to take flight for some time... n i'm curious to know if we were to be if you'd change my life... can we just bury our intent in a garden n watch it bloom.?. to see what it is to rise for us to consume... like a home that needs a foundation to keep it intact... you're not someone i'm willing to leave in my past... to be forgotten as the details of u become so vague... you're worth more than a memory as i'd like for u to stay... i'd be delighted if we could just pillow talk... bcuz when i'm next to u i feel as if time has paused... i'd water ur emotions n chase away the tide... careful not to drown the luv in ur eyes... we could be our own kinda special that calms the nerves... having a purpose to open up within a single fuckin word... but i'm not trying to convince u to believe in me... i just need a moment of ur time to feel u breathe... to show u i do have what it takes... n it's natural like the expressions upon my face... we all would enjoy an extra addition to ourselves to help us smile... someone other than self that won't go outta style... n i feel u too could use someone to help celebrate ur life... every day, n every fuckin night... bcuz i know how i feel when i close my eyes... chasing u through my dreams as we laugh with a sigh... there's no limits to where we could go... as i come back to reality with a heart full of hope... it is u i wanna sink into at the end of each day... i'm honestly wanting to get use to how it is u say my name... so let's plant some seeds n move with the clouds... become one with the horizons listening to the wilds... we could everything if you'd just give in to me... i'm standing on the outside craving to be seen... for it would be so nice if we were side by side... waking to u ever morning as u simply say, hi... u see, the joy i've been seeking i found in u... just beneath the surface where we can call a truce... trust me when i tell u my heart is not made of steal... it's just been waiting on u to give it a feel... i am in flesh n blood the same as u... n i just wanna hold u so i can feel u move... igniting ur wick so u too can shine... like a candle in the dark witness to what i cannot hide... loosening up to an exhale together as one... individually alive n completely in luv... exposed as the comfort laid up on a sunday morning not wanting to move...  allowing the details to match the flapping n blabbering of lips as u approve... just kiss me once to see if it's real... n if it's felt know that we can finally heal... to be pulled from the loneliness fighting off the cold... just keep ur feet off my back as we slowly grow old...

doubling down...

just listen n watch... observe... for there's more than words to be heard... with actions so smooth movements tells all... n that's when one can tell how shadows connect with the walls... the key is time... the difference between open n shut... n there's never a hurry to rush up on luv... as friends hold the line, waiting on what is to come... with a full clip loading the heart ready to have some fun... n it'll be pop pop with another one gone if hesitations fail to perform... just bluh is the falling of the feel if what u feel isn't in perfect form... as trying has no end for it has no true intent... it's just not natural to force what's real upon the lips.. it may not taste the way u thought it would... getting close enough to untold truths hidden beneath the tongue they way they never should... for when it's sink or swim n hope is at the mercy of demands... bubbles rising to the surface is usually the evident outcome when sinking with commands... for life in certain cases just isn't fair... with the head on a swivel peeking around listening to expressions gasping for air... notice the transformations of comforts as letters align... as if u were to let the wrong one in, you'll lose ur fuckin mind... emotion cannot wait so u must tame the beast... control the source n cleanse the knees... passion isn't as free as sex no matter how great it is... although u truly havta play to live... n from afar with so many trying to get close, hormones will be the only thing to that need not be groped... so witness the visual display of how the eyes connect... it's the stare that soothes every inch within the chest... so easy does it when a stranger is yet to be known... weighing out options to what's truly being shown... watching limits cross boundaries n going lengths with thoughts... left right left is the chant as the soldier within who knows that the war can be raw... as it's ok to leave the chaos standing still if the offering isn't real... mindsets do not play fair when it's turning inward to fight self afraid to feel... feeling lost is due to another attempting to hide their flaws... causing self to entertaining the thought of feeling so small... as truths only reason with  honesty when barriers come down... n the freedom to be is fluent with the silence that never makes a sound... it's needs before wants stepping aside... refuse to be blind for it's the comfort that depends on sight... as motion contains the flow of purity never to stray... moving in rhythm to sync with the ability to stay... what's seen never lies... n red flags wave in the winds of time... caution walks lightly for a reason n that's no doubt... even though desires beg, plead n pout... as endless wars are never enough to a gluten wanting it all... for they wonder why inner making take their time to unthaw... as their back burner is over flowing onto the floor... the game is as empty as the rotting of the core... n there is different versions of worth when patience is at stake... it all depends on who actually steps to the plate... vulnerability gives a weakness to strength when adapting to the twist... as bad habits aren't as hard to break if one realizes who has what to give... to live is to absorb the luv in true form... for we cannot luv self the way another can to become their norm...