i don't wanna...

n if i just wasn't wanting to smile tonight...
what'll happen if i fell apart as pieces of u got shattered in my eyes...
if i seen what my life looks like with u nowhere around...
as the moment in which i'm in jus loses its feel n i hear the silence claim sound...
listening to my own heartbeat shaking in fear...
wiping away tears that once knew sighs grinding with the catching of gears...
if the thumps jus wasn't interested in anything more than falling into thought.?.
could u feel me from a far thinking of u stuck in a pause.?.
refusing to drift on with life that jus doesn't seem to be the same...
as if my arms miss holding the edge of ur beauty pressed against me as u softly whisper my name...
if i was damn near begging to relive ur touch.?.
would it ever be what it was before the chaos found its way to the center of our luv.?.
taking pure intent n transforming it into a reality i jus do not know...
as my expressions jus like sitting around losing hope...
jus bcuz it's the only thing that feels pieces of u left behind...
so if i lingered on without the one person that got to me, is it safe to say i jus might lose my mind...
attempting to rid me of who u were supposed to be...
forgetting i was the answer to how u told me of what we were in ur dreams...
as my cheesy azz grin wasted one final chuckle to end the pain...
would i be felt letting go as the memory of u finally died, before it's too late.?.