the lingering...

the smell of her fragrance settles nerves on the edge. igniting an awakening to sniff air carrying her pledge. wanting to be noticed with a humorous sense of come get me. she sways with the scent like the night flowing with a breeze. smelling of a soft gentle pleasantry that draws him in to her charm. as lovely as a smile worn to pierce his heart. with one whiff of her skin he comes to life before her eyes. and she knows she's gonna be damn near every other thought that crosses his mind. for her aroma tickles his nose in a way sight focuses on only her. never to tell him of what perfume triggers his inability to refuse how it's her he prefers. capturing him through an aroma so interactions can progress. she knows what she's doing nonetheless. as she's playful with how sweet the linger reaches for his nose. as he sighs with an exhale unwilling to leave her alone.

don't speak...

when u need a convo n there's no one on that level to reach... u fight a transition so personal u wish u could step outta self n just leave... attempting to avoid the inner makings of the heart suppressed by the mind that had to take control... feeling the silence gripping the tongue wanting to rid itself of all the untold truths in a time of remaining alone... n friends are around to relate with, though there's something deeper than what's on the surface wanting out... as the eyes close so no one knows of the way their design cannot speak a sound... when a moment is at fingertips never taken bcuz that would mean crossing over into the crossfire is where depths are exposed... n there's no better place to bury the vulnerability that trembles when it's unsure of a place called home... when it's an ear the voice seeks to land... over stepping imaginary borders prior to feeling a gentle set of hands... as a friend so the lingering dealings that hide within can shift free from the weight baring down... though it's never known due to composure pulsating to the the chest that pounds... when the line is jus one inch from reality switching up... sssh, hush...

have you ever...

have you ever simply looked at someone and had gotten lost in a stare? feeling the walls within collapse without a hesitation or a struggle as the heart somehow come around instantly to care. there is a thing of love at first sight even if it doesn't last long enough to truly get to know. to admit it is the first step to knowing what emotion is willing to be when the chest opens up to allow another to roam. have you ever lost the words that disappear from the tongue as the mind pauses to capture the exact moment you fall in? so far gone life ignites by one touch of their skin that forms a gentle grin. as hope awakens to the mystery of noticing the answer standing close enough to feel just before contact is ever made. have you ever realized there's nothing you wouldn't do to show how special they were to the expression of hope upon your face? pulsating to a vibe felt that triggers intent as if it were self that you just couldn't hurt. have you ever gave in so easily the return was greater than the imagination's wildest thoughts that cannot help but to lurk. loosening up to the whispers woken up by the flickering twinkle in eyes gazing back into your direction. removing the shield that guards use so it can become a breath that saves self from the insane isolation. have you ever found your way into a set of arms that held on like seconds were getting away from all that was good? or swam carelessly in the deep of come get me trying to take one day at a time like you should. have you ever is just an irrelevant question to the makings that remember the possibilities to come. don't run from love!

Not me...

What i have in my chest is bigger than yours... What do i need to pound on it for.?. It doesn't need beaten n stired up with the confusion that just isn't me... So go prove to yourself how much of a man u are n I'll remain free... Never shackling my ability to feel my natural intent... I don't need to fake it like the energy u spend..  Wasting time on the bs u think is real when a supressed heart gets lost behind closed doors... Feening for attention like some sorta secret whore... Not knowing how to be who it is u truly are... As u imitate a character that's nothing more than playing the part...

on my own...

Well, here i am all on my own as i simply live. Doing better than i've ever been. N i can't help but to think how confusing it is. But fuck it, i ain't pissed. I'm better off without the over emotional weight. Even though i do miss a friendly face. Though silhouettes don't seem to have one of those. So i teeter on the balance of hope. knowing what it is i have to loose. My heart stutters to even wanna move. Truth of the matter is i'm all on my own. Yet, a body laid up against me at times would do a lil more than make me moan. 

to remember...

do you remember that time when uh, oh yeah i forgot we don't share the same past. isn't it funny how the memories we're not allowed to recall make self feel like they just cannot be had? damn near as if life until now wasn't even worth the living. having useless images stuck in your head like somethings missing. but there was that one moment uh, way back when, oh shit that wasn't you. no disrespect it's just those kinda things we havta figure a way to cut loose. you know, never being able to catch a feel worth a fuck. as dreams comfort the feeling of being worthy of luv. as i'd like to think it was you for me some time ago but by now you'd be so far gone. think of me in the same sense of everyone you tried to luv that took that walk. it's just weird as fuck sitting of the edge of  wanting to remember something good to share. i mean how does it feel to know that everyone you've came across, they didn't fuckin care? and i see you lookin at me like i'm lookin at you like, hmm, wtf. is this just another friend to come and go so in need of the rush? as it would be nice to sit still and reminisce with someone for once. over a prior time that leads up to the forever making of the now that never needs to be hushed. because under my tongue there's just too much left over flavor i do not like. so i gotta ask, will you ever be that one to bring life to my eyes? creating something so beautiful before the end comes to call. giving some type of meaning to hope when it is no longer paused. in the process of thoughts later on down the road where we're kicked back with the feet up knowing the mind isn't alone. with pictures of our mingling hung up on the walls as happiness is shown. don't you see i'm sick of the struggling ache that has nothing to think back on. and if i can be honest, i'd enjoy if you became a part of my norm. but we're gonna havta reason with likes before we can step up to what the heart truly wants. there is no need in leaving a friend behind demoralized and crushed. so do you think we can begin right now n say, do u remember how we met? as a smile stretches the face with content we need to get of our chest. just put your hands on me and u can feel it beating and breathing, reaching for you. wanting to absorb you so the brain can put you to use. drifting through my dreams so i can awaken to you every fuckin morning. as i havta say, there's nothing about you that i find boring. yet, do you have what it takes to stick around. i believe you do and i think you should show me how. just give me a piece of mind that i've never had. because there is a me like you that just wants to be matched. to put together a slide show no one else can see. other than you from your angle for you were there with me. moving and talking and doing our thing. if i ain't for you please just walk away if you're just another fling. you see i come in peace and i never wanna do you wrong. i only want that something in between us that makes us feel like we belong. me being that recollection that lives in your smile. damn, i wish it were you i've know since i was a child. what we coulda been all these years woulda been oh so fuckin nice. and yet, here we stand on our own just wanting to feel alive.

me to share...

 i have so much to say and there's no one to tell it to.

only if there were someone to cut my words from a noose.

it seems they've been dangling in my mouth for quite some time.

yet, there's no ears to listen to what resides behind my eyes.

lurking in the blackness upon my face.

no one knows i have things i'd like to say.

as i wonder if there's anyone out that understands my mumbles rambling on.

u see i wasn't made for this single shit always tempting the whore.

yeah i have one within me that's been wanting to play.

as the mind wins the battle avoiding the pain.

emotion wants to side with the hormones to have a lil fun.

if i just had someone to tell this to we could 

for i'd break my silence in a single moment to be seen.

though i gotta be careful due to there's just not much left of my dreams.

i don't wanna fade the way hope did when it escaped my chest.

although a friend would be nice to hear this mess.

bcuz i know they'd be able to relate to all the bs we've came across.

having the same metaphorical scars that ripped open our hearts.

as it's not a cry baby pity party that i seek.

there's just things about me that i don't want no other to see.

and i really don't want them to know i have another side that hides my truths.

for i ain't for just anyone as they tend to disappear with a vamoose.

uniquely gathered i have me to share.

but it's gonna take someone with a lil time to spare.

a different kinda individual that wants to take their turn.

to open up to a reality ready to define a worth.

as when the convo has no mentions of the tongue motions and is simply willing to get along.

sitting in silence together not once ever feeling lost.

it would be great to not havta babble the way i do.

for the content is merely a reflection of me waiting to be put to use.

one secret remains...

 i know what i'm worth. so why do i have this feeling like i'm never enough. with a cling latched on to everything about me except my voice box. it's like my vocal chords cannot speak the truth even though i claim to live outside the box. when i have a lil secret trapped within that cannot escape. it's as if it refuses to step out on to the tongue so it can accept its fate. as i could really go for someone punching me in my mouth to create a swollen lip so i i don't feel so fuckin numb. the truth about me is, i don't believe i'll ever amount to anything other than a has been. even with all the confidence i have there's a reason i stay in my lane n don't go seeking new friends. all bcuz i have something inside of me pointing fingers at the me in the mirror. n honestly i'm ok with me, it's others that i cannot help but to fear. i just get tired of falling short in their eyes, u know? the hope seems gone to wanna build a life with what is only imagined as a home. n i've corrected everything i could think of to become a better me. there's just this one itty bitty lil mutha fuckin thing that won't set me free. i don't believe anyone is gonna want me past the hype of digging in. it's as if they through dirt over the shoulder from the shovel into the same hole just fill it back in. my guess is it's easier for them to climb the fuck out once they walked on my depths. bcuz my roots have been buried in a grave n for dead they've been left. so you'll havta excuse me for not believing others trying to convince me of what they're saying is exactly what they mean. bcuz at the end of all their bs i'm tired of feeling like it's hard to fuckin breathe. i'm a man n i'm human but i ain't feeling it no fuckin more. everyone sounds the same just sawing on longs n i'm fuckin bored. falling asleep with zzz's flying over my head. as the only thing about relations anymore is taking the to bed. as i don't want what everyone else can have for i've been there n i've done that. i've had my fair share as i cannot remember them all n that's a fcukin fact. i've lost the thrill that gives into emotional lusts this i havta admit. n it bothers me on levels that leaves me more than pist. how did i become the one who cannot stomach luv due to there's no like for it evolve from? then again, that makes sense of why i stay on the run. onlt if i could feel the set of hands that never wanna leave my skin. nah, i ain't falling for the bs no more but i do wanna live. this alone shit is cool n all but even it wares off with time. n i'm way past that moment where the mind taps out n consciousness looks back at life. witness to how things could be better if i'd just open the fuck up. but there's something deep down that struggles to do anything to make it past being touched. for i am no one to anyone n that's jsut the way it is. i feel emptied with a malicious tickle in my rib. yeah, i'm just someone who ain't that hard to forget. as i've accepted who i am never to be missed.

chain of command...

if u really think about it, u can have a conversation n it'll never do any harm. even in the madness where words seem so harsh. as the mind knows it's just the way it is in the babbling of the lips. n sex is a crave just bcuz it feels good. n even if it ain't one still thinks it should. baring the body is just a lust that just doesn't hurt. it's just a pleasure that can never be taken from worth. although when it comes to the heart, that's where things get fucked up. especially when falling in the same as falling through luv. so why isn't it the last thing that's kept on hush? on the other end of when everyone wants to be touched. chain of command is an attraction before like. n once friends are established it's time to live life. then comes the approval of hormones that get turned the fuck on. as is as long as ur with just one person u could never be a whore. after that is the power of hope pounding from the chest. reaching for a friend n expecting their best. so why is there so many that get this shit confused? bcuz their free will luv's to be abused.

i want ur sex...

like two shadows falling into each other, hiding from the light. becoming more than a fantasy escaping the mind. we can reman silhouettes all through the night. gasping for air n sharing sighs. motions acting out dirty deeds to own the crave. listening to tones switch up willing to play with every sense of the game. moan for me n take notice in my face. bcuz my guess is, we'll never be the same. as bodies slide to the feel of getting it in. w9ith the head going down below where it's lips on lips. so curl ur toes if u truly wanna live. as nasty as u want it is what i have to give. dancing like flames to light up the room. easing in so we can get loose. fucked with a side of a hundred proof begging with nerves beg for a truce. but don't tap out is all i ask. bcuz i 'll lick u a lil slower from front to back. n then bend u the fuck over n smack that azz. yeah i luv it when u need it so bad... with my hand around ur throat to bring u out. as ksses are sucked from the softness of ur tasty mouth. imma need u here n now as i listen to how u get so fuckin loud. grind on top n i'll let u have ur way. bcuz the beast in me still needs tamed. as i was hoping it was u i could claim as fate. i just wanna help u fuckin escape. so let's come together on the edge of the bed. i like the feel of ur pussy when it's wet. n honestly ur better than the rest. damn u, i must confess i want ur sex. 

Sunset...

If u ask her what her favorite thing is, she'll reply "the sunset". Bcuz even though it changes daily it's as beautiful as fallin in luv... N it's the lil things in her eyes if u can catch her lookin ur way... For the way she wears the suns rays upon her face gives flavor to saying her name... N she can't hide who she is when emotions flicker with a spark... Though she ain't easy, she just enjoys the way one person fills her heart... A gentle beast she is n that's no lie... But be careful of how u continue make to her cry... One too many times n she'll return to the horizon to forget who u were supposed to be... Done with the bs as she sets herself free... She's as simple as waking up for another day to live... Rolling over to place a kiss upon ur lips... N all she wants is to feel like she belongs in ur life... She's not that difficult to figure out if u give it time... The secret is it's the lil things u do for her she finds as the best things in this world... As she can't get over the fact that she can call herself ur girl... Just remember the sunset will always make her feel right at home... Even if u fuck up n leave her all alone...

lemme know when you're done...

i'm ready to ease into a conversation that has no rush. nor leap upon the sliding of lips slowly pressed to become flush that's sucked. and when you get over yourself as well as meaningless lusts,  just lemme know when you find yourself again. when it's within yourself you truly land. when you don't look at life as if it's a fuck, shit or a damn! as luv isn't believed to be just another scam. just lemme know when i can peek behind the curtain to see you in rare form as you're done hurting. when you realize all that extra bs of wasted time just ain't worth it. lemme see you when you bounce back up. when your feet touch the ground and you ain't so numb. when you're finally over what it is you thought you could trust. as living becomes a unique type of must. lemme know if you get to that point any time soon. when you ain't so fuckin rude. as your smile just wants to be amused. and you step away from all the so called abuse. lemme know when you open up n wanna actually live. when it's a real friendship you have to give. as shovels complete their dig n your ex's name is no longer in the flavor of your spit. just lemme know the day you wake the fuck up. when you're at one with the air sucked into your lungs. knowing you need no one but who you are coming from within. i'll be right over here, biting my tongue.

you shoulda told me...

 you shoulda told me you were more in luv with the pain than you were with me. because i damn near turned into you walking away from my dreams. as wild as they were, why is it i talk to myself? i hate the fact that it was you that i felt. and yet, here i am in this great big world tinkering with time. trying to figure out who to get things back to the way they were before you walked into my life. i ain't mad because i'm glad you're fuckin gone. but you shoulda told me you'd rather be with another so i coulda left you alone. and how you did me wasn't what i thought you would do. i believed me being who i was meant something to you. as i'm still ashamed to say i fell into your trap. so do me one small favor and stay the fuck in my past. you're a coward that never stood before me and said goodbye. just so the wonder of you would stay in my mind. i figured out your game and it's all good. even though it seems you served me good. you went and played my emotions against everything i am. damn near stripping me from becoming a man. and you just don't know you walked on the bottom of my heart. you were felt that deep as the flame fell in luv with the spark. life came outta nowhere when i looked in your eyes. and as you claim your truths are real they're nothing but lies. you came at me from every angle as i let you in. i let you bury yourself as i regrew my grin. six feet down with your azz in the air. i wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person who cared. there was no need in trying to tare me apart. i guess it was my dick that made you wanna play the part. because it wsn't me you wanted to get to know. i'm just a born again stranger looking for a home. you were jsut lost wanting for me to help you find your way. and in the dark i didn't anna see your face. you the one that fell and attempted to hold on to any piece of me that you could. as that lifestyle you live changed the way you look. and it was a sad day when i realized you really wasn't shit. as i tucked that moisture behind the moisture of my lips. never again to re innact that first kiss that sucked you in. i was about it from day one because i wanted to live. thing is you were just the one i needed to get outta my head. as i was forced to believe you were someone else as i was fuckin you in my bed. damn your friendship and damn your tone. i don't even fuckin like you so the is no luv. though you didn't havta clown on my emotions as i stood true. as i allowed years to by just to call a truce. because i need to know what it is we were. and you showed me with applause and that's why it no longer hurts. and yeah, i'm still chuckling because i'm almost back on top. and if you were on your knees i wouldn't even slap you with my cock. though the thought is you can serve me and leave me the fuck alone. it's like that because there is no hope. no matter how good your lips look wrapped around my girth. just close your mouth for you need not be heard. you shoulda told me i neve meant shit to you. before i gave in because i had no clue. you were just weak and broken wanting to use my strength. and even know i was strong enough for the both of us you gave up on me. that shit makes no sense even to this day. but i'm hapier now so stay the fuck outta my face.

f bombs...

open up for what? so someone can claim they feel in luv? where in the fuck is that gonna get me? other than off in the corner calming my daydreams. especially no one knows what a friend is anymore. as they pretend to be so much fuckin more. so why would i hand over the keys to my heart? just for another imposter to leave their fuckin mark. fuck that i ain't got it in me the way others don't wanna take their time. it's just lie after lie after lie. n u always wonder why it fuckin hurts. it's bcuz everyone refuses to see another's worth. i have no emotion waiting to be fuckin provoked. people can just leave me the fuck alone. very fuckin few have it in the to do more than play the fuckin part. n i don't believe in n i fake azz fuckin charm. real is real n that's all i fuckin understand. f bomb f bomb fuck shit damn.

at the bar...

i'm no one. just a figment of ur imagination. even though i could reach down n get submerged in ur panties absorption. i'm just here for a brief moment trying to get drunk. do everything i can to avoid luv. go on n give up before the getting gets good. bcuz my azz ain't leaving this seat, the way it should. if u wanna talk, don't bring emotion into the mix. i ain't got the time to listen to ur sappy azz fuckin bullshit. i'm jus trying to get outta the house for once. so don't go attempting to make me feel like i'm wanting too much. if i hurt ur feelings u shouldn't be wearing that shit on ur sleeve. n no u will not be leaving here with me. i'm a lil different n i'll fuck ur mind up. having ur world turned upside down n cussing from babbling gums. n i really ain't wanting to entertain u tonight. but u can sit on down n we can talk about life.  maybe throw back some chuckles for a lil bit. just don't try to touch me with ur lips. bcuz if ur as good as u smell i don't need those kinda problems. n i'm trying not to think of u tied down at every fuckin limb. n if that's the case u can keep on moving. n go talk to the next bar flunky as u keep on losing. i'l just have a few more n go on home. u see i ain't got no fuckin problem with being alone. n if u can keep ur hands to yourself that would be great. bcuz from the looks of u i already want a taste. n i cannot be doing that type of shit. i just can't afford for u to tickle my ribs. but if it's a conversation u want, i'm all in. sit on down n tell me of ur life's lil twists.

never felt...

what's wrong with me? why not me? ain't i good enough? am i not worthy of ur luv? do i not help u open up? is there no energy when we touch? what is it i lack? are u ok with leaving me in ur past. why am i not what u seek. is it me that is incapable of setting u free? is my face to much to take? are we not one in the same? how is it so easy to throw me away? how is it u don't find comfort in my face? does it feel good to leave me alone? why do i not resemble hope? who is it u thought i was? am i not someone u can trust? how is it i let u down? does our hearts not sync as the pound? why is it u refuse to believe in me? do u not awaken with me walking through ur dreams? where in ur world do i fit in? is my voice not soothing to ur ribs? how come i'm the one i don't see in ur eyes? do i not possess that feel of the hype? is it ur looking for something else? why is it me that's just not felt?

ending singlism...

tones cannot be heard through words without sound... so tell me the extent of ur thoughts without being so proud... level up n join me in the afterlife on singlism's free will... new words are good as long as we understand the intent of the thrill... shit, let's be shallow n dive into the splash... i too need a moment to express myself n then crash... i'm as human as u... we can hold on until morning comes with the light... then u can get back to whatever it was u despise...in all realness i'd enjoy u bare butt naked... nasty is the way to the extent of lickin with the fingerin of my birdie... n i ain't wrong for wantin to do u dirty... upfront is an honesty of physicality that i'm more than worthy... fuck relations in the middle of the night.... even in mid day if u need a moment to take flight... think i'm joking n see where things go... if i get used to u, u never know... n if we're drinkin, there's things that cannot be explained... i'm gion all in to gain that fame... i'm an over achiever n i just cannot help myself... pleasure gives me a tingle felt... i incapable of lying to u... take me the way i am wantin to put u to use... timeis the only thing tickin n it's gettin away from the mood... n it would be u if i chose to drift from this singlism that restricts the beast from gettin loose... even i could use someone to open up too... grabbin ahold of everything no one else can touch... i sense the freak hidin n it's crucial to the possession of this crave i have known as a crush... let that calculate n create a natural sense of what it u wanna do.. though sex isn't the only thing on my mind... yet, if we ain't compatible then why even try.?. i'ma realist n shit has come to speakin the fuck up... what are u doin with ur sexuality bcuz i'd liketo feel the way u move... n maybe gettin to know a lil more could be on down the road... no one likes to be alone...

please, don't...

whatever u do just don't luv me. it might scare me off n i don't want to be that need. bcuz i don't know how to be just that. but this is pieces of the facts. for i know what unconditional is. i've just never truly felt it pressed against my lips. so the foreign flavor isn't something i'm accustom to. even though i like the feel of the way it moves. though that's even a thought that lingers in my head. due to a belief in the conditions of two hearts met. n i don't believe another is genuine in their selfish ways. n i'm tired of rotating names. having to remove masks of what others pretend to be. or maybe it is just me. it is possible i lost the will to open up. as i silently await the moment i once again run. picking at details i know that trigger me. so don't get close enough to get hurt, please. i can't be responsible for something i cannot control... nor defeat ur reasons u hold on to hope. just trust that i'm no one special so it's cool if u walk away now. in all seriousness i have a hard time coming out. so don't think for a second i'm gonna be ur person. there's others willing to give to ur that won't be a burden. i just ain't got it in me to fall back in to step right through another relationship waiting to be done. yeah i struggle n convince myself to shut the fuck up. yet i haven't the slightest interest to feel that kinda pain. friends aren't supposed to become strangers on the other side of hate. unable to see through flames flickering in the night as i lay by my lonesome. i've finally gotten to the point where i'm safe when tongues are hushed. i plead with u to ask yourself what's best for u. in all due respect, i call a truce. i'm incapable of fulfilling ur desire that reach for an honest consideration. as that is a time capsule yet to be opened with consistent demonstrations. allow me to fade so u can find what it is u seek. u won't be around as long as u might think. the feeling of giddy chuckles loses its essence after a while as we both know it to be true. keep me outta ur dreams n remain alive for u have a use. we can not be imagined on a one way street eventually walking into two direction away from each other. n can we just not be luv'rs?

at the beginning...

back to the drawing board without a visual in my mind. waiting on something to come along i can diddle to life. creating an image as it moves waves crashing the shores of my heart. as i watch it waltz with a sway for me to capture it as a work of art. with a clean slate to open up to a new sense of different i'm coming from within. seeking a sight to shape a silhouette lost prior to self growing into true grins. i returned to the basics to reinvent fundamentals so emotion can relate to the thoughts gathered. for i wanna live for once so i too to someone else matter. as i stand alone at the beginning of what's to come in memories shared. with a patience that doesn't need to rush relations process because i'm just lookin to care. retreating inward to a paradise that gave comfort to the evolution of who i was to become brought me here. loosened to the feel of possibilities of choosing who to involve n mingle within the getting over the imaginary lines that create an anxiety through fear. open minded truths dug into the bag n pulled out details to face one at a time. emptying the sack so no baggage was to turn another's joy into a short lived hype. so to the walls lips spat conversation as if the could talk back. n as the door swung to release me i felt i didn't have a past. just vague occurrences that mean nothing to where i'm to wind up. somewhere in arms wrapped in an embrace creating a home for luv.

Breather...

The has been that had everything to give... Feeling there's not much left to believe in... Seems life took its toll on such a pure heart... Still able to feel the marks made of scars... The once fierce luv'r so passionate time did not exist... Hides behind doors unable to coexist... As lost as not knowing which way to go... It's as if eyes watched the whole world explode... Leaving nothing but shattered memories of somewhere else... Feeling emotion run in n outta itself... The beast that has forgotten how to fight... Just another creature slithering through the night... Afraid to be touched so there's no opening up... Failing to remember what so long ago was... Fiddling at best with a linger n no aim... The pain hurt so bad intentions can't even hate... Yet there's a peace within that has eased the mind... Comfortable in the silence conducting rhymes... The big bad wolf finally got what it deserved... Having to sit still as the imagination repeatedly lurked... Creeping in between the head n the chest... As there's not much left to confess... The old dog leared its lesson after all... Able to kick back n relax its paws... Thinking of better days that don't mean shit... Glad that the balls some time ago were clipped... As the solitude has helped in so many ways... For the confusion of self to be drained... It was like drowning in a swamp when the undertow gave a tug... Muddy waters made it hard to see so it was the end to luv... With nothing to show for a lifetime of charm... The deadliest kiss came through like a closslining a forearm... Decapitating all sense of passion as it rolled across the floor... Kicked n stomped until there was nothing more... N the caring vibe let go of hope for quite some time... Redirecting worth n attempting to correct the eyes... For the blur took pixels n scrambled the colors into a smudge... As everyone looked the same n were constantly judged... Giving space to a loner in need of a breather... Begging the coach to bench the over achiever... Though yrs came around the spinning of the clock... As ears listened to the ticking n the tocks... Just to find a better version of the believer waiting for its turn... Mature enough to avoid the heat of a flame as it burns... As if a time capsule dug from the deepest of depths... Feeling the warmth grow near the pickings of one more chance before the becoming of death...

outta my way...

u shoulda told me u were more in luv with the pain than u were with me. bcuz i damn near turned into u walking away with my dreams. as wild as they were, idk why i talk to myself. n i hate the fact that it was u that i felt. yet here i am in this great big world tinkering with time. trying to figure out how to get back to the moment u walked into my life. i ain't mad bcuz i'm glad ur fuckin gone. but u shoulda told me u woulda rather been alone. n how u did me wasn't what i thought u would do. i believed me being who i was meant something to u. n i'm ashamed to say that i fell into ur trap. just do me one small favor n stay the fuck in my past. bcuz u never stood me n said goodbye. like a coward so the wonder of u would stay in my mind. i figured out ur game n trust me it's all good. even though it seems u served me with a hook. playing my emotions against everything i am. damn near stripping me of who i am as a man. n u just don't know u walked on the bottom of my heart. u got that deep as the flame felt the spark. life came outta nowhere when i look into ur eyes. n as u claim ur truths are real we both know they're nothing but lies. u came at me from every angle as i let u in. i let u bury yourself as i buried my grin. six feet down with ur azz in the air. n i wouldn't fuck u if u were the last person who cared. bcuz there was no need to try n tare me apart. i guess it was my dick that made u wanna play the part. for it wasn't me u didn't wanna get to know. i'm just a born again stranger looking for a home. u were just lost looking for me to help u find ur way. n in the dark i left u bcuz i didn't wanna see ur face. ur the one that fell n had to hold on to any piece of me that u could. oh how that lifestyle u live changed the way u look. n it was a sad day when i realized u really wasn't shit. as i tucked the truth behind the moisture of my lips. never to reenact that first kiss that sucked u in. i was about it from day one bcuz 9i wanted to live. thing is u were the one i just needed to get outta my head. i believed u to be someone else as i was fuckin u in my bed.  so damn ur friendship n damn ur tongue. i don't even like u so u know there's no luv. though u didn't havta clown my emotions as i stood true. as i watched yrs go by ending in a truce. bcuz i needed to know what in the fuck we were. n u showed me why it no longer hurts. as i'm chuckling my azz of bcuz i'm almost back on top. thinking of u down on ur knees gobbling on my cock. yeah, u can serve me n leave me the fuck alone. we're finished as i've found my zone. it's like that bcuz there is no hope. ur lips just look stunning wrapped around my girth. so suck it up from the depths of my worth. just open ur mouth bcuz u don't need to be heard. u shoulda told me sooner i never meant shit to u. before i gave in bcuz i had no clue. u were weak n broken n used my strength. n even though i was strong enough for the both of us u gave up on me. that shit makes no sense even to this day. but i'm happier now so stay the fuck outta my way.

What's not said...

 It ain't just the feel of a woman a fella tends to miss... It's the scent of her smell... N the way she smiles when she gets her way... Bcuz everyone time she does she knows that's a fellas way of telling her she is felt... Like sillly lil games that need no telling of tongues... As watching her dress quietly makes a fella wanna drop to his knees... N on those mornings she awakens it's how she doesn't know that's a fellas fav moment... Bcuz it's him able to see her raw n uncut as she runs for her toothbrush before she breathes... From her hair to her clothes she doesn't want his opinion due to she isn't gonna feel right until she's ready to go...  She's just indecisive n in the moment of saying fuck it, let's just stay home... N in his mind she's just too adorable to rush... All Bcuz of a lil thing called luv... A fella jus don't miss her old azz hands slidding up his back... But it's nice to hear her laugh... So it makes it ok as he tightens up... N these are things fellas keep on the hush... Willing to accept her as she comes... Bcuz there's magic in the way she puckers up... Being the handful she cannot help but but be... Snuggled up falling fast to sleep... Just wanting to be a girl luv'd bcuz she has that right... As any fella can agree she's more attractive when she's in luv with life... Although these are just a few things that find their way into his heart... Becoming his norm the way she sinks into his arms...

Secret admirer...

 I fall for u every time i see ur face.... But i never say shit bcuz then I'd havta taste ur name.... Believe me it's easier if u never knew... I'd hate to be the reason u break out the 100 proof... Even thigh my eyes fixate on ur curves... N ears listed ti ur every word... I'm just glad they're not whipaer upon my neck..  You'd simply lay my heart to rest... N i like so let's keep it on the hush... It wouldn't be the faking in the gets to me ores the falling out of luv... N there's no sense in waking through transparent voids... I just wanna admire. U without every making a noise... It might be weird but it's the truth you'll never hear... Even though ur laugh brings me cheer... I come lose at the seams every time u cross my mind.   I just don't wanna interrupt ur life... I Rutledge know how to ever close me up if we stent work out..  No matter how bad I'd enjoy nibbling luv from ur mouth... It works be the poison that drops me ro my knees..  I don't have it in me to beg n plead... Losing myself isn't what u deserve... Trust me when i say i know ur worth... So line a shadow hiding from the light I'll remain as a silhouette u do not know... But damn whay i would give to make ur never alone...

Tonight...

 I just want to fuck with ur body tonight. As ur expressions adapt to all the lil doings tgat have been on my mind... Waking my lips alonf ur jaw bone from ur ear to ur chin... To give u a slight nibble just before we kiss... N ima need u not to tell me no... Just lay on back n enjoy the show... For the creativity u inspire struggling me wants to play... N i wanna see how u accept me transforming ur pretty face... Tonight I'm all about u breaking the chains that have capture true intent... I wanna free u from ur head ur heas to ur toes... Feel u in ways ur hormones will moan... With sighs brought from deptgs from slow strokes across ur skin... I imagine the taste of u will prolly do me in... Though that's a small price to pay as u share yourself with me... Bare to the touch of fingertips pleasiring ur needs... From the tip on in staring u in ur eyes... I want every single piece of u tonight... With the lights off I'll be a ninja clinching ur walls... Sliding simultaneously with the night without a flaw... As motion syncs to the crave of ur body loosening to have a lil trust... Exploring u aa if the room is soundproof just having fun... How many times do u think u can, mmm.?. It's just a question of mine tgat grunts a hmm... Bcuz it's u i cannot seen you resist... The desire in its own just wants to live... N tonight imma give u reason why u should open up... As my hands grope n caress u with a grip easing from my grasp... To tease u in the makings of a moment that lasts...

Talk...

 I'm not trying to let anyone down... I don't like lookin at frowns... It reminds me of what i feel that no one can see... But you'd know this if u truly knew me... Yet how could u when i stay hidden behind closed doors... Avoiding interactions bcuz there's something more... In the swing of hinges that refuse to move... Just smile n keep it loose... I'm not what you've come to be accustomed to... In a world of who's truly who... I don't like looking at pain... Not even in the mirror that never seems to hide my face... So grin for me in moment when i ain't feeling this life... N ill return the favor once u need me to tap into ur mind... It's just me n the way i am... Beneath the smile when true grit defines a single man...  If u can understand that then maybe there's comfort in ur hand... A softness in the way u relate in a convo free to speak... We all have wants n unfulfilled needs... With an open mind damn near reaching with fingertips touching what u need not fear... I'm just a friend who's not in luv with the twist of emotions followed by endless tears... I like to laugh... N I'm too busy chasing cash... U see, i believe in how trust creates bonds... I just ain't into the how so many claim to be anything but lost... Bcuz single is a self righteousness faking the end result...  N that is to be felt by one person who accepts all of self's flaws... Though that's another topic as i ramble from a place beneath the ordinary tongue... From depths trying to surface as there is no rush... I'd rather giggle with how time passes on by... Without the hardships of relations that changes people into ugly memories when they were once sighs... So gimme something real i can nod my head too... Say some shit that means nothing but everything to an honest truce... Be friendly to someone who doesn't expect anything in return... Or don't, i ain't gonna get mad for I'm not looking for my turn... I'm on some other shit as I'm quietly just moving with the flow... Hoping some day i get over myself n someone gives me a reason to open up to the definition of a place called home... But ssh, if u repeat it i won't admit it's ever crossed my mind... Like u my vulnerability is a secret avoiding another hype... U can lie n even be stuck in a phase... But we're all human just wanting to hear a certain voice whipser our names... N until then I'm just here the same way you've come to be... Living in a different sense of free... Willing to get along for some sorta norm that's escaped ur days... Real is the new fake...

Chuckles create smiles...

There's this trigger to see women smile like life is worth living no matter what... N the feeling it gives for a chuckle that doesn't come at the price of sex nor luv... It's just a thing so free the reward is being descent before the end result... For no other intent other than time never to pause... N if a friend is made along the way ler it be... Bcuz even convo plucks answers needed from a different perspective to give clarification to wonders n daydreams... To listen when there's no one else to talk to... Bcuz there's a drop of hope within that means more to live than to drain worth until there's no use... N if it's a moment that creates a difference then why not... It's harmless to be someone to someone without a twisted plot... Though it would be more heartfelt if it were just one to enjoy... But until then the good deeds are free even if at bare minimum it fills a void...

my my my...

I can't allow myself to make luv to u. N i don't wanna admit how you'd strip the bars from my heart wanting to move. You'll never know you're the one I've come to feel in a sigh. So imma continue to tuck you away in my mind. Just because touching you would prolly bring me back to life. Like Johnny said, my my my. What you don't know will never hurt u in the long run. Consider the friendship a gesture in good faith on the hush. I'm not looking to complicate ur mindset to say the least. But damn would i enjoy more than just a lil piece. To feel the way ur presence defines what i've been waiting on. N even though i like a freaky woman i ain't attempting to treat u like a random whore. Fun is fun but there's a special kinda vibe i feel when i think of u. In a thought process in a dead stare contemplating of u n i having a use. 

in the way of...

It's wrapping ones arms around someone for a moment of truth. So in luv with the fact that emotion won't be forced to give up on comforts use. Listening to sighs hold on for dear life. Standing still to feel heartbeats that ease the mind. Flush to the skin with a friend like no other. Submitting depths to be touched intimately by a special kinda luv'r. Falling into the embrace of warmth held on point. Never to be steered off track to look for a way to fill a void. There's a completion felt in the makings of friends that need not lie. N when lips find the space where air does not exist, life truly begins. Win win. Having a long term effect in the heart as bonds weave. All in the snuggle of bodies coming together as they meet. Becoming addicted to the raw truth allowed to be seen in plain sight. N even though there's no true ownership it's in the way whispers claim mine.

Unfulfilled...

 I tried to have a normal life but it never panned out for me as plan b was a side step to reality. Now the linger is a smile of cheer spread trying to remember how to find that spark tucked away in childish dreams. Waiting on a set of hands to leave their mark on thy heart n give it a reason to allow a need. Charm n humor seems to be alternative to use of another who's more than just a freak. I can say the mind itself had gotten tired of the luv'rs comin n goin pretending to a be a friend to me. As belief slipped from harsh lips that hushed the inner voice wanting to scream. N it's the emotion that's been contained for yrs as it transformed from hardened stone into a masterpiece no one is allowed to see... Yeah i attempted the house filled with luv with no intent to harm n that's no lie. It just wasn't in the cards as now there's too many fuckin alarms in which behind them self hides. Throwing noise into the wind as a defense to say I'm too far gone for anyone to catch me in their eyes. Though beneath the chuckles n tart words is the unspoken defines of an unfulfilled life. Truths from beneath the tongue has been chewed from the start of the transformation awaiting its return to the scene, free to fly. Scrapping off the char to adapt n advance so self is better prepaired to know when it's ok to remove the bars for four letters of like. As scars no longer exist from prior lessons that have barked at a moon proving to me patiences is soooo much better than a momentary hype.

Back again...

Falling in reverse of going back in. Not with luv but fighting how depression always wins. Sinking is the mind beneath the hearts warmth. Yet there's no spark aa it feels more like a mourn. Deep down the tug reaches for me as I'm back again. As smiles resist the eventual claim that owns the damned. Being sucked into the solitude is by far the end of life. Even when still alive there's a void before the body enters the pine. Missing chuckles that aren't periodic drags emotions out. Stomps on them n destroys positivity running off at the mouth. It hurts to be alone behind closed doors... But it's safe from this world's scorn. As depths claim the better side of self never to be seen. The weight of hope is an anchor to unfulfilled dreams. N to be normal isn't just something one can do. For there are times death is an option on the loose. To finalize the chaos that lingers behind the eyes. To actually have a happy lil life. But noooo, the pits climb walls like vines clinging to their take. N no one can see the emptiness in thy face. Hidden in plain sight as if a clown can act. Laughs come from within though they're no more than a snile cracked. It's self that is lost somewhere beneath the surface n out makes it hard to breathe. It's smothering to know no one in me has ever truly believed. Making it so easy to find bottom of comfort the only thing that never changes. Knowing even friendships are repetitive exchanges. So inward is the slide being that much closer to the top. Now sittin in the core without a voice to make the silence stop. Yet the ache wraps itself snug in the chest. Preserving what's left of such a fuckin mess. With no way to escape the head bows in defeat. As irrelevant as the dead that has no means. Quietly i descend into a place i hate to recognize. With a single thought this this is no kinda life.