failed attempt...

 I knew I couldn’t be saved. Last night, I stepped out with bad intentions bcuz I felt betrayed. Seen some women that looked damn nice from the few places I wound up. As I sat in myself unable to do more than catch a few glimpses at a time of sweet meaningless lusts. The thoughts that no one heard were evident with no words of choice. The comprehension of my so called heart fought the thrill that was besides the point. So, I told myself to mingle but, I remained motionless other than my hand with the tipping of the glass. I hoped I wouldn’t have noticed that I had just one more to shield my mind. I drank until all there was me in my stooper clinging to life. Attempting to avoid the reality that I wasn't capable of taking anyone home. There was just a me lost on that ole stool wanting to let my fingertips roam. As it came me that no one noticed the lingering expression upon my face. No one person’s eyes drifted my way. It was strange to witness in a crowd of strangers I was irrelevant, and it was known. But I tossed another shot back thinking I’m not going home. Although it was inevitable I’d climb in the back seat and crash all alone. But if I couldn’t take a lil lady home I wasn't going myself. Slapping the bar for another mixed drink i needed some help. It was on the tab as my hormones were on the move. Knowing the tender would prolly add on a couple extras and pocket my loot. I didn’t care one bit. I craved a moment to unwind and find someone to play with. But the only thing that occurred was me waking up curled up with one shoe off. Wondering where I was in a pause. Sitting up trying to find my keys. With one shoe outside my suv. I damn near cheated on the memories that came back this morning. There was new second taken where I returned from the absence of whoring. There was no touch and go. Nor a  prior ex to comfort me in their own home. Before the sun came back around I went seeking a sensation worth the interaction. But I awakened without such the satisfaction...