another shade of gray

tired, almost done n yet only half way there falling short of the finish line. feeling the body drain itself, releasing and baring all the days tempting tries. young at heart, pushing way to hard to never get ahead of myself. these bones ache from this bad hand it's been dealt. rest seems to be none existent, running frantically in fear. always wondering where it is i fit in, grinding a mean ass gear. bottoms been gone for quite some time now, misplaced in lost smiles. held together by the water that it drowns in, falling into why's on lonely traveled miles. i am constantly re-emerging into my life daily as if the day before was something so much more than ecstatic. creeping into another path, trying to hold it in long enough so it doesn't turn completely tragic. forked roads taking me so far from home, i think i just may be lost. tested by the sounds of words that are sour to the tongue, i miss that loving taste. knowing right from wrong, unwilling to settle as if a life was a waist. pouring out my core in such a way men shy away from, afraid to express their truths. able to feel i repeat my past abruptly so i never return and take the same bridge twice. things are so far out of reach anymore, or so they appear. twisting the mind to completely escape its own fucking fears. trampled heart, healed and let down i to walked away at one point for a better cause. pleasing those around me that matters the most, i often sit in a silent pause. blinking to my own heartbeats, thumping to a rhythm only i can hear. watching surroundings pulsating a vibe deep into the memory, cheers. i have been and i have felt, standing as i am wanting what i set out to find years ago. fixing things within me i damaged along the way, tattooing my nipple. marked as a bulls eye so i can be found a little bit easier. yet as time moves on, the heart gets more and more heavier. bending and independent, sanity has shown me the meaning of humanity. now with an outlook on life many fear to face, in religion they flee away from reality. sitting late at night telling the day goodbye for we'll never meet again. gone forever, a number thrown away to become something one once gained. it's just me rattling, blabbering, and gumming as i approach another shade of gray. passing by on my way, i walk in the footsteps beneath my feet wishing i could stay. future coming to a close, yet it's always there as it is impossible to swallow. and i can't find it within me to give in to every ones man made god, this i can not follow. life is so much more than dreams replacing the true gift pumping inside . listening to my inner voice spread and speaking out upon my very own piece of .com that's been built up in my mind.