i always knew they'd grow up... find a life of their own.... move on n have what i have in them... as i'd sit n watch choices evolve... yet things happened along the way... time got lost... a decision failed as everything fell apart... shit got hard n it took yrs to regain what was lost... a sense of family was earned bcuz i never gave up... they were worth it... every second i gave to repair a norm for them to call home... their mother was never their friend... n it was i that attempted to have a lil more comfort that didn't work out.... as i was used once the land hit the bottom... talked about as if i was nothing... but they know now of my luv for them that'll never die... as two of the three are under the same roof as myself... it ain't much but the paint makes it feel like we're somewhere else... damn i worked hard n it returned their smiles upon their faces.. the struggled humbled them though... fighting to find a place to enjoy without the chaos as i was trying to fix the mistake... one that hurt us all as i did nothing wrong but trust someone who turned on everyone including me... yet her we are... happy n with a way to evolve into something better away from the ghettos... as one day at a time is never taken for granted in their eyes... they know every moment counts as they do their best to live in it... but their will come a time when they do move on... n it saddens me due to i've already lost a piece of their lives... they're gonna leave... n as alone as i am now with them doin what they need to by staying to myself until i know they are ok... i jus want more time... but i know it must be... the day will come where i am lost once again with no one... i could only wish of magic to take me back to correct what was... although they wouldn't be who they are here with me... snuggled up in their beds... waiting for another day to be one more step further than what they were before they laid down to rest... the silence is nothing now compared to what is about to take place... unable to see them on a daily i know is gonna twist me all over again... n there's nothing i can do but sit n watch them grow into the individuals within that they are to become... having a luv for life i tried to instill in them... with a reason why things are the way they are n an understanding of how the world truly works... so they can handle the obstacles that are to be so they can better themselves in ways i've failed... as that's jus on a financial condition that hopefully will soon change... mine believed in me... even when the bottom rose up n wanted to claim me... they watch me give everything up for i had nothing... n i turned an unbearable situation into something so many take for granted... humble they are with a mindset unlike others... yes i am proud but i am scared to witness them move on in life... it took to long as tears fell from their faces as they were told i didn't care... n among other lies that were uncalled for i fought to show the truth in... i don't wanna live without them yet i accept even i moved outta my own mothers home... at least they'll be more prepared than i was when they're ready to go... leaving behind the pain with joy in their hearts... as i can only hope their mother will see herself as a friend to them she never was... for their benefit to obtain a decent life... as i'll sit night after night wondering of what is to come...
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