Going without...

I turn down offers to hang out. Not really into having people in my memories that aren't gonna be around. It's not them, it's me. I just don't have a need in sorting out details with too many faces roaming free. One could say I've  lost the feeling of being alive. Or that I'm not living enough, but it's my life. I wanna remember just one person in my best times that never ends. Or nothing at all works due to not just anyone is a real friend. I'm out there n going without the makings that create a week earned past. It's just I don't know where to begin n time is moving so fuckin fast. N others have suggested I get out for a bit. Although being alone isn't my version of enjoying the uplift. Bcuz it's right back home I go to state at the walls. With moments taking up space that won't mean shit other than that one time life paused. N how many of them are already scattered admit I'm the head? Shit, I see expressions shape shift from those who aren't with me now. N all I can think of is wtf is the purpose of the mingle if not shared with a wow. Damn this phase n fuck the stage to be seen. Even though generosities are a gesture nice enough to help me breathe. But there's no effort on my part to blend into the crowd. The solo act is just better if there's no one else craved in the now. To create a way to be as one bcuz a use has been found. N yet, here I linger as people attempt to stretch out their days. Coexisting just bcuz they can birth their fate....