firsts of lasts

the last time was the first time.
yeah.
the first time was the last.
and it is already in the past.
it is that fast how this thing works.
breaking down because that is all one gets, the first.
anything more i am being played for a fool.
ready to be done over and screwed.
i need no repetitions on unreasonable betrayal.
putting myself in situations, setting self in a position to fail.
who has that kind of time?
i do not.
left dumb founded looking at who?
waiting on what?
possibilities of something other than friendships.
uncontrolled and unwanted hardships.
firsts of lasts when lasts we're first in the line of fire.
trying to figure out how to smile.
it doesn't need to go as far as evil eyes.
heavy hearts and sharpened knives.