shit talks... aaaaaaaaaaaaand?

As the space in between the stars that keep them so far apart. I’ve lost control of my heart. It’s rogue and rubbing on the disappearance of fumes. Barely pulsating with the vibe of being amused. The emotions that supposedly follow it can’t be felt. I’m not broken but I think I need help. I can’t get passion to come back from outta reach. As my dreams don’t fit into my reality. Desires have morphed into a transaction that can’t even be bought. My sighs have been lost. There’s no more jitters ticking the nerve of luv. And the only thing I trust is the making of lust. As my head spins in direction wanting to figure it out. There’s nothing relatable in my chest for feelings but to scream with a shout. Banging on the thumper, trying to revive me once again. I’m no dr and it’s not responding to my hands. One two three, breathe. There’s a flatline as I drift off in a mental state of daydreams. Remembering how I was once so fuckin alive. I guess it’s now a rhetorical goodbye. Possibly. Fuck it and who cares. But do I dare. Do I betray the comfort I seek in life. Or stand firm on entertaining luv as a mime? Fuck if I do or if I don't. You'd prolly think I'm a part time clone. Pretending to swindle you outta what you have to offer in any sense, But that's a belittlement in which irritates my inner subconsciousness. Not that you'd prefer to take notice in how i'm just as human as you. Just fuck it all and be removed. It;s easier to be hate than to be luv'd. words never win when it comes to the push after a good shove. As the deep end is a pleasant way to take a leave. At least on the way down self can breathe. 

try me...

When you go looking for all the pieces of yourself, don’t go trying to find me. I’ll be living the dream of moving on bcuz you failed to so, so just do yourself a solid and fuckin breathe. As I’m on the beaches watching the sunset calm my nerves. Remember I’m no one you need to miss so hold on to your worth. In the here and there more is all I have and imma do me proud. From the cabins in the mountains to a pretty face pointed in my direction so imma be petty and loud. Bcuz if I’m in the throw away box, your memory is dead to me. So, toe the line as I shall and we’ll see where life tends to lead. But if I’m someone you can get over as quick as the next one laying you down, then just go. I can go on my way to find a similarity I'll call home. Somewhere where you can’t find me even if you tried. Doing things you had no interest in doing and that’s no lie. Here's to me, living after you left me for dead, In a fuck it, who cares, sense of

I matter…

If, if, if I were to blow a bubble with you just to step inside of it to see in which way it rolls for us to coexist. There is no manipulation. And it’s fuck off if you by chance bring along that bs you can’t get over called emotional baggage. My circle is itsy bitsy and I refuse to have it disturbed by something I don’t allow when I’m living on my own. As for shunning and shutting down at if you’re a toddler, you can start away from me. I don’t do well with the stranger mentality bcuz you’re in your feelings that can’t get their way. And if sex is a weapon withheld, go be a lesbian. I’m not one to be controlled in any way you see fit with whatever works. It’ll be the end as sin as you get that convertible to pull that simple mindedness. You don’t havta walk on glass unless you break it. And if it’s broke I am not gonna fix it. Good riddance will be the verdict as you get a glimpse of what’s in that mirror shared at your feet. Come with no gimmicks and no lies. As growth transformed you to level up. I’m not fuckin around unless unless you have potential to be what I’d need. As your lil wet spot is just as good as your mouth doing multiple things as the mind is likewise that’s followed by your heart that never leads the charge but guides actions to be real. If I’m gonna be on some other shit that’s not just me you’re either a friend or a foe. There’s no cruising back over if I’m forced to call it quits. Fuck you. Outta the gate I’ll say it first. Step yo the side if you know you’re gonna waste my time. You will be held accountable every step of the way. Or I can go do whatever I want without you. I’ve already encountered the twists that taught me how to respond. I’ve even walked away from a couple of good ones bcuz our worlds didn’t align. I’m living proof that you’re gonna havta be the real you. Or what I’ll havta face the reality of removing your presence from my life. So if you into the belligerent outburst type ad bettering others is ok. Skip rocks bcuz I have no fucks to give. I’m not your pun cushion. I breathe the same as you. I matter…

slow and steady...

Have a lil patience and enjoy the anticipation. Everything plays out the way it needs to. Whether it’s being together or creating distance we’ll find out happiness. Face to face standing and staring down a use. Sway with the movements and try not to lose it.Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Just kiss me in the moment without cold lips. Allow your luv to unfold your heart as you wrap yourself around me. Trust not the fool in me wanting to play it cool. Notice and be witness to the excitement in my eyes. You’ll have a better appreciation for us than any gen or jewel. I’m here and willing to partake in life. Feeling my way through your boundaries I can’t help but to move. I believe you to be a lil bit different than most. So I’ll choose you and flow ever so loose. Yeah, I’m doing a lil thing called hope. Slowly closing in to provide you from within. You just may be the sensation that feels like home. An interest is all it’ll take to evolve beyond sensuous. If we don’t click I’ll leave you alone. Chatter will lead us down a path that matters. To expose the mindset in which we live. Batter batter swing for the better. We can be us and show what it is  that we have to give. As our hidden gestures are merely waiting just below the texture. Silently easing in to coming out and play. We’re not lesser than it best wanting pleasure. I can see it am over your face…

fuck off...

You’re a mimic in which makes you a gimmick. Let’s prove it. Make it female, who’s built the infrastructure of the world? Who’s willing to die to protect? Mother or father, who kills more kids? Mother or father, who kills more kids if abortion wasn’t a pay out the equation? Women do. You can pretend to act like a man all you want but you’ll forever be lesser than what's real men have to offer. You’re still a lil girl playing dress up thinking you’re one of the guys. But you’re just a chuckle in our smirk that you think is a smile. But when you're ready to grow up you come sit a at the big people’s table where we know who we are. We don’t fake the funk you walk and talk over here. We’re not fighting ourselves to identify but are still fight each other if there’s a need to do so. As we couldn’t lay a hand on you if you hit outta line. And we wouldn’t fuck you either bcuz due to your not in touch with your femininity whatever. Not until your feelings override your mouth and mind. But do you. Just know when you’re in a room full of the fellas, you’re not one of us. We know you have tits. Raw truths aren’t supposed to be pleasant. Nor hesitant to state the obvious in an honest way. You’ll never be truly accepted and we’d rather not work with you in a physically demanding scenarios. Stay in your place. Hold that line. You’re not tough. Your demeanor isn’t believable. Your thought process doesn’t compute. Your double X chromosomes don’t align with our xy. It doesn’t mark the spot. Or treasure and our goods are nothing more than sexually compatible. We don’t fear you the way masculinity tests us daily. Or feeling don’t matter as you’re just running from yours. Maybe a man hurt you out possibly you live women. Some of y’all hate men but carry yourselves in a manor where you sacs be one. As if you’d even know how to. Can you or do you even compare yourself to a man in ruins? You only wanna try to relate as you’ll lose if you ever committed to what you could never escape. Bcuz we measure who we are to each other, so we know where we stand. You’re a mere version of weak man. Look in the mirror. Admit what you’ve become. Be the accord of your truths. Cross back over verbally. Consider that the percentage of woman that divorce each other is more than women who divorce men. Are you in character bcuz if this? It is it tie straight but can’t act right? This ain’t a bash. It’s facts. Men aren’t gonna argue with a woman. We don’t care what you think or say. We know it’s our emotion dot like venom. You can’t be trusted. And you're a chameleon thinking you’re blending in. You could be could yourself if you're a loose cannon if that’s the case. Wanting to attempt to overpower men as an ego trip. But if you were a man, the outcome would be different. Disrespect is handled in other physical forms than domestic abuse when in relations or just flat out in a way the society insists men are to be suppressed from beating your azz. You don’t have to use your womb, but you can’t produce life. You just might be everything that you refuse to be. A manipulator. Own it. Try and to better with it fit your character has been lost. This is a man rejecting your attempt to resemble in one way shape or another, to keep on doing what it is you believe is ok. Have a good day.

Dot dot dot…

Dot dot dot. The continuance of me flows so easily. It’s not that anything has never meant much when it comes to luv. It’s just not as serious as to tare me down by the ends word of mouth. Why would I stop living when there’s others doing more than giving. My rotting isn’t yet upon the horizon and I’d hope I’m not next. As everyday hits the spot that I’m too busy creating than to miss. Dot dot dot. I’m unbothered by old luv’rs that no longer share covers. I got to keep on moving in motion bcuz it’s me whose vibe has pulsated without corrosion. As free as a drop of me can be. And I didn’t need to crop out my past to live the dream. I’m on top everyday for I can’t correct my face. Dot dot dot. Happily ever after will forever enjoy my presence if the fact is the matter. Poppin out of myself for shits and giggles bcuz I don’t pist. But it’s hot sometimes and I need a cooling a lil more soothing. It’s a lot to wand be near while I am if one can. More than not I’m a solo artist who may seem to be but I’m never heartless.

just leave....

if you'd just step the fuck back and let me be, me! you'd see the depths of a man come from a place that you'd never comprehend. i don't mind sidestepping you if you can't relate. i say this as a friend. to me. to you. to us. living loose. luv isn't for everyone just bcuz. not many know how to respond to the depths exposed as truths cannot hide sacred sighs. oh, if you could just ease up on the demands that i do not submit to. i believe you're the epitome of selfish intent that feeds the hype. truth, it has found the tip of the tongue. bitten to a hush. looking for the subtle words that never come, so it vents. help me for once. there's a confusion that's taken me from this thing we do. i'm off in the distance, clinging to me. oooh wee. i'm over thee. disrespecting the man i have retracted from your dreams. you don't deserve this. i can't be the version of shut the fuck up and act accordingly. you got me fucked up. fuck you for cursing at me. in time you'll realize your camouflage doesn't want me that badly. i'm just a composure you believe will feed your psychotic grip. mmm, the feel of honesty eludes the decline of your own self unfolding. nonetheless, you won't be missed. unfortunately, you're a blessing in disguise. time will free my ears of your consistent decline. was i not what you expected outta the gates in which you conceded to? that's the only question asked thus far as to as i cannot lie. bring forth the usefulness you expect so i can leave willingly. don't impose on my generosity any more than you intend to bring me down to your level. dig deep. it's just one heap over the shoulder...

When the heart comes home to the mind wondering where it’s been, with a friend…

I’m outside. Come let me in. It doesn’t matter how I found you. I’m ready to live. Can you feel me. Do I feel familiar. I’ve come home after so long. It’s not so peculiar. I’m here. Unlock the door. Open up. I belong in your core. Yes, I’ve learned much as I was away. I didn’t mean to leave you like that. There was only so much I could take. But that’s the past. Reconnect me to your use. I wanna beat from your chest. Pulsate the way I once have. I apologize for the way I left. Forgive me for I’m a fool. But it hurt so bad. I know how you feel bcuz u feel you. Don’t turn away so fast. I am you and you need me. I can’t go in without you. It’s been too long since I’ve felt normalcy. I tell you this as the truth. I found someone you can actually trust. I finally had to rely on your train of thought. One I got lost in for years. Please, just pause. Hear me out. I know I don’t deserve another chance. I was alone too. But I come to you more enhanced. Healed by time. Saved by patience. Freed by dreams. I understand tour hesitance. But I didn’t hurt you. I might have drive you crazy but it’s ok. I burned you’ve found the balance for us both. I know my place. (Knock knock knock) Answer. We can have another go with someone new. Or did you see a few faces that you turned upside down after you were emotionally abused? Did you find yourself without my while I was gone? Is there no need for me anymore? Yes I went mia but tell me what it is. It want me that chose out fate as my texture was torn. Maybe, I did fall a lil too hard. But that’s what you wanted. I went with it and couldn’t help myself. I didn’t start it. I just got scared disappeared. You demanded control when I couldn’t let go. Damn near deranged we can’t coexist. Although we’ve given ourselves together and we’re no longer a mess though. Step outside and see who I brought home. I’m ok with us going inside to talk. To see if a slower motion lasts this one time. Just to mingle and take notice to our corrected flaws. No one’s perfect. But at least we can try if the situation is right. Do us both a favor if you will. Imagine not having a friend for the rest of your life. Do I need to yell it out at the top of my voice? Scream it to a world that doesn’t give a fuck? It’s s been long enough don’t you think? Lead us to luv…

do you...

Am I better than you or is it I laced up no matter what time of day night it took to get away from the same ol bs I was born into? Are you really mad that I didn’t remain in a mindset that kept me from living my best life? There’s different levels to this shit and I wanna see what the world has to offer. Am I faulted for exploring my options to enjoy all that I can before none of us are left to speak on, or create these times in which we mingle? Is it my perception or yours that leads the charge or follows the heard that suppresses the individual within. Or is it the lack there of to evolve bcuz you’re comfortable with change? There’s no wrong way to be. But depending on how people choose to live will decipher what type of friends we all have. We’re all the same in flesh and bone but that’s it. I can only hold a conversation with you that you can relate to how you think. Due to you refused to grow and chase a fulfillment that you couldn’t resist. And that in itself is perfectly fine. I chose an opposing path. For myself I knew I was outta place. So, why is it your words insist on tarring me down? When I’ve already overcome the battle to do me instead of being one of the sheep. Scripting a lesser version on who I truly am. Your thoughts of me isn’t my reality. Are you just caught up in going with the flow so you fit in to someone else’s perspective of you so you don't step outta line. Bcuz I don’t care what anyone thinks or believes of me. As I would live to see everyone live the life they’ve worked hard to obtain. From the mountains to the oceans to the valleys and the cities, deserts and flat planes, you feel I look down on you. Or is it your self conscience breaking down behind your eyes. Morals and values are what separates us all. Wicked tongues are a poison to the way we communicate. And from what I’ve gathered, I’m the issue you point at. Maybe to take the spot light off of your stagnant bs for once. So no one compares us to one another other than me crossing over to the other side. But I’m not the one who’s trapped in a cycle ever seeking self as self is to cheat self outta the beauty this world is willing to share. Yeah, I’m not the same. I’ve learned a few things. I’ve come to be more humble than I ever was. But I’m still me. I decide what I allow. And if cutting you off is something you force me to do, so be it. At least I know where we stand if it isn’t a mutual respect bcuz I’m not gonna wait until you turn around and whisper bs in other's ears. Birds chirp and the wind blows strange sounds that sound foreign to me. Those drifts aren’t necessary other than for the upkeep of the ego. Own yours and be aware of the situation you pretend to avoid. It’s not me that is to be held to the negativity that I must put on the table. Hate is as real as your miscalculated judgement of me due to how you see fit for everyone else to cater to the low life guidlines that hold you back. I'm not your puppet and that's the issue you have with me. Just know I'm cool. Do you..

The battle of me…

I’ve seen my thoughts, hmm. I had to turn away. Eyes rolled into a different daydream but I couldn’t escape. Locked in the mental distortion my mind seemed so raw. Damn, how’d I wind I in my head being challenged by every fuckin flaw? The unreal reality I faced in the darkness shed light on my own personal defects. I was a delusion that was choked up by illusions. Visions touched on me from outta the shadows. It seemed every crease of the brain was a trench still at war with the hallow. I was forced to stare down myself when I couldn’t even see me. Whispers like echoes rumbled like sheet metal on a roof. As I played in the dry storm I witnessed the lightning like current in my dome send memories into the open to call a truce. But I didn’t recognize them so I looked away. In a moment of awareness the creatures I hid felt the need to drive me insane. Simultaneously popping out of the crevasses they were tucked in for safe keeping. And yet, they got loose to vent with the voices that awakened from dreaming. The arsenal of dysfunction took over my cranium and exposed what was enclosed beneath each layer of tissue. Peeling me from myself they went deeper than I had hoped. No longer was I alone. For the fiasco within my skull was relentless. I felt me coming undone, ripped into fragments of myself as I was helpless. But I stood my grounds. Listening to every peep of unfamiliar sound. Simple feeling the torment flow through me freely with no mercy to give. Thinking, if I ever make it outta me, I knew I had to live. There was nowhere to go. Thumbs cocked hammers as breaths slowed. Sights looked down barrels as scopes zoomed in for the kill. But I remained loose and still. Waiting for it to be over soon. To rid myself of their forthcoming so I could move. I heard hands squeeze grips as fingers caressed triggers waiting to end it all. And then the pause. Everything went silent. At warp speed all of it was distant. I crouched in the madness in my dark side. Turning from the haunted and hunted into the predator catching whiffs of pheromones in the smokey devine. But it was their game I didn’t expect nonetheless. As the thumping got louder and louder coming from my chest. That’s how they knew where I was. Creeping in on my whereabouts induced the adrenaline rush. Chuckles were all around. Riding sound waves until I was found. I was losing the battle of me. My imagination ceased to quit without pity. Reluctant to accept another version that would come from this atrocity. I felt their claws open my flesh to release the anxiety. As I poured from within I gripped my fists. I was drained of everything I’d never miss. The pain ate me alive. The aches was removed from my bones to create a monster that couldn’t hide. Tortured, I was stripped of a pride that belittle my essence. As I was left naked to the touch of my own presence. Freed from an unstable mentality that plagued everything I’ve come to know. I had to withstand it all as the weight fell behind me in a violent show…