friends

seems the friend in me has gone n went astray.
I fell into the pits as time had passed like a luvrs name.
needin someone jus to lift me back up.
my mind bent n didn't bother with such luck.
silence slowly muted the untold expression that had since died.
jus driftin away from the closest people to my heart that listened.
n fallin the way I gotta admit I fuckin missed them.
becomin yet a stranger as if we've never met.
distant n fadin from smiles that stood the test.
as I went inward to find me shakin off life.
n no one truly knows how deep I was cut by the knife.
inserted in my back that crippled my own.
I jus didn't feel the need to bother any of them with what couldn't be shown.
expressions in conversations shielded the truth.
I hid the depths of pain as it grew.
cuttin ties after while so I could heal so I could breathe.
n now I don't know how to resurface back on the scene.
these r my people that lent a shoulder n an patient ear.
yet I crawled into a phase n fought a battle they couldn't steer.
no face value of sight ever came to the light.
I was a ghost in a moment runnin from life.
the struggle was unbearable movin forward.
n I was all alone til my lady made me want more.
side by side piecin a life back together.
but where were those I left standin in wonder of butch?
I feel I walked out on who cared n was a crutch.
yet I had to find the one I lost within myself.
as no one knows who it was that gave so much help.
I was ashamed I allowed self to be lowered to an all time low.
n for the life of me I didn't want it to show.
but now that I'm on the rise back to normals way of feel.
how do I reach for those I've forgotten about as I found what was real?
cuz I'm grateful in my own way to the few that were there.
jus before I left n let go as I was consumed by the tears.
I'm here yall n I'm almost 100 with a lil lady I keep so close to my heart.
yet the untold story will remain as is as it molded me as it did its part.
the hardest lesson of my life jus passed me by.
n the only thing I've missed is bein in my friends lives.