What's never been said...

With every day that passes pieces of u are felt less n less..  Jus to come back to the silence of the night as ur still getting my best... Remaining in a luv put to rest helped me live in my lonely so called need... Damn i thought by more of be more than free... Yet i think of u all the time n it makes it hard to move on... I don't seen you believe in anyone else the way my beliefs mourn... N it's harder knowing ur smiling without me being around... I truly thought it was me that gave ur heart that thumping sound... As i sat in the motionless moments wondering if u ever thought of me... Only if i could tell u how that shit change depths screaming for the envisioning of new dreams... Bits if u drifted through days as ur face came n gone... N i often thought with me there was something wrong... To break down to the care essentials that transformed my humble heart into a machine aware of how it is to be touched... Bcuz of me crave i had for u i witnessed myself catering to a past life falsely luv'd... Waiting on what became a realization of a friendship gone... As i felt the need to change the way carried ur presence for so long... N the pain didn't quite dig into emotion the way i thought... Aa it was an ease to let loose of the restraints i held personally that tied me to the way i was suck on a pause... For i was free before i even came to terms with moving on... Remembering what it took to live ice since found my worth... N i can't be happier it didn't last dye to ur you're jus one off those useless drafters who didn't wanna get burnt... Unable to believe in anyone bcuz u have no reason within... Yet u don't run a muck in my head no more for this is what's never been said cracking my own ribs... Laughing jus knowing in those emptied moans that missed u i found something deeper than u could ever reach... I found the real me... Wasting away as if u were under the bed taunting as I me afraid to be alone... Yet when my feet touched the floor to see if it was u u were gone n once again took my hope... Like a child scared of the boogy I laid in my awakening left to rethink who it was laying in the dark... Going back  forth on will i ever feel the way i felt when we were closer than air could ever keep us part... Tears fell n they were expected for it was a deeper kinda passion thrown with a sling... changing the reality in my own thought process that luv has nothing to do with rings... I belong somewhere in someone else's arms where I have a distance from what's never been said... Coming back from the dead silence of my own heartbeat pounding with the thumps tapping like fingernails in my head...  Collected I came to as a shed u from the layers u had gotten beneath... haunted no more i rolled over on the creeping misplacement i allowed u to leave me... struggling to emerge for years I drowned in pillows that absorbed my loss that I still do believe u have never cared for... so released u were some time ago before these words never meant a fuckin thing to how my heart now is poured... somehow reminded of ur deceit better arrangements chosen has given a rebirth of hope worth the appeal... but thanks for showing me what i don't need back when i didn't know i needed to heal... wrapped up with u in my life going down the tubes... as I can honestly say I see why for u I have no use...