driven insane

My mind told me to join reality cuz im drivin it insane.
Yet the lil thing with that is the world's head is empty leavin them all one in the same.
Followin societies unwritten guidelines of capturin individuality.
N im the one my thoughts turn on simultaneously.
I've searched for the answers my dome finds explicit.
U jus dont know how bad im tired of fightin self over the b.s.
I cant even get a response outta the simplest questions anymore.
As the frustration leads to confushions cloud like reason of unreasonable gore.
Jus go it says, jus leave me alone already for cryin out loud.
Does it not understand the concern unspoken in silences mouth?
As the tongue cant even taste the words hidden from the use of speech.
All I wanna know is how come life turned on me!

ready n waitin

Im still waitin for the mornin to rise over the horizon.

Every night whisperin g'night n layin my head that rides em.

As numb as comfortable can be tossin as still as sleep breaks for the light.

N it's a bit fuzzy of how I've come to the day that ends in my endless mind.

Jus wantin life to come back around to my smiles curve.

Oh what I'd give to take it as far as another lesson learned.
Yet I can't dig so deep as to open up n pump the heart.
Its as if ive been ruined no matter how much I fight the bark.
Howlin at midnights rush to touch luv so distant somewhere beneath the same moon..
Ive been borrowin tomorrows trust leavin an empty tomb.
N im over the emotions edge fadin n ready to feel the norm.
Cuz theres no return this time around From becomin a male whore.

ur outta here

I felt it comin.
The end came to soon of a lifetime spent.
N now I sit knowin my heart can't possibly break anymore than it already has.
Layin in ur hands.
The calm rush turned me inside out.
N ur heart lied.
I can't see self holdin on to the betrayal.
So ur outta here for good.
Evicted n banished from emotions I never thought would die.
Yet youve caused the Unthinkable.
Im in luv with someone else.
Theres a relief.
N now that ive filled myself with a joy I can not describe.
I jus wanted to let it be known.
What I thought we had, I have now.
In someone else.

who

It hurts knowin who I luvd wasnt u.
The who I though u were without proof.
Who u turned out to be has damaged my heart.
N anymore I believe I dont know who u r.
The deliberate ways in which youve shown.
I wish I woulda known before my mind was blown.
Back when who u were in my eyes was endless.
U were the only one I ever wanted but u were friendless.
Doin to me what others did to u cuz I was supposed to do u the same way.
Yet never once did I ever down play u as u strayed.
The end! It has come to pass with only memories u didnt earn.
Guess all n all everyone else's flaws had me kicked in the balls.
N now im left with the realization that its an other that holds my worth.
Simply cuz u never came forth n showed me who u were behind ur words.
Who r u truoy deep beneath what  ive touched.
Cuz I was present n so madly in luv.
I hope tha who u think I am doest shadow who I really am.
We both know, by ur side I became one hell of a man.
As theres no reason to say goodbye.
Ive accepted who I am to u n moved on with my life.
I jus wanna thank u for breakin me so I can be me.
Cuz without u I who I was before u shattered my dream......

I dont wanna know

When r u comin back
Cuz I dont wanna decide
Life is nothin like I remember before
As inside my mind I hide
Findin myself givin away emotions
Worth every moment taken
As I feel the difference
Between somethin real n forsaken
Cuz I balance two everyday
N I feel my smile again
Acceptin the way shit is
With a comfort ive never demanded to feel
Its pure in the way I thought it was
Yet there's more truth now
So please I dont wanna know
Cuz im in luv with an other in which I found

what happens to a friend

Where do they go after all is said n done?
Once time winds up on the back end.                        Til the end comes to soon.
What happens to a friend.
When forever beomes yesterday.
N luv seems to be nothin but a lie.
Who becomes who in a different way.
Somewhere out there with the whys.
Findin the past is no more than a memory.
On their way away from what was here.
As no matter what gave up.
wonderin what will be behind the tears.
Grippin the cheeks once kissed.
 Comin to rest in a pause before lettin go.
In life they turn on emotions use.
A truth left behind lost n alone.
With so much time spent.
Did any of it mean anything.
Tellin self what one never wanted to hear.
Theyre gone now so I was couldnt had been everything.

the decision of strength

Touched by the force of the currents soft texture. Neck high n the waters r risin for the levels to be measured. Will the man within come out n play a malicious game. Or be trapped by the pressure closin in n drowned by the pourin rain. The crushin of the collapsin mind has to decide what strength truly is. In a moment that defines the depths of survivals fists. Clinched n buried either below the suns caress that will never be felt again. Our in life's face balled up n swingin to stand as a man. Sink or swim, floatin with exhaustion as the head bobs above the surface. Thinkin, was the fight every worthy of the expressions of worth it. Surrounded by a gribless substance with no form that holds the war behind the lids at bays drip wantin to set sail. N it's how this battle is fought is what shall become of an individual's unspoken tale.

pushin the poison

Is all the emotions faded as they were spent?
Cuz I can't find the truth that was sent.
From somewhere deep enough to make a difference.
As I witnessed first hand the death of defense.
Jus to build a wall not even I can climb over.
N I'm tried everything to keep it together.
Cuz I was afraid of feelin that way again.
Yet what's left is the reconstruction of a man.
I keep pushin the poison thru the veins.
Hopin to feel the depth reach for the claim.
Is it to late to gather the only thing that can break me down?
Lettin loose of the grip that dangled my all.
As fallin it's the thrill takin control as I clawed.
Clingin to the pieces escapin the structure.
Knowin I never had a chance at future.
Slippin while eyes couldn't see the end in sight.
I gave me n now I have me as I hadn't lied.
Strugglin with the confusion set in to what become if my life.
Behind the visual display that still tears me apart no one can know why.
It's jus the way time has rotated for me to rise to the occasion.
Yeah I once stood in the presence of luvs imitation.

representation of luv

When u can't say what u would normally the way you usually could.

It doesn't mean ur not bein yourself by tryin to change in the way u once stood.

For every once in a while the nibble on the end of the tongue is selfs redirection.

Tryin to find the words with the right tone to show an other they're worth the inner inspection.

Hopin to assure someone that the brutal harshness isn't needed in relations.

Checkin the complexity of the situation that gives purpose to the other individuals emotions.

Rearrangin the delivery so the I as me comes across to the ear so unique it's filled with understandin.

Jus cuz this one is worth the realization of maturity that climbs from the truths never demandin.

It's the growth from somewhere deep enough to feel the meanin surfacin thru verbal communication.

N how we represent our luv for a special someone is in the way of becomin real with expectations.

The twist of straightenin out language to the point of hearin self in the other end bein felt.

Is only the importance of an other fillin a space life no one else has as gettin at it is no longer on tilt.

I had no chance

Turn around.
See how my eyes beg.
In a moment's truth.
Before the memory becomes vague.
Notice how I watch u leave.
Strugglin n crushed.
I'm standin in the middle if my own raindrops.
Drippin n flushed.
Look at what you've done.
I'm dazed n confused.
Releasin emotions I can't hold in.
Feelins of bein used.
Thinkin what the fuck?
It's really come to this.
Am I not more than enough?
For this us bullshit!
Listen to the heart explodin.
With each pulsatin beat.
Ur killin every intention I ever had.
As my core leaks.
Was it ever no matter what?
Us for life right?
Best friends forever.
But ur givin up what u considered mine.
Jus that easy to walk away huh?
Like none of it even mattered.
It's the saddest thing I've felt as of yet.
Ur leavin me shattered.
In pieces without the glue that holds me together.
Guess u were nothin more than a luv'r.
As I stand as still as tryin to grip my life.
Fadin n fallin apart around me.
I can't believe this is it.
Wakin from an ever wanted cherished dream.
Alone as self couldn't help but to fail.
I had no chance.
Every step of the way I was there.
For u as ur rage enhanced.
I was never of any depth at all.
As u dismembered my all.
N I'm the only one left to feel the loss.
As I fall into a drift so fuckin lost.

change

To luv in a way ones never luvd before.
In a different kinda mindset that wants more.
Turnin around inside the noggin.
Changin the password to the heart so am other can log in.
Findin which direction self is comin from within.
Jus to visualize what angle luv witnesses me explodin.
So I to not only knew where I'm comin from.
But how the man in me is seen brushin off bein so numb.
Tryin to accept emotions runnin as wild as life.
With so many reasons n ways to become a better version out from the shadow of the hype.
As a new path has been dug into the hearts core.
For the flows current captures the now explored.
Standin outside the thoughts that may be misleadin.
Jus for a greater purpose to show what's truly relievin.
In front of confrontin tune starin down confessions wantin to change.
Joiin to feel in return an equal maturity exchanged.

here's the thing

Here's the thing, so tell me if u can feel this. I found someone who I wanted to spend some real time with as I was forced to walk away. Jus to wind up in someone else's arms I feel the M same way for. I'm not hung up, juts tryin ti express hire it is I waited on one to open up n give what I gave. To luv Standin before me exciting my days. It's funny how someone can let u down after spendin the time of truth out into them. N it's no where what you've wanted in that one person you truly wanted. Yeah, its like a better version of relations. N here's the kicker. Once upon Time I would find anything for one. But reality kicked in n I'm findin I don't wanna do without luv fir she has a name. Shelby! Kinda weird but I accept get n the way she comes forth. N do anything for my kill last.bcuz somethin I swore if never do again. Yet for her I jus cant help but ti wanna feel as deep as she's skin to crawl within me n live. For then to now. Now I have somethin I can trust. As the past broke down for the present to show me a better place with an other face that hasn't ked as if yet. N that's some good shit cuz I aint lookin back . Nor tradin her for anything. Jus strange I found what I'm lookin for in someone I never knew existed. As if we should ever had this chance? N here's the thing that gets me the most. She's got somethin no one else never had before. My back!!! Talk about earnin yr place. Huh. Id give her anything I could to help her smile. U see, she pulled me from my own demise. I was destroying myself as she came along. N it's cuz if her, II've been able to get back yo whom I was before the wrong one hit their hands on me.

frIend or foe

Are you my friend?

Ior us there something you want from me?

I hear you say you'll be here until the end.

But how long will it be before I awaken from this dream?

You're going to have to excuse me just a tad.

You see im just ring to understand your angle ifs all.

I have been down this road as emotions clashed.

So is it the memories you're wanting hung on the walls?

Please forgive me for this moment has come.

I don't mean to be so direct but I have not gotten any loose time.

I'm just so tired if never truly having a home.

Spending minutes like change just to watch it unwind.

Can you see me for who I am trying to get to you?

Wanting to make love to you in more ways than one.

Opened for words of ttruth to put my actions to use.

Peeking from behind eyelids that are dried up and numb.

Tell me, is it you're feeling me and if so why be a part of me in the middle if a pause.

Help me understand how I'm suppose to take you.

On a serious note as real as maturity can walk and talk.

Slow intentions to be known as second that display honesty give me clues.

Are you here for me it are you a foe?

In disguise like those that have come before you.

Look me in my eyes and show me why it's me you want to know.

Because this gig can be played without claim for a melody searching for truce.

Can you dare to step into an intelligent situation worth the ticks rounding out your life to last?

I'm just asking do the pages aren't left blank before our story is over.

Are you a friendly face that has not an other expression behind my back?

For the record that's lied under the same circumstances with a different lover.

no longer

I no longer miss u with a passion I can not describe.
N as I walk into my future without u.
I wish I knew u knew I am no longer afraid.
The so called one, the pain gfs faded knowin the truth.
N thats / the reality of we r no longer side by side.
I have found a way to luv again yes.
I know this is the way it hasta be.
This is y I've allowed Shelby to get my best.
I'm not sayin I ever wanna return to ur arms.
Jus takin a moment to finally wash u away.
Cuz I now y it was I stood next to u.
N I know now that it was better I didn't stay.
I'm in a place where my heart can ease.
With time jus unwindin from all you've done.
I thought I was dyin when with u.
Damn near died wilkin in the other direction on the run.
But I made it out from under ur spell.
N I have a chance to save what's left n rebuild.
All the way around u had not a clue.
I was the one that took every blow n was unfulfilled.
As I think back u must not have realized me.
I felt alone even next to u n that's sad.
I fell as pieces scattered as time was wasted.
Yet my smile has found somethin real n I aint mad.
I came dead last n I'm jus glad it ended when it did.
I'm no longer in luv with u nor do I feel for u.
Because of u I broke to find my worth.
But I wish u well for I no longer hang from ur noose.
This is the last I'll ever give u acknowledgement.
I have nothin left to prove to someone like whom u r.
I got a lil lady that's more than u ever wanted to be.
So goodbye thoughts n so long as space becomes far.

it's gettin old

Seduced by lifes lies of happiness before the eyes that doesnt have xray vision claimin mine.
With the same stare in the mirror that's so familiar I jus can't seem to care bout a tear.
N everytime I try to depend on someone my reflections shakin his fuckin head like I'm blind.
Guess this time around I should be fine but my minds wrapped around the obstacles I gotta climb.
Alone n battlin a war without a chord to these words so rhythmless as i pour out my core in tour.
I'm headed up hill no matter what n I'm fucked in or outside a lil fuckin thing called luv.
I'm tired of waitin on someone else to have their end wantin to be felt when in life is where I need the help.
It's gettin old to say the least cuz the beast inside is bout three ticks away from bein released.
Yeah I'm close to roastin the b.s. down with my climatic dick hose n keep it in the roll.
I jus aint hit time for the half Steppin Trippin my own two feet gettin to where I need be.
Cuz a hand lent is a grip Squeezin progress with a twist held in for what wants to feel the shape of my lips.
Tellin the truth of what it's gonna take, so make it happen cuz it's a lil to late for this shit to stay the same.
Over n over I keep Hearin Pete n repeat feedin me fake drips that leak incomplete on my tastebuds plead.
Yet once again it's the man in me bendin to an others flaws cuz I'm the only one who can stand up n thinkin, damn?

grateful

I got hurt. N somehow thru it all I had no worth.

After all I put into it. I was treated like straight up shit.

When shit broke down, no matter what meant nothin. Ain't that somethin.

Funny how time lingers on. Gettin over one for luvs reborn.

Diggin for a deeper emotion. Waitin on that returned devotion.

I found luv. Yeah it surprised that shit outta me to.

But I had to go for it. It's what I needed to fix that incompletions twist.

I couldn't help but to reach. N attempt to feel with an inward lean.

I'm better off. N I'm grateful I got so fuckin lost.

It gave me a chance to find me. N bein me wound me up with Shelby!

Yeah I got fucked over n lost damn near everything. But my heart sings.

Findin a new rhythms pulse that clings to mine. N she's my kind.

who'd fuckin care?

If I were to walk away, would it mean anything?

Jus step n fade into time as a different kinda something.

All night I hide from the day that never seems tp change.

N anymore everything is so fuckin rearranged.

So if I turned n drifted into wasted space.

Would it be any different than what I'm doin if I stayed.

Life jus isn't fun anymore as I live with a blank stare set in my eyes.

Shit jus wigged out n flipped givin up on ties.

The settlin ease is gone n all thats left is the pieces that don't fit.

It's a disaster what happened to the stability I've known n I miss.

N all I truly wanna know is if I disappear by mornin, who'd fuckin care?

Cuz I care less n less everyday that slips away as a tear.

Rippin my world apart n leavin me here to find

my way.

Guess I was careless with how good I had it.

Damn, I think I fucked up n it can't be fixed.

At least no time soon as im beggin myself to try a bit harder.

Jus a lil so I can feel like me again as the next time we'd be smarter.

Yet as of this moment I'm tired of battlin a loss that never shoulda fell away.

Makes no sense of y its had to come to this.

Yeah, my life has become distant n needin an outlet from the b.s.

So if I were to poof, be gone n hide in the shadows.

Far enough away, runnin from the hollow.

Would it be easier to be forgotten like I have been?

Cuz I can't find my own worth as im separated from my own friend.

the game

Its a physical game of rollin the dice.

With one bullet in the chamber makin ones way thru life.

Roulette of the heart pausin for claims of keep.

Settlin into a mindset with a trump as the lead.

Up to the plate ready to blast one out the park.

Beyond the walls in closed space makin a mark.

A friendly way of play with a poker face.

Tryin to make it home roundin third base.

Its a timin thing where two r on the same page.

Runnin a hundred yards to cross luvs line n be safe.

Back n forth fightin fir a victory lap that goes round n round.

With wheels spinnin as driftin is a chase found.

Takin the checkered flag to victory lane.

It's all in the way the games played.

Jabbin I the middle of the ring cuz the corner had nowhere to go.

Takin n givin every worn down black n blue blow.

Dingin the head rings from the shot fired out the gate.

As legs move faster afraid to be left behind or even be late.

Right down the middle as one touch downs inside an others smile.

Into the memory where history is made n put on file.

A place where names r heard hated or luvd.

Under the faceless armor that jousts a nudge.

Fallin uncontrollably to the bottom of a pile on.

Fightin n diggin for the will to keep goin.

It's a game of hide n seek peekin so it knows for sure.

Callin out Marco n listenin to the engine roar.

As the closer we get the further we r away runnin it's time.

Hopin for overtime cuz one more goal will settle the mind.

Divin in as the splash collapses in n around the body do snug.

Jus to rise for air after bein held under by its touch.

As the drownin sweat rolls n knocks down pins put in place.

With another strike within the frame we turkey again as the pieces lay.

Hunted down as if the game was self n the capture was sweet.

N the final round is fatal n ones down for the count off the feet.

walk away

I'm nothin more than a silent secret within ur own truths hidden away for ur own gain.

I do apologies for the way I think but I'm left in this state of mind cuz it's me u think u can tame.

Funny shit to say the least as what's released from the glass heart you've ruined I'd now tinted n home.

Come along n ill show u how ur own actions tell on u im ways I've clung to for my own dome.

Step to the plate n be who u really r n challenge yourself to change for the better like I have.

Then maybe you'll understand what it took to walk away as I was forced to do.

Cuz there us no more runnin young inside myself Findin pieces if what's left of u.

My heart is healed from the virus u suck me with time n time again.

N as I walked away I felt my own become the man I was before I became ur biggest fan.

In stride n Steppin away from a luv that I thought would last a lifetime as she's were mixed.

But u failed to mention truths that were never heard from ur lips.

Feelin what we both know mow how we couldn't walk away then to wind up  like this.

It is what it us cuz I finally turned aroundfor I've had enough of ur shit.

rippin the r.I.p.

Below the level of comprimise.

A lone man sits without a soul to confide.

On a trip within, hes motionless inside nerves.

Rippin away the n edge punchin a way out cuz he can't be heard.

The minds soundproof, rattled n comin undone.

Unravelled from bein fuckin hemmed up.

Stompin on dead emotions tryin to speak.

Hidden behind the eyes that'll never leak.

A heathen alive is trapped n blackin out.

As silenced whimpers r yanked back into the mouth.

So guess where that leaves u tryin to enjoy ur stay?

Jus attempt a touchy feel n witness the reactions rage.

Rippin the r.I.p. thru the skin, out from under the sickest grin.

Don't tempt the pain to need be what u have been.

A man has his own asylum beneath what he dreams.

Secrets locked away so he can appear normal or somethin of the same thing.

a song

Sometimes a song like no other is needed to ease a drift.
Jus selected delicate words arranged n let loose from the lips.
With the right style of rhythm in place to roll with the tears.
Cuz the curse the heart felt runs with the lost years.
Beggin to go numb so it can fade with a melodies calm.
In moments where the past creeps up n it talks so soft.
We all every now n again have kissed a fake smile.
N a song that fits the mood can make the emotion walk a thousand miles.
As the closure it gives informs us y it had to end.
Let loose from someone we thought was our friend.
Sittin still rememberin how it all played out.
N what's spoken isn't the same from either mouth.
Things change n there's nothin like a song that'll help the reality.
It's jus somethin that only a few minutes of listenin can think.
Then its back to the real world where things keep a movin.
Findin a different kinda luv'n in its own unique way groovin.
With memories that couldn't last that won't go away.
Guess that's the way it works as a song Erik again someday play.