reluctant...

help me understand why emotion is afriad... knowin it's more than ok to fall into arms worth luv's fame... tell me this case of fear is jus a figment of my imagination... bcuz i'm scared of the scars that heal as i feel i have no destination... is it somethings been stlen from within... have i lost one to many fuckin friends.?. wht won't my mind allow my heart to feel anything other than what i need to be doin.?. when it has to idea of where either of them are goin... nothin is broken bcuz i am functionin jus fine... yet, i get lost in silence as it's become the only way i know how to spend time... who is it u see standin as an image in ur head... as solo as i am as still as i am relunctant to join u in ur own bed... nerves shake when air has been shoved to the side so bodies can get close... i'm fadin n i don't know how to stop this fiasco... as eyes follow my movement n i wonder if they know i'm outta reach... does my truths show as my actions are alone n muted by relations touchin the need.?. i felt me come to life when i found time to reflect on who it is i am... so how come life resides here damn near cryin to be seen as a man.?. as my smile only works when i mingle with this strange unfamiliar world... i'm petrified to encounter sexual contact as it would'nt be hard to make a set of toes curl... only if i could see myself on paper instead of the mirror that lies straight faced as i turn away... holdin on to my desires n playin it's childish games... i cringe as excitement lurks in my direction bcuz i know what is waitin on the other end of relation if i eva allow them to start... all without a hole in my very own heart.... as it's not where i've been i'm hangin on to... i jus don't know where i belong in the hands of use... strangers find me to be what i cannot witness within myself... sittin high upon my lonely shelf i believe i could listen to what cannot be felt... twisted n shown to me in a way i'd be able to come back out... as eva that is far fetched as i ask myself, how.?.

Eraticated...

Lost in movements goin through life... Wonders take control of thoughts caught in a rewind... With nowhere to go even emotion asks what the fuck... Jus lingering without a reason so distant from luv... Past the phase of self righteousness to say the least... Losing time as the body sleeps... Alone n aware there's no one near the comfort goin to waste... As dead expressions consume the face... Forcing habits to bring smiles to the edge of lips... Knowin the solo trip isn't worth the loneliness... Misplaced is the feel of becoming someone to a friend willing to behave... One that understands the difference between luv n hate... Missing is the forgotten tone taken that speaks the truths.. Damn near extinct is the sounds that reside in moans put to use... As hope resides to be irretrievable by the hearts ache calling out... Without a way to recover self as gone defines where home went for it cannot be found... Poof, happiness disappeared a while back leaving the silence to have it's way... It's funny how passion always tends to go astray...

away from me is u...

fuck u...

ilu...

i hate u...

i need u...

i miss u...

i can't stand u...

i knew u...

i know u...'

i feel u...

i released u...

i found u...

i lost u...

i misplaced  u...

i cling to u...

i am for u...

i run from u...

i hide from u...

i've opened up to u...'

who are u.?.

i forgotten about u...

i remember u...

 i wish i neva knew u...

i wanna be with u...

my minds on u...

my heart wants nothin to do with u...

ur all about u...

i'm no one to u...

i'm everything to u...

i'm lost without u...

i found me without the help from u...

a friend was u...

a foe is u...

 luv turned away with u...

good times refuses u...

i forgive u...

u saved me from u...

nights changed bcuz of u...

life needed u...

worth insists on stayin away from u...

thoughts find u...

time reminds me of u...

hope rejects u...

oh how i luv'd u...

how i don't claim u...

i resist u...

for i breathed u...

there is no me n there is no u...

i'm through with u...

after once holdin u...

i feel nothin for u...

felt all n the above with u...

a fool could neva want u...

ur u...
i'm the real me without u...
away from me is u...

Annihilation...

As life moves around me with faces of poetic expression...
I rest in the silence darkened by endless luv thrown away as if the unwantin of self is no good for I feel I am the irritation...
In my own damnation...
Fightin for life to return to my very own annihilation....
Yet, emotion is the act of exoneration...
Unable to feel the willingness of words lead to believe an others interpretation...
I'm in no need for selfish retardations...
Nor the journey of the hearts exploration...
I've already been redefined as I rest within my own dimensions...
Cut loose from syllables that collect words into actin out meaningless misdirections...
Findin luv to be like clock work always thinkin of someone else more than self as it's self bein selfish for the way they make self feel at the end of every truthful reconciliation...
It's friendships takin on the rolls of imitations...
As passion unwinds to realize the effect of intimidations...
Forcin the facts of unity attackin individualities communication...
As the fallin away is a must with the clarity of impersonations...
Life walks with no one who can not feel emotions deliberation...
Feelin the lettin go occur in between thoughts pausin for the redirection...
Findin faces on the backside of eyelids that escape the minds constant inspections...
Lookin inward for the leftovers one tends to release the drift of unwanted emotions...
No longer in the mood for the demise of lonely demonstrations...
Patterns walk with sights loosenin the feel of frustrations... 
Ways of life change n find the inevitable reconstruction...
Crucnhin memories into wads of paper holdin use n thrown into the waste of rehabilitation...
Knowin what's been is no fuckin exaggeration...

ten toes curled...

the further the steps, the more away from once upon a time has any affect...

as the heart within a fool is wantin the feel somethin normal on the mind that refuses to give into interest... 

chilled on ice cuttin time from emotions with a snap of a sickle...

the face hides truths held in as if a cycle turns eyes into missiles...

locked in with the absence of passion to relate to why others are not allowed in...

in the motion of goin inward to doin what's needed to save luv from the stench...

one to many blows have seen friends come n go before the promised end that came prior to wantin to eva walk away...

opened in different ways, the saloon doors found dust on rusted hinges along with the carvin of names purposely engraved...

displayin on the outter shell of what feels like a sleeve drippin with thoughts dried up n peekin back at life...

raw temptation suffers the most damage when the head can't seem to look up n witness the beauty of bein alive...

twisted textures like sponges drip to absorb what's been rung of what can never be...

rollin with hands that spin on clocks tick from seconds pushin to far gone caterin to endless dreams...

people all appear to have the same visual to sights followin movements orchestratin touch into the flow of collateral damage yet to come full circle...

toes crawl through days tryin to escape patterns that cringe of findin others joy more important than that there of ones own somehow hurdled...

restless minds fall under transitions runnin from the explosion that scares scar tissue into the ol familiar gapin wounds of desire overflowin with the rush pourin out...

as it's quiet sittin in the silince of solitudes cave in which echoes from time to time with lips that bounce to open the mouth...

chuckles are only found in mirrors that turn from the brutal chance to overcome the distance already traveled from others that for some reason cannot be trusted...

the tenderness is livin for a moment to sneak up on the fleein memories n one day come to terms with overthrowin the void of luvless...

believin interaction is the betrayal of self jus ignorin the attempt is as simple as tryin to live past the wall felt on impact...

smiles don't rondezvous quite like they once have partaken in the mystery of gettin to where comfort is more than intact with the none negotiable facts...

forcin space in the middle of reachin limbs as air slips through arms with a need to hold on to what they wanna feel as if no one can eva be tamed...

shuttin down can't dig any deeper  due to the pit that only fills with the floodin of unwanted rains forced on to dry lands by fierce hurricanes...

as flirtation is wantin to meet self willin to admit to the honesty of use that's unable to live without an added addition lookin back like no other...

pain rambles with a voice from the inner makings of hope that cripples a friendship lost beyond lines that have been crossed as gone is as good as the reminder that they were merely jus another luv'r...

goodbyes only chissle their way in to the extremely gifted of fallin completely the fuck apart...

worth alone comes to the front lines at war with relations to protect what gets to close to ten toes up as luv's true untold art...

tears need not fall behind the scenes where words knock as if we didn't know it find a noose entangled with tones to dangle with...

as given up is those repeated patterns missed within untameable kisses left out to be blown away with the wind...

Checking in...

Walking around in the empty...  Taking in the feel of what failed to continue to make the heart happy... Reaching to touch the tenderness left that healed the tips of fingers... Finding self captivated by the way of the soothe in which the release lingers... Taking to the remains of pains that's come back to remenise with the mind... Noticing the cuts that have made scars as the body keeps moving along with life... Jus opened space entertaining the thrill of an old friend to come n remind the forgotten swing... All to it's own in the dark without a candle to ignite the explosion at the beginnings of yet another fling... Behind the door in the center of the tuck hidden away is the depths sending requests of a friend... Unable to give a response as the locks click listening to the tumbler insist... Alone in solitude sits the real me in time out in the final stages of piecing together worth... Never again to ever fall to hands as checking in only hurts...

Neva Eva...

I Inow what a woman is... I've seen them lock on to others... But I ain't neva been touched by one... All I've eva known is replaceable luv'rs... I spent that untameable emotion like I was gonna get something in return... Felt who it was I am that woke the fuck up... Held on to all the wrong ones for of them I needed to learn... But I ain't a once had a friend mean how they've expressed luv... I've watched them bounce from one goofball to the next... Unable to look my way... Findin interest mean a lil somethin different to the way they invest... Nothin was ever long term as I remain same... Curious to the fact to who in the fuck is gonna step up... Feeling the same way I feel sittin here right now... Bcuz I haven't been fortunate enough to experience trust... All I've ever heard is immaturities lie with a raw tongue to entertain me somehow... N I'm on the edge of lookin of into the distance with hope... Waitin on the one that tickles the tender zone within... As they can't be on nor have eva been on the dope... I think of the day the mirror looks at me n tells me to go play with my friend...

Steppin in is the steppin out...

I wanna go... Jus take that passage through to the other side... To somewhere I don't know... To wherever it is I gain a piece of mind... It sucks here...  Unable to get what the heart is willin to give... Watchin the back exposed to those comin up from the rear... I wanna live... Right up the middle n off I go... Over there where time ticks a lil different... As it's my name that's known... So emotion can be spent... Fallin at the edge... Knowin I'm not comin back... Intact with the thoughts in my head...  So fuckin far away from my past... Steppin in to a new life with a different kinda thrill... Feeling my existence come alive... As the empty region of my own is filled... I don't wanna havta worry about friendly knives... To the distance of goin all the fuckin way... Opened up to a friends peace... Never again enslaved... Havin an honest need in me... Outta this cave in which I've dug... From here to there... As I jus can't help but to want the luv... With someone who actually fuckin cares.!. Findin the steppin in is the steppin out... Transferrin my patience into a gentler touch... As sound is secondary to what's been found... Never again to look in the reverse mode at what used to be as a once was...

Boys under armor...

Lil boys in men's bodies worn as if a sleeve... Fakin the phunk jus wantin in between a woman's seams... Makin the real ones appear to be jus as shallow as they've become... It's childs play as they hit it n step into the goin away as they run... Ain't got it in em the feel a female once they give up the goods... Simple lil bastards only thinking with their misdirected wood... On the down backside of feelin her skin... They find it funny to bust lose at the ribs... Takin into account all the minds that redirect intent towards those like me... Lookin in the reverse at the opposing gender as if we were to meet... Runnin into issues that wasn't caused by a real man... Bad judgement in the disguise of immaturities damned... Broken by the hands of a so called male... Pretendin she's felt as the end winds up failed... They jus wanna touch what they do not have... Hormonal delinquents wantin to get their dicks wet... Offering what they could neva give from their empty chests... In full camouflage in patience for the dog to dig in so deep... Needin to penitrate as a falsified friend in need... Sex is on the mind as shallowness revolves thoughts on a youngsters world... As it's sad that those who should be grown still carry on as if it's boys verses girls...

Taking notice...

Looking through life at ur angle... Following ur footprints as my feet get tangled... Jus for a bit so eyes can zoom in on the fit... Trying to figure on if ur someone I wanna live with or jus lick... Rolling with time I'mIwinding up all up in ur face... Unwound n comin undone here as of late... As taking notes is a mental interest that penitrates the mind... Puncturing the heart is not careful to luvsl design... I'm howling like a wolf up under the moon... Digging in past the Annabel of light locked into a single room... Wanting to see in education direction u fly... Anticipating if I can feel the need to join ur side... Soaring as weed float beyond where we've been... Standing here I'd like to know how it is u live...

fazes...

once we get past the physical attraction..
feelin that whole ora of attachments...

comin to terms that there is indeed more...

findin our way behind closed doors...

when we relate to each other wantin to play...

as the mind agrees with the heart needin to misbehave...

to touch the mystery of luv's fear...

talkin on the same pillows that has collected tears...

tones turnin to whispers needin to be heard...

eyes tellin truths of the unspoken words...

where time seems to wait on us...

goin back n forth with tongues becomin flush...

wrapped up in a moment of silence tamin the feel..

what would come of us if we were the real deal.?.

friends before luv could intervene n turn emotions raw...

as like holds our own understandin our flaws...

beyond the initial interest where hello's come to life...

as that spark lights n entangles a passion that cannot hide...

prior to knowin who it is that stands before reason...

tucked into the curiousity where hands tend to begin the squeezin...

as the beginnings of ends flips the switch...
do we wanna become a dick n a bitch.?.

if it were u n i...

how long would the joy be defined.?.

as the walk together flutters through our existance hand in hand...

with blowin winds sizzlin the extinction of plans...

jus on the other side of knowin everything there is to know...

seein what needed to choose the destination of home...

lettin loose in the exact memory that begins the truths of the heart...

there is where it starts...

lookin back at all the things that give worth...

as minds are made up to what's in the feel of bein hurt...

once there is somethin to lose...

who's who.?.

with the depth of honesty exposed...

as individuality unfolds...

watchin fantasies n hope rest at the seams...

waitin to see if the connectivity is strong enough to hold on to dreams...

or if reality is what it seems...

there's a split second to decide on wants n needs...

it's not only the good times that linger through a day...

tryin on luv is a fit or it's jus another game...

goin through the motions of where we are here in life...

tears work both ways as we cry...

walkin with happy feet to our destination of use...

as we get there to see who actually pulls through...

so, under a candle lit room racin with the way we breathe...

will u remember me in the way i'd be or think of me differently.?.

strength in relations come from within as the good dhit neva lets go...

unable to turn away n allow someone else to have their moans...

from the romance to the friendship set free...

there's two opposin ways in which we leak...

freed to be who we are as one...

n released to unchain the temple from the guns...

when close enough to destroy intent...

am i the one to get ur best.?.

standin with u as ur version of perfection cloned...

if u were lost without me, would u miss me if u were to let me go.?.
starin u in the eyes after all the good i've done...
into me would u run.?.
visualizin what would come of the restless nights...
all we will eva have is time...
is ready a figure of speech or a way we can remain flush.?.
through the pain that comes from endless luv...
gettin on wit the visuals captured in pics taken to witness us...
am i the purpose u trust.?.
as we get this show on the road n now on the same page...
how would u feel if it were my face.?.
in ur everyday knowin i ain't like the other...
so much more than a lingerin luv'r...

the further on down the line he goes...

a man is only capable of luv twice in his lifetime... jus before he takes refuge n hides... that honest one where he doesn't wanna do without u type of shit... tastin ur name every fuckin time he licks his lips... the first one is always for keeps n if it falls through, the second is of knowin where he went wrong as she's in fuckin trouble... windin him up more mentally with it as a couple... anything after that it's all game n up for grabs bcuz he doesn't wanna keep losin friends... those in which that were supposed to make it til the end... as that always seems to come way to soon... if he truly luv's her, he doesn't wanna call it through... by the third time if he's forced that far down the line there's gonna be some questions he's gonna ask himself... n answers are needed as guild lines to help... he ain't built for the emotion cargo of to many faces that'll haunt him for sure... he won't be lookin for the same ol cure... time will be taken so he can enjoy someone willin to not only stick around but to do their part... mendin his own heart...

askin for me as my best friend...

if i tried... could u see me as i opened the door to ur mind... or would it be locked.?. movin the hands of time forward as if daylight savings time on ur clock.?. before i get to gettin to know what i could neva forget... where is it in ur thoughts i fit.?. do i havta wait for fall to come around so i can catch up to u wantin to feel someone close.?. if i cared to show u there's some fuckin hope... would u need the chasin or would u be able to witness me in raw form.?. on the outside jus thinkin about in which way ur goin... i don't wanna follow what i can walk beside... as i need jus one if it be u to reach in the way i wanna touch everything within ur life... if i attemptin to speak of the lil things that make small talk wind up on the pillow chattin all night... if my curiousity found its way to ur front door... what is it within me you'd wanna explore.?. if i were to not fight u off... if i wasn't to resist ur luv... the wait could be over as we've been patient on who it is to come a knockin... findin interest i am jus one man dyin here alone... jus wantin to lay my head at home... so if i told u i walk with only a silhouette without a face... is it possible it be my lips you'd wanna taste.?. don't u think it be nice to have someone who ain't gonna stray.?. in a moindset of no matter what puttin us first night n day... it all starts with a lil give to figure the direction of relations is all... n i'm not into the chaos for i jus want to take a moment n pause... if u memories neva again had to be erased... if u could seriously enjoy the time put in to my name... as i'd define ride or die unlike how others couldn't understand the concept... if who i was is jus me doin my best... as simple as it gets... would u wanna live.?.

every level of satisfaction...

let's get past ourselves n come on down from our clouds... stand eye to eye n have a conversation out loud... we'd be right there as thoughts find a flow... so we can dig a lil mo... into the chest once the mind can relate... feelin the drift in the draft as the heart cracks open watchin the expressions upon one an others face... findin great joy in somethin a lil deeper than a friend... as we go below to another level sexually as desires insist... goin down to rise to a kiss that sucks on the neck in bewteen thrusts... naked in every sense fallin in luv...

I've...

I've lived in a state of she's never coming back... Even though it wasn't on my end things went astray... As that rounded out to accepting I could never go home... That's when I gathered myself n started thinking I could use a real friends face... N I sit laid back looking at what I can find as somewhere I could belong... No race as patience slows the emotion according to the wisdom of a few run ins with trouble... Still don't drink as it jus ain't my thing to fall into every forsaken saddened song... I've allowed me to gain what was needed to insure the mission within by the hands that once touched me... Knowin we've all pretty much been there a time or two... As I've watched me wash my hands of what was n can never be again... If it ain't a no matter what with some stability in the mind, we're through... Friends ain't gonna hurt each other even at the bottom of shit gone wrong... I've been there n tongues do the most damage as my heart ain't about to allow me to turn on self.. The valley of darkness is a place for those who luv the drama n pain as it's their way of life, not mine... I'm past the manipulation as stares do not faze me if I ain't accounted for n felt... Tides away dragged the surface beneath so i could find a lil somethin that resembled what it is I stand for... Life jus gave trust into others that had not chill so relations feel through... Yes, Ive been there to as time lost has become the absence of who I was as it's takin notes... Waitin patiently I move with no one for I know not what they are capable of nor can possibly do to me if things hung from a noose...

pushin away...

It's a lil too personal to allow jus anyone in... So at a distance we hold them off... Feeling the curiousities awakened by chance... Yet thre's a need to fightin the need to go further as relations could neva enhance... As goin so far with them is all u can do... Tryin to spare feelings for in which u have no use... We know when we find somethin we'd love to keep around... N some people jus don't fof the feel of found... Yet, they keep comin undeliverable to give jus in case we change our minds... Hopin u can find it in u to luv them through time... Playin g cat n mouse with the game of wantin someone close... To be felt is their motive through patience that folds... Replacing that once true feeling they had for u into a rejected type of attitude... It's nothin we do to them that tends to let them down... As we overlook the individual givin interest in which we aren't attracted to past the physicality bein sexually drowned...

so c l o s e...

it's like attemptin to say somethin but neva findin the words... feelin the need yet not havin the moment of relyin on want... it's gatherin the time that gets swept up or even under the rug.. comin up to short to catchin up to luv walkin in a different direction goin unheard... it's knowin u have what it takes yet wind up sittin alone way to often... n how the meanin of friends would be great as there's jus no one to talk to... it's the thought that escapes interest again n again... somehow not bein good enough even though we're put back together the best we could possibly be glued... it's like reachin for the door nob n no one ever to be home... as if lost takes on a whole new reason to why life must go on... it's findin self comin to life without an other standin by our side... pullin away unwillingly bcuz hope doesn't know which way it's goin...

cuttin the edge...

feelin the effects of life ware on more than the body.... thoughts literally hide til the lights go out knowin what it took to find the smile... as time plagues the minds rotation shakin loose the thoughts cuttin the edge of sanity free... hatin the feel of tenderness that neva wants to stick around as if we're outta style... grippin the reigns of imaginary thrones thrown to waste time... climbin up the spine with that chill wrapped around the heart turnin us so fuckin cold... wonderin who's mind we win up on... thinkin what it be like to finally go to a lil place we can call home... comin up on dead ends after every bend curves a chuckle upon a face... lettin things be what they were intended to be so there's jus no more confusion... takin the best shot we can to see for self if it's us that resides behind the eyes of luv claimin to be real... waitin on someone to take consideration in their own intrusion...

Off to the next...

I'm jus saying... It seems I never get anyone's best bcuz they always seemed to be playin... It's always whoever is up next after me that gets the things I'd like to have... U know... All the lil things put in to relations that are neva returned as if my face is a steppin stone forced to feel sad... Yet, I got me as I take notice in how it ain't shit for others to take more than they are willin to give... Releasin me from the end of a partnership due to they neva seem to have it in them to wanna live... As it came to at some point I jus gave up on lettin the next person reap the rewards... My time n patience simply got tired of watchin the results of selfishness show me what it was they thought I was worth... Nah, that's why I now could care less as I fly two birds... Therefore I know I'm not an easy one to follow as I've heard... As I jus don't give a hoot when I say, all I want is to hear the middles fingers that have learned how to chirp...

Tearful thoughts...

It's it possible to watch the tongue without having a filter... Jus speak the truth on matters in which how we feel... Removing the name callin n bagging from our vocabulary... There's only one way to truly have something real... All that luv hate luv bs some healthy to make it in this world... We already can't only get so close to being as one... Words can neva be unheard with immaturities callin out obscenities... Bcuz I won't make it to a second turn to come at me for after the first encounter I'm done...

Tell it like it is...

Describe to me that image of who it would take to get in ur head... Do I fit the description u seek as that silhouette u hold at night feels lonely in ur bed... Talk to me in a room with no lights on n find out what it be that u know nothin of... Do u have a face from the past plastered  on it as if ur n luv.?. Words only find the beginnings of what's to come if u have realized we don't know who it is to remain... Speak as ur tongue will neva lie to the one that shall become ur friend... Am I to move to the side while ur search continues to evade every attempt to dig in.?. Can a stranger come along n feel u the way u need to be felt.?. Listening to that voice of reason escape through touch that caters to tge skin that feels like felt... How does ur crave work n intend to slip into a set of arms with what we all consider, the time of day... Figures don't come with depths on the sleeve unless immaturities have grown into the meaning of names... Who is it u wanna collide with as if u can tell from the vanity that has lied so many fuckin times... As the mind trips over the heart, what is it u truly wanna find.?. U see, individuals make the money, the money doesn't make the individual... N when it comes to emotions, the way relations flex, don't make ur happiness impractical... Can u shift the shadow u know nothin of beneath me.?. Could I possible be that dream u seem to wanna believe.?. Tell me to my face I could keep it movin n you'd be jus fine to go on with ur life... That is if it's not me you'd like to feel inside.!.

let's get on with it...

ain't no fun in it... i lost the feel... shits gettin old... i need somethin  a bit more real... there's nothin left for me... drives done slipped through my fingertips... grip let go after bein left alone... n i get it... yet the shit seems to be along the lines of childish... n i don't wanna deal with it no more... i haven't a reason to live this way... i'd rather be a whore... isolation set in stone isn't what i want on my tombstone... so who gives a fuck.?. it ain't like they dont look at me any other way... bcuz a friend to me they can't seem to be as they jus wanna be touched... damn... n this is my hand in which i havta play... why is it i gotta participate in these games.?. i don't wanna n i don't have a choice... so why do i hide my face.?. this lonely nonsense shouldn't be my life... i put the time in to have luv call to me... yet, here the fuck i sit... what a fuckin dream.!. when did i sign up for this.?. n the clock still reminds me i'm runnin out of what i can neva get back... as if those i let in should've jus told me to walk away... now i know i'm seen as there's gotta be somethin wrong with me... only if i could get far from this place i wound up bcuz i've been enslaved... by the mind fightin off th heart of what it used to know... i'm done waitin for my turn... i need a face to take the meanin of luv n give it reason to fuck with me... there's no fuckin way i should feel this ache hurt... i want out... a fresh start would be great... but ain't no one hearin me... n it's prolly bcuz i'm either picky or seem to be crazy... even though i'm the normal one unable to scream... let down in every walk i've eva strolled upon... as paths failed to lead me all the way... i don't need or want this so called way of useless time... n i'm done listenin to jus anyone call me by my name... knowin i ain't neva did a random selection... the ones i've held i actually got along with... as they ain't here due to their issues that drove us apart... somethings gotta fuckin give... these long nights are killin me inside... jus to wake with a smile like i refuse some emotion to settle me down... the one thing i ain't neva ran from was the desire to be felt... as others can't get with it long enough to matter without tryin to make me out as a clown... i wanna live too.!. to feel what jus can't to go without me by their side... this goofy shit if for the birds... two of them flicked high for the skies to visualize the pain i try to avoid in my mind...

beyond the feel of ready..

alone... again... feelin the same way as watchin em dazed in between reality n somewhere this world can neva hurt them again... i feel alone... like i did bein in relations with those who luv to be impaired... that lonely feelin is here... n i'm so far away from home... the ache of solitude found me again... i thought i outran it when i left my luv'rs alone... bein with them was a life of solo dreams witness to them unable to awaken to  my friendly face jus wantin to live... as i sit here with ol familiar watchin over me tryin to ignore the fact that i have n still am alone... again i recall what it was like to live with an addict... it's the exact feel of bein by myself with noone to talk to bcuz they weren't with it enough to talk to me... as i ran through myself tryin to find somethin to do for yrs... n there was no connection to a hand that gave the comfort of makin me feel i had someone.. yet, i'm still alone waitin for the day i can escape this tear jerk from my eye... i don't wanna be alone anymore... i don't feel the need to ask myself question i cannot answer in this cell like room...  here i am... again... fightin the silence when i need a fuckin friend in the flesh... as most of my life i neva had anyone to wanna enjoy things normal people do... it hurts in the chill that's found a breeze through my thoughts tonight... alone n jus wantin someone i can hear n feel as time is spent... neva to leave in the physical presence nor fade ito a dream world as i get left behind... i've been there too many times... i jus need not to drift as if i have no purpose to anyone anymore... where's my piece of ,mind.?. i'm scared to be alone with myself again... knowin i can't even see one of them nod off... they're gone n took their bodies away... one of the few things i found comfort i... as it was no mopre than a shell n i sat with myself as they went under their trans... i could use jus one person to come into my life n remove this misfortune of my own heart beggin me to open up n give it luv... as i am alone with that sneaky lil tingle that reminds me i've been this way for far to long... my emotion is unoccupied n i don't wanna live this way no more... if u can here me, come get me... i've been abandoned n friendless for quite some time... as my movement is unassisted by an other that can actually relate... this isolation has deserted my inner most cravings n i don't know what to do... even within relations i was single unable to find someone to give in to me... there's non reason i should havta spend my nights without a body close enough to chase away that endless feel of discomfort... i wanna live again.. like back when i first met those i shared moments with... yet, i don't eva want whoever it be to go ghost... it's here where i can obtain a use n give more than i eva shown... to hold on to what will neva wind up makin me feel worthless again... i am alone n these are my thoughts crawling out from the inside of my mind... runnin from my heart cryin out for a lil attention for once... to ease the feel of loneliness that's taken of my thrill... i feel dead here as i'm unaccompanied with my best friend... losin time as life doesn't feel as if it wants me to smile... secluded i'm goin to waste... here in the middle of life with only me to confide in...

truths of the matter of facts...

i fear who my hands jus may wanna touch... reachin to play with sexuality of another luv'r that will neva stay... to gettin emotional with someone new that simply doesn't know what to do with the feel willin to be opened  up... as the mental aspect writes of how the thought gets in the way of free will wantin to escape n jus live before nothin good remains... tellin myself to stand down i'm scared of what immaturities can do to me... i don't wanna be ripped from limb to limb as a smiles intent laughs at me again... it's a fear of knowin not everyone's the same but bein unable to figure out ahead of time who is who prior to the wreckin ball swingin at the salvaged shell jus may take... i'm petrified on the contact of gettin comfy with the expressions comin from within as feelings are shown as a man... to tamper with what i've corrected at this stage of what it is i could use in my life would end me if it were jus another game... i'm too far gone to rely on the uncertainties comin along to squat for a bit... waitin on the next strom rollin through n pressin the issue of what is is i have to give to the shallowness of truths that catch a feel upon the surface... yet i'm ready if she is willin to choose me in the meetin in the middle of a depth defyin kiss... lookin down the barrel through her eyes into where the mind resides... i'm done with the chizzled perfection that jus doesn't exist... as long as imperfection can relate i'm certain i can give luv a chance to live beyond a set of lips...

behind the scenes...

laughing on the under layers hidden away from everything except time... i reside beneath what u cannot see dis attached from the negative life... triggerin the presence of the mind to gather wtf took place to get me here... as those moments alone have long been an reinactment for the ages of the transformation that took place behind the scenes... i regrouped n found matters of self comin to terms with how the release cured me from the tunnel vision keepin me from escapin my past... seems dreams came to close as reality stood to clarify what is to be... so here i am chucklin to the ends of beginnings for every loop rounds about to keep it movin... yet i'm unable to trample over the same ol grounds it took to overcome a self centered torture that was allowed to rectify the eventuality of hope... stashed away i lingered to hear myself heal without the help of any other wantin in... n i'mma comin as i'm done driftin so i to know my way home...

likewise...

how much different is ur life than mine.?. with what twist is yours seen.?. i know u to have ur own version on things.... there's no way we've come to witness what's molded us into the differences in between... i see you've come into play with ur own feels that lifted u with a grip that dropped the ball... shackled to the everything u own... while waitin on somethin similar to the feel of what makes u tick... or shall i say what you've gotten used to... attachments are nothin more than comforts settlin within what makes u click... attractions that somehow doesn't last as long as to wanna remain side by side under the same sky... released back into the chaos afraid of faces that can't pretend enough to keep a smile goin... findin comfort in yourself comin to life behind closed doors so no one can watch u go through the motions... so who eva said we were on opposin ends of life bcuz neither of us know where we're goin.?. stranded with emotion askin questions in the absence of light... i can tell you've felt it the way i have as covo now comes in mirrors on the walk by of encouragin words... do u truly think we ain't some much alike.?. sittin on the other side ramblin in silence where tone of an others voice could help the feel lost to worth... as unlockin the passage way to the heart is through the mind a lil more intact... to play the ribs like an harp so the music of laughter can once again live... retractin even these words due to who's face is gonna come close enough to kiss.. flush with the knowin of it ain't gonna be a walk through of lies that fib... in ur world luv exists as a choice to believe it is in fact real... like my own belief in the term is a damn near miss for i'm jus on another level of need... messin with wants as room has been made to rest a combo deal misunderstood... i too feel like u do as the hidden intentions refuses to trust anyone without an honest cause neva to leave...

waitin away with life...

bypassin yesterday knowin it was at one point so far off... came n gone like luv was walkin on through... time rounded the clock as the day fell behind the memory of another seam tucked for comfort to hold... it was as if what took so long went on a spin cycle as seconds caught up to minutes n wound up here with the thoughts i cannot cut loose... within the storm of those moments that were draggin me along the edge of my own mind... i found an empty place i could fill with all the things i still luv'd about me... as tomorrow will find itself in the present changin from a wonder to a past sense of neva again... as i made it as life moves on with the goin of wind blowin its breeze of free...

catered...

lemme get a grip on ya feet... as my fingers brace the mood... thumbs goin circular in a motion felt diggin in... rubbin in the tlc jus cater to ease u through... load off, soles up... take a load off n end the pressure as i ge to the point... beneath the surface n all around with a splash of lotion to moisten the soothe... slidin in between every single joint... as fingerprints roam the perimeter tryin to get in... to ride the leg further than i've been before... relax... settle on down to the movement in which i grab a hold of ur energy... there's so much more of u n i don't wanna go to fast... for the glide along the skin is like a wave causin rivets in my own heart... in tune with the ripples along the shores of the emotion addin to the affect... fallin within every nerve in sync with the way u moan... palms opened to the placement of a friend so smooth life could come to terms at our best... applyin a lil somthin to the tension of days returnin to the motion gropin the touch... listenin to the way u let a bit of comfort lay as still as ur thoughts... eyes peekin in on who it is i am as facial expression tell so much... lost in the visual with a greater cause... crawlin is my own intent upon ur flesh ready to entertain me... rollin u on to ur tummy as contact makes for my heart to skip a beat... slippin up ur spine as sighs find the heated release in ur eva so motionless tone... i jus wanna place a rub on a lil food for thought as we breathe... holdin on to what i'd luv to relieve from passions wait under a few candles lit to watch shadows dance on ur edges tilt... cockin ur head for ya neck to find a mmm whisper silence into emotions findin sound... gimme ya nakedness exposed to the sights of my own excitement in a raw untamed gesture to please... walkin on ur body with a the way tenderness lands on ya curves around to the flip of u starin back at me found...

To number thee obsessed...

Obsession number one, pretty n petite... Nice azz n a smile that goes straight through me... Secondly, a sense of humor wins me over... There's jus nothin like someone who is free... Third on the watch is that fuckin stare... There's times I jus cannot look at any other as I know kryptonite hurts n weakens the plunge... Double up on two evens for a four with a twenty smoked the fuck out... Five is flat out luv... Depths are raw n bared in which motivates the mind... Sexy lil six is the motion used to cling in such a way I personally obsess on the notion of goin into the nude... As the chance of luck is said to cater to seven... As the choice to feel her come to life is what I wanna get used to... Nibblin to eat is the eigth most flava of who to dine with daily... Nothin like a convo to munch on into a night of makin the jaws rattle loose... Nine is as fine as their mental compacity that speaks to me... As if my ten nubs were to make a fist I will free myself from the torture as there is a lack of proof...

ssh, i'm not their business...

if anyone crosses her path, tell her i'm dead... it doesn't matter which one of em it is... ain't a one of em eva tried to better my fuckin life... i died n that's all there is to know if she asks of how i got on afer her goofy bullshit... no one needs to know i was reincarnated after i fell in luv's grave... bcuz down in that hole i found a piece of mind in which i heard em say one at a time, they were the one... my tears filled my emptied depth as i floated upward slowly from 6' down... if anything is to come from ur lips of me, reply butch went home... the beat of my heart neva stopped... from one through the next that tried to cripple my emotions, none of em were successful... i'm alive but don't eva speak of me... they need not know of me so as far as they need to know, ur not resourceful... don't lie to the friendships they claim between us bcuz it's been deceased for some time now... partin ways looked to be the best case scenerio as i killed who i was in the sucka like mindset that gave into the emotional torture... as i, yes, am capable of so much more than what i tried to show em... yet the one in particular, look at her n say i've been muredered... by a madman with a heart so big she culd walk through it herself n not feel a fuckin thing... i'm fine but don't go spreadin my life around so their ears can fel my joy... they weren't with it when they were with me so fuck em hard with their mams dick... it is 2018 n there's no luv lost as i jus wanna be left the fuck alone to gather my life n find me a new toy.!.

to escape...

diggin into depths ain't shit if real presented itself to be known in true form... even past the new feel of intentions that relations tend to explore... once the tingle in the tickled rib settles into a lifestyle ready for comforts stay... tappin in to those emotions put on hold is willin to play if worth stood on words given with the exchange of names... as hearts fill with the one thing that'll find that craved fuckin ease as an others face is exposed... receivin a piece of the mind that touches pleasure comin to life in ways thoughts neva seem to need to roam... the plunge is possible if truths in the way a friend comes along to open up in which way they claim... fallin in luv with like as life resides deep within the giddiness that understands in them is where i wanna escape...

It's cool...

I took it on the chin... That left hook that felt like a slap... She got to asking about where I stayed... As I mentioned nothing about my past... Her words were as if I wasn't worth shit... Mine on the other hand got turned around... Some shit I had no control over took place n I wound up face to face with the lack of reason so absurd... I was to far in n couldn't regroup quick enough to skip out... As I tried to give a reason to why I myself was looking up... But she didn't wanna hear it... N it was at the point of seeing the pettiness for I knew... I seen my reflection in her eyes as what she saw matche the noise coming from her lips... All I heard was, I jus ain't what she's looking for in so many words... N it was cool n all... I got it as she had no interest in a man trying to get back to the top... She was jus flat out raw... As some people are just fucking shallow as fuck... As she was unable to relate to how I got caught up financially even emotionally once upon a time ago in the mix... Seems I was a waste of her time... Yet, lil does she know I don't give up easily over some goofy bullshit... I don't chase as she's that type to need that kinda attention... It's the finer things I have no use for that make her happy... Not the petty luv as she simply refused to see me with no quit... Silly broad would rather go through relations over n over instead of doing something that doesn't drive her crazy... So I stepped back n jus took a gander at what it was I was witness to... A materialistic female that wants it all right now... Even though if I hadn't lost it all she would've gladly stood by my side... As I'm jus grateful I had the opportunity to do more than visualize who she truly was before I fucked up again somehow...

i'm jus askin as a friend...

do u live in a false sense of reality.?. believin in things you've been forced to memorize.?. can u not think for yourself so u can fall in luv with life.?. is it u wanna be like so many tryin to be like each other livin within societies lies.?. who is it behind ur eyes.?. do u feel more like yourself caught up in the mix.?. who is it u wanna pretend to be.?.  are u ok with livin enslaved by a legal world like u trsut it.?. where's ur mind a i ask these things.?. what is it u think of me.?. am i so different to what's been drilled in to ur head.?. do i even have a chance in gettin to u with the way i am restitchin my seams.?. does a man made religion ruin who it is u truly are.?. is there any hope of u wakin up to what's goin on in this world.?. can u see our government is the enemies of humanity.?. are u trapped within the box you've been packaged so nicely for the lies to hide in ur head that swirls.?. has materials found their way into ur happiness as nothin can match the feel of havin the best money can buy.?. have u gotten anoid with so many question u feel are attackin u on a more personal level where i'm the crazy one.?. where's the end of the cycle for u as u break free n jus be who it is as u naturally are.?. without the teachings of others, can u relate to the message delivered to ur dome.?. how is life seen through ur eyes.?. are u safer not knowin the truths of human intent.?. is it possible ur so far into ur own lil  throne jus tryin to get it to fit so u too fit in.?. who is it truly that needs to be fixed.?. do u spit color instead of one race as us.?. can u understand the concept of divid n concur.?. or do u even care to think for yourself.?. who is it u see as a threat to lash out n hurt.?. has ur loneliness realized as ur own doings is the cause of u pain by not payin attention.?. is gay not happy while u down others for bein who they are.?. is ur house n vehicles what u are willin to sell ur time for.?. where is ur heart.?. do u judge n poke fun at the same shit that pisses u off.?. is music a waste of time if it doesn't come from ur so called culture.?. when's the last time u looked in the mirror to fins an individual taring away from what u know is fuckin wrong.?. is u mind in tune with life or is it bothered by the thought of being afraid of being yourself instead of jus another vulture.?. can u see that this world is out for itself.?. who do u think plugged the juice into the televisions that infect our homes with no regards to respect.?. do u believe u actually have a vote in who takes office.?. who are u if u aren't the entity on ur birth certificate.?.  do u know there's a way to life debt free.?. what if it were as true as it is that ur being extorted as ur natural rights are at war with a a legal system outta control.?. have u even asked yourself what is to come of those u yourself bring into this crazy world.?. or do u like actin like u n urs are the royalty sittin upon ur thrones.?.

i wanna know...

i jus wanna look at u n see myself... comin to life is wicked if not taken in to consideration that ur starin at help... for our own selfish luv... i wanna see me the way i see u... locked into the visual of a stare reflected n stuck... knowin it's u that pulls me out of this faze of waitin to be touched... to witness who i am have the effect of none other than my best friend finally comin in to view... so i too can cut loose... i'm patient til i know i can't hold back... as the emotion matches the mindset rendered to the feel of what's to become attached... i want that look of her collapsin inside when she turns my way... the way i come undone to the sights of her willin n wantin as if needin to stay... as lonely will neva come into our plans as it be us livin it up... that one person that shows me who in the fuck i am accordin to her luv... i wanna find out who she's gonna be... jus to watch her walk towards me... knowin she knows what to do with me... as life as she knows it only adds me to what she has goin on.... in the same way pieces connect all the question rounded up for the answer lookin straight back into the connecton of her eyes as if passion is worn... as i take a gander at the faces that idk n wonder if i spoke up, what would become of tongues workin out as if in the middle of reps... no longer muted so they can speak the flava of trust not even i can sidestep... i wanna do more than visualize the what if i fondle her in my mind... i want her here eventually, in my life...

the trifecta of how i became alive...

i buried myself deep within her... expressed my luv n found eyes blinkin through a blur... it was my word that i gave that did not budge... yet, she returned my luv as if she had no use as i was crushed... time opened up to drive me into her pits... i did not know she was empty n there was no way for me to land within... seems i drifted beneath her shell that turned out to be stronger than i could eva be... then again, i know her truths as my lips shall neva free.. as she asked a few dozen times as if she needed a reason for me to cling to her the way i did... i couldn't help but to feel her deeper than i've eva felt anyone as life came to my ribs... changin my face in more ways than one... from the wonder of who to the luv shared i ended up left on the other side of numb... somewhere i neva thought she'd send me off to die alone... i've seen her depths n it's more like an unfortunate broken home... there's no truths behind words that revealed intent as life rolled on... so without her, i kept goin... found my answers standin in the mirror in which i forgave myself... findin pieces of what i'm lookin for along the way where daydreams somewhat help... here is me, peepin like a tom in no need of a replacement but a true friend like i've neva had... as i say my past can lterally kiss my azz... one two three, i watched em fail me in luv with a substance more than they could eva feel me... booze to pills that sound a pair of em doped up n hatin everything about the way i breathe... no, i haven't any time for the chamber to unload in my direction... luv is suicide jus in case i failed to mention... emotional torture set in place so desire chases em around... so fuckin in luv with the way their moans sound... as only the one got deep enough to teach me what i need to know... as the last one brought me back to life by showin me who i am before my reflection caught on to where she was in her dome... runnin like the others, away from what could hurt em the way i couldv'e neva initially taken that kinda neglect... so i rest easy with where i've been as i will neva return to listen to their type of interest... as selfish as it may sound i don't need a half azz woman nowhere within my hearts contentment fallin from self they way they need someone to give into em... hmmm...

Reclaimed...

She said ilu...  As I slowly replied, I wish u did... I wouldn't have been walkin away... That's when the beat of my own heart dropped as I sucked it up so I too could live... Words found silence as she let me go... Somehow she could jus watched me turn n leave without a word... That's when I knew... I'm on my own... Solo... Tryin to find my way... Losing another best friend... What is luv if this was in fact, the end.?. I didn't peek in a reverse sense the way she refused to stop me as I slipped outta sight... I jus went about my way as I had to adjust to a different way of life... She said, I luv u... As I turned away knowin she was no good for me the way i was for her n oh how I tried... With that ache I felt deep enough to allow all feelings to rest with her face... Feet moved into motion in the act of livin with the truths of doin my thing... Dead emotions were left layin at her tootsies as she neva thought how i felt for her would die... Yet, it wasn't I that forgot who she was supposed to be as betraylal claimed bein unconditionally wanted inside... Nothin come of what was shared for that matter... As time rotated n gave peace to my mind... Even though I often hear her whisper to me ilu as if she meant it... Lookin around n alone watching my back I still remain in my solitude awaitin someone unlike her that's real enough neva to lie... I told her once, jus don't let me go... N she did the day she looked at me n said, I luv u jus to get what it was she thought she was gonna get... As it wasn't me behind her eyes... I was jus the only one that neva to give up as she kept comin back to run with her crazy legs n leave with the selfishness of the rush... She once told me it was me she was in luv with... But her actions spoke of a life in which I did not exist... Trust went astray the day her own influences removed me from her world... Showin her face every now n again until I stood on my behalf... N no  matter how much she tried to get me to believe in her twisted ways, she was neva my girl... As I heard her tone in the sense of the ilu that ran from her lips... As one last look told me I had to finalize the chaos... Ties like the lies ended on that very day... Face to face the goofiness had to stop... No more savior when It was me she thought of when no one was there... I too needed my friend that took the fuck off without a care... yeah, I gave her enough time to show me what it was i meant to her n what she was willin to do... shakin my head when she opened her trap to spit I luv u as we were through.. It was the precise moment i got my heart back i gave to her... N since, I haven't hurt...

Three candles lit...

Three candles lit to set the mood... Petals scattered from wall to wall as if luv exploded n went kaboom... Emotions flickering in the eyes due to the effect... An offering comin from within the chest... Favorite beverages placed in hands reach... With a lil music jus to lick fuck back as we meet... Talk to me... Close enough I can feel u breathe... Flames rise to shed light on who we can affect... Timing the precise moment to tilt the heat for a kiss at best... Tellin us who is who... Three candles lit as ones for u, another for me n the last is to enlighten two fools... Comin together feeling a groove... Takin a night to loosen up for some use... Sittin with legs overlapping comfort feeling the heart beats that rep... Bouncing like the shadows skiing the walls interest... Finding want tangled up with with need... Letting tongues enjoy what is to become free... Opened n allowing the touch drift within as ur more than a guest... As when it comes to u, fuck the rest.!. Present in the makings of trust is us bared to be nude... Three candles lit bcuz we were in the mood...

My kinda crazy...

I met my kinda crazy n it drove me beyond what I thought was real... Out of my mind I ran through my heart taring my apart... As the lettin loose took control in the mirror as emotion fell... I felt it within n again when it released me due to a life I didn't luv to live... I found pieces scattered about like e bomb she was... Lit to take fire to my life as it burned down before my eyes... Leavin my in well being in particles tossed about... Fallin like smut for the visual effect to take place so she could laugh from a far... Grabbin ahold of my twist  in a fucked up state if mind the betrayal went deep... As I now walk with a more hehe sorta feel knowing how distant luv can be... I roll in the memories it took me to gather what was left of me... Head tilted hands cocked n loaded ready to get it solo as fuck... Bcuz ain't no fuckin one has my back the way I had it before she came along... As I sit lookin at a sea of the same type of pain that's healed peekin around prolly tryin to find me... I tempted to look my best friend in the eyes as the turn fucked me up... Let's get real n express some shit we've all had an acquaintance with... That big was only to prep what was to come as it was as if I died inside... Yet, I respectfully stepped back n saved the remains for me to adjust here in the middle if the chaos... Not yet done to the touch of the texture loosening the thrill... I ran in to what killed the immaturities n placed life back in my own beatin vibe... As feet got to movin in a spinnin rotation as the end of all bad things was left on a dotted line so I could finally be free.... Fuck it..  I've gotta be the only thing I know how to be... Me!!! Yes... I can't across me jus wondering about somewhere I believe I to be... In my demented Looney bin u call thoughts..  I went down on levels that stood me up bcuz luv had enough n had to lemme go... With birds blazin wishing her well I'll neva fuckin complain... This is me without the weight of another tuggin me back into my past... Smilin bcuz I jus don't give a fuck... Cuttin ties burying the influence I fell under we've named trust... Only to be given to someone who can see me corrected with my head over my heart... I stand without the imagination of who it is u think I am... Rattled with an unzipped lip nibbled on til I get what I want... My kinda crazy is simply infuckinsane... No limits... No boundaries... No walls to climb... Opened as not an expression of no but the feel of jus saying yes... Rockin the boat to take a swim on tbe other side of what we're taught how to be... I've already trusted to see what I am to recalculate as self wantin to play... Chucklin... I'm waitin... Holdin out to participate in a different approach with that tweak I luv to entertain... N I've used up all my tears that took to fuckin long to evaporate... So it's to getting at it with two chirps to what didn't make it onto my now... I dabbled into the connectivity of that coocoos nest n went on one hell of a ride... Got wrapped up thinking there's wasn't any other place I'd rather be... Hehe... Look at me!!!

In my time...

Once we begin to luv someone there's no turning it off... In all honesty who are u to tell me who luv... I'm the one that parts the cost... Bcuz if it were up luv'd, for the feelu flush... One cannot jus turn emotions into smoke n walk through... Makin for a visual  finally claimin it was indeed luv... It is impossible to cover raw intent up without hurtin someone else... Even if it's self hiding those feelings we thought we could trust... I choose who it is to be felt... No matter if they feel me or not... The nature thing is to down what actions are about... N who doesn't wanna enjoy what isn't too be stopped.!? I'll step when my knowin is my depths comin out...

in tune...

i keep forgettin about me... at least until here recently... i turned around n set my issues down... how do u like me now.?. there are no faces in my head that i'd want to stay... exposure is over for luv'rs swappin names... i'm all there is somewhere i can jus be... doin me n thinkin i am where my ends meet... right here as i am jus gettin along jus fine... knowin luv is selfish in its find... i can't forget that i am what matters... n how i am with self is how i am with others... seekin my happiness... at last...

short~n~sweet...

fazes unfaded that changed faces within relations to far opened as temptation found self in a different situation knowin the demonstration was more along the lines of expectations frustratin bad behavior without yellin danger danger... shapes of curve misplaced visuals of the same games rollin in flames puttin a patten on the smoke unfoldin names on tongues under a different kinda sane claimin like over luv... left to dream of better days unchanged in the mind til the dyin inside hides from times undisputed rhyme felt for the fame of life exchanged.. peepin new features round with the spin of a fresh creature to endure further than emotion hurts the texture of a lifetime switchin shit up to go right back to the same ol worth flirtin with the dirt beneath the exposures turn...

As self...

Open minded with her own view on life... One that's actually thought out as her version to herself is understood... With a goofy side of silliness jus wantin to live... Openin me up like it's natural to the way I should... As in her eyes I see why in fuck I'm on her life... Kickin it with my best friend that simply likes havin me around... Diggin in behind closed doors in every sense of the term of gettin it in... N I'm jus sittin back waitin patiently for that spark to flick the switch within n turn me on wantin what has been found... I jus wanna witness the way she notices me in the same way we feel the need to complete the chase of relations... Livin as close to one in the same as we can possible be bcuz she's worth the mindset taken u relate... As her tender side isn't on that childish shit knowin I ain't goin a fuckin place but home... Lookin at her face of all others exchanging all sorts of creative names... Givin what it is she has to bare for someone real to come along n accept that she's not perfect... As her corks twist the better side of me loose... In sync with like, havin a more level headed connection than luv could eva have... Trusting me with her heart n emotions for they're attached to her mind that doesn't need the games makin character into a suspect... In her weirdest moments caught up is where the raw depths are shown... She's gonna havta be the reason I come back out to play... Wrapped up at night so her presence like mine eases the uncertainties here in the middle of this cold azz fuckin world... As it's my lips craved n cravin to lean in to place a lil compassion upon her face... It's the comfort that rides a tone taken when she speaks of me... Willin to do what makes passion awaken so she to can finally live... In her own unique flow rushing up on the memories to be made like a fuckin adult in a mature state of being... Tucked into my rib as she cuddles her dreams of knowin the silhouette found a face that neva hasta be missed...

Beautiful...

I wish I could take it off... But it's who I am... Features representing what lays beneath... As opposing genders have a way about them that wants to bind my hands... Seems being externally beautiful won't allows others to find a reason to believe in me... As if they can't ever seem to get past the candy shell... Therefor I crave in the wait I stand within as the mirror knows the truth... People can't dig into depths as the surface is their only use that they refuse to tell... In luv with the representation of a shallow mind playing with vanities cure... For I to found their wall that lacks the trust it takes to free intentions wanting to play... I'm uncomfortable with others bcuz they have trust issues knowing how they are... N there's times I can literally see the relentless bs spread through the expressions upon my face... As tongues get tied up with words that influence actions forced to feel past the skin... Claiming what talks beyond the shadow of a doubt is anything more than the same ol same as they too are afraid to be friends... They come n they go n others follow their lead acting the same ol way as the one before them... Making for an uncalled division of difference mentally done in its inevitable end...

same life, new me...

I tried to show the luv I have to give...

Even believed what I seen was real...

I wound up feeling like I had nothing else to give...

So I began to luv me again n I was headed.!.

End of story...

As the new beginning of me woke up...

Chuckled, n got the fuck on...

N now I'm capable of luv...

Yet I had to die inside to enjoy my own self made suicide...

To truly understand what it was like to live...

After giving me away...

I bounced back n am currently waiting on an other that recovered from their slip...

Someone who fell in n found peace within...

Finding a best friend scattered into pieces...

Stepping from the mirrors edge content with who I am...

All bcuz I redirected interest in myself by removing leashes...

Time stood me still n gathered my mind...

At one point I even knew that I existed but that didn't matter...

My attempt drew me backwards to reconsider who it is I choose to be...

N all I eva wanna hear is laughter...

In the split...

On the loose n crawlin up ur leg... Leavin a moistened trail watching em spread... Playing with the texture waitin to be felt... Feelin u twitch as my head tilts... Lips walkin in between ur thighs... Hearin He moans escape ur mind... Further n deeper into the tingle of ur flow... The smell excites tastebuds climbing over one another on a roll... Pausin to feel heated breaths in between ur u n I... Bouncin from ur flava back into my face listenin the way u such... Slowly reachin with the sliver of the tongue lookin for some fun... Landin softly like a place across the surface... Teasin the crave to lick ur thoughts damn near surfin... Touchin the tenderness of the wait... Playin in splits comin completely undone... Unable to hold still u begin to run... N I'm inl quietly fallin in luv with the way ur hormones attempt to escape... Archin ur back to the twirl of pleasure as u grind my face... N all I want, is for u to say name...

effort...

roundin the curve back to the same ol thought... to sit alone after the effort put in to relations... the round about tranfered emotion from luv to wtf... thinkin back into the now of different dimensions... the past went under the bridge n switched shit up... jus sittin here lookin in reverse comin to the front lines of the memories shakin my head... all that like i wasnt good enough as if a child runnin from maturities... layin night after night resumin in bed... lettin loose on the attachments re;eased by my mind.. to be still enough to entertain what doesnt even matter... yet im alone with time lost wonderin who i could snuggle up with who aint on some bs... shits a trip as my lips cant find it worth the effort to express the feel... n jus to reminisce on the fact that i actually told myself, of all people, i got her...

Unlike words...

Justifiable words without supervision... Awe shit, no limits by definition... Crawling from beneath the skins texture... How far will u venture with no need to retract... Comin from within what's under the hat... Level one complete... Magically walkin through walls n over buriers... Unbound by restraints... On the loose as freedom aligns with wisdoms worth that flirts with failures... As one in the same is as open as air felt... Noddin away with the rhythm in which lived... A drifter lingerin to the moves groove... As words never spill yet leap from sensitive lips...

The difference of here nor there...

In another place. In another time. I was someone else. Somewhere where everything made sense. Where I did more than play the cards that were dealt. Somewhere else is where I left whom it was I was. Standin as a proud man with the comforts in my life. Makin it happen cuz purpose formed n molded my heart ache. Now findin a new way to stand n watchin for the edge of the knife. In my depths I shake in fear of a hand to ease the tensions with touch. I was free once from the questions we all ask. Yet a gentle hand scratched n dug n raw I was rubbed. Findin the climb up, back to the top a struggle. N The same I will never be. I fell. For the face in the mirror has found a cocked head twisted sideways of a harsh reality. The best of me was poured out to bloom. To grow roots under the suns soil to symbolize luv. Yet the garden was mowed n dug up. N the reinvention of this man has become a battle within without a crutch. Its the secrets of the heart ignored by the minds will. Followin the leader that knows the way. Holdin on the the positivity in life thats left. N as an atheist, for me there is no god that can if I ever crossed reality can hear me pray. Yet in another time n in another place, thought I understood. As I now walk in complete comprehension of what a true friend is. Cuz I was mislead. Blinded by the rush that filled me before the rain that showed me the intensions that were b.s.. So I confess, I submit. With my head on swivel I accept life. With rollin eyes of those things ive heard once upon a time ago repeated. Believin in the actions n not the emotional hype.....

Bringing forth reality...

When its a smile all u wanna see.
Cuz that smile knocks u off ur feet.
Its then when u understand with a stare.
Stuck lookin as a witness findin u care.
For someone elses smile cuz it makes yours come to life.
Livin n feelin the emotion gathered n expressed before the slit of a knife.
Bringin forth a reality that everything must come to an end.
As a smile will fade n u to will lose a friend.
Once given that feelin of pleasure so flush.
A smile alone will destroy the confessions of luv.
Turnin upside down in the blink of an eye.
As only one is left to fight.
When a smile is all thats needed to show ur best.
Itll never be enough as somehow u to will fail the test.....