After the shenanigans...

 in my mind it plays out like, i've already fucked my dream girl so now what?

i've already been in n outta luv even with a side piece on the hush.

n it's past the point of emotional highs n lows of my life where i cannot seem to be reach.

as it's not just another fuck down on her knees.

what else is left?

i've already had what others claim as the best fuckin sex.

stood within relations n exceeded beyond expectations like shit couldn't phase me.

even rounded out the thought process of wants over needs.

i'm beginning to actually wonder what is it i'm lookin for.

when i've already danced within the center of a storm.

knowing it was my actions too that created its twirl.

as it swirled around me just to watch me retreat to singular from plural.

i've touched my ultimate fantasy in ways the tongue itself was happy to be free.

as i've had to step back n correct my ever changing reality to be redeemed.

just to play with the daydreams of is there anyone who can bring my passions back to life.

to help bring me from within n somehow reopen my mind.

bcuz i've felt desires right before they fell off the edge.

sat alone for yrs with a curious hmm as if what's next.

yeah i've done it all but find a friend who doesn't turn out to be a fuckin mess.

n there's more to a female's anatomy getting wet.

as all the women i've felt that i cannot remember is nothing more than erotic's leap.

all leading to unimaginable memories that will forever be remembered as cheap.

as i've had more than my fair share allowing fingertips to have their way.

n it's bcuz of this that i know the depths of a woman is deeper than what she'll ever say.

so where do i turn when i've even had strippers on the rosters.

as i don't wanna play the back burner no more bcuz it's filled with imposters.

my guess is i'm just to fuckin hard to please when the facts break down..

even though in another i do wanna believe so i can settle my frown.

i just need a new hype to change my ways before it's pointless to flirt.

yet who would i wanna hear say my name when comfort has its worth.

i haven't one person high up on a pedestal i'd give the time in all due respects.

as there's no one hiding patiently in the back of my mind i need not inspect.

so after all the shenanigans that have created my life up to the now.

who will it be to find their way into my rhymes that never make a sound.

to fulfill the reason to cross back over to the other side as revived.

bcuz i've been everything but everything to another just wanting to live as mine.

curios to know...

do you believe you'll ever trust anyone the way you did when you first felt safe?

before you fell from fingertips and found yourself going through thoughts gone to waste. 

is there any hope your perspective on relations isn't ruined beyond repair?

having one more go around in you before shutting down without a care.

are you off limits or is your heart sneaking around inside of you?

running from emotions grasp creeping on the edge of a tingle's use.

do you truly wanna isolate yourself away from someone that can and will be true?

or do you not know where to turn to find a heart willing to move?

i know there's things that words cannot express.

as explaining yourself to a stranger might mean there's nothing left.

or is there something you wanna say if the right one stepped up.

to do more than claim what self is capable of.

where does the mind go when alone is too much to think?

when has enough been had as sighs need to breathe?

will u ever admit you're worth more than the silence lingering in the dark?

is hope all but gone when hiding deep within just waiting to be disarmed?

what is it you seek that hasn't found its way to your lips as of yet?

how does one get in to unlock the ribs that protect the chest?

are you over it all or are you just in a phase?

and is the smile you use as real as the life on your face?

i know of masks worn so no one knows there's a vulnerability not wanting to hurt.

but to remove it to allow another to see who's beneath the bs has its perks.

or is it i'm not describing you at all?

and that you can relate to the realism in how we've become so raw.

At a loss...

I don't see the good in people anymore. From the walking stereotypes that point at others with fingers that resemble needles with hypocritical poison. To everyone taking sides in an ancient battle to belittle others. As it's never them as self who can relate to the differences that create the beauty of a species that isn't blinded by invisible gains. N the hate never wants someone to do the same to them when they pretend not to care of what opposers think or believe. We all can't be on top to tare whoever down to obtain the gratification of likes that are as fake as cultures acting as if destruction doesn't happen from within. Seems no one can resist division in terms of the issues of the human repetitive fighting for the disposition to be torn from the heights of fame. It's truly sad to watch some of them waste time hating racists until they show they are one as well. The upper class look down on the level beneath them as the bottom refuses to try to adapt to anything outta the forced fed norm. The hostility is fueled by corrupt politics that play the population against itself n not many are willing to open their eyes for they'd be labeled with a toe tag as it's said they'd crossed over. It's like the train of thought losses the presence of mind to realize everyone alive has a different reality n live our own way... With sights set on what the masses tell them to believe. Whether it's relations, sexuality, religion, belief, shape, ethnicity, or classification, opinions judge with chattering teeth to be heard. But don't point out how they are for you'll be the problem as friends will fade note being able to see their own bs. It's like people see through themselves in the mirror as if they're transparent. As there's no reason to give the benefit of the doubt for people are too far gone to honestly get along n accept none of us are the same. The only ones that are not trying to be a profile fade in which it in its own doesn't compliment who they truly are. Damned is existences fate.

entry 4901

The day will come when y'all will have to go on without me... As y'all will live as if I didn't exist other than being a thought lingering in your dreams... Yet I'll be no more as my everyday will die... Just promise one thing, tell me y'all won't cry.... On the first day I don't awaken for y'all to see me smile... Have the strength to chuckle as my body has retired... And when y'all think of me in your memories y'all have to grin... It is through y'all that I get to live... Allow me to be free... I need not be a burden that makes y'all weak... Be as y'all naturally are as if I walked into the room... Everyday is a good day to feel the positivity in my mood... Don't let me die and rot with time... Keep me alive by living in a unique state of mind... Knowing y'all was my happiness that drove me for so long... Without y'all keeping the vibe alive I'm nothing more than lost... So never forget that I'm a part of y'all that will never go away... And if it makes y'all feel a little better. just whisper my name... Then tell me y'all luv me as if I never went to sleep... I luv y'all, It's ok to breathe...

to my kids... miss y'all already...

camouflaged hearts...

There's questions that haven't produced any answers cut loose... Or just maybe i haven't been listening to words on the move... As some things one just cannot ask due to the chameleons that wait their turn... Maybe it's the whispers i can't seem to hear as they flirt... It could be i play to much n what i seek has passed me by... Or possibly my reality is just a lil different than that of another's life... Though I cannot speak on what it is i need... For it's in the ways of another that tell truths tale that doesn't fall off the tongues fling... Avoiding pretenders just wanting to get close to the feel of emotion instead of a real friend... Trust is valid to believe in someone's true form trying to sidestep a bitter end... Fake is not a face i wanna see close enough to get nose to nose... The conditions only arouse a false narrative that eventually explode... So to take self into consideration is a must with foes rushing to the scene... Chasing a visual misconception of who's within ones own that cannot be seen... There's those who just wanna please anyone at all costs as long as selfishness is aloud... N they're the reason my seclusion has lil belief in hearts tossed about... Luv in camouflage is the description that best describes the insanity... As relations always ends in harsh forms where outbursts are slung in profanities...

hand in hand...

 We can watch the days come n go. Give time a lil piece of mind for a place to call home. As the moon moves with the seasons up above. Calming our nerves to accept a norm that evolves into luv. Witness to how life changes in our eyes. Being the difference it takes to come alive. With hope that today ends for a tomorrow to begin. Wrapped up with u at nights end coming from within. In the middle of everything as a reason to give. As growth evolves together tasting the softness of entangled lips. The visual would be a sight to cater to in its own. Having a companion worth the depths surfacing to never be alone. Whether it be laying as close as possible or out n about. We could possibly be an exception to the rules of when n how. We just havta open up like the sky that allows us to see it displayed in rare form. With our own unique type of beauty reaching from our cores. Bared as if skin felt told the truths of comfort touched. Stirring up the inner makings seen in motion moving as an us. As we age hand in hand for as long as we can breathe. Just you and me.

fulfillment...

Don't close your eyes unless you take me with you. Don't leave me here for my heart to be abused. Whether it's your dreams you're escaping to or the bitter end. I can't survive in this world without my friend. No other will ever do for me what you do without even trying. So don't abandon worth by avoiding our time of dying. Because you're that extra dose of life that awakens me. You make it so much easier for me to breathe. Don't you dare go drifting off thinking I'll be okay. For who I am is a better me just to say your name... Yet, this you should know by the touch of my hand. Reaching for you to piece together a master plan. As the nearer you are to me the simpler my mind tends to think. From the form of a want you have become a need. A necessity for my heart to feel emotion only you create. you've opened me up as for your fingers are the key that moved my chest like a gate. Swung wide for you to enter at will as my intent began to spill. Making it impossible to ever replace the fulfillment you give simply standing still... Just be mindful of how lost I'd be if you were gone. As I ask, for it, am I wrong?

thigh high...

It's crazy to think I'm believe I'm falling for the inner part of ur thighs. Right where the leg meets ur body. Mmm, how nummy the skin as u go back n forth as i close my eyes. As my tongue slides from side to side never once to floppy. With strokes to feel as sensitive as ur moans coming to life. Rolling in motion n sucking on ur flesh. Breaking under pressure over the way I claim u as mine. U have a flava that's ever so fresh. N I truly think I'm collapsing in a bow. Down before u to serve ur sighs. Simply enjoying myself with the treasure I've found. I must be crazy but i love the way ur hips grind. For my hormones crave a lick just for u. Swirling to the rotation of ur passions so alive. Damn I can't get enough of the way u move. Ur worth every second bouncing off my lips tonight.

When the sun comes up...

We can sit around anywhere you like & watch the sun set whenever u want. Though will be there come morning when it tends to come back up? We can do whatever as we decide leading into the night. Thing is if I'm not by your side in the a.m. is it really worth the time? With life having so many options that fulfill the crave of comfort. Am I the one who will rest to awaken to your presence in the early morn? Rolling over to hold on to the memories made the evening before. As hope clings to the certainty of luv wanting more. In motion with vibes pulsating to the rhythm of the heart. We can get together for a lil while n go back home if you like. Or be in the moment where friends land in a cuddle coming alive. Gazing at the stars as we drift off to sleep. It just depends on how deep you wind up feeling me.

Confession...

It's personal but it's the truth. Coming to a cross roads of not knowing what to do. Life in a hand held safe. Needing to be freed to taste a new name. From the past through the pain the heart has done its time. But where is one to turn in the middle of life? Spinning thoughts rotate Werth days getting away from hope. It seems luv midst wants to find a home. On the quieter side of whispers i simply don't know howto open up. Yet i can feel something stirring in depths fighting the hush. Lost within beneath the shallows of living skin deep n never felt. I'm unwinding to the loosening up n reflecting on self. In constant wonder of a rhythm that contributes to who i am. But the silence never reaches ears for the untold me is a lonely stance. Hidden behind walls line emotions captured by the snuggling of the ribs. N all that's ever been desired is to truly live. Though hi's tend to face goodbyes one too many times. Buried is worth in a grave that cannot see the sunshine. N it sure would be nice to feel roots dig in for me to evolve. As i sit on the other side of compromise afraid to sort through another's flaws. Damn me if i don't step outta the norm I've become. For memories have fell from smiles n i haven't a true grin to create a blush. With so much good to give i run from my mind. Slowly dying without a friend to share my life. With words emerging like ammo ready to fire. Patiently waiting on a set of eyes i cannot help but to admire. I'm at the bottom of a raw intense reality that refuses leave me be. For everyone i turn around my curiosity picks at the possibilities on the outside off daydreams. Needing a convo to break the chain restricting my use. Only if there was a genuine touch to relieve me of this sheild that claims to protect me from admitting a truce. Changing my story's end of winding up as had been. A once upon a time ago as someone who had more than enough to gain passion landing upon the lips. Where's the interest in another in which i lack? Maybe I'm just lingering until i find my match. That one face that lights up free will. Giving reason to adapt to the absence of a long lost thrill. In my honesties i reside wasting moments due to the pickiness i possess. This is what i confess...

our universe...

in the middle of everything standing with u.

beneath the stars hovering looking down on us as proof.

holding on to the way the night opens up to un i.

friends for life has found their way here tonight.

draped upon us is is a mood made for two.

stripping us down to silhouettes on the move.

loosening to the feel of body warmth.

as only our eyes can see the expressions perform.

captured by the heart n pulsating in a kiss.

lips slide with a vibe that sighs in a total eclipse.

coming into play with a background made of dreams.

there's u before the one u see as me.

there's no moon to take away from the beauty we possess.

for it's hidden behind a cloud  that gives the perfect special affect.

complimenting how we gravitate towards each other.

in tune with the way words softly utter.

of luv n bonds taking form in syllables moving tongues.

as if the sky was alive n breathing with us. 

 

More woman than woman...

It's the way she wares her scars.

As her depths reaches the surface from her heart.

Showing life of how she's lived thus far.

Only thing is those who've touched left their mark.

She's been hurt yet she's still able to function.

Somehow beneath the time worn upon her skin that should've forced dysfunction.

I find her to be beautiful just the way she is.

For she's lived a lil even though she's fought for the chuckle in her ribs.

Damn, she's a lesson in the making of something I've never known.

Someone real and on a level who still has hope.

No matter how deep her wounds needed to be healed.

Her flesh holds it's age with an acceptance to the feel.

She must be super human the way she owns her smile.

And I don't think she knows she fits the perfect profile.

With every blemish adding to her worth.

There's simply no way to explain her in words.

Though the nature of her ways speak on her behalf.

Making it look flawless the way she leaves the bs in her past.

Here n there...

It seems ur too far away for comfort to be felt... Distance separates any chance for the heart to melt... As hope gathers interests that are left to think... N days rotate on with life where the heart hasta find somewhere else to sink... I guess friends aren't supposed to last... That is bcuz even u i havta put in my past... To drift with time not knowing if I'll ever endure a real touch... Where a situation can open up doors to luv... N as moments go without the makings to be kept i linger off on my own... Curious to know where is home... Maybe it's the way things should be... So one can truly find the mends to dreams... As in the present is needed to cling to skin... N fall never the presentations of babbling lips... I believe circumstance has come to settle a decision set in play... N from ur fingertips i fade... Giving u space to allow happiness to come along... So u too can enjoy the peace that tends to pause...

It is what it is...

When a big heart just doesn't feel shit... N there's no plug to fit... Nor a patch to fix the dripping of its contents... Filling it isn't a option for ores been punctured by the ribs... Bottom torn from emotional grips... Sending shutters that crawl upon the lips... As sound changes with wits... As the mind forgets how to live... There's no seam that'll hold what's being missed... N a patch job isn't noting but a twist... A quick second to gain a tick before falling with the drain of drips... Slipping further into skipping over luv's bliss... When passion fades from a wish list... N desires dismiss the feel of just slithe another power trip... Caring is like slitting wrists... Deteriorating from the inside out as if hope is too be fished... When stitches can't help the capacities limits... Risks are feared with nothing left to give... The pump takes one too many hits... Making memories crisp... With nothing deep enough worth the dig... In the endless pit where the fall descends into images n short lived clips... Whispering a fuck damn n followed by a shit... Daily shifts recalculate reasons to remain hesitant...

In the reincarnation process...

Creating illusions through a belief that have no truths... The mind confused by emotions triggered the mute... Gin inward with not much left to say... Just to come full swing to win the game... The heart refuse to think logically begore it crumbles to the floor... Jus to be walked on by a friend that wants it no more... N to live in a make belief thought is the torture of it all... Thinking serif is someone to another when thumbs push pause... Leaving the well being within trapped in a moment tgat wad never meant to last... Unable to get back at life n she away with the past... The figment of the imagination reassues false hopes that are never real... It's a fantasy to trust prior to the emptiness' void of something said to be worth the feel... Like magic in a dark room where alone finds the solitude more appealing... To be tricked into luv is the weakness of over peace betrayed in a moment su revealing... As the one deep beneath the surface awakens to the reality overlooked... Finding each situation of trial n error the only truth written in a life long book... With red ink to stain memories made... Lies from tongues correct grammer feeding every single page... Transforming delusions into facts so harsh change defines a news version of self... Like fly paper clinging to any chance to find help... One gets lost in the self rescue only a miracle can give life to... As words linger without mentions to attempt to regain pieces of dignity put to use... In the reincarnation process there's an up n down to being alone...Hollow heads remember everything like reels spinning outta control... Poisoning mislead passions fighting to survive... In time it'll fade as if sound from voices that once carried an honest vibe...

Get with it...

U have two choices,  u can come around me or u can watch me leave... There's things i don't do as i know the differences between wants n needs... If u choose to be childish asf u can go n post up somewhere else with the bs... U can be free as ur disregard that believes imma endure such heart wrenching grips... My mind cannot allow the forgetfulness of me being as jus as human u... So be real the way u claim n calm down on ur presentation i will n can cut loose... N u may or may not miss me if i havta decide on our fate... Bcuz I'd rather have someone who gives me a true piece of mind than remove me grin within... I've made promises to myself on how i am to love my life in the creation of grins... N if u plan on sharing moments that prove how much u do care... I can only suggest u to feel how ur tone vibes for i need not the complications if u want me to play fair... Do ur part to ensure i wanna remain ur closest friend... Then n only then admit I'm ever so happy to never imagine our untiming end... So be mature enough to realize u cannot just treat me any ol way... That is if ur desires cling to the surge expressed upon my face... We either are or we ain't as one in the middle of this chaotic world as it revolves... Have some self worth n know u are for me as we slowly evolve... N if u could just give it to me the way i am to u that'll be great... I just might look at ur numminess n have a taste...

Some of us...

Some of us know what we want n some of do not believe it exists... Some of us are cool with being on or own n some of us had forgotten about how another tickles the ribs... Some of us like having time to self n some of us world like to hear summertime else talk... Some of us are lost in solitude n some of us remember what it was like to be caught up in that unforgettable pause... Some of us are good at moving along n some of us eventually consider opening up... Some of us found comfort in being alone... Some of us don't know what it's like too be liked n some of us found a way to go on wirh life... Some of ur feel jus fine n some of us hate the hype... Some of us just want something real n some of us. Motive how so many refuse to heal... Some of us give too much n some of us have never had anytime to trust... Some of us have it in us to luv another n some of us fear to be touched by a luv'r... Some of us are defined by truths n some of us have never found sometime else to put us to an honest use...

Like leaves n trees...

Going down winding two lane country roads... Music on low... Window cracked... Eased back... With no where in particular to go... Running away from home... Sittin next to a friend... Enjoying the curves that bends... Comfort drifting along outta the window... Smiling bcuz we're not alone... Not caring when we're gonna turn around... As the moment is in the now... With the vehicle in motion... Leaving behind the cities commotion... For a morning made for two... Sippin on some cocoa as the wheels spin loose... Off to anywhere the trees change colors... As hands touch to play with the feel of wonders... Just cruising along... In no rush to have somewhere in which we belong... Simply free with one another side by side... Able to relax n empty the mind... To be as is in a natural state... Just to feel a smile stretch across the face... Looking over for second to connect in the eyes... Knowing damn well we've found the good life... With a real sense of certainty that lingers with the changing of leaves... Stopping in the middle of nowhere to take a moment to breathe... Holding on to each other so we can stay warm... Arms wrapped around u is our luv being worn... As we're just wanting to get lost for a lil while... Out deep in the country acting juvenile... Away from our responsibilities it's just us for a day... Living n laughing for it's us we create... Off to who knows where... Out into the wilds open air... Goin up n down n all around the hills that lead to the straight aways for us to take in the views... Just looking for something new... N how the trees shed n lay upon the ground... Seeking the sights of even an abandoned ghost town... To see the season claim the memory of one autumn day... N how the clinging to the pavement is us needing to a different type of landscape... In our time we roll with the tires leading the way... Amazed that life itself has come to allow us to say each others name... As we sneak in a kiss here n there... N ur lips reach for a nibble on my neck that's naked n bare... We're two of a kind like the trees n the leaves... On a journey as a duo to unknown dreams... Facing reality just riding on the back of distance chased... Reading all the signs that make the drive worth the escape...

Gulps caught in the throat..

 The more i drink the deeper I can feel... Sinking beneath the taste running from everything that can't be real... Every drop take me further n further away... Down goes life in the middle of an endless fade...  Losing sight of reality somewhere in between shots... I sip alone with emotion that cannot help but believe they've been robbed... As the bottom reaches for what's left of my mind... Plucking thoughts outta the blue to water my eyes... I seek comfort every now n again so i can remember what normal is... Without mercy my thirst can't get enough of how the glass touches my lips... Turning it empty by flipping it upside down... Reminding me i did have pieces alive just under the surface of my frown... I go looking in depths for anything that used too resemble who i was... Until the poison is gone n it's back to fuck luv... Pain floats fade down drowning with the bubbles rising to the occasion... Potent n consuming where the mindset drifts with the invasion... As images spark a flame to feel scars that changed me within... For a lol bit i vere orchard of coarse to be a human as scene else just wanting to live...

Yet to meet...

From day one all i wanna do is luv u like a friend... To show u it's u from the beginning to the ends... As sidekicks fighting off the villain called life... To find within each other the simplest piece of mind... Embrace n held so deep as to engrave ur in my heart... To awaken to u daily as my peace that silenced alarms... Though i am get still a stranger to be met behind closed doors... With an emotion free to be more than explored... I wait for the day to witness ur smile save me... To open me up without any resistance to live the dream... So we can get to know why we cannot live unless it's us... Falling deeper into comforts depths as a 100 percent must... It's from the day we first feel the curiosity come to life n play fair... Until we're long gone from a world that face us the time we have to share... It'll be nooo one other than u that gets me in yr rarest form... For u as yourself will become my norm...

Lost n found...

 Coming to mind when moving on to where life is goin.... The thought occurs of them memories never made n others missed out on.... The twist feels how it'll be someone else to gain self...  Having those moments ti be cherished that brings two people together skiing a lil comfort to help... In the transition of letting go to fully grasp worth is the only way to be a friend... Showing a new face enjoying the presence of a use lent... It's how touch is claimed by s different set of fingertips feeling there way along the flesh... Changing a mindset that used to be stuck tinkering with old emotions that diff themselves into thetechie of the chest... As the heart comes around to witness the beauty in the way it hauls... Like layers peeling away to depths surfacing fur something real... Leaving what's tormented free will to open back up... To be in a more natural flow to release the expression of true lluv... 

come back to life...

When u come to, remind yourself it's more than emotional luv... Somehow loosening up briefly so the restraints aren't so snug... As thoughts are free to remember what it was like to have someone self could tell anything to... When a convo is reflected upon as a good thing put to use... With a physical connection that isn't just about sex... The commitment to self has finally come to terms with what it means to be felt... When enough time has passed to forget about the nonsense the single life fights... N the allowing of the wonder of an unknown real friend is quietly thought about once there's been a clearing of the mind... As a willingness whispers at night when the drifting lays still... Think of me n be honest if u will... In a moment to clarify if i am indeed what you've waited on for so long... Jus don't steer me wrong... If life isn't awakening within u maybe u need more time... Bcuz if it isn't natural imma go on back to my life... A true chance shall never be without knowing who is a friend... Someone with more than a physical presence to lend... As only one individual can reach in n turn u on... I'd like to know if i am ur kinda norm... But interest must go both ways for hearts to slowly begin to feel luv'd... But for now, I'll hush...

lingering in the single life...

Why is it i long for u.?. N why when i think of u my emotions move.?. What is it u don't luv me.?. Why can't u just leave me be.?. My heart doesn't understand why ur not in my arms... As my mind keeps trekking it it's just not in the cards... Around n around i go daily wondering if I'll ever recover... When there's no on i touch that is equivalent to u as a luv'r... I lost my friend n now i don't know where to go... Since we parted there's no sense of home... As u wall through my dreams missing it unbearable to wake..  Why is it i cannot have what i want when i say u mane.?. Why the lonely nights when there's no one holding u right.?. Who have i become in the deep stare of ur eyes.?. I'd luv to know so i can settle within life... Why do u haunt me the way u do.?. Why can i not cut u lose... As it feels like ur beating on my chest... N is damn near like i wish there was nothing left... Then maybe i would be free to drift away... Hoping the thought of u truly escapes... Yet the fantasy of feeling ur flesh still drives me mad... Why do i havta be crazy over u as u claw at our past.?.

believe in me...

N when i look into ur eyes n i cannot see anyone else, what then.?. When life changes n there's no going back to the way things were ever again.?. When the answers point at what i cannot do without... When time has been long enough lingering from place to place n i pause bcuz it's u i found... Would it be me the wonder has thought of for so many yrs... Would ur heart truly open knowing u have not a damn thing to fear.?. Would i be given ur undeniable reason to live.?. N would tears slip down ur cheek when i kiss ur lips.?. How breathtaking does it feel in a moment with u in my arms.?. How deep does touch go inches from the surface hovering in the dark.?. How will the mind adapt to us moving simultaneously through life.?. N how could i ever forget a friend that willingly stands by my side... As hope holds the resolution to the chaos in my head... As all others do not exist nor am i misled... As u before i is the one thing I've waited for to come along... As ur company will forever be cherished while chuckles bounce of the walls... If i were to graze ur cheek with my fingers, tell me what's next... If words stepped aside so expressions didn't havta guess... If u looked at me the way i see u the way i do... Only if it were possible for u to believe in me as if i'm someone u could never lose...

tell the truth...

Can u truly live without me.?.

Have u forgotten who i am.?.

Is it really that harsh.?. 

To disown me aa ur biggest fan...

Are u capable of goin about ur way.? 

Back to someone i just do boot know...

Does it fall strange that I'm not there.?.

When u stepped away like i wasn't worth the hope...

Could it be u promised onmy lies.?.

Just To watch the pain settle in...

Working it's way down past the luv we shared...

Aa i struggle to remove u from my pits...

It's just that easy to walk the fuck away...

As if ur heart never felt me standing still...

N i wonder if u ever dream of my face...

The way u turned n skewed me the truth...

Having no use for me I ur life...

So tell mere how smooth the decision was...

Bcuz it hurts to think i wasted my time...

Believing on a friend i never had...

Opening up to witness u pretend...

Was i that bad u fell straight through.?.

Falling to a descend until u laughed while devouring me in the end...

in person...

1... If your home when I get there I'll tell u everything that's been on my mind... Nah, I'd rather not tell you on the phone... It's the only way we can ever truly be defined... Just trust it'll be honest as my heart speaks of what it knows... Just give me time to get to you n life will be what it is to be... Ok, I'll be there shortly... Nah, It's best if I tell you this way... I want you to see the expression upon my face... You'll see it for yourself as truths surface before your eyes... Just be ready so a use can be distinguished from the hype... What's that.?. Lol, I think you'll agree being who you are to the terms I'm pulling out of the hat...  I'll break it down the only way I know how... I'm not, but you should know by now... We are what we are... Two characters choosing to play the part... This is like a dream... Stay awake... This needs to take place... I just wanna do it in person... It would be more worth it... Nah, come open the door...

2... Just tell me or I'm saying goodnight... What's up with your tone.?.  Okay, just hurry up... I've had a long night... That's all I could hope... I'm ready to go to sleep... Why can't u just tell me in the morning.?.  What are you trying to say.?.  Don't play.!. Wtf are you talking about.?. Spit it out... Am I supposed to laugh.?. Is that a fact.?. You're beginning to touch my nerves so get here now... Don't be all the way across town... How am I to know what you're thinking.?. Have you been drinking.?. What part is that.?. I'm setting my alarm... That's where I wanna be... Why are you playing games.?. It's late.!. Oh, here we go... Are you slow.?. You have me up like I'm some kind of whore...

1 If your home when I get there I'll tell u everything that's been on my mind...

2 Just tell me or I'm saying goodnight...

1 Nah, I'd rather not tell you on the phone...

2 What's up with your tone.?.  

1 It's the only way we can ever truly be defined...

2 Okay, just hurry up... I've had a long night... 

1 Just trust it'll be honest as my heart speaks of what it knows...

2 That's all I could hope... 

1 Just give me time to get to you and life will be what it is to be...

2 I'm ready to go to sleep... 

1 Ok, I'll be there shortly...

2 Why can't u just tell me in the morning.?.  

1 Nah, It's best if I tell you this way... I want you to see the expression upon my face...

2 What are you trying to say.?.  Don't play.!. 

1 You'll see it for yourself as truths surface before your eyes... Just be ready so a use can be distinguished from the hype...

2 Wtf are you talking about.?. Spit it out...

1 What's that.?.

2  Am I supposed to laugh.?. 

1 Lol, I think being who you are that you'll agree to the terms I'm pulling out of the hat... 

2 Is that a fact.?. 

1 I'll break it down the only way I know how...

2 You're beginning to touch my nerves so get here now... Don't be all the way across town... 

1 I'm not, but you should know by now...

2  How am I to know what you're thinking.?. Have you been drinking.?.

1 We are what we are...

2 What part is that.?.

1 Two characters choosing to play the part...

2 I'm setting my alarm... 

1 This is like a dream...

2 That's where I wanna be...

1 Stay awake... This needs to take place...

2 Why are you playing games.?. It's late.!.

1 I just wanna do it in person... It would be more worth it...

2 Oh, here we go... Are you slow.?. You have me up like I'm some kind of whore...

1 Nah, come open the door...

2 I am. What.!.

1 We're done...

laying in the dark...

Who is ur pillow supposed to be at night.?. When holding on for comfort... What thought eases ur mind.?.  Is there a sense of wanting more.?. When ur laying there snug n drifting off... Slowly going under... Hoping ur dreams pull u into a silent pause... Fading to the other side where the imagination can touch a luv'r... What thought comes to u when ur arms wrap around the mental visualization of hope.?. Laid up as snug as u can possibly get in ur bed.?. Do u get a sense of home.?. A piece of self that doesn't feel so dead... Where do u go when the lights go out.?. As the silent walls can't see u toss n turn... In the middle of the room not making a sound... As the night comes along to pluck ur mind's worth... Reaching for depths that squeeze the stuffing as if it were someone real... Do u pretend to be laying about with an other jus so u can fall asleep.?. So for a split second to feel... Before u slip off into a different world following the z's...

Me n u...

 Ur not here n all i waaa do is say ur name outloud... I canfeel u yet ur nowhere around... Where cani find u bcuz i don't know where to look... It seems from a current version of reality I've been sgook... Left waiting patiently for u to magically appear... N it doesn't gave a damn thing to do with the shedding of tears... It's just years ate starting to tick n i could use u right about now... I don't even know who u are n I'm falling in to heartbeats thumping to a synchronized sound... Though ur elsewhere as life ages doingwho knows what... When my arms crave the day ur embraced by my luv... Shits getting real n old on the same sense of needed u close... Maybe if you'd come outta hiding you'd witness me aa everything you've never known... It would be nice asf to loosen up for once n come to believe in us... But imma need u to show yourself so this can exist Bennie ashes turn to dust...  As one on one knowing a friend like no other has finally cone into view... It would just be me n u...

Choke it out...

When u just don't wanna feel shit but ur heart wants to try n come back to life... It'll make u wanna choke it out so it stops before emotions once again fuck up the mind... Oh how boredom luvs falling in luv with the hype's gaurd dropping in varies moments of wow... Digging in to new battles just for a fight to wind up with a frown that's gone n flipped upside down... From beginning to ends the truth continues to turn up hidden lies demanding to be believed... Watching a to good to be true friend eventually break the cycle of sharing the same dreams... Passion wnats to live as desires feed into lusts in a single mindset just attempting to remember natural intent... The spark never seems to go out for it's the light showing self around in the dark to somehow someway come from within... When the ol thumper ain't done n behind to beat on its own... Forcing the head to nod to a frsh rhythm after rendezvous that molded it to act like its grown... Though trust isn't something to be given just bcuz it claims to be good for a lil bit... Removing restraints that are loosened as if sighs don't take breaths n turn them into gasps once kissed... Changing realities on a gamble of character due to no one appears to be who they say they are... Choke it out like a sponge that's absorbed a touch making a sane thought prices so fuckin hard...

Holding out...

 The heart was built for relations but the moms went on a solo run... Dragging emotions along some or geeky the news to fall in luv... To remind self of all the bs that comes from the selfishness of others... Aa the skin has forgotten the feel of touch from every new luv'r... Eventually fading into the crowd making it hard to be seen... Just bcuz the label of hoe comes with the full package peole do not believe... Seems any man who chooses to be single is said to be unworthy... So it's fuck the jealousy that spews from females mouths feeding the thought that real men are out to hurt thee... Always worried about the nex chick workout realizing how ugly it truly is... Making it easier to be alone due to self hasn't the time for their immature bs... N as the head fills worth wonders curiosities linger... Waiting on life as it passes bu to show just one who's not pointing fingers...  Just one who isn't so far gone to the attention of everyone else... Unable to be a hypocrite for they seriously wanna be felt... As passion n desires are trapped within the cage firmed around their well being... Saved for s worthy moment I which fees true feelings...

Playing for keeps...

 Fingertips don't need sight to know ur curves... Just turn of the lights so i can caress ur nerves... As i fell me rendering u even I the dark... Deep into the night where evolution builds on the heart... No sex just u n i getting familiar as time ticks... Slowly enjoying the texture so smooth asf i capt hep but bite my lip... For words need no disruption due to the tongue's silence on hush... With a lil one on one feltas depths surface with truths of us... Just listening to a chuckle as ribs are grazed... Laying together on a moment to see hire we fit in blinded eyes that cannot see a face... I the presence where beauty simply cannot be seen... Relying strictly I who we Are just trying to be... Falling in true form beneath the covers snuggled up... With a need found friend not just chafing luv... Just kiss me as we have a lil bit of fun doin what we want... Wearing each other with knuckles locked, like a hand in a glove...

Getting relative comprehension that'snderstood...

 I get the fact yay you've loved someone else on a way that you've never loved anyone else... But, where does that leave us.?. Will i ever be felt.?. Never to be wrapped up in ur touch... I understand how it feels to live in the shattered aftermath of hope... Just wanting one more moment to help emotion let go... So are u to parish before i can leave u alone.?. Watching u fade the way we witnessed another drift on their roam... I can relate to the hesitation of accepting claiming to be real... As the heart gives in you allow the mind to pick others apart... Even after the stillness that pauses to heal.... N yet, have we truly become loners scraping off the char.?. I more than comprehend e what it'll take to trust what words never actually mean... Though Will that mindset define us on a way were no more than momentary friends.?. Loosening just enough to pull back n remain in endless daydreams... Or shall we believe serve found something that well never end.?.

to live...

to live for a greater cause... for another's joy... as a smile stretches their face... filling a void... to feel more complete... having a friend to call home... as alone isn't a requirement... where emotion is free to hope... to adapt to a norm that sticks around... never feeling lost... never having to start all over... able to hear a voice ease a frown... to be as is... accepted as someone true... gaining luv's unique nature... actually put to use... to come from within... spreading cheer in moments remembered... with memories ones able to keep... settling in as a member... to open the heart without fear.. .as fingers feel the skin.. trusting in how together is the way to change... standing eye to eye with nibbled lips... to loosen up for proof to be shown... in arms where comfort holds... believing in another somehow someway... until age catches up with wrinkles so old... to awaken come morning with sighs so real... leaning into someone willing to stay... jus doin whatever comes to mind... to say that one n only name... to live as another's reason to breathe... just by being alive... giving to a cause unselfishly... never having to hide...

Down n out...

You trapped me in my heart but didn't expect me to find the door and sound off the alarms... Shock waves rumbled until my mind woke up... And from the rubble i had a better understanding of luv... Standing in the aftermath with chains laying at my feet... I cannot believe i allowed someone like you to humiliate me... Giving in to being restrained from remaining what i who i truly am... Slowly loosening the knot that belittled my compassion as your number one fan... So i climbed from the hole u pushed me in... Little do u know of the things I've learned of deep in the depths within... Down in places you could never reach... As here today i am free... No longer a prisoner to meaningless lies... Nor captured by the nonexistent truth in your eyes... I found my way back to the surface without your help... As if i ever needed you for you were no more than an emotion felt... You failed to realize i was there when i didn't need to be... As i fell in to feel the bottom long ago just to redirect my own fuckin dreams... Now on the outside of your clinched fists i stand alone... The same way i stood attempting to get you to see me as your comfort for hope... You're not for me as i am not yours to claim... And within the cellar of your mind i do not belong to the games... There is no more shackles restraining me to give in to your selfish needs... Buried in the pits of will i transformed and left so i could breathe... The lock was picked by truths u still cannot seem to admit... N of all things u are the lone thing i haven't been able to come to miss...

Burning pages...

 I lit a fire to the beginnings of us... Burning pages was appropriate to finalize an amateur type of luv... Removing our story from ever being read... There was just no need to spread such a fairy tale that's simply better off dead...U should of heard the silence of every word go up in flames...Even they knew there was no need to mention the special editions escape... The book of luv perished before my eyes... As the blaze enjoyed the end to every little lie...  Torching any evidence that we ever coexisted... It was a moment that felt good on levels where life chuckled as it twisted... I sniffed the smoke to ride the high... As individual letters were relieved to be done with useless sighs... It was a thing of beauty to listen to the singe truly speak on what we are... Disintegrating chapters one by one honestly resurrected my heart... Who would of guessed a spark is all it took to rid myself of it all... I luv me a good roast that can deliver a char as the crackle is the aww...

Let go...

Ur losing me n i don't know if there's anything u can do..  I've tried not to let go yet pieces of us slowly has been removed... The want is vague to crave u close enough to feel me breathe... I believe luv has ran ores course n the cove is weak.   It seems time has come to tell u my heart hasn't a need to continue the whole inconsistency of having u around... I guess the in the healing of holding on my fingers let go..  U just wasn't worth the threat of emotional destruction that was ultimately found... Just past the friendship i realized. Who i was by watching ur disregard towards me... The constant neglect become a numb that transformed into what u will never be able to enjoy... Bcuz i witnessed myself in reflections that mutated in ways i did more than evolve as a void... There are no words to express the twist of reality in which i now live... I'm just so much better off without the emptiness swallowing me up like a black hole when i have so much more to give..  Please understand or don't when i say ley go of me... The landslide settled at the bottom of relations with the ruins of dreams... N i cannot remember one valid reason to allow my life to deteriorate from the inside out... All bcuz u refuse to be honest I a moment that would define a bond's determined route... So i must leave u here to die wiggling me after everything i attempted to site only u... I simple don't want the waste u claim is as real as getting ur way n that's the truth... This let go is the one answer to my own mind comb full circle to r evolve... You've made it easy to rather be alone than to deal with u as a problem to solve... Desperate is truly the only illusion felt in ur arms... As i was the only one who was lost in the cycle of relentless harm... Let go... Ur presence in my life is just the opposite of what creates hope... Ur a foe in luv with the attention when it's good for u.. N I've already cut u loose... As my monster chuckles in the shadows where u do not confide... Behind closed doors when the lights go off is where I've spent too much time... Ur fading faster than i ever imagined u in my mind... N i don't feel the need to play nice just to live up to ur hype...

Short n sweet...

There's no need to hurt me for a selfish benefit... I'll step away before a scenario gets so complex... I haven't in me to feud over childish ambitions... We can be mature without being a victim to the situation... Just talk to me n I'll ease on back.. Conversation is just to see if we can remain intact... People change n it's okay to evolve even if it ain't together... It's not like there's an actual forever... So keep the righteous sideshow others luv so much... If I'm not a friend i have no use in such an ambush... I won't let u tare me apart bcuz u don't have it in u to grow up... My heart is a piece of me that matters n in it i trust... I'm just not into the harsh reality of so called hopes... That real thing is more attractive when trying to give the mind a home... As if alleviate the hurt I'll keep it short n sweet... Am i too u what u are too me.?. Do friends exist with luv transformed from likes... Without the physical pleasures where sight, emotion n touch manipulate how individuals enjoy life... To the basics of interest in which connections are created... Relate to me in a moment nothing less than an honest use could ever be imitated... Sit if u will n spin ur end of what's to be known... To open up is to trust where convo goes...

Truth is,

Truth is, I've never looked at anyone but u n felt my heart fall outta my fuckin chest..  Truth is, I've never been able to put it back ever since it's been kicked around n left for dead... Truth is, I'm lost n i do not know where to turn... Truth is, I put my dues in to the lesson learned... Truth is, life just ain't the same... Truth is, I wish it were ur smile I could find a way to hate... Truth is, u being felt wasn't enough to witness me as is... Truth is, others cannot reach what I have to give... Truth is, I melted when we collided years ago... Truth is, I don't ever want u to know... Term is,  i army through all the pain alone... Truth is, for us, there never truly was any hope... Truth is, I'm better off trying to find my own way... Truth is, passion was the suicide needed to survive every fickin day... Truth is, I wish we could go back... Truth is, it be u I'd bypass... Truth is, I'd miss out on the only thing that had ever gotten to me... Truths is, it all just reminds me of some horrific dream... Truth is, I do know how u feel beyond all the reasons to let go... Truth is, ur the only thing that ever felt like home... Truth is, there's no looking back... Truth is, I'm good with leaving u in my past... Truth is, the spark is evident as we still exist... Truth is, it's a wasted thought dismissed... Truth is, truths lie n need removed... Truth is, lies no longer snuggle up to an open wound... Truth is, the good times are forever embedded in my mind... Truth is, I just wanna forget bcuz it was no more than some sorta useless hype...

The thorn...

 I Just wanna see ur face light up...

With a single symbolism of luv...

A rose plycked from ores roots...

Just to give it to u...

Though it doesn't make much sense...

For Its own life source or can no longer depend...

So what gesture can i possibly make.?.

So the beauty of perals don't wither away...

Is there anything tgat can capture how i feel for u.?.

Ur a thorn the stuck my heart n released hope more on the loose...

Maybe a hand across ur cheek is enough...

Or a Kiya on ur forehead will earn me some trust...

I'd luv to show u what's been on my mind...

To honor uhere I this crazy thing called life...

From a moment of truths til the clinging end...

To know if I'm the one is the becoming od friends...

Shoyld i just hold u in arms until u fall asleep.?.

Bcuz of fall former ink u of i felt u breathe.  

I cannot liye of what hopes on in my chest...

As even the thought of ur lips pressed against mine i do fickin intense...

Va can u sense my detritus surfacing I the way i cabbie help but to stare.?.

As i await the moment our eyesights. Meet in the middle of what is like air...

Allowing the blooming of beauty to rise to the occasion to live...

Fully opened for a scent to be remembered n cravee by the tickle in the ribs...

What's fair if we never ge lost in the way fingers cassettes the skin.?.

If there's no us shared...

No accepting what is known as rare...

With n smile created by being stripped to bare a chance...

All that's needs is a split second to define a use...

A caring touch reaching for who we choose...

As if two flowers I the bush content to be free...

Or shall i just awaken from this dream.?.

Friends in luv...

Luv just ain't no fun without a friend... N one only comes around every now n again... Seems time truly holds the key to the heart... N the rush does nothing but trigger alarms... As passion builds in suspense craving more than hope... Emotions come alive just wanting to know... Is it real or is it another moment to pass... For the mind awaits a use to open at last... With a lil high so actions I Motrin can speak... The crave drives a tenderness to a touch feeling the way luge 4 breathes... Though they'd no enjoyment if it all funded to an end... To restart from scratch lingering n dense... It's a piece of another familiar to selfs art... Having the capabilities to maintain through the spark... Lighting up mood than nights composing desires... For they'd so much more to come after the initial flick that lights the fire...  With a companion to share the tensions of time with... So the makings of memories can be savored up the best set of lips.... As fingers ease the weight of this world with a simple caress... Settling in sacred depths witness to the way willingness fits in the chest... N thoughts gather to remind facial expressions of  of truths n playing parts... Configuring what's behind the scenes in warm embracing arms...

My girl...

Whenever u come around something within me moves. So please don't go... It's too fuckin hard trying to find someone like u... I'm not begging I just know the struggle of solitude can do... Especially after coming across someone like yourself that works me loose... It's rare n it's something craved in the silence when behind closed doors... So stay n see where life will go bcuz i want more... I'm willing to open up if u truly are who u appear to be... Bcuz i know if u are real what i have to give is free... We can go back to ur place if you'd like... Where doesn't matter as long as ur close as i continue my life... I could use a individual with ur demeanor allowing me to feel not only ur skin... I want in as deep as i can go as we sink... To share a friendship unlike anything I've ever known... Truth is i don't wanna havta leave u the fuck alone... To lay by ur side n awaken next you u would just be nice... I could get used to the thought of u coming around on the outside of my mind... My arms aren't for jus anyone to land in... N I've been waiting patiently for a raw sense of humor laughing to live... So feel me as i press myself up against ur world... I know ur grown but I'd like to call u my girl...

When it's over...

 Once it doesn't hurt anymore the chuckle begins its changes... The numb wares off n the face rearranges..  After the pain can't be felt trying to remain a factor to live by... Somehow we all return bank to life with a different state of mind... As even thoughts switch up what lingers on the head... Allowing old memories to finally go more than play dead... When sighs reach a comfort of relief aa if the visions have been removed... The lost awakens to a survival privilege earned defining who's who... In a moment where the lips have forgotten the need in perversions tasted by the tongue... One comes full circle back to the precision of self having a better understanding of luv... After the affects ware off of the heart truths are invited to enjoy time... Living with a stillness of peace. Within the individual unable to hide... Knowing they'd have nothing left to hold on to from a prior endangerment... Eyes open to witness the options of possible engagements gaining pavement... With the first morning of a true fresh start the mirror can rest at last... Yet the friend in the visual is a reflection of growth needed to adapt to laugh...

Trapped within...

I'm down here. I need help.

Throw a rope.  I promise I won't hurt myself.

Are u listening? Can u hear me?

I want out. Please!

It's empty this deep. Eyes are all dried up.

Just tears of life. Wasting in the pits I'm shoved.

There's no one to fight anymore. I'm alone.

All the pieces are dull. This ain't home.

I've tried to dig. But the edge got further away.

The higher it went the lower I buried the pain.

Now there's just a hole. A void.

My echos bounce. Someone, hello, I'm paranoid.

I'm All there's left. I've forgotten the sounds of the voices screams.

Head is hollow. Heart just wants to be free.

This far beneath the surface makes it difficult to breathe.

I'm ready to go. Past my moment to leave.

I think I've done my time. I believe I'm better now.

Fill the creator. Lemme swim or drown.

I can't stay here. The solitude it too much.

Depression is my only friend. I just wanna be luv'd.

Is there anyone echo cares? Willing to relate.

Don't r.i.p. me just yet. My tombstone needs not the sealing of fate.

As the silence is so loud. In the dark is where I've been found.

Toss me some hope. I'll climb right up.

This is a lonely death. I want who I once was.

Shovel me a lil dirt.  I need another a chance.

I'm more than this. Please, just give a damn.

I can't touch the top. I've fallen too far.

My walls are closing in. I mean u no harm.

In the trenches i reside... Solo n roting.

Lend a hand. The end is plotting.

I don't have long. Get me outta this place.

Save me. Change the expression upon my face.

I have reason. I'm sick of the dwelling.

Hello! I know u can hear me yelling.

I'm not the same. I'm worthy of a cause.

Alive is what I crave. Never again to be lost.

Bring me back from this fade. Take me with u.

I'm inside of this monster. Trapped within.

I cannot move. I'm afraid I'll never be seen again...

Disregarded...

 Tears never fall from their eyes... Not once did they ever feel at fault... Maybe it's because we man noting to them... Like some drifter lost along the way collecting flaws... As the pain left behind slowly tares at the heart... Helping luv deteriorate from the inside out... Showing us how we were to peel them from our smiles... Creating a wound to bleed by thy tongue that caters to the sound... They refuse to acknowledge what they simply cannot admit... Not once turning around to comfort a friend that was there for them to take advantage of... With emotion dying they could care less of what happens to us... The loyal ones who are willing to give a lil bit of self to better another for a chance at trust... Yet the betrayal speaks of words unmentioned in shared moments that mean nothing at all... We're no more than a blink until the next stranger comes along... No one ever wants anything but the chase of something that's somehow better... N it makes it difficult to believe in anywhere to belong... From hi to goodbye the memories were a false presence yet to tell the truth... Causing a bitterness provoked when an honest convo woulda eased the mind... Though for some reason they like it when the hurt takes control... I must be a power trip to hear us being torn from our lives... To be curved to alter realities unwanted for we had the one we wanted so we thought... As time gives us a change that defines a guarded fear... Constantly asking self if anyone is truly interested in a passion so raw... A desire barely touched by hands yet to be molded into something rare... They destroy our hopes n shatter our dreams... Use is against ourselves until there's nothing left... N like magic their gone the save way they came in, yeah, they leave...