for ur destruction i an thankful

As u know I built my world around u as my final destination n u walked away from what u said was ur everything in me. I served ur luv in ways I prolly woulda ever recover from as harsh the truth is I can't seem to come to the terms of what was my lone n broken dreams. Lettin go of the one I collapsed into u, to be left out in this world as the ache defines what I was without u. Who was I suppose to be settlin in anothers eyes that stares at me the way u did in our time cut loose. I'm no longer lost tryin to find my way back inside of me to repair the loss my hands wasn't strong enough to hold on to as u played me for a fool. As I know it wasn't me that was given up but a lifestyle u need as I found myself again remindin me of u n what u inflicted upon my hearts cool. I died the day it ended in ways someone else has come along n done what it was u shoulda been doin as I payed the price. Was I not what u told me I was livin madly in luv with only u as my undyin devotion bowed in pride. How was I to know it be u to tear apart my tears, drainin my will to step away from u so afraid? It's strange to think to protect myself is to stay far away from the one person I never thought would kill me with lonely pain. My thoughts feed the tender place u once touched that r comforted with a reality I didn't believe would ever heal due to the absence of ur face everyday. It hurt beyond my wildest desperation as I had trouble makin any sense of life since u turned out to be my kryptonite dyin at least once a day. It was suppose to be u in the end that came to soon for my emotions to accept eternity runnin outta reason to stay alive. So I hid inside of myself as the secret of how I thought I still felt for u lingered n clung to the imagination after it was all I had left as mine. It's over n ur all but gone attached to who I was meant to be as I'm removin ur remains cuz its the only way I can figure to feel what appeared to be ur everlasting touch. I'm stuck resistin everytime I opened up cuz I felt the joy I had for u, yet I tried to explain standin before u that u never wanted as I was drapped in ur luv. It's a battle no one knew existed cuz if anyone did know it woulda gotten back to someone I never wanna lose cuz u were in my way for I've found someone to help me manage me in this world. As ur somewhere forgettin I'm as human as the man that fell for u that wisely attempted to sweep u from what u went through cuz I wanted u as my girl. Yet after my all that I placed at ur feet to get walked on as u treated me as if I was a joke. How could u look through me as if I was in the way of what u truly wanted behind ur devotion that imposed? I will rid myself of the memories u embedded in my heads reel on repeat. I don't want to remember u no more n simply give u back to the past where we stood as one as I leaked out on my knees. Only for u I released who I was in rare form to show u, u mattered to me cherishin ur presence. Only for u to force me to pull out my own seams givin everything I had to u so defenseless. I had u so I thought to myself as I emploded within cuz u had me where u wanted me at ur command. But I don't blame u for bein who it is u were beneath what I seen as I was banned. For ur destruction I'm thankful it didn't take but a couple n a half years to imprison me driftin on the ride of a lifetime with u. Ur gone n another has stepped up to claim what u didn't believe in as a man that felt u with pure intensions n worth n that is the truth. How's it feel to be the one who walked away in the middle of livin out Luvs plan to join us as we were what everyone envied? Cuz on the other end of bein walked away from I found the me in the glaze of a young woman's eyes holdin on hopin I'd never leave her for u so she can breathe. I'm the difference now u overlooked doin all I could do to withstand ur rage that was never meant for me to endure. She's the better version of u that wants me til my time is said n done, that's not once has been lured. It was u in a past tense speakin lies to what I wanted most of all. N its cuz of another I've learned what a female is as I no longer crawl. Wantin what I could never receive from ur passion that somehow refused me for the damndest reason. I know now ur choice of choosin me is but a figment of my imagination changin with the seasons. So ur free cuz I found me a luv that doesn't resist the urge to give what I don't ever havta ask for. N all I want of her is to be real as my luv for her pours into the moments I have to be that one person u gave up on for what u thought was more. As u hadn't had any true purpose of y u did to the one individual that could never purposely hurt u in any way. So go, live n be happy as my smile has returned to surface upon my face n gain everything as if u went astray. Yeah, it's the same kinda luv i felt by ur side with more depth as my friend emerged to help me realize luv wasn't meant to disappear. It's u I've forgoetten how to fear as she stood me upright n gave me somethin real so much stronger than steal to feel not only in the mirror my dear....... I did care....