What am I to do?

I'm always gonna be there. Is that what you wanna hear? No matter what you do. Ignoring the red flags, signs n clues. Even of you act like a bafoon. Likes it's a normal thing to put up with you. Imma stay n hero you fix yourself. Bcuz I neither even luv meds help. Is that what I'm supposed to do? Allow you to hit triggers that disrupts my own free will living loose. Just to go along with everything you refuse to fix like you're someone to give to another. For me to carry the weight I do even do for me so you can feel better. What is it you want me to say? That we're unconditional to the point that it's gonna be tougher everyday. Do you think you're deserving of what it is I have in my chest? As you parade about whenever you feel a certain way n fall short of giving me your best. Am I to put myself in another situation that provokes my ugly side bcuz your wanna be typical? When you look yourself in the mirror, so you not seem delusional? What is it you see in your reflection that tells you it's ok to act out however you wish? N I'm expected to go with the flow of the malarkey spat from your lips. When shit isn't so great n times are challenged by the friendship standing in place. What am I to do when you forget that I exist as that one person that is left to decide what to feel upon my face? Are you seriously that self indulged as to dismiss reality bcuz your emotions you cannot control? N where does that leave me as it's you that begins to fold? Is it who you see before you is someone easily replaceable? Or that I won't have with in myself by letting you disrespect me on levels like your irreplaceable. What thought in you hear speaks of what it'll take to gain someone's trust? As the follow up question would be, how do you maintain it when opening up to luv? Do you understand some things are not good for the heart? Let alone the mind that sets off vitals through the memory playing it's part. Where's the I don't mean you no harm as long as I do not havta defend myself? Bcuz of you're all about yourself I'll havta protect me from the you you turn into as I'm no longer felt. Whether it's briefly or long term will be determined by the depths coming to surface. Is all the chaos truly worth it to sit around with a hurry face. All bcuz you refuse to evolve into an individual that has a lil compassion in your eyes. I'm truthfully curious to where I actually got into your life...