i lost it n i don't know how to get it back... i got hung up on a feeling where emotion concurred the facts... as goin on with the remains was a way to hold on... i felt closer when i needed to be so far from my mind caught up in the storm... i fell n bounced a few times over before i was able to catch my balance... n i slowly realized i have no will to feel passion for it's nothing more than a mallet... as getting near any type of desire sent fear through my heart... forcing old sensitivities to linger in the cards... as winning jus wasn't a part of the game... as long as i told myself luv will return one day... yet, there's no depths for anyone to play in... i'm as hollow as a wind tunnel giving a whirl to settle interests wanting to begin... a loss is a creature without hope... n i am that empty pit of a man as i cope... dealing with a mental way of life... overthinking every fine combed detail so that pain doesn't find me laughing along with the hype... i believe i've convinced myself that i can do it on my own... slipping into the solitude that has captured all the good never to be shown... as even the lonely nights are a sigh... for the chaos of so called devotions cannot lie... as there's an ease in sleeping without a body attempting to get attached... having no need in attractions that only catch the eyes candy as thoughts can only get trapped... i think i'm full of shit but i've come to be ok with how things are working out... funny thing is some yrs ago i would've slapped me for releasing these words from my mouth... though it as real as the heartbeat that sometimes aches in my chest... knowing it's me that deserves my best...
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