in thought with what's left after u

I get lost in my thoughts, thinking how shit would be if u still stood ur ground. Above that place where ur remains rest without a sound. Yet reality invades the imagination clinging to the drift away. As crying for u in my own self pity like I'm the one that faded n escaped will comfort or bring u back from ur grave. I'm happy jus to be ur son even though the best years we never had a chance to share with memories disappeared before we got to making them. Fuck shit damn. The empty loss nearly 16 years ago sux in ways you'll never know as time without u we spend. Falling further from one an other as if ur blood wasn't enough to bond us til the end. Fam ain't foes by far, but something definitely broke in the bend. We're more n more like strangers the more weightless days climb on to our backs. Carried as if air in the breeze cutting through the winds meaningless facts. One day we won't know who each other as relations are lost back when eye to eye was never heard cuz silence couldn't speak. N we're to strong to give into anyone to even attempt to repair what no one in this world could ever replace that seems to have misplaced it's need. Brothers til death comes to claim us individually losing moments passing away. Hell, i can't even water the drought myself so i can't blame no one for doing the same. All i know is life is a lonely situation running outta the possibility of fighting this world together. N in all realness, it jus may be a lil to late as the disappointment is our endless forever...... If u could cry for me I'd cry with u cuz i believe i ran out of anything that makes me give a flying fudge stick. Yet the second part of that is a lie that jus gave up for what makes us, us, is gripped in useless fists. I can't wish u here n i surely ain't praying anytime soon. Only if u knew how i know all of us miss u n would luv to sit alone with u on a room....... Luv u mama.....