the fear

I'm afraid. If luv mixed with passion. If what remains. If my own actions. Shook with a poison at the ends of bottoms up. It calls. N I'm scared of what's to come. Of this endless pause. From within my secrets once the empty is turned up. The potion petrifies the feel of comin into view. Let loose by the strength of luv. Before eyes leakin untold truths. With so much to say. N as much that has gone wrong. Astray jus keeps walkin n I don't know why. I can't drink for I jus might hear in my heart the feel of that one lone song. Not tonight. Nor like the time it's taken to come here. Facin my emotions pleadin to make it die. If i were to in some way resist these tears. If I could jus take a lil sip. If it were possible to taste the release without comin unglued. I'd raise my glass n cheer my life n press it to my lips. Yet, from behind the smiles lays a place I alone cannot bare to find a use. I live with the fear that one day imma be exposed. N all that watches will know what lingers when I close my eyes. Comin to life in my dreams as I jus wanna rest the rest if this so called life away ever so slow. It hurts to relive shit in my mind. The pain I must hide. One drop of the flavored twist on reality in thoughts would be it. I'd break before the expressions that lie. Snappin outta this world in which I know I cannot give. Into the pour that's been tucked behind barriers holdin me in. I'm frightened to live without what the heart reaches for. N it's the furthest thing from the comfort that can make this all go poof as I crack a rib. Gone as the juice whispers in the wind through family n friends for me to give in to my core. Come on, It'll do Ya azz some good. But they jus don't know what awaits beneath my own. Fighting to emerge from what should. To pull me below once again into the unknown. For what I've lost is jus unimaginable. I'm in no need of a liquefied potion to ease me on down to my swingin bones. This struggle is deeper than the deepest seas under the moons glow connectin at the reflection I somehow refuse to take a peek to enable. Romance has fled n all that was good left with it with the only place I've ever called home. It's jus me here skippin didllydoodas as I breathe. Roamin in times window losing myself to the battle if one. I'm horrified of the thought that be if I were to consume the alcohol waitin on me. It's not in me to fall to such weaknesses due to what's been put on hush. So Imma jus stay sober so it's not so intense. I can't afford to open the lock that imprisons me. I'm only a man in a singular form stuck in remembrance. Human in my ways to live alone. Wanting one thing. N that you'll never know. Booze free snugglin dreams...