as the story goes

I kinda went on a lil vacations.
away from the depression of emotions.
tryin to find a lil sum sumtin.
within the mind, not wantin a piece of nothin.
makin luv instead of fuckin up my head.
stayin awake for days afraid of the bed.
I had to step back n retreat from self.
vacant n void as empty as never bein felt.
gone without huntin the reasons n why's.
keepin from the depths settled in my own eyes.
scared of the pain followin that lingered.
runnin from the secrets of luv pointin fingers.
gettin lost along the way in a different kind of paradise.
secluded from the services of passion that lied.
livin in another world weird enough to make sense.
makin the balance of relations less tense.
I went on a cruise sailin solo to the edge of the horizons drop.
off the deep end of reality, closin up shop.
I fell n wound up elsewhere mentally at the bottom.
lookin upward wonderin wtf so far from use hobblin.
wounded n vulnerable passin times window.
never wantin to return to the confusion shadow.
yet layin in the shade I chilled the breezes breathe.
with only what I could find that had no meanin to be said.
jus the driftin cluster fuck of bs set down plagued the will.
not needin to feel the truths overflow n spill.
I slipped into la la land where I found me.
alone n betrayed by my endless dreams.
n as I peep back at the yesterday's calm.
I sit in a pause flawed attempting to find a cause.
no longer defeated by the design that failed.
I'm my own prison n I'm ready to post bail.
standin in another luv'rs parade of my presence.
waitin on it to smother the smolderin fence.
crossed as lines r stepped becomin real.
n all I know is to enjoy the trip for a chance to peel.
awakenin to a new patience in a face expressed.
I wonder how long it'll take to to put her right back with the rest.
unwillin like those before I didn't wanna release.
fallin once again embeddin dirty on the knees.