Suffering from depression n hiding it well... No knew knows n there's no one to tell... Caring isn't something others feel as a required sense of hope... I lost me when I lost my sense of home... Goin under felt better than fading smiles... There's a comfort within that tends to resist emotions pretending to be worth the while... As the silence gives comfort to thoughts attacking the heart... Most of the time drifting away to some distance daydream helps calm the dark... It's always scarier at night when sound is absent for the brain to come alive... N it sucks not being able to sleep for days as u hide... Pretending to live better even when self resides behind doors wanting to escape... There's times u don't feel anything n those are the moments that feel the best due to the ache relaxes my face... Yet I look it in the eye for I am not weak... I deal with it bcuz I can n I wanna come from it if I can with a reason to breathe... Changing the appetite for humor I live through so no one knows... I fight a battle alone.... Without the pressure of others n I make it look good... But when no one's looking I fall apart fucking around on facebook... People think I'm crazy but I'm only trying to create what I cannot have... Laughter is so fucking sad... To be so in luv with life n yet not wanna enjoy it takes from the willingness to even care... I stand firm in the eyes of my children that I cannot let down for I'm all they have in this nightmare... Descending into solitude afraid of the intent others play out on each other... I don't wanna bother anyone as I run from luv'rs... N I don't wanna hurt anymore than I already am... So I remain the clown touching ribs so others can find a chuckle again n again... As I get bored with entertaining them n act as if I do not exist... Putting the phone on charge bcuz it doesn't make a sounds if I do not attempt to be their source missed... N living jus is until it's time to go... So jus sit back n enjoy the show...
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