all i've eva wanted...

seems all i eva wanted was to pour my heart out into someones eyes... to neva havta turn to see someone else's face get embedded in to my very own mind... n it's nights like tonight that make me question the mentality of others that come along to jus waste some fuckin time... n i don't mean to reflect on past skies that hovered on the luv i've expressed that heard me cry... as i've come to a place here in life where it's come full circle for me to stand back up after the roller coaster ride... feelin the goodbye's fall from the fingertips knowin the emotional danger has died... there's nothin sadder than a friend that finds a new way without self as their help standin still become lies... thinkin over n again of answers that neva come into the replacement of questions of why.?. rememberin how words on lips whispered in to ears that no longer feel the need to reside... they jus can't help the temptation of pride gettin in the way of a friendship callin out in the dark moments as they hide... in my case it was a different kinda lifestyle that took my opened heart out for a spin as it came back somewhat different in the way it's willin to hold any other who wants in to dine... searchin for who it is i am waitin on someone who can remain still long enough to show me somethin more real than jus someone so fuckin blind... it's the substances they chose that tore me limb from limb as they had their way with the depths reached behind closed doors hidden n afraid of the dive... n i know there's better things to come as i've healed past the booze, pills, n heroine that ripped me into someone more wise... as strangers came along n found me lookin at a foe due to their own lil games n twisted ways that forced me to let them go bcuz i jus couldn't hold on to the pine... lowered into the empty well drained of the tenderness as i've even heard one tell me they hated me to push me away from their selfish addiction clingin to them so alive.,. all i've eva wanted was somethin more than a daydream witnessin me seekin the piece of me in them that finds a home as passion flies... in luv with the peace within relations that somehow catches a glimpse of what it is that peeks back at them n says, hi.!.