from the past to now

situations changing. every now & then staring at someone new. finding out more about me & who people really are every time. more connected with truth & it is sad. always coming back around asking self what is the problem? feeling lost to regain a love & watch it slip once again. what the hell? but one is only giving a chance to love. it is up to those whom have it in their grasp to hang on with all their might. fight & give what they can allow to be be shared & bared. as i walked away time & time again because i knew she wasn't the one. i was dealt vice versa once as i was left standing still. with wonder stretched across my face. i am me. they all loved me. but i can not say the same.not in the way love needs to exist. i only loved one of them. & she got my all. broke me down playing games. but it is quite alright. i can say i have learned the most valuable thing dealing with love. & that is to just let it happen. i always new time will tell on us all. yet i dissected every last one of them. & i believe it was because i knew they were not my one. good times float around in my head of times i did enjoy. but other times i could not surpass press them down inside me. forcing reality to join me in the break of a new day. past loves gone a stray. some worth a thought & others as sad as it sounds i wish i could forget & knew it would never be long before it would end. but as i sit & day ream of where i have been. i am thankful for the lessons i put myself through as well as one has given the time to help me find me myself & i. i have no regrets. sorrow does not fill this heart of mine. for i found the one i call love on my journey in which i was so alone. i have connected with a lovely woman that is as perfect as i could ever ask for. she fits my every move. makes me feel like i am gliding my way through life. & i can honestly say for what i have been through has been the road back to her. the path i walked was suppose to happen so i would never hurt her. for i never truly understood love til my heart was broken. talked a good tongue & knew so much. but it was as if i needed to feel how it felt to lose someone or something to appreciate the time spent. the love shared. the desire of an others touch. once upon a time i knew nothing because it meant nothing to me. & now where i stand is where i exactly want to be. without a doubt. i have finally come to believe in love. in a new state of mind i feel it without a touch. see it in a stare from across the room. & hear it when i listen as it tickles me within. completing me. & i have those to thank before her. without them to do their part in finding where they belong. i would still be out there lost & in wonder of where it is i am to be. i will forget them not. & i will take with me what i have learned & apply it to what it is i want the most. who i share it with is indeed mind blowing. & all the more reason i am more greatful for my past. for i have been molded into what stands in the flesh. from the past til now i have shape shifted my inner self. for me. for i did not like who i was. & i came out on top for what i have created. a real individual facing life in the eyes. having love in the heart. & playing not a single game. i stand a man so in love with the woman of my dreams. & truly do not know what i did to get her. but i will take it as my lessons on my way to her has come to pass. for i now know what it takes to live life with love.