the nice guy

always being the nice guy trying to do everything possible to maintain.
looking to spend time in ways most men don't get to reasoning behind walking in the rain.
able to show my softer side to someone who can withstand a conversation worth talking.
as i speak my mind as they do theirs in ways one can clearly be heard before ignoring.

but sometimes i just wish every now and again i could turn off the lights and forget everything.
give into the night and stop fighting for all the things that mean something.
i want to feel what it is like to slide through life with me by my side just once.
with no need to diddle as much, trying to let it all out with little hints and hunches.

i want to hate without my kids turning face, watching me fall apart for life is a true test.
stop worrying about everyone else and focus on me in a time of laying it to rest.
stopping what it is that keeps the stress keep knocking at my fucking door.
i just want some time so i can find what it is i am looking for before i freeze at the core.

but what kind of man would i be if i were to lose my weight of what appears to be leeches sucking me dry?
shove mine off on someone else so i can be as selfish as those that have everything i don't, pretending not to cry.
losing the best friends i have ever had in thing called a family in which i intend to keep.
walking alone is not a question i ask very often, yet, it must be nice not having to worry about another human beings needs.