Only if I knew...

Not knowing what the feeling of what it's like to have someone crave me in return... It leaves an emptiness that goes unmentioned an interest never lurks... The void forces emotion to ache on the stillness the tongue... Goin without the one feeling that had never been seen as luv... Though there is no pity to calm the nerve as it's always back to the basics... Jus a ventilation system of words gathered express the truths of what I hold so sacred... Within the loneliness that I've learned to accept as the only way... Defeat tried to claim me n trap me beneath the pain... Tellin me in the longest nights that never seen to want fuckin end... That I'll forever be the only one I can count on bcuz there's nothing worse than bitter friends... As faces have drifted in to my life as I watched them leave... Each one proclaiming I was everything they've longer to have n then they were gone the wind... I don't know what it's like to be luv'd due to those I've encountered have lied... Changing the thoughts I had if them behind my eyes... Sometimes it hurts n others I don't mind the solitude... Yet all I every wanted was to come across someone who didn't damn me with an attitude so rude... N I've had dinner good moments that I've had to try n erase... I even pretend not to hear them speak to me from memories of my very own name... Leaving the wonder of is it me that tournament then inside out... As I retract the thought bcuz it wasn't I that switched shit up like, wow.!. The disbelief clings to the hollowness as if the heart is homeless to often... Unable to show one after another that I'm worth the willingness softened... I'm a loner but it's not by the choice I've been bestowed upon... It's jus to protect myself from the masks others wear that cannot seem to respawn... From a prior time before me where I simply did not exist... They taste my lips n great the worst n flip... No, I have no clue of what it's like to enjoy the comfort that always winds goin missing... Listening to others is like hearing a snake hissing... As sad as it sounds I am not broken by far... I'm jus not waiting around to see who can slit me open jus to bleed me from new scars...