this is how i feel.

go ahead man. its ok. if u need 2. let it out. ur human. of flesh n bone. ur not perfect. i heard the words spoken. (i havn't liked u in over a week, u fuckin bitch). now im feelin it all over again. i tried reasonin. changin. there's somethin i swore off. 4 what. i havn't asked 4 anything in return. i've gone outta my way 2 show in action. who it is i want. n it feels like its never goin 2 be enough. no more texts of ilu. hurry home. i miss u. i cant wait 2 see u. n the last 2 times of out sex sessions. somethin is missin. not on my end. but i feel a void on hers. n i'm hopin we can make it through this together. i've given myself away 2 someone who is pushin. someone who is unable 2 see what ti is i am about. yes, i am a real man. 3 kids of my own i raise under my roof. n yet every time i turn around i'm a piece of shit. i do not understand. i pay the bills in my name. work every chance i get. n still, i am replacable. it's breakin me down n tearin me apart. i do not know what 2 do. with no friend 2 confide in. i'm tryin but i'm growin weak. restless. unappreciated. i asked 4 her son 2 be around more so i can at least be a friend 2 him. teach him n show him some kind of version of a man. has not happened. she says he doesn't like bein here. doesn't like me. i think she lies. i believe it's a cover up because she truly wants 2 leave. n don't know how or has no where she'd rather go. am i bein used til she's back up n runnin on her own 2 feet? i can not tell. i told her last night b4 our misinterprited argument. i love you. more than any1 i've ever loved. she replied with, "r u feelin it"? referrin 2 the liqour i jus started 2 sip on. wow. seems i', losin something i don't wanna watch leave. 4 the first time in my life i've found some1 i like. n she's so self centered she blurts out obscenities. jealous statements. n what ever she can come up with. hat is not love. that is me takin the abuse of another mans wrong doin. n the drinkin is old. damn near everytime she starts, she does not know when 2 stop. like a binge drinker. she loses sight of reality n is only worried about havin fun. fuck everything else. n i feel it slowly comin. it's there stairin at me. im failin again as she speaks of those who i was with in my past. but i'm not with them 4 a reason. n i'm glad. cuz i found her. i wish she could climb inside me n live a day in the love i have grown 4 her. it is unreal. i never thought this would ever be me. n i need help 2 try n salvage what is fadin. i luv her. will do anything 4 her. but i can not b the only 1 to change as i sit here with tears in my eyes releasin the real me. this is how i feel. me. no 1 else. a man breakin down in front of myself everyday in the mirror because the 1 i luv doesn't get it. i've done more than my share of willin. n am willin 2 do so much more. but i can not do it alone. i need help. but not from jus any1. from her. n until she sees it. there is no hope. n it leaves me wonderin if i can keep this thing goin.