wantin it back

i neva had it
close freinds 2 grow with
buildin sumtin time can only follow
iv walked my own path n grown empty n hollow
neva hung long nuff 2 hav a crowd
make noise n get a lil loud
watch there kids grow along side mine
look back n tell stories of once upon a time
walkin a line iv chosen
has left me broken
standin still wonderin wat in the hell jus happened
lookin in the mirror chattin
as my own best friend
i feel iv lost myself im bent
dead iv bcum solo away from a past i neva had
troubled by whov i bcum,its sad
there is no1 there 2 call
no1 has my back @ all
i slipped thru the cracks
forgotten i flew unda the radar n i want it back
misplacin my life in the hands of my own mishaps
wakin from this long awaited nap
i jus want those dreams i had
the ones as i slept n passed couldnt grab
but it my b 2 late 4 sum1 such as i
nop time 2 stop on a dime
kids damn near grown n im 16 yrs in
9 left 2 go n i dont really kno where iv been
stubblin as o fool it dawns on my as i realize
iv been damn near swallowed by the tide
my name i all but a memory 2 those iv known
n im yet 2 find that place i call home
iv sorted myself outta a chance 2 smile
cheated my way away from everything that couldv been worth while
n what else is there 2 say as i cant hav it back
jus tastin those things i coulda had
it hurts cuz this is my life
1 in which i didnt wanna live without a wife
i seen myself happy with friends who cared
n yet im not like others, im rare
hard 2 find people that let it hang on the line
be themselves n hav fun enjoyin time
what else can i do 2 express where iv gone wrong
only if i knew how 2 put this in a song
id make sum of them green backs
n then mayb it b worth what iv turned on in my past
i lost a god i could neva c
n it ok cuz i can c what this life means 2 me
like i said i was jus tryin 2 find my way
n i took the wrong road sumhow n wound up here 2day
seachin 4 those happy tears
holdin a new luvr who seesm 2 hear
me wit out sayin a thing
mayb i can giv in 1 day n slip a ring
if i could jus disectin every in my way 2 where im goin
funny thing is idk where im headed or what im doin.

fine print

right there in btween the lines.
can u read its flow hidin the signs?
strain ur eyes n focus.
stare @ the fine print that leaves u motionless.
confused n flustered.
lied 2 like an unwanted bastard.
bein taken advantage of n hustled.
ink tricklin as its used as muscle.
can u understand the wordin?
jaw dropped n hurtin.
its there if u understand the nonesence.
lawyers n busted picked fences.
this worlds not set 4 the workin man or woman.
the only way 2 get by is 2 b as crocked ass them.
scribbling ur own rules.
leavin em wit nothin but drool.

godless

godless. in a world filled with brain washed idiots. not knowin lifes true meanin. purpose. mind shut down in fear. becomin dead 2 soon. thinkin there is so much more. n yet time is all we have. y waste its true power on imagined heros that turn 2 foe when its all said n done. when the light is all but a memory. n u cant remember anything. lost n gone 4ever. darkness has consumed. n where they r left motionless with hope? no where. no1 will ever know thier there.

love hate thing

its good 2 b filled from the inside out.
lettin sum1 in 2 find out what ur all about.
touch n feelin, patchin holes in the heart. becomin alomst brand new with a over due fresh start.
livin with a smile behind sum kinda purpose.
steppin away from ur everyday routine,or circus.
walkin n talkin, layin n sayin, hearin whats needin 2 b said the most.
back n 4th through da heart, sailin from coast 2 coast.
with meanin, pluggin the holes sinkin ur vessel as it stays afloat.
jottin down memories with photos once lived, once takin, once wrote.
who knows what faze guided by an unknown face will control ur next move.
tellin 2 taste the tongues spit wash away all gone wrong with its very own groove.
pushin the pain n all that's been done aside 2 allow it 2 happen.
seems u can only truly find sum1 when ur minds been a nappin.
feelin over whelmed by feelings buildin n formin in2 sumtin thats makes u happy.
consumed by these emotions that dont make u feel so nasty
so whats wrong with givin in when all u want is 2 be wanted by a friend.
takin da bumps n bruises that guide n tell us if it'll last til the end.
its a love hate thing that 4 some reason we can not control.
yet with repeated actions we find ourselves wantin mo.
lettin a stranger grip n repair 4 a brief moment til it fades.
reachin with red slapped hands feelin the left over pain.
triggerin self 2 learn more bout numbero uno in a time of practice makes perfect.
hopin 2 find somethin within some1 that shares the same desires that wont leave us hurtin.

my very own nut house

illusions spread thin. imaginary people bein blown 2 smithereens. dreams takin over the consciousness. livin inna world of superstitions. anything goes. be-friendin foes ridin brain waves as if i were sufferin. in corners of my mind where screams do the most hurtin. blurtin out obscenities. imitatin my very own reality. tearin the subconscious loose, so its seems. pluckin em out n forcin it 2 face its deservin end. its the dark side of the blackened light in which i live. where i have nothin left 2 give. pushin sanity 4 it lies straight faced. nothin is what it appears as even the other side will begin 2 fade. lost as regamortis takes control, settin in slow enough not 2 b noticed @ 1st. so i play in la la land waitin with extreme patience. 4 the day i can relate 2 u my pissed off vengeance. creepin slidin n hidin jus 2 pleasure the freak inside. n it helps 2 crack a smile on the outside long nuff so i can maintain the retaliation bein plotted in my head so u can not hear what sets me free. feelin what i soon will b, no longer steered by what it is thats controllin me. in my overy own nut house im finally becomin 1 as in a whole with self. releasin all the emotional anguish boiled 2 the pop, killin all possibility of recoverin 2 what is considered, anything close 2 fair mental health.

a lil fun

i got this evil built up inside. its got a voice n u n it collide. it tells me 2 do things. do not stop ur bodies drained. its hard 2 fight the erge. as feelins boil as memories reamerge. head games playin tug o war. losin reasons y answers made no sense all i c is the gore. come on in. sit down n attempt 2 settle the nerves. but b careful n choose ur own words. its waitin its chance 2 lunge. actin out all the lil things it never thunk. i try 2 tame the tste of retaliation but it resists ur existance. forcin long deep gulps regurgitated by ur performance. ooooh the hatred is 2 strong. n its been way 2 long. come play with the man in my head. help me ease the pain of his pretendin ur dead. im jus askin 4 a few minutes of ur day. 5 minutes n we can end all thats gone o so wrong n y it must obay. please i beg. release the torment i hold within, let my monster explain 2 u what will make it grin. its beaten n done. its had enough n only wants 2 have a lil fun.

rewritin the book

listenin2 ur body sway 2 a beautiful lil game.
i can hear the fine hairs breath my name.
light dim as u move passionately 2 the music.
easy n steady slowin the internal magic.
side 2 side eye playin with desire.
reachin 2 light a fire as i slip a smile.
burnin candles flirtin as u glide in perfect rythm.
erotic 2 ur core u got it down 2 ur very own scientific system.
knowin u got me sprung n stretched out.
ready 4 ur silky rub i could never b in doubt.
infatuated by the stare expressed on ur face.
feelin lust, luv n all the above, i jus wanna taste.
loosin all sight of any1 iv ever laid down.
listenin 2 the sweet patter of ur sounds.
whisperin a silent breath strokin a nerve within.
emotions n hormones r screamin 2 b treated with sexual sins.
intentions beggin 2 b takin advantage of b4 the nights end.
caressin ur breasts gently up my thighs im sent.
eyes rollin back in2 my mind as u stop @ my sweet spot.
peckin, lickin, helpin a grown man as u take top.
enjoyin how u do u as u do me with great pleasure.
takin whats built up n takin it out on me like uv never.
holtin 2 emerge 2 watch me crave ur irrestable ways.
climbin ur way past my chest landin on ur sit n spin thang.
ridin my face like a freight train wit no rails.
diggin @ my head, scrappin my scalp with ur nails.
creamin n feelin urself bustin loose @ the seems.
lettin go with the tongue, u slide down over the navel.
fightin the force bein penatrated btween ur legs tryin 2 hang on.
rollin, resistin 2 accept the bottom, 4 u wish 2 have control.
wrestlin with a will 2 have it ur way, we fall on the floo.
now runnin playin king of the bed, u spring 4 safety.
cought mid way by what jus may b everything uv been missin lately.
i cling 2 ur backside pushin n pullin as u moan helplessly.
makin our way back on2 the bed so savagely.
burryin ur head in the pillow as i give u my manhood.
hard n strong, deep inside rewritnin the great book.
page after page holdin out long nuff4 cum 2gether.
meltin ur wet n im ready 4 whatever.
with new chapters sweatin as it reads the naughty things we're doin.
n as we're releasin what we were born 2 explore where this is goin.
freakin a touch intertwined b4 its all said n done.
simultaneously givin in2 the eruption as 1.
we sigh outwardly in exhaustion.
hot n over heated, pantin in perfection.

jackazz

iv been 2 a bad place n back.
a good place n turned my back.
iv traveled roads n burned bridges.
stood 4 who i was n realized it was not what i intended.
iv forgotten those what i thought had my back.
just 2 turn n give it back.
looked in2 the future n seen nothin but blackness.
walkin away i found my own piece of happiness.
iv done things i still dont like 2 hear of.
makin my feel who iwas n i hate the fact that i felt done.
voices n faces remindin me of what i had become.
mirrored glass changin me in2 my on true 1.
there is so much i have 2 admit n accept.
n iv done just that as i can face the affects.
im no where near who i was.
fightin 4 reasons i needed 2 get away from me again.
i found comfort in knowin y 1 treats another as if their human.
lessons n scars r 1 in the same inside.
n from these i refuse 2 hide.
pushin me far from what i hate the most.
lonelyness n emotionless with out a conscience. lost.
i can stand now as a man 4 iv made the difference that was long over due.
watchin n checkin me daily cuz i can slip back in2 that same ol fool.
distant n knowin better i resemble the smile that glows upon my face.
4 i kno i am no longer that jackazz id love 2 break in half.

1 hell of a goodbye

1st arguement. those words chosen n spoken 2 b meant 2 hurt. im out, its a wrap, done. its over rated n 2 my ears @ a loss 2 the sounds made mumblin words. im not up 2 a life filled with everything needin 2 b fixed. if we can not talk. there's nothin 2 say. u can have the bullshit. iv been there b4 n i will stray away from the nest. kickin it over without violence, watchin it fall 2 its death. im not good with relations beatin n shaken beyond repair. im not built 2 withstand a luv in a way that no1 cares. n if it comes down 2 no longer bein friends, sorry but i cant do it 2 myself again. when my happiness i hold 2 myself clinched in my very own hands. wonderin if we can co-exist with the pain that everyone dreads. its not worth the lost time it takes 2 get that far n wind up in an empty bed. some things aint meant 2 last n when it gets 2 that point, i wont turn my head n blush. relations has its moments from the very first time 1 lays down their touch. from distant eyes 2 closed fists, i know when nuffs enough 2 say the least. but within each other i believe no1 needs not 2 tame 1 anothers beasts. yet allowin it 2 stretch its lungs as it lives n a window given 2 breathe. it does need its well bein squeezed n tampered with, 4 it 2 bleeds. yes iv faced n i know of the blinks peekin n long stares lookin in the mirror on the past. realizin where it went wrong as i can only try 2 firmly hold on as long as it lasts. thou i'll never repeat a situations i c comin with a bitter sour end. it'll get chalked, outlined. as im livin my life n holdin my fine line in the palms of my hands btween real n pretend. seein what loves bigger picture has planned as we playwith the thought of a safe place 2 remain. tucked snug beneath the days under the nights that gives in2 the breakin of a new day. attemptin 2 stay as i'll hopefully still b here when i lift my lids n awake. i cant go 2 sleep @ night doin impressions imitatin luvs as bait. wakin 2 sumtin that wont make me drift n pass as we c each other by. jus live n let live in our present presence or it'll b 1 hell of a goodbye.

behind the storm

i saw a sky full of clouds 2 day teasin me with a single openin emergin as a beautiful shade of blue.
it closed faster than i could blink n i didnt know what 2 do.
i stood silent n watched its crisp light fade in2 a hole like void sucked in2 open space.
the shade cooled my skin but i was left wonderin as it seemed 2 b erased.
as if swallowed by the rain or waitin 4 a better chosen day 2 escape.
i think i can relate 2 the puffy gates givin it rest so we can appreciate its phenomenal grace.
spread thin on the surface of the crust in which our feet trample n run.
yet it will appear behind the pillows in the sky like it never missed a beat until the storm is done.
patiently peekin thru the slits n openings, it waits 4 its moment 2 shine.
sharin the pinks 2 da blues that give more meanin 2 a chance @ a life time.
behind the storm awaits a scenic view made 2 b seen.
playin hide n seek, waitin its turn 2 set itself free.

da other side

can u hack da pads in ur mind?
da ones strappin ur arms 2 ur sides.
zipped up the back shakin a man inside.
can u fight n win witout ur arms killin 4 life?

can u release urself from what uv been taught?
escape da man they want u 2 become.
movin in opposite directions out ur zones.
can u see urself becomin insane with ur true 1?
can u feel da life tucked in ur jacket?
diagnosed crazy 4 ur own safe package.
thrown away as they sacked ya.
can u think u can really hack it?

can u feel the luv from DA OTHER SIDE?
hows it feel 2 have ur freedom always on ur mind?
locked away within da only 1 who wasnt suppose 2 loose his mind.
can u remember what sanity felt like when u were jus like my kind?

can u think if care to listen?
cuz u cant talk from da muzzle dat gots u moanin.
to da real word u seem 2 b missin.
can u hear4 me as i say we r all witness 2 u slippin?

high life

im all alone. there's no one here with me but my wee e eeeed! giving my lungs some flavor because it's in nee e eeed! absorbing the smoke from the buds not see e eeeds! helping my mind zone out as it gets twe e eeeaked! flying so hi i just can't belie e eeeve! i got this green shit at my finger tee ee eeeps! and i don't have to puff puff gee e eeeve! this time it's for my lips to enjoy thee e eee! as a flame rises to help only mee e eee! i think i'm feeling ee e eeet! the smell of the funk is so swee e eeet! it knocked off of my fee e eeet! i love smoking these tree e eees! they got a mo fo feeling so plee e eeeased! living the high life has got me living the dree e eeeam!! feeling good enough to say hee e eee! like micheal jackson with his hands between his knee e eees! im going to live my life as i damn well plee e eeease! i wish i could find some chee e eeeap! it is my last little bit so this icky is for the tee e eeeam! choke it all up to keep me together at the see e eeems! it's color is so bright azz gree e eeen! it's got my mind floating with the bree e eeeze! golly gosh wow chee e eeese!

Bill MIller's my Hero!

u shouldve seen it, he came outta no where.
i was a rookie, egar 2 do my part fuckin up, n he was there.
1 missed knot n i was slowly becomin a slidin goner.
an out line on the side walk, i thought i was a loner.
eventually smashin in a splat, free falling outta the clouds.
stainin my endin moments broken, decendin 2 the ground.
i remember it like as if it were as still as fresh as yesterday.
my life was saved n hes still my hero 2 this day.
we were jumpin over 2 clean sum glass as i was the first 2 go.
fresh in the chair with so much 2 learn, there was so much i didnt know.
sittin in my wooded seat oddly slippin downward n wonderin why.
then zooooom, i saw him out the corner of my eye as if he fell out the sky.
doin back flips he was air born, flyin proud n brave.
2 my rescue for i could not escape.
his dirt bike flew 1 way landin on its kick stand as it leaned as he tossed it with ease.
i thought i was in some kinda marvel comics dream.
n with his left hand he revealed his secret hero wardrobe, freein his true identity.
it was as real as u n i, as i speak with perfect sensibility.
he shined as if the sun was his right hand man.
n wasted no time 2 save a needy man from his world endin grand slam.
with his cape a flappin in the wind.
he made a life long fan n a friend.
the tights he wore clung as if they were painted on or was his actual skin.
decked out in a motor cross fashion, BM on his chest he hovered smilin with a grin.
grabbin ahold of the ropes i forgot 2 knot.
on a dime i came 2 a sudden stop.
i focused in, n realized he was levitated usin a single pinky finger, showin off hs strength.
as his side kick chizzy chad pulled me back over the wall with out a blink.
bill miller is my hero as he n his partner gives life 2 those in death defyin acts of survivin.
n out there waitin patiently 2 do his part 4 humanity, he finds it excitin.
this man actually saved my life
thanks man!

what and if

what could u say if 2night were ur last.
if i were to slowly erasin ur past.
what words could possible fill the void about to happen?
if love starts over lappin.
what one thing would play out in ur mind?
if u found in me what u were wantin to find.
what would fill ur emotions emptyin ur heart?
if i did my part.
what do u think ur most prized possession would b?
if u confided in me.
what one thing is ur greatest accomplishment?
if i were absent.
what does it make u wish u could change?
if love was outta range.
what?
if!

the b.s.

its not where u come from that makes u hard.
its the b.s. uv been thru that over rides ur heart.
thing is, how u deal with it makes u who u r 2 become.
patterns unfoldin, turnin in2 someone makin or beakin the rules of thumb.
moments of unclearity forcin acts of insanity here n there.
posture gone south wit violent like stares turnin on who cares.
on the other hand there's a zone one can not faze.
it doesn't matter as long as one makes it thru the day.
defensively maintaining with self control.
flip the script n ones cover could be blown.
choices n patience, takin there toll on us all.
findin breakin points when frustration comes 2 call.
risin to impersonate a structure of steel formed from the inside out.
blabberin at the gums so fast, no one knows what ones talkin about.
pressure builds to a boilin boom within us all from time 2 time.
n amungst us is those pickin at the sweet spots we try not stand behind.
but what 2 do wit the ignorant beings that walk beside us as friends.
knowin their foes that need their bones to be broke as they bend.
focus is key in real life situations one can not seem to avoid, tryin 2 keep it true.
fadin from who u r can be the last of everything one knows, n is tryin 2 do.
so gather the b.s., bag it n seal it tight.
let it smell its own stank inside its gastritis life.

hide and seek.

u gotta know when 2 lay it down when all that is remembered is the bad. hang it up when all has failed went wrong, south and your left feeling dead. when u can see it in the eyes of the beholder of your happiness is no longer staring. its a wrap, chalk it and burn your bridge once u get over it running. when the end comes rounding the corner and you've left ones emotional core strained. that white out line will come in handy as it forms a shape that to will fade in the rain. blank stares and longer fights than the last 12 in the last 24. it time to keep it moving, long over due 2 get a little more. not feeling it? wake up and live a life worth giving thanks for. before you get to the point of never wanting to feel the replacing empty gore. how much can you take, handle with out getting careless? pulling at the dome violently, quickly becoming hairless. do you know when its time to pack it up and ship out? when is it time to check your reality at the door and just want to live with out shouts. feel your life, now think about it with out feeling anything. is it the same? this is your life, are you truly enjoying your time living? or going through the motions of HIDE AND SEEK FOR A BETTER CAUSE? hello my name is truth, picture if you will a place where you know with out a doubt you belong. is it where you stand?are you willing to live your life as it is? hide your eyes inside your mind and attempt to find what it is you seek. with out peeking, does your life need to be tweaked?

stormy nights

hollow nights full with thunder n lightnin,
rain spills like tears from an invisible fountain.
poured down 2 awaken the dark in which i lay,
givin silence 2 the sound of a long hard day.
booms n crackles of fury fill the skies,
as i lay here with the thought of walkin in its pellets on my mind.
pingin the windows like hale 2 remind me i am all but alone,
yet i lay here naked n beside myself feelin like no1.
as flashes bounce off thy pupils n i see my shadow for i can not sleep,
drippin from the gutters i think i sprung a leek.
n it seems trickles of water drops fall from the rooftop,
with sumtin tells me this storm knows my name with every bloop n blop.
left talkin 2 the purple flashes plucked from the blackened sky,
n i can smell the pain in which it can not attempt 2 hide.
with each crisp crash, bang, n bolt i feel its need,
2 let everyone hear its beggin pleads.
deep in2 the depths of the beast im findin 1 can find a comfortin shy,
pleasin an over whelmin cravin 2 melt in its rumblin cries.
with one wiff of its cold cool breeze this thing is flooding my world,
together becomin as one it sings n im tucked in my blanket all snuggled n curled.

the mic is urs!

step on up n let ur voice b heard!
theres no need in act sceered.
take ur stage, its waitin 4 u.
let this world hear u as u do u.
dont hide behind ur inner vocals.
the spotlight is urs, fuck the friendly circles.
give ur best impression of what it is u see.
tell us what u think n drop it at our feet.
speek ur mind, dont shy away.
whats ur thoughts as u stand here today?
taste the microphones crome like shine.
spit ur own flava as u give it a try.
b u as u claim to b who u r.
of ur own show b the star.
lets see where this long awaited thing goes.
theres no holdin back, let the emotion grow.
hang it out n singe our ears as they r virgins.
let the speakers tell ur version.
plug it in n flow like uv neva imagined it would eva come out.
bring life to ur words as if u must, scream it out loud.
studder if need b to catch ur nerve.
but come with the truth n b 1 with ur blurbs.
the stage is @ ur mercy.
play with it as u wish for it is thirsty.
mind fuck us with ur hypnotic vibration.
make us feel ur world without any limitations.
grab the mic for u need no introduction.
make it happen, make it function.
give it to us straight n dont come fake.
let it bounce off the walls for ur own fuckin sake.
we wanna here u unfold into a ramblin drool.
breakin the silence u keep, tryin to b so cool.
think n say whats in ur head that needin to b said.
touch ur heart n rattle its part as u kill it dead.
give hell to the electrical sensation of gettin it out.
see how it feels to see what uv created without any doubts.
set free the monster u hide within.
face the facts n do em so far in.
stand up proud on ur own two feet.
before mother earth n give it a twirl as u begin to defeat.
all those echoes runnin in ur space between ur ears.
always grindin out n strippin ur gears.
ease it past ur lips as it slides as smooth as silk.
its ur passion of realism is what u will help.
find urself within the letters u choose to form words so real.
1 light, 1 mic, 1 moment to untie ur grind before u cant feel.
set free all the things u carry burried in ur core.
take hold of the steel listenin to u open up as its wantin more.
clearifyin it to those who are able to hear a few things they neva knew.
do it for u n set urself free from this civilized zoo.
release the hurt pain that follow all that is good after while.
we really think it b wise if u could just cuz u should, wit a smile.
bring it to it knees this thing u struggle to share.
stroke it right n giggle as u show it what is really fair.
the mic is urs in ur time of long lost redemption n pleasure.
seek out n destroy n earn ur treasure.
feind for the happiness of lettin loose at the seems before it does u in.
become one with the fullfilment it feeds into ur well deserved grin.

thanks

thanks 4 everything i lost to fast.
i am enjoying my stay.
living everyday likes it my last.

thanks 4 my one shot.
iv been becoming quite a man.
standing independently stable i"ll never stop.

thanks 4 the push you had.
it forced me 2 grow up.
i became a hell of a dad.

thanks from the bottom of my heart.
4 doing your part in my younger days.
teaching me what u knew from the start.

thanks 4 memories that miss your face.
moments in time poking @ forever.
remembering your every way.

thanks again 4 the life u shared with me.
allowing me 2 breathe the open air.
for just being there for me.

thanks 4 bringing me in this experience.
giving me a taste of happiness.
you are a piece of my own existence.

thanks as i am as real as u were in your time.
more in tuned with me because of you.
never backing down with you on my mind.

thanks 4 the tough love forming a man.
preparing me 4 this walk i have traveled.
u made me stronger and now i know your plan.

thanks mamma!
for being a mom who cared.
a mother who gave what you had.

thanks, i miss your presents.
i love you and i want you back.
it is almost as if my hearts is helpless.

another shade of gray

tired, almost done n yet only half way there falling short of the finish line. feeling the body drain itself, releasing and baring all the days tempting tries. young at heart, pushing way to hard to never get ahead of myself. these bones ache from this bad hand it's been dealt. rest seems to be none existent, running frantically in fear. always wondering where it is i fit in, grinding a mean ass gear. bottoms been gone for quite some time now, misplaced in lost smiles. held together by the water that it drowns in, falling into why's on lonely traveled miles. i am constantly re-emerging into my life daily as if the day before was something so much more than ecstatic. creeping into another path, trying to hold it in long enough so it doesn't turn completely tragic. forked roads taking me so far from home, i think i just may be lost. tested by the sounds of words that are sour to the tongue, i miss that loving taste. knowing right from wrong, unwilling to settle as if a life was a waist. pouring out my core in such a way men shy away from, afraid to express their truths. able to feel i repeat my past abruptly so i never return and take the same bridge twice. things are so far out of reach anymore, or so they appear. twisting the mind to completely escape its own fucking fears. trampled heart, healed and let down i to walked away at one point for a better cause. pleasing those around me that matters the most, i often sit in a silent pause. blinking to my own heartbeats, thumping to a rhythm only i can hear. watching surroundings pulsating a vibe deep into the memory, cheers. i have been and i have felt, standing as i am wanting what i set out to find years ago. fixing things within me i damaged along the way, tattooing my nipple. marked as a bulls eye so i can be found a little bit easier. yet as time moves on, the heart gets more and more heavier. bending and independent, sanity has shown me the meaning of humanity. now with an outlook on life many fear to face, in religion they flee away from reality. sitting late at night telling the day goodbye for we'll never meet again. gone forever, a number thrown away to become something one once gained. it's just me rattling, blabbering, and gumming as i approach another shade of gray. passing by on my way, i walk in the footsteps beneath my feet wishing i could stay. future coming to a close, yet it's always there as it is impossible to swallow. and i can't find it within me to give in to every ones man made god, this i can not follow. life is so much more than dreams replacing the true gift pumping inside . listening to my inner voice spread and speaking out upon my very own piece of .com that's been built up in my mind.

that feelin

sittin here relaxed watchin u from across the room as u look up n tell me u love me.

how 2 respond 2 such a beautiful woman as the music softly plays in2 the emotions easin from my lips as i release the sounds of smiles slippin from my heart.

i dont think u know iv been starin 4 a while now wonderin y has it taken this long 4 u 2 come in2 my life.

now thinkin bout those strawberries i cut up a while ago ready 4 the whipped toppin dyin 2 b spread across my tongue as it bein licked from ur curves.

when can we get this thing goin as i cant help feelin my chest ache 4 ur touch.

motionin silent vibes up stairs triggerin downstairs 2 wake up n help ur day come 2 close.

woman i dont kno where u came from n i dont really are as iv become more than interested where this can go in time waitin 2 make dreams 1 can fantasies bout their whole life.

ur so gorgeous how u do those lil itty bitty things as u do when dont even know u do them 2 me.

if u only knew what my core is askin of me 2 do as i try 2 ignore its plees n needs of it wantin 2 spend the rest of love on u.

im a man but im fallin so far in2 u i dont think i'll find my way back 2 me n that scares me cuz iv never been broke.

n then u eye ball me once again strikin a conversation n with the sound of ur voice ticlkin n playin with my ears im startin 2 beleive iv found my 1 somewhere in u somehow.

ur such a lil woman far from a proper lady n it turns me on knowin u r the deffinition of the girl next door givin me the time of day.

im beside myself wishin as i never do for this thing we're doin 2 last longer than memories can b made.

never fadin, not even if time were 2 misplace 1 of us beneath the air we breathe.

livin somethin worth more than a lifetime itself, long after where gone as those we leave behind can feel the vibe left for love 2 smile when it thinks of us.

i just want 2 make those plans that we've talked bout time n time again become reality n feel its pulse pump life in2 a home that fills my open inner self waitin 4 u 2 come in n become what no 1 else can ever come close 2.

n as its has been easier 2 say in words written in the past, im more comfortable expressin this 2 u in words u can here bouncin off my tongue landin soft enough 2 on ur earlobe as it whispers what it is i have 2 say.

i make no promises n i do know everything is subject 2 change but this is what i want in my life.

u n me sharin lil peices of moments assemblin a time frame of where we've been together.

o how i want 2 taste ur lips right about now as ur creepin up on sleep well needed 2 rest ur bones.

i must b crazy 2 b listenin 2 a part of me i pushed away 4 so long but i cant see u gettin away without u knowin iv found that feelin ur stealin as i proudly say with a grin, I LOVE YOU!

end

reachin,
grabbin,
clingin @ that 1 thing i want the most b4 its lost.
draged,
clawin,
scraped back in2 my mind as it forces once again reality 2 settle in.
leavin,
dreamin,
kickin, wit a fierce vengiance 2 have what i want.
swingin,
beggin.
pretendin it doesnt matter when all has gone 2 hell.
thinkin,
blinkin
knowin everything jus gav way, fell in, gave up.
fleein,
greivin,
facin the brutal truth n wonderin what was the use?
fightin,
wantin,
feinin 4 it 2 wrap itself around me.
hurtin,
desrvin,
beatin n drained as its the end losin another friend.
creatin,
immitatin,
tryin 2 find a way 2 bend so i dont break.
chokin,
losin,
givin in 2 the noose when will it end?
poutin,
hearin,
screamin in silence as i sit in aw.

how does 1 kno?

how long will it last?
moments in time forgettin 1s past.

seasons wit brief trips prepairin us 4 the journey of our lives.
broken relations, takin sides.
yet how do we kno when we've found it.
whats the clue in between the mix of all the bullshit.
how does 1 kno their more than content wit the smile b4 them n kno 4 certain?
4 the rest of their walk, n all of their heart, no longer flirtin.
on a path ignorin all others that cross jus that.
what makes dis 1 so much better when 1s heart is up 2 bat?
when 1 hasnt tasted the facts the patterns form on charts n graphs.
showin the lessons of bitter words n laughs.
let alone tempted 2 embrace a lil sum1 that could b a lil more, 2 so much greater.is 1 person worth that long hall when u dont kno who they'll bcum later?
what is in their eyes that speaks without sound in ways luv is spoken so clearly?
how can it b that jus 1 person who can make u feel so completely free?
people change everyday.
so hows it possible 2 keep a clear mind n say i luv u in every way?
when we're not the same ever so often.
bcumin like the wind n switchin directions.
y hate when a change of heart escapes a lovers find, when it never lies?
its the minds schemes that pretends n plays in the rhythmless rhymes.
thinkin n dreamin, leavin 1 abandoned n feelin unfeasibly done.
talkin in languages the chest feels betrayed by the tongue.
so who could fill the shoes 4 a life time?
bringin the emotions from within in2 a new light, surfacin 2 its prime.
with so much joy n happiness it forms a smile upon 1s face that is irreplaceable.
or so it may seem as its camouflaged as unfazable.
holdin on 4 dear life as if it were 2 actually give sumtin more without an end 2 it.
deeply wantin the truth 2 feel more than it can give.
4 luv is always possible when tryin 2 hold down the fort.
yet always findin reasons why it needs 2 keep comin up short.
losin every so often as if u couldnt read the signs.
maybe in anothers arms from time 2 time, luv has sumtin else in mind.
tryin yet once again doin what u do.
but altimatley, its a learnin process time only knows the answer 2.
n time is only a figment of the imagination. teasin without tryin.
givin n takin. showin us who we r suppose 2 b if we want it bad enuff, hurtin, cravin n cryin.
bringin 2 us all sum1 who is a perfect fit.
but not until ur ready n it is worth every moment that is spent.
or is it even possible when whisperin empty promises in2 sum1s ear?
knowin damn well it could end in tears.
sayin things like they'll never leave. their the 1. a missin link. a better half.
believin in such words. but 4 how long when everything is subject 2 change, boogie nabbed.
stolen by another cuz they fit a lil better than da last.
always hopin it 'll neva run outta gas.
askin questions reality seems 2 hide.
checkin angles for da pain is not worth da flight given 2 climb.
keepin head ova heart long nuff 2 c how it could work.
how does 1 kno when every1 shys away from what appears 2 b dirt?
who holds da key 2 da answers that crawl up from the heart n thru the mind?
how do they kno the differences in the way u try n reasons y?
fillin the hole unlockin that shines from within.
freein the life from the inner kid.
hittin that note that cmpletes ur song.
healin everything thats ever gone wrong.
how does 1 kno?

i'll know

one of those things.
one where idk for sure.
u say u luv me.
yet i need more.
i know it sounds selfish.
but i'm looking for something.
n i can't tell u what.
u either have it or become a fling.
it's sad for me to say.
cuz i let u in.
u see i crave this.
n i'll know when we win.
so change me if u will.
i am a sponge for happiness.
i like what i see but idk.
seems ur mind is escapin this.
findin everything to get away.
pushin me to ask u to leave.
that's not what i want.
somethin i was u'd believe.
jus b u n do as u do.
as i will me.
if it is what i'm lookin for.
we will be.
but idk if i see it in u.
what i have goin.
my position n state of mind.
n where it is ur truly goin.

never to be used!

i hope ur ready 4 the long hall, cuz im not lettin u go. we can help each other in so many ways it not funny. n i cant count how many times iv dreamed of u livin n holdin me every night. yrs gone without a face no replaced by the beauty of ur blues peekin a wink in my direction. this is gonna b worth every second.

keep that feeling. i need someone to feel my presence.cuz my heart feel the same way. poundin a beat like a drum 2 a song u make it sing as it vibes 2 ur ways of luv n what a can do 2 dis full grown man.

showin n growin.bcumin1. emptyin da lost felins dat fill their core. explorin all dat has misplaced luv. dats wt i feel when i hold u. enjoyin ur smell as time pauses as our kiss meets in btween our dreams of findin each other. now tryin 2 make this thing work.

healin da heart of all dats gone o so wrong. givin in2 time 2 share if wanted. in luv 1 can find themself doin all da good they longed 2 endure. a lil bit @ a time.

ticklin the ear. turnin heads. breakin habits 2 let 1 kno irs they who i want. luv. deep in da heart will neva lie. pleasin da beast of broken pasts.

down blow the waist. puttin time in. earinin my place. face burried. my weights bein carried. darin 2 force the issue. tryin 2 plaese u.

take every lil thing u kno bout men. toss it out da window n take me as i am. let me rewrite the book on man that is the key 2 ur heart.show u how its suppose 2 b with a fresh start.

mauh! spreadin myself so contageously lovable. ahh! n later imma b so available 2 do some strokin. pokin n a gropin.

seems im always tryin 2 put words 2 gether 2 form itty bittsy short phrases as if they could take da shape of ur face. gettin me thru the day til im bqck wit u.

i wanna hear ur every last wakin breath. feel em rise amunst ur chest as i press down on u with my best. im so in love wit u id give my last til theres nothin left. u can have all of me.ur my kind of rst. relaxin ...

i wanna press my kiss against ur lips. hold ur hips 2 make sure imon ur list. flick of my switch n help me do so much more than live. id give anything 2 jus breath a smell of u.

til iv only mnet 1 woman id neva share. but since u this world can have her. she couldnt hold a candle 2 what u do 2 me. i craveu. like a feind. i gotta have u always.

livin what ive learned. writin with my personal handbook on life. a point of view . my story bein lived now as its told. earnin my future n who i run in2 as u have a page turnin in2 more than a few.

looking back. i don't wanna live in the past. that's a place u were absent. a time where u did not yet exist, n i was sum1 so different wasting time trying to find someone like u.

releasin everything within me upon what u will allow 2 happen. luvin the fac that its easy 4 u 2 do so well. i believe it happened. i fell in luv.

ur my kind of woman. pleasin with a single touch u give me a reason i havnt been able 2 find til now, n im still wonderin as im tryin 2 figure out how?

i wanna hear ur quif fart as i slide up in ya with no room 4 nothin but me as air runs from the squeezin pushin @ a future of tryin 2 get 2 c i can b all u need.

jus a few words 2 tikle ur ear. hopin the sound of lu u wont fear. flowin wit ease 4 it is real. needin u 2 help this man of steel feel.

= x = x big kisses. back n forth til i reach ur lips.

thinkin bout u makes my blood flow so fast. as my heart races n my lungs run outta gas pantin as if there goin 2 collapse. my eyes grips the curves of ur walk. watchin u like a hawk.

well its as real as me breathin. i feel ur presents when ur near n absence when ur gone.

i can do this all day n i hope im not buggin. but u bot sumtin inside of me lifted 2 another lavel of confidence i dont understand. n all i think is i want so much more, of u.

im slowly slowly realizin ur steelin my heart. iv tried 2 fight it but it wont lisin, it must b broke cuz it dont work. so im givin in 2 u jus once. cuz ur luv is on da 1, showin me everything i wan t 2 over come in ur arms.

settin me free of a silhouette iv carried 4 yrs. ur face has taken a shape even it cant exprees . leavin me in a dead stare. how in da hell did i find u?

lost in who u r, like i never seen u comin. snuck up on, now enjoyin everything were doin. luvin my moment in time 2 hold u tight cuz u make everything feel so right.

mornin 2 u wit kisses floatin in da wind n such. spread thin 2 reach u in love cuz im missin u so much.

when time says its right as that day is comin, imma tell u how i feel as i awake with a big good mornin. cuz u'll b mine as we get 2 really livin. smile!

i got another hr of u runnin about in my mind. only if u knew what u were doin, n it is not sexual this time. but very nice 2 c u lookin @ me that way.how lovely.

still layin here missin u. listenin 2 the birds whistle ur name in a song 4 the world 2 hear that is o so beautiful like the woman u r. makin me smile. g'morn.

i wanna lu ya. teas u n please u. ease u of all the things that mistreat u.iv got thing on my mind releasin u if ud giv me that chance 2 b wit u.

iv jus been layin here watchin how the sun tickles the leaves upon the tres with the light of day peekin in from the mornin rays, thinkin this is almost perfect. yet sumtins misin. it u.


fallin is easy 2 do. its how u bounce once u hit the bottom that determines if u make it work.

its ur face that pulled me in. ur smile that made me take interest. n eyes that make me wanna stay. ur kiss is the freshest thing iv tasted in years. feelin foolish 2 give in so easily.

wakin 2 u makes a day worth livin. as if a breath o f fresh air from ur lips helps my smile feel like givin. cuz ur ways r worth the time 2 show sum goo goo eyed luvin.

he likes u 2. da beast that is. the 1 taht lives within. wantin 2 take u as u r n give u eve4rything uv been missin n benn needinb4 u slip from my grip.

jus keep ur head ova ur heart n we'll b fine. cuz da way i feel if things play out id luv 2 make u mine.

ur that extra smile ever1 looks 4 day in day out. n now that i have u within reach i can not believe what it is iv found.

if i told u i had sumtin goin on inside of me. would u smile as i said ur amazin? whisperin lines aimed straight atcha. knowin im jus a man ur drivin fuckin crazy.

im thinkin of u. n imma do it all day. no1 can stop me. its what i want. im happy with the thought. so i think im jus gonna smile n wait 2 c u. patiently in aww.

da smiles u give r smiles worth tastin. the stares u glare t worth me lokkin. n the way u giv urself is well represented by the takin. so touch me c how im worth wearin.

holdin u is like sumtin iv neva known. sumtin i want more of. sumtin i cant wait 2 c where it goes. cuz ur sumtin is temptin me 2 get outta control.

i want u in ways i thought id neva want another. between findin a friend n a hopful partner i found a luvr. n im estatic 2 know u. 2 have met u. n share me with u.

i so wanna keep u around 4 the long hall. see how far we can fall so deep in2 each other makin this world seem so small compaired 2 what our luv can do as it could neva go wrong.

lookin in2 ur eyes. gettin lost in ur blues. feelin this thing in my chest explode. feelin so new. iv been here b4 nut it neva felt this good. wantin u bad enough 2 keep. neva wantin u 2 leave. so please. stay with me as long as u can b4 u turn n walk away.

if i were 2 crawl up on u. lookin down. hoverin ova u. takin in da moment b4 it was the last.would u enjoy my face inches if front of u as the sound of my voice says ur name.

i wanna softly apply my lips 2 ur neck. kiss n suck til u become wet. creep down 2 ur navel passin eva so slow as if i feel me grow. wantin u bad enough 2 share with u what a man really is. doin things only a real man can give. ova n ova all ight long. as u sing 4 me screamin my song. tellin teh neighbors my name.

im smilin cuz i found u.
happy cuz i hav u.
im givin cuz u want me.
crave me.
n im luvin dat ur in2 who i am.
as i am.
in2 the woman u present.
turns me on n is my main event.


theres alot goin on.
life seems 2 always turn away.
its hard 2 stay grown.
time n time again.
would u die 4 wats goin on?
4 ur smile.
now?
how do u kno it b worth it?
how?



jus wantin a chance @ a life full of luv.
hold it tight nuff itll never hurt.
can u feel it in my arms.
hear the silent alarms.
as i come 2 u in a clear state of mind.
can u c it in my eyes.
starin witout a clue of how itll fix u.
wit luv that isnt meant 2 hurt u.
tryin 2 find how i fit in2 ur heart.




wats in da way she walks dat keeps da eyes in focus?
shes gotta kno she does it in such a lovely motion.
how is it she jus moves n can own any man as she takes control.
failin.

always spendin time tryin 2 buy it back.
empty pockets wont let me save 4 that.
time seems never 2 b bought.
its the only gauruntee that cant get caught up.
stayin true 2 what it knows the best.
firmly movin it passes its own test.
withstandin all that is of material nonscense.
tryin out last itself as we all r.
the master @ cheatin its own demise.
the 1 thing that will never break down n cry.
for it has an eternity 2 live in space wherever it may go.
however it desides it wants 2 grow.
yet it seems a bit harsh knowin its gonna b left all alone.
jus 2 start sumtin new with sumtin that jus wants mo.
stealin its powerin an act of keepin health.
wantin 2 last 4ever in a steady stealth.

peepin im seekin n creepin up on a
i think iv found a keeper.
not wantin 2 throw her back
from the same side of the trax.
goin where iv never been n gettin 2 where im headed.

burpin n tastin tacos.


has any1 truely ever felt it.
has any1 ever been broke.
dont think itll ever happen. 4

keepin my thoughts on my tongue.
lettin the juices of the mind.
flowin downward.
tryin not 2 choke on the moisture buildin.

keep ur head on over ur heart.
appraoch it wit an open mind n sheild ur chest.
hope 4 the best as u work 4 that 1 thing we're all lookin 4.
l.o.v.e. freindship n trust.