later in life

 Meanwhile, later in life.
 I look back n realize.
 I awakened the dead one inside of me.
 As truths faced were dared to think.
 Yeah. I touched the depths crawling from within.
 Towards the surface I dug out of my pathetic grin.
 Fell from my eye like an emotion outta control.
 Jus to come full circle as the tongue unrolls.
 Alone in a room I was played by my own flawless game.
 Left in solitude my box was not padded as I remained.
 Unrestrained yet chained I cracked in silence.
 Filtering through worth n regained purpose without the violence.
 Real n intact, I came forth not giving a shit of what anyone thinks.
 Slipping once, as self was spent n spread thin as I blinked.
 Back into reality I reemerged a bit more of what appeared to be insane.
 My scared heart was a pin cushion with a band aid.
 Wrapped in barbed wire as I forgot my own name.
 Truth is, I enjoyed the snap that makes me misunderstood n strange.
 I admit n accept the terms that I was embarrassed by luv.
 Yet loosened grips of the hands eventually eased up.
 Allowing shit be what it really is.
 My mind attached itself to the words upon my lips.
 So I can hear my thoughts strength released.
 In between every breath I was dying to breathe.
 I'm no longer fazed by the one thing that's plagued my faults.
 Free, I know why the imagination dreams in sleeps pause.
 Some things belong behind the curtains of the mind.
 Never to take the stage for applause to fade in a sigh.
 The show will end a few moments later in life.
 As what's left for a while, is what even I couldn't hide.
 The reason pointed at my choices I alone made.
 N somehow I drifted into a fucked up image, mentally framed.
 Lost, I settled in n found me as my home.
 N there's no walls or locks to where I roam.
 As I come from a place I nor u can even pretend to see.
 Seems all along I've been following my own careless lead.
 My comfort will never lay in a bed safe n sound.
 As who I am to an other has never been found.
 It's a gamble I took that changed my train of thought.
 Peeking through holes in others that leak the cost.
 To stand so close to what absorbs like a sponge.
 jus to be rung as if tears were to pour when done.
 I'm good n different here later in life.
 Waiting on no one to turn into the lie.
 For I know it's only a matter of time before the escape.
 I've met myself under the radar n now I can relate.
 Me n I as we are one united adding n subtracting.
 Anything that catches interest or becomes a distraction.
 For I've come to understand luv should be a mirror.
 Luv'n an other as if self is witness to someone they do not fear.
 As the temptation is only a mask to lure one into their world.
 It's that face in the morning that's raw n untouched by lifes swirl.
 Spiraling as if flushing away the outer beauty.
 Yet, one still hasta simply hold on loosely.
 Untamable I wonder if I'm the only one.
 Tasting words that could be lyrics sitting on the tongue.
 Patient n unspoken til the day that may never come.
 I'm at peace here later in life as the ink is slung.
 Opened up as a purebred resembling who u hide behind ur bars.
 Content knowing even a deck of cards only has so many hearts.
 Trumping the family blood that should be thicker than a friends.
 The concept of relations is a sad dead end.
 Take me as a rare breed that never leaves the facts of reality.
 As I see through the bullshit of so called individuality.
 For I've pushed myself to the limits falling in luv with the pain.
 Listened to every sad song imaginable so I never become a victim again.
 I forcefully felt myself drained by wanting it's feel.
 N now u get what u get til I know ur shit is the real deal.
 Untouchable by anyone to shallow to simply be.
 Later in life, this is me.