damn, i think i fucked me up

locked out a kickin n screamin kinda luv.
slowly realizin it's me on the other side of the door reachin for the touch.
unable to change what's goin on within.
the bars on the heart r reinforced with a hate draped as if trim.
only if I would known I was the enemy before now.
while I sit on the doorstep of what use to be the comfort of homes fraun.
shut out n unable to partake in the remodelin constructed behind the walls.
I can't get in to help the emotional torcher in which I've caused.
I'm a stranger to self in a time where I'm fadin so fast.
somewhat like the abracadabra disappearance of my lingerin past.
I can hear the laughter under the smile that seems broken n betrayed.
n it doesn't want my help today nor tomorrow cuz of what I've done yesterday.
damn, I think I fucked me up somewhere inside of becomin the outcast.
banished from the only place I had left to hide deep enough below the fallin ash.
I'm no longer my own friend wantin to laugh anymore.
he doesn't want me to come in n play cuz like the mask of cry later, I'm torn.
conjoined twins decapitated n severed from the only truth.
only one wins the battle within as it's fair to say I'm on the outside n of no use.