i know what kinda life i was lookin to have that didn't quite turn out... as the path chosen changed me in ways i've been redefined as someone else... jus by allowin the end to drift instead of savin myself... seems the heart fell in to an emotional state of gettin lost to find the true contents that made no sound...
i could've had the house n the cars n all the things one can buy... instead passion flowed within that refused to resist the purpose of luv... yet a more humbled man stands on terms of worth if friendships are felt within the touch... as there were times i sat at the bottom lookin up n felt selfish enough to actually cry as no words could find the true fear that lurks in the mental vision i seen before my eyes...
havin gone the distance through visions that never had a chance... jus to come present with the ability to perform on all levels except one... to get in is for me to decide who's good for me n who is jus a plaything as their time will never come... i'm jus somewhere else livin in the same world as others choose their own stance...
as mine jus went astray n i'm so far left it'll take me yrs to get to where i should've already been... as life is based on decisions of how willin one is to go either way has the horizons give a new visual every single day... my heart no longer leads the way without the gift of thought to take a lil time to figure what's safe... as the lifestyle i live is still misplaced in the hood livin every second knowin i'm my own best friend...
i'm not the person i intended to be in a financial situation as i would enjoy the know how of havin a better experience of home... thinkin how to instead of what was that took my willingness jus to see if i would give chase to determine who they were... for it's my fault i'm not sittin in my pasts future surrounded by my hard work n dedication to fulfill the comfort of everything's gonna be heard... from voices that never change to the engagements of devotion wantin more than materials that come n go...
n it's o.k. to be an even better individual i seeked in my adolescence bcuz i had an image of the memories never made...... for who i am is the key to what is to come from what society labels the defective me... havin my own train of thought in which it makes it even harder to comply with the rules without true purpose, jus dreams... as mine is comin so i too can live on a different classification that makes more sense to enjoy what no one can take...
life without luv is a home without walls... as sleepin in vehicles is the most humblin desire to be alive from my point of view... i grew up under the conditions of others come before self yet jus after the understandin of what self is as bein capable of havin a truce... i luv me n things have been one the rise to get to where i feel i belong to smile a lil while longer than most can fathom the fall...
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