I gave a fuck...

I remember sittin on the benches along the river n watching the happy people walk in by... N the feeling the agreed inside my own chest that wanted the norm to come back around n say hi... I felt pain n I've felt luv... Only if the memories could die off so I wouldn't be reminded of what I keep on hush... As my mind recalls all the times I say in an empty room with my heart in my hands... Feeling damn near defeated n taking to the walls when words could be found to express how the thoughts land... Taring a whole within that took so long to fill... It was my own emotion dripping off my face as life spilled... It hurt with no one to turn to but the mirror that had one reply... Don't give up shapes my lips as the sound helped me become redefined... N I still go back in moments that get caught by the chill of alleys as I awakened to turn the motor over for heat... N the nights I could afford hotel rooms watching someone destroy themselves with selfish means... I've been tortured by my own desires that admit they do not want control... Leaving the decisions to be too s thought process somewhat put on hold... As I looked up from the nothing my time here had become... I dreamed of a different place which I was supposed to be where it wasn't so nuts... In solitude looking for a way with only a job that hi m have me hope... I cried deep within as the leak jus wanted to go home... To reverse the error that claimed good intent gone so wrong... I heard the pitty in luv songs sound worse than the sadness of playing along... Lost was I that fought to regain the mistakes turn of events... N it is my item actions that meant well that I will always defend... From parking lot to parking lot I was strong enough not to tap out... Never once did I ever touch the drugs that tore my everything apart as I stand proud... Knowing I found a true meaning for me at the bottom that humbled me more than anything I've ever known... Leaving my past as a lesson for myself to grow... I gave a fuck as I always have... N that to me saved me from a time I damn near went mad...