in disbelief...

i cannot believe i fell... i'm in disbelief... i found the definition of the realization of a real life hell... n a t the bottom there was no relief... as words were carried to cut wounds from luv'd ones... n i'm still shocked of how i allowed myself to drift... though looking for a way back up was jus wanting to go home... to regain the loss without the weight of judgement's n jus live... having to prove to self what worth truly is... i hit hard n bounced... cracked my mind n turned on emotions that took the feel outta the chuckle in my ribs... with an ache that dug in deeper than the gutters could claim me found... as the head shakes... nodding back n forth... somehow i got caught up in the chase... believing in luv when likes were misplaced with a bore... caving in took its toll...  sat many of days working on the fight to emerge back to the norm... dreaming of the day that came to rest in my bed as i roll... in comfort remembering the careless actions giving to what never wanted to enjoy my own core... i descended alone n i realized the value of friends... gained a better judge of character that defines who i am... never to let another's bs create my way of life for it always ends... as it made me different as an individual disliking societies version of a man... with a thought that i plundered... got wrapped up with snakes that bit with venom... showing me how how the hunted can become the hunter... as i now comprehend the stability of avoiding the nips of tendons... cut by others using whoever they can to fill their needs... while the lowering dropped like walls demolished by so called friends... held down on financial levels doin what one can to overcome the dragging of knees... having a reason to release anything that forces hardships upon the faces expression not wanting attend... as i recall how gullible i was to feel that rush... goin all in n winding up on the raw end of the hype... missing self in the dark when the pain hated luv... i'll never return to such a place the ripped me open to taste me ever so ripe...