empty hole...

fighting off the swallows in the throat... doing everything possible to hold a straight face losing hope... depressions reaches from the crack that splits smiles.. as the truth speaks behind the silence of a heart so hostile... afraid to feel or be felt beneath a touch landing to change the mind... fear lives in plain sight hidden within the gestures of a clown intertwined... creating laughter outta thin air so no one knows the need to be left alone... keeping everyone far enough away so the escape can be quicker than lies settling in to moans... the dwelling is a comfort that reminds thoughts of the grin that'll take place the day death comes along... wondering why in the fuck did it take so fuckin long... prolonging the ease to leave this fucked up world to hate... as eye pretend to give signs of life for luv'd ones to believe one is awake... yet lil does anyone know of the pain that resides deep in the texture that refuses to let go... aching in days that turn the lights off to a different version where tears fall slow... showing a sense of life that's unable to enjoy what's said to be a gift... as even words are tilted on the tongue to deceive with the pattering of lips... telling others wellness is at peace when the battle digs to wanna awaken come morning await... only wanting night to last until breaths fade... thinking there's nothing wrong with dying if it's not committed as a suicide... for the time will end depths tortured to remain here acting like willingness is so alive... deliberately ignoring the fact that a final rest is the only thing that'll help a frightened use... wondering why emotion lingers in the solitude where there's a relentless abuse... drifting into a critical state of damn near begging for it all to go away... petrified of the possibility of  harmful acts cutting even further into hands as if to peel them from another friend gone astray... so fuckin far beyond ever returning from anxiety's grasp... having no need in restraints due to the weight carried is enough to complete the task... knowing the insanity is the best part of the whole process playing out... as in the head there won't be a forever to force torment to sprout... to kill the lil bit that has settled into a safe place within... clinging to moments where normal seems to be as brief as a tune of the worlds smallest violin...