Does Utopia exist.?.

Comin to terms with the discomfort of isolating self... Seems the down time keeps searching for a convo to tell... As the skin yearns to be touched by luv... To open up n give a lil face time to trust... N in the time it took to pull me together I found something I missed... N the feelin of the mood jus tugs at my heart connecting in the middle of a kiss... Passion wrapped around my mind of how it felt to enjoy a friend... Yet, I don't know who would dig in or when... Rounding out within tells me I'm goin to waste... All due to I chose to learn n change a few things as I jus an not the same... Goin more mental as emotion rests without use... In my sanctuary no one's gotten in past interests that never move... I'm caught in my own plan to stay a course... But there's jus one thing that bothers me when I find myself getting bored... I like me to the point I luv I can choose what comes n for in n outta my life... It's jus, I feel like the real me is forced to hide... Following the tongue listen to words written I speak without sound... N it's hard when there's so much to give to lease an others wows... As I fade n time rolls as I'm unable to hear my name... Motionless gestures find still features silenced in mirrors so fuckin tamed... Wondering why it is I stay to myself the way I do... Thinking what it

Is it I'm waiting on willing to see me proof... I'm not in to the flow of what most follow around the clock... My desires click to a more subtle kinda hype... Looking at faces n playing with the thoughts of imagining them sharing a smile... As they change not knowing I've given them a walk through my minds file... In my drift to gather what it is I needed to established I ran in to me asking questions... As I resist the urge to hear a voice up close n personal whispering things in my ear... I realize relations depending on who gets in being the fear... I jus don't want anyone past sexual interactions to bring me to life... As I sit pondering day n night in reasons of why... Knowing damn well there's something in me struggling with the decisions I keep... As my word was trusted not to give in unless I knew for sure it is more than a meet n greet... I've read the fine print if what makes me tick n if I every look up i jus might see it lookin at me... I'm jus in my to contemplating my next best move that is able to live the dream...