I don't remember a whole lot bcuz every day seems to be the same... With time that gets behind me... Separating me from what there truly is to gain... Fading with dreams... As the hidden ache I keep I jus want to hush in nights tossed... For being in luv with the solitude keeps intent to shut the fuck up... Alone is the mind drifting in n outta thoughts... I believe I'm running from luv... Finding every reason to force them away... At arms distance due to th comfort is pure physical... Knowing they'll get attached to what lingers beneath gestures upon the face... Wanting in to my personal place where the mindset is aphrodisiacal... For I am a lil different n could care less than to be bothered with a crush... Though i'm good with the way sighs are released into gasps... N It hurts them as I'd like to go deeper then the surface in which they touch... Spinning with the ticks it takes to loosen intent from anything other than sexual desires crossing paths... Scared of the sinking in is I the freak with no one to spend lusts... I watch the rush in their eyes slowly give up on me hoping they would so go... As the dark calls to the memory of why I let each one of them slide from my fingertips like they weren't worth more then a moment laying flush... N I feel it wrapping around me needing a combo... To look at jus one as the package is intact... Motioning the okay to be felt before who hides within goes to waste... Listening to true lips curve words of how time has a purpose to gain an emotion to create a better past... Yet, I haven't been able to recollect a cause to reach for a friend to taste my name... It's fear that I create when I don't know where my heart is at... Numb until it wants to moan of how I think about giving it something to feel... So I reside in my own way forgetting why people want relations to save the luv jam packed... N I'm curious to know if I need to peel me form myself or if I have not healed... Bcuz it looks as if my clone in the mirror doesn't look at me the same way it used to... There's an emptiness that complicates life... A distance in between the head n the chest as if I'm due... Damn, Am I living a lie.?. Is it I could use another sooner than yesterday that had gotten away from my hands unable to hold on.?. Do I have in in me to admit I'm tired of craving the one thing I've never been able to have.?. I'm convinced I am torn... Put back together with pieces missing taring me into halves... So in tuned with the silence chaos cannot find me... Tucked into a sleeve only to be used as a toy to explore pleasure... As I jus don't wanna be what others demand me to be... Some kinda lost or rare dug up after being buried treasure... I can't recollect the tenderness it took to give me to someone with a smile that eased my days... Maybe I'm jus fighting it a lil to hard... As it's peaceful doin what it is I do when it rains... Having my guard down to hear the thunder pound as the lightning creeps along the sky with drops of water no longer from my eyes doin more than their part...
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