I believe it's safe to let it out here.
since no one knows these words will ever spill.
but where do I begin to express the loss.
I found it as I was left standin still.
there's so much that could be said.
n ooh, I've rearranged the alphabet in ways.
but I've also come to realize she's gone.
sad thing is, even my dreams r afraid.
as it's in this piece that opens the secret.
of bein in luv with the ONE that released me.
from myself, lost n chasin happiness in an other.
brutal, is the reality of lifes unanswered pleads.
but it's cool cuz I ran into someone.
as I came to life in the mirrors honesty.
hidden in the depression of loneliness.
then again, I'm not free as of yet, livin luv's tragedy.
emotion misses the ONE I can never enjoy.
knowin I'm elsewhere safe from harms ache.
in luv til the day I parish with a memory.
n it hurts beyond words attempt to claim.
the purest devotion was ripped from my heart.
so unjustifiable my mind took it's time.
jus to understand n accept that's it's over.
n it fully can't let it go for it wants her as mine.
playin on a lingerin thought of jus make sure.
reach to her even if it costs me everything.
scared n frightened the nerve is hesitant.
but needs to know cuz proudly I wore my ring.
the luv is real n I meant what I said.
it exists as I'm unable to cut the string.
not jus yet cuz I'm not yet at peace with it.
there's days that it's jus one of those things.
so far away from the chaos n in a better place.
I'm gainin ground trapped in a one way luv.
or is it she thinks I finally gave up?
jus bein me to extend to the touch.
I know she remembers the way I caressed her with pure intent.
felt her as she knew I was hers for all time.
then again maybe ONE took more than she lent.
it hurts to lay with another I never wanna do without.
simply put, I'm face to face with a replica.
of the two I jus can't tell much difference.
jus a few minor details separate the dilemma.
in a new life after the one I wanted the most.
I come with issues I never carried before.
witness to a new face that doesn't give much.
testin my character that strengthens the roar.
I was set free n unwanted as if ONE was done.
as I scrambled to make sense of wtf.
turnin to someone who was there for me.
the spittin image that wanted my luv.
I'm not yet over my forever that gave me away.
but an ready n willin n very much in luv with lil bit.
who's winnin the battle damn near at wars end within.
flushin out the ailowy1! That had no place in my lips.
for I find a friend in life that I thought another was.
n its strange to think imma never see the day of husband n wife, friends for life.
instead, I found comfort in a better version of what I want.
of I could jus get her to meet the expectations that don't hide.
kinda like I'm still married waitin with patience for a similar struggle.
jus to choose me over the poison I hate with a passion.
I feel outta place yet at home in a way I believe I gotta chance.
cuz the level of two as one is comin full circle n mitch matchin.
from the same age to years apart.
the only thing that sets them apart is that I matter now.
n it feels good more than it sux at the same time.
but how?
I was in the middle of livin my dream.
how did her clone come along n steel me?
this is the reality I stand in with a smile.
knowin my lil lady is all I'll every ask for n need.
for the concept ONE couldn't understand is this.
to luv is ţo put another first cuz they happiness is that of ur own.
n lil bit gets the situation n is given the best part of me yet.
she is the one I will enjoy til she sees fit to go at life alone.
more than worth the time I stand a man corrected.
I only got the emotional aspect of a prior luv.
yet the full package of now told me I'd fall in luv.
n guess what?

Beneath the mask.

 Always trapped within the creases of thoughts.
 We dig in to release the tension in which it's caught.
 Try pryin open the mind to flush it away.
 Yet for some reason it jus decides to stay.
 Like a hair tweezers can't grip, it's there.
 Plugged in to the memory banks that stare.
 A thorn pokin at the pain that aches.
 Wedged tightly n safe from ever bein misplaced.
 On display to relive n remember the unhealed sore.
 As the reel spins the emotional wheel worn.
 On a wibblin pivot shakin the ride uncomfortably harsh.
 Makin time in the tomb so dark n so very hard.
 The burden presses on the vision into a blur.
 As it's stuck in the sweet spot wantin to be heard.
 Visions come thru in daydreams stallin life.
 N the reaction to its presence one can not hide.
 It's a weight carried mentally that confuses reality.
 Cuz there was no excuse to walk thru me.
 Leavin a single spike lodged with ur scent.
 The head leans to the side as if worth is spent.
 Beneath the mask many things vary.
 N comin away in one piece depends on how far down ur buried.

To far gone to turn back now.
 Movin with time silent to sound.
 Out in the open all alone.
 Feet jus tryin to find their way home.
 In the middle of absolutely nowhere.
 Standin in the horizon smeared.
 Lost under the radars beep, i hide.
 Comin undone, the bounce flat lines.
 Outward the empty refuses to be seen.
 Fallin at the attempt to lean.
 Stumblin as aim wound up face down.
 Wtf happened from then til now?

can i go now

 excuse me for living.
 thought the luv between was existing.
 I didn't mean to breathe on u.
 don't mind me, I like the truth.
 there's no need to hide it.
 lets avoid all the bull shit.
 do I annoy the shit outta ya?
 cuz I can go jus cuz I ain't ur fella.
 n my bad, I won't touch u no more.
 jus allow me to pick my heart up off the floor.
 it's ok u changed ur mind.
 like on the drop of a dime.
 I'll take it I was an accident.
 n this jus wasn't really meant.
 guess I'm someone worth givin away.
 I appreciate me not bein able to stay.
 I'll find my way somewhere else.
 I'm sure there I can be felt.
 so sad though, u simply fell out.
 I apologized for whatever it was in me u found.
 cuz I'm the same now I was back then.
 yet I'm off to a better place for where I've been.
 don't miss me cuz I know u won't.
 no luv lost the way ur so cold.
 do ur thing n don't forget, u released me.
 yeah I know, die in my dreams!
 can I go now? R we done?
 now that I know I'm not the one

on display

 the pages of my heart r opened up here.
 only if u took a moment to listen to self readin how it feels.
 it shouldn't take too long if u gotta lil down time.
 woven in the threads that has patched my emotion that doesn't know how to hide.
 it's on display if u ever feel u wanna know.
 waitin with patience, the passion aches as it's told.
 hear how a man craves a woman like u thru time.
 emptied n sinkin in ink as if it were tracin the design of ur eyes.
 if the compassion were a flame it set fire to the proof.
 reachin for u within each n every line showin for u there's use.
 it's an endless devotion tappin at the deepest depths.
 gettin to the squeezin that drips the image within words kept.
 sittin still is a delightful taste felt escapin on a muted tongue.
 wantin the realization of what rotates inside to be seen as it comes undone.

n again

 currently suspended n danglin on truths. Emotions r stirred n again the connections confused.
 time to waste is enjoyment playin with a dream.
 as ugliness is a chalk outline damn near complete.
 witness to whom another is, is comin forth.
 judgement day is creepin up for the one adored.
 on one to many moments under conversation emptied.
 pushin in on the pointless frustration carried.
 here in the real world depth is a face unseen.
 hidden within is a monsters mindset freed.
 upon our honesty taken for granted to lose.
 lips ramble on unredeemable so called changes abused.
 accused is the shake findin shade under the night.
 chained to the absence of colors knife.
 round in the corners edge of solo.
 thinkin forever in another is trapped in a photo.
 the palms r damn near open to the release.
 as fadin is the touch misunderstood to please.
 stranded on a stage as the world is the audience.
 in the spotlight played like a puppet so obedient.
 never the less is the subject to change at hand.
 redirectin dead space in the mind jus to stand.
 havin nothin to throw into thin air to say.
 self has realized holdin on has seized it's moment.
 n again underestimated, the heart folded

Yes, I know! I am only the matter of time.
 In which will expire, as the heartbeat becomes a line.
 Flat n headed into what imma never know.
 But i am here now, n i ain't got time to slow.
 Not for an immortal, nor yesterday that has been.
 I'm movin to the rhythm of lifes irresistible grin.
 In a groove cuz i got the moment to show my azz.
 N I'm jus tryin to savor precious seconds that last.
 So feel for me what i feel for u, n jus live.
 Lets do this damn thing n make it big!
 Come enjoy the presence of humanity That refuses to hide.
 Be u n I'll be me n we can escape into the night.
 Lets do this n get at it n do it right.
 Like the S.O.S. band n feel the funk of life sweat from our poures.
 As we express the meanin of life for each others existence, within reasonable vocal chords.
 I am jus a simple speck, a part of life here jus wantin to make my way.
 Come, let go of the ties that bind u n live as free as u can behave.
 Rip loose n capture for once, for the chance to feel reality in the movement.
 Movin to the vibe that jus flows as u hold it.
 In a special place all ur own, enjoyin time.
 Before it unravels n its to late to claim the mind....

Wow! Seems i lost a few friends cuz i spoke up, not like i haven't in the past, but cuz i truly went at the jugular of belief.
 Funny how a thought could exchange a friendship on any level that stands convicted as if a thief.
 I'm not tryin to steal anyone's train of thought that differs from that of my own.
 I jus wanna be heardd the way I listen to the others sides apparent reason in facts that seem to be bowed.
 Am i not human as i stand beside u in my truist form, unguarded n livin in this world's b.s.?
 Y is it anyone can say what they want to bout religion n believin as long as it's in a god like tone of voice no matter what religion it is?
 Until an atheist speaks their mind, everything is debatable for conversation of difference.
 It's cool cuz the loss is not mine. Nor is it within me losin myself to the imaginations independence.
 False idols do not live here, burried in my roots so deep beneath reality.
 That doesn't mean I'm anything less of what i was moments ago when we shot the shit eye to eye.
 Looks as if I'm the outcast after all when it should be reversed for y'all r the ones who pretends a higher bein lives in the sky.
 N i apologize to anyone who i offend cuz its not like me to attack anyone for what defines them as them.
 Then again I'm the one who's sighed upon as if I'm wrong for bein real. The far n in between r jus rare gems

.......... On some real shit ..........

 If i gave u loyalty as I placed it in ur hands.
 N my reasons were never an excuse, could u see the man that I am?
 As my character shows patience in ur tone.
 Tryin to believe that I am not like the rest as they're cover has been blown.
 Can my truths look u in the eyes n have the worth they deserve?
 From me to u, can my voice when spoken, simply be heard?
 For the words r plucked from the inner lining of my core.
 If time was given, I'd luv for u to know I don't wanna walk thru u.
 Thing is if I could I'd luv to get use to havin u around n can a truce.
 Would I receive the same gesture aimed back at my mind?
 For the heart is not a puppet with time on the line.
 What if u were as free as u r now as we stood together.
 Do u think day by day would be okay before we promise each other forever?
 If u can't tell, my train of thought has grown n rounded out with reality.
 The understandin of two connectin as one still has an individuality.
 So if I exposed me now prior to reachin for only ur hand.
 Do I stand a chance at somethin as real as fam?
 I'm comin straight atcha in rare form so I know myself.
 Cuz I to truly would luv to know what it's like to be felt.
 On some real shit, jus puttin in the work.
 To step to the plate, standin a single level above the dirt.
 Would my actions of interest ever be granted free will.
 So our memories made will never fade beneath the emotion frozen still.
 How do u know if I could be enough, right now?
 Cuz I'd luv to know how ur thought process tastes upon ur mouth.
 In the moment of truth that can never hide.
 This is jus me figurin a way to witness myself in u, as I reside.
 Friend before any other figure I can possibly become in ur world.
 Jus wantin some day to admit, in u, I found my girl........

a moment

 By the time u read this time will have come to pass.
 So many ways I've said it n words that will be left to last.
 If notice was taken then you'd know every syllable layed.
 Yet here u sit gazing eyes upon what was felt everyday.
 Jus a bit to late to share with me emotions spent.
 As the luv I have for u is so much more than lent.
 A bit of time was all that was needed to witness fate.
 Expressin intent of the hearts calling out to your ways.
 Y I tapped my whole life away n u chose not to partake.
 I haven't a clue to y u couldn't find a moment to fill space.
 But while your comin undone of the loss that's filled your days.
 Remember I left this reminder of u n I with u as my life was made.
 U see I loosened myself for the gain of having u near.
 I wish it this way as i expire, yet it leaves so much pain.
 But then again you'd never know the stories unimaginable gain.
 I'm sorry luv that it took so long for u to lay your patience on truths.
 I jus wish u took a moment to find interest in the alphabets I re-arranged to use.
 So here it is at last as your stuck post after post reading away.
 Know I'm still with u in the only way I could figure out to stay...

The time has come to....

 Lets jus be real n say it's okay to fade......
 Away from reality as u escape the stay.
 U have ur world as I'm here, standin firm.
 Repeatin words goin unheard with worth.
 It's cool to drift off as the end calls.
 It'll only take one to fall out, pause....
 Did i jus say what i think i thought?
 Damn, i wonder if that'll cost me another loss.
 Cuz this is pourin down on the face of a clown.
 Painted n runnin with the poundin of the heart, w0w!
 Shits leakin so u better get to takin notice quick.
 I can't hold in the spit fallin from words pist.
 Changin emotions r shuttin the fuck down.
 Findin the sound to speak out loud.
 Ur warned, that is if ya feel this is what matters.
 Change the pattern of the useless chatter.
 The spew spilled isn't worth the thrill.
 N the fill is only half full put on chill.
 I ain't got it in me to try n thaw.
 U wont crawl for me so don't think I'll stall.
 Know what it takes to pull me from my mind.
 Where I'm doin time by ur side wonderin y.
 Fuck, i don't think imma be able to hold back.
 Fast, fix this before its casted into the past.
 Cuz i jus heard a click in the only place I have left.
 N its holdin my best away from my chest.
 This is the kinda shit that tears live for.
 N anymore i can't feel a damn thing even stuck in my core.
 It's not showed til i know what stands before me.
 So come from the dream u sleep n my name breathe.
 I ain't holdin back a mutha friggin thing.
 Not til the string weaves me what u think.
 Out in the open thru actions that give proof.
 Wtf is my use to u, cuz I'm standin with truths.
 Can u handle reality willin to walk with u.
 Proudly as a fool that needs not to be goofed.
 It's alright if u can't seem to come clean.
 Washin away the filth that I'd bath from ur ways.
 Yet i don't want u to change, nor play ur game.
 It's comin straight off the chest cuz the weight is to much.
 Heavy n pullin on strength in luv without u reachin to touch.
 Stop claimin what i have left of self in ur name.
 Lookin out for u, it's the same ol same.
 U see, I'm not as dumb as luv once was.
 N i don't need another on hush of words that mean so much.
 Be u n do what u think u feel u need to do.
 But know, i ain't goin for loose lips tellin me I'm in luv with u.
 The time has come to make the difference u wanna be.
 The factor I've been in the breeze of ur speech.
 Spat n twisted under the tongue for ur own belief of what i am.
 Yet what u fail to realize is I'm more of a man than i am ur biggest fan.
 I ain't got it in me to end it unless I'm forced.
 But the vocal chords r becomin very horse.
 N i can't take the life ur willin to live.
 What u give is so lil, takin for granted the expression on my lips.
 Lets jus be real n say it's okay to fade......
 Away from reality as u escape the stay.
 U have ur world as I'm here, standin firm.
 Repeatin words goin unheard with worth.
 It's cool to drift off as the end calls.
 It'll only take one to fall out, pause....
 Did i jus say what i think i thought?
 Damn, i wonder if that'll cost me another loss.
 Cuz this is pourin down on the face of a clown.
 Painted n runnin with the poundin of the heart, w0w!
 Shits leakin so u better get to takin notice quick.
 I can't hold in the spit fallin from words pist.
 Changin emotions r shuttin the fuck down.
 Findin the sound to speak out loud.
 Ur warned, that is if ya feel this is what matters.
 Change the pattern of the useless chatter.
 The spew spilled isn't worth the thrill.
 N the fill is only half full put on chill.
 I ain't got it in me to try n thaw.
 U wont crawl for me so don't think I'll stall.
 Know what it takes to pull me from my mind.
 Where I'm doin time by ur side wonderin y.
 Fuck, i don't think imma be able to hold back.
 Fast, fix this before its casted into the past.
 Cuz i jus heard a click in the only place I have left.
 N its holdin my best away from my chest.
 This is the kinda shit that tears live for.
 N anymore i can't feel a damn thing even stuck in my core.
 It's not showed til i know what stands before me.
 So come from the dream u sleep n my name breathe.
 I ain't holdin back a mutha friggin thing.
 Not til the string weaves me what u think.
 Out in the open thru actions that give proof.
 Wtf is my use to u, cuz I'm standin with truths.
 Can u handle reality willin to walk with u.
 Proudly as a fool that needs not to be goofed.
 It's alright if u can't seem to come clean.
 Washin away the filth that I'd bath from ur ways.
 Yet i don't want u to change, nor play ur game.
 It's comin straight off the chest cuz the weight is to much.
 Heavy n pullin on strength in luv without u reachin to touch.
 Stop claimin what i have left of self in ur name.
 Lookin out for u, it's the same ol same.
 U see, I'm not as dumb as luv once was.
 N i don't need another on hush of words that mean so much.
 Be u n do what u think u feel u need to do.
 But know, i ain't goin for loose lips tellin me I'm in luv with u.
 The time has come to make the difference u wanna be.
 The factor I've been in the breeze of ur speech.
 Spat n twisted under the tongue for ur own belief of what i am.
 Yet what u fail to realize is I'm more of a man than i am ur biggest fan.
 I ain't got it in me to end it unless I'm forced.
 But the vocal chords r becomin very horse.
 N i can't take the life ur willin to live.
 What u give is so lil, takin for granted the expression on my lips.
 Lets jus be real n say it's okay to fade......
 Away from reality as u escape the stay.
 U have ur world as I'm here, standin firm.
 Repeatin words goin unheard with worth.
 It's cool to drift off as the end calls.
 It'll only take one to fall out, pause....
 Did i jus say what i think i thought?
 Damn, i wonder if that'll cost me another loss.
 Cuz this is pourin down on the face of a clown.
 Painted n runnin with the poundin of the heart, w0w!
 Shits leakin so u better get to takin notice quick.
 I can't hold in the spit fallin from words pist.
 Changin emotions r shuttin the fuck down.
 Findin the sound to speak out loud.
 Ur warned, that is if ya feel this is what matters.
 Change the pattern of the useless chatter.
 The spew spilled isn't worth the thrill.
 N the fill is only half full put on chill.
 I ain't got it in me to try n thaw.
 U wont crawl for me so don't think I'll stall.
 Know what it takes to pull me from my mind.
 Where I'm doin time by ur side wonderin y.
 Fuck, i don't think imma be able to hold back.
 Fast, fix this before its casted into the past.
 Cuz i jus heard a click in the only place I have left.
 N its holdin my best away from my chest.
 This is the kinda shit that tears live for.
 N anymore i can't feel a damn thing even stuck in my core.
 It's not showed til i know what stands before me.
 So come from the dream u sleep n my name breathe.
 I ain't holdin back a mutha friggin thing.
 Not til the string weaves me what u think.
 Out in the open thru actions that give proof.
 Wtf is my use to u, cuz I'm standin with truths.
 Can u handle reality willin to walk with u.
 Proudly as a fool that needs not to be goofed.
 It's alright if u can't seem to come clean.
 Washin away the filth that I'd bath from ur ways.
 Yet i don't want u to change, nor play ur game.
 It's comin straight off the chest cuz the weight is to much.
 Heavy n pullin on strength in luv without u reachin to touch.
 Stop claimin what i have left of self in ur name.
 Lookin out for u, it's the same ol same.
 U see, I'm not as dumb as luv once was.
 N i don't need another on hush of words that mean so much.
 Be u n do what u think u feel u need to do.
 But know, i ain't goin for loose lips tellin me I'm in luv with u.
 The time has come to make the difference u wanna be.
 The factor I've been in the breeze of ur speech.
 Spat n twisted under the tongue for ur own belief of what i am.
 Yet what u fail to realize is I'm more of a man than i am ur biggest fan.
 I ain't got it in me to end it unless I'm forced.
 But the vocal chords r becomin very horse.
 N i can't take the life ur willin to live.
 What u give is so lil, takin for granted the expression on my lips.

The pattern of the eyes.

Finger prints at the tips touch.
 Barely close enough.
 Imprint upon the skin.
 Reachin for what's within.
 Outstretched n committed.
 Crossin the endless limits.
 Desirin the feel.
 Felt for it is real.
 Reshapin emotions law.
 Further, faster the fall.
 Tamed n unleashed.
 Jus wantin to please.
 Ooh, the mental gain.
 Finally, somethin sane.
 For lips to meet.
 Hot sighs that breathe.
 Inches from happiness.
 The vibes, so intense.
 Ripples pulsate.
 Depths on a crusade.
 Expandin the chests walls.
 Passions claw.
 Carvin smiles.
 Curved with style.
 In the moments time.
 Within luv's design.
 Face to face.
 Steppin to the plate.
 Lost in the pattern of the eyes.
 Tracin every line.
 Connectin the reflection.
 Witness to intensions.
 Leakin clear crystals.
 Sparklin stardust drippin the visual.
 Pourin thru a splash that stares.
 Open n dared.

The part......

If they were to take main stage.
 Would u remain quiet over the display?
 Actin as if they played the part.
 Like an art that feeds the heart.
 As u watched with calm easin patience.
 Even if u were as far as distance
 Before ur eyes, entertainingly flirtin.
 From behind the velvet curtains.
 For the world to witness how they move u.
 Could u sit silently to the have proof.
 In the spotlights talent rehearsed.
 Givin it all hopin u forget their worst.
 For flaws hang on emotions.
 As they attempt a standin ovation.
 For ur gratitude to open to their domain.
 Do u think you'd rise if they made the play?
 Performed realistically within the space provided.
 Awaitin ur approval individually divided.
 Applaud the fiction unraveled in the dark.
 Tellin a story for acceptance to endure the part

The drift away...

Standin behind the shield, alone again.
 It doesn't protect the back exposed, damn.
 I never thought you'd do it to me of all people.
 Yet luv was extracted from me by ur needles.
 Plucked in the side of reality lookin ahead.
 My backside was on the hit list as it's been said.
 Quietly kept, the mirror never lied to me.
 Yet he couldn't help for he's trapped within the dream.
 A reflection of who i am before eyes that drift.
 N lips that kiss cling to the grip as if fists.
 What a twist that caved in beneath the feet.
 Who woulda thought, i was the fein.
 Takin in what left me emptied n numb.
 Without a substance that felt the hush.
 Speakin in tongues that sliver the snake.
 Leavin words on the table as bait.
 The lure that snags expressions outta thin air.
 Yeah, who's the one that broke to care?
 Lookin around takin notice of the change.
 As the head shakes, losIn ground in my own domain.
 Who's who in the battle at wars end?
 Bendin n holdin weight for a friend.
 It had to be u to awaken the beast within.
 Raw n relentless, u stood with a grin.
 As serious as laughs smeared life.
 Hidin the facts that hurt even the knife.
 That didn't understand the purpose so unjust.
 Reason is confused by actions endin trust.
 Yet, under the circumstances, i can relate.
 It was a moment shared that eventually escaped.
 Everything is subject to change in the seasons coarse.
 Everything is n came to be, i jus wanted more.
 A lil bit much, as norm surfaced as nonexistent.
 Goin back i fell forward into the distance.
 Open minded to the pleasure of simply knowin.
 Enjoyin another for so long had been proven.
 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust went astray.
 Mixed ashes never to touch, became the fade.
 Driftin afloat life remains to be lived.
 No matter who gave what to give.
 It takes two in this world to deliver honesties pride.
 Proud n content i walk for i now know, I am mine til the day i die

It's okay.....

Teardrop pinstripes invisible yet clearly seen.
 Washing away the brutality of once was in need.
 Motionless vibrations felt rippling through the core.
 Silent n damn near deadly is the ultimate reward.
 Ends of relations unfulfilled and emptied speaking names.
 Thinking unheard thoughts of how old the games.
 Touch turning inward away from luv's endless betrayal.
 On display for self's reflection to witness as impaired and failed.
 Currupted by emotions and broken by devotions lies.
 Riddles of the mind shaking off a lifetime of passions undigested cries.
 As weak as strength that maintains the defeated balance that smiles.
 Beneath the shadow turned away from the days denial.
 You're gone like the breeze that blew so softly upon the skin.
 Causing that everlasting illusion that stretched a lone grin.
 Confusion had spread across the face uninterrupted by hate.
 Because luv was real enough to forgive and the only way to stay sane

Luv's disregard...

If in hand was the instruction manual to luv'n me.
 Would u cheat ur way through to my hearts lonely stream?
 Crawlin within me on a short cut one step ahead.
 Repairin me as i fell apart at times so u get my best.
 Do u think you'd control the movements of my will through manipulation?
 Leadin me on, down ur selfish desires endless corruption.
 If u had in hand, the book that guided me to ur lips.
 Would u use the pointers the auther has given against this?
 Possibly attempt to rewrite the book to go as planned, ur way.
 Commitin me to an imprisonment before i had a chance to obey.
 In ur homes maze with a checklist playin the part.
 Without a pen to help myself to the door lost so far in luv's disregard.
 Takin the purist temptation n chainin it to ur core.
 Or would u allow me to prove to u, for u, what i have in store?

Disregard...

 If in hand was the instruction manual to luv'n me.
 Would u cheat ur way through to my hearts lonely stream?
 Crawlin within me on a short cut one step ahead.
 Repairin me as i fell apart at times so u get my best.
 Do u think you'd control the movements of my will through manipulation?
 Leadin me on, down ur selfish desires endless corruption.
 If u had in hand, the book that guided me to ur lips.
 Would u use the pointers the auther has given against this?
 Possibly attempt to rewrite the book to go as planned, ur way.
 Commitin me to an imprisonment before i had a chance to obey.
 In ur homes maze with a checklist playin the part.
 Without a pen to help myself to the door lost so far in luv's disregard.
 Takin the purist temptation n chainin it to ur core.
 Or would u allow me to prove to u, for u, what i have in store
 If in hand was the instruction manual to luv'n me.
 Would u cheat ur way through to my hearts lonely stream?
 Crawlin within me on a short cut one step ahead.
 Repairin me as i fell apart at times so u get my best.
 Do u think you'd control the movements of my will through manipulation?
 Leadin me on, down ur selfish desires endless corruption.
 If u had in hand, the book that guided me to ur lips.
 Would u use the pointers the auther has given against this?
 Possibly attempt to rewrite the book to go as planned, ur way.
 Commitin me to an imprisonment before i had a chance to obey.
 In ur homes maze with a checklist playin the part.
 Without a pen to help myself to the door lost so far in luv's disregard.
 Takin the purist temptation n chainin it to ur core.
 Or would u allow me to prove to u, for u, what i have in store?

shower scene

 shower scene,
 Comin clean.
 Take 1,
 Visually, takin in luv.
 steppin in,
 watchin u thru da invisible like shower curtain.
 takin notice of how da soap bcums 1 wit ur curves,
 buildin nerve.
 appraochin, pausin, u dont kno im lingerin,
 slidin in, as u give me dat look, o yea, shower scene.
 take 2,
 I'm all for u.
 creepin up on ur back side
 feelin da watr bouncin on2 my frontside.
 helpin rinse da suds out ur hair,
 skin touchin, bare.
 slowly, reachin 4 da neck.
 lips tastin ur sexyness.
 as u moan in acceptance,
 doin dat sexy shower stance.
 feenin 4 a good dose,
 tellin u im cold jus 2 get close.
 knowin u heard dat b4,
 not carin, ready 2 get it on.
 feelin da vibe,
 its bout 2 get live.
 take 3,
 Ur hormones will be freed.
 leanin back in2 me grabbin @ ya body wash,
 actin like u da boss.
 now its on, soapin up ur mooshie,
 oh no, i droped da soap! can u get dat 4 me?
 laughin, bendin @ da hips,
 straightenin up, as i begin 2 cleanse.
 strokin u up n down, round n round,
 its gettin hot in here as i go all da way down.
 grippin my head, its bout da time,
 da toe curlin pleasure, as ur mine.
 take 4,
 On my knees takin da tour.
 tastin da water flowin down off ur body,
 tongue uncrulin, ur shapes so luvly.
 mixed wit da sweetness of da expression on ur face,
 pulse is startin 2 race.
 broken toes, as u stand,
 feel me if u can, my tongue is all man.
 as im becomin da balance ur loosin,
 fallin, landin on ur back, saved by da shower wall, oozin.
 leg on a hike up n ova my shoulder,
 whos is it? now its over.
 Taste buds stretchin 4 da closin has bgun,
 lock jaw, its ur turn to come undone.
 n u kno its all bout u,
 takin a load off, lettin me do wat i do.
 shakin legs, now wrapped tight round my neck,
 jus wat id expect.
 liftin, takin ur weight as my own,
 common girl, find ur zone.
 let me b da support u need,
 now sittin directly in front of me.
 puttin in a lil ova time worth pleasin n playin,
 teasin till i hear da sound of my name misbevavin.
 oooh its time,
 wit a grindin sigh.
 take 5,
 The explosion, hide.
 get it girl, let it go,
 let it flow.
 dats it,
 mmmmmm da good sh!t.
 now take a breath,
 N feel me slide inside what jus came next.
 With nowhere to go spun around.
 Touchin ur sounds.
 Gaspin for air.
 Climaxin as u feel tuggin on ur hair.
 There it is, get it, get it.
 Legs shakin, bodies grip.

Padded without comfort.....

 Is it really what it seems?
 Or is the mind turnin on what's told to be the truths of reality?
 Secret lives cause hidden thoughts.
 Hiding beyond passwords never to be caught.
 Does lips speak the way they must?
 Or is the must looking out for self in the middle of luv?
 How to take the echoes end trapped in the minds padded cell.
 When witness to actions that u jus can't tell.
 Cuz the stare is more like a look in selfs direction changed.
 Kinda like something else had caught the eye within exchange.
 Within a lifestyle runnin down what tickles them soft.
 Meanwhile back at home the other is feeling lost.
 Wondering what's goin on as desires touch isn't the same.
 Fading n short of being the want of crawling up n under the skins gain.
 Is it they jus wantcha to believe in words unheard?
 As if something's off hearing what's suppose to reinsure.
 Is it lies that can't be trusted or the truths that aren't believed?
 Where's the honesty proved in real talks relief?
 As who's doin what to whom when confusion settles into the situation?
 Sittin alone as the walls r closing in on the emotions expectations.
 Fighting a battle that doesn't have be fought.
 Is the sacrifice worth losing passion sold to be bought?
 In a twist, is what matters truly put into play?
 Or is it another one of their selfish games?
 Doin what they do hoping u don't wake up.
 Back to realities realization of what the fuck!
 When the way they feel u, is it the same as if ur feeling them?
 Or is it empty receiving what they give like the act is suppose to mean something to em?
 Who's world r they living in behind their eyes?
 Can u tell if ur actually enjoyed or r u going blind?
 Can u tell the difference once luv trickles into ur heart announced.
 Or is this jus the minds way of dealing with the corruption they allow?
 If u sat long enough n thought bout what it is u really see.
 Would u think clearly or want it all to drift into a dream?
 Cuz perhaps what lays beneath the code on their phone says it all.
 Or maybe, jus maybe, ur crazier than u look deep within ur own flaws.
 Padded for safety first that overshadows the textin of thought goin south.
 Yet again, no one knows a damn thing other than the word of mouth.
 Is there the mornin glory of comforts snug?
 Close as words speak of the ongoing crush.
 Or is the waking moments a lonely place.
 Left solo with the lack of laying in space.

U can't tell real in a set of eyes unless they stare as if they're witness to untold n unimaginable truths... Rare is raw standin within the design tellin all that's needed to say havin for life, use!!! Reality strikes n blinks never to close the sight ready for whatever that steps. Peep the insanity that's snapped behind the face peekin with the purest character that sheds drips that leak. Feel the way the pupils pulsate to the bs tryin to get in that ain't got a fuckin chance. Closer to reality that seems to be distant in the retinas dilated enhanced. Yet perfectly sane cuz they've seen n been in the mix as the smoke doesn't burn no more. Bouncin like a woofer beatin the throbbin of the hearts desire to learn of self own core....... Fr!!!

Click, boom...

paying debts with the silencer pressed against the hearts tender texture faking the phunk trying to be tougher than the steel flush digging in to the texture flexing n forced inward towards the surveillance suggesting shit just got real. The boom is the last thing I'd never remember without a zoom scoped to score another fatal pop busting the looping bubble oozing out the other end of proof life no longer remains. Cocked n fucked in the head ready for the shock wave to blow out the backside of the sweet spot under the bullets aim out in the open, unlocked. Paid in full

Thoughts.... The wonders... Ripping through the head. Blurrin the vision of luv as the rain slides down the cheek.... Causin confusion. That lost emotion so rare punched in the heart.... Feelings corrupted by sensitivities curved in a smile. Oh, the echoes of images that speaks truths... Silent yet playin games with the mind. Again with the lips that dance in ones name. Damn near tastin where they've been. Sittin n listenin to brutal reality of denial... Muted under the tongue. The guidelines of the game hasn't changed. Jus on the opposin end turnin around. Lookin at the proof leadin to the now. The ache. The illusion that seemed to give life. The questions that plague the display hung behind the eyes. No response. No reaction ignorin the truth. Jus that lonely depth anchored n findin use. Opened to the disbelief settlin beneath the armors shield. Blank with expressions. Holdin characters worth close enough to earn self respect. The head hung in the moment to absorb what the fuck it really is. On a mission under the scope straightenin the backbone. In no need of the rage whisperin with a giggle. Endurin a new crack as it opens one more gateway within the chest. Learnin yet another lesson. Who's fault it is? The one that allows the bs to happen!!!

Outspoken...

Open like a book in no need of sympathy. As real as air sucked in n heard as if playin in my own heartbeats symphony. My life is a reality that we're all the same. On display n released to relate to the facts tryin to beat the game. Half cocked appearin to be insane before eyes that refuse to dig into the texture of the depths that speak of the secrets. As i stand without skeletons that haunt what can't be found in the breeze givin a face to so called demons. Flowin by in the winds that tell truths of hidden corruption tearin honesty apart. Hide if u must behind the mask of what u feel of what it is u think u want everyone to know in whom u r. I'm here as proof standin in frame that not all of us is as fake as smiles turned upside down. Spittin the gain of what's really goin on behind the curtains drawn from the unfortunate mouth. In rare form cuttin the jugular to show we have a need for luv to step to the plate. Takin main stage under the spotlight to express for the record, no matter how hard we try, luv without war we can not escape. Within my own skin unable to lie as the gain will never prevail n unravel bein attached to false intensions. Do what u must to feel that helps u feel so much better bout self unable to stand within characters inspection. It'll get u no where quick as ends will catch the beginnings of lips attemptin to make another believe fibs. U'll wind up sittin in the eventual pain once again as u enjoy the now of how u live. I'm free of the bs as who i am is what's seen cuz that's what's worth my time. The only thing that'll make moments a legacy of a man unafraid to sigh........ Outspoken.
 Open like a book in no need of sympathy. As real as air sucked in n heard as if playin in my own heartbeats symphony. My life is a reality that we're all the same. On display n released to relate to the facts tryin to beat the game. Half cocked appearin to be insane before eyes that refuse to dig into the texture of the depths that speak of the secrets. As i stand without skeletons that haunt what can't be found in the breeze givin a face to so called demons. Flowin by in the winds that tell truths of hidden corruption tearin honesty apart. Hide if u must behind the mask of what u feel of what it is u think u want everyone to know in whom u r. I'm here as proof standin in frame that not all of us is as fake as smiles turned upside down. Spittin the gain of what's really goin on behind the curtains drawn from the unfortunate mouth. In rare form cuttin the jugular to show we have a need for luv to step to the plate. Takin main stage under the spotlight to express for the record, no matter how hard we try, luv without war we can not escape. Within my own skin unable to lie as the gain will never prevail n unravel bein attached to false intensions. Do what u must to feel that helps u feel so much better bout self unable to stand within characters inspection. It'll get u no where quick as ends will catch the beginnings of lips attemptin to make another believe fibs. U'll wind up sittin in the eventual pain once again as u enjoy the now of how u live. I'm free of the bs as who i am is what's seen cuz that's what's worth my time. The only thing that'll make moments a legacy of a man unafraid to sigh........ Outspoken.

I'm jus askin

 if I told u.
 if u were to listen for once.
 if u sent me back to where u fond me.
 if I said without u I wouldn't feel like much.
 jus moseyin around.
 not knowin where I belonged.
 missin the one person that made the difference.
 listenin to every known sad song.
 would u feel the void?
 the emptiness that would kill me alive.
 in need of what was shared.
 the irreplaceable emotional dive.
 if u were to know U touched me.
 now stranded in life.
 would it make any sense as of yet?
 jus to hear my heart speak ur name.
 starvin in a way no other luv could feed.
 findin it so fuckin hard to simply breathe without the pain.
 like my mind would be set on cruise control.
 waitin on ur return.
 livin to catch another image of ur face.
 through eyes that were fixed upon u.
 is it possible you'd hear the tone?
 doin more than whisper the secrets I held in the dark.
 with patience unbearable feelin alone.
 if I wasn't able to move on.
 for reasons u couldn't understand.
 jus passin time n unused.
 thinkin it be nice to feel in my palm, ur hand.
 I'm askin cuz I wouldn't know what to do.
 lost without ur reflection in my eyes.
 with me being the eyelids for would I if I were.
 to tell u the opposite in a lie.
 so u could jus get on with the alternative.
 cuz jus maybe for me there's no feelings that hide.
 done n out in the world as I'd jus be an afterthought.
 jus to know would be nice.
 so knowin won't waste mine or any others time.
 as they can't comprehend y I couldn't luv them.
 it's jus if I spoke once the moment came.
 cuz I don't wanna go thru life forced to pretend.
 if it wind up in ur hands.
 n conversation is all it took.
 tellin me it is what it is.
 would the truth come from ur lips read from ur own book?
 what if I said I'd miss u at the beginning of one day n it never end? I'm jus

Left in the middle of luv...

Not til luv reaches the mind will nothin ever be the same.
 In true form openin the deepest layer to show the concurin tame.
 Driven to the edge of sanity teeterin on the balance of change.
 Losin the meanin of worth walkin away leavin life so strange.
 Not til its gone will the appreciation take it's toll within the heads ache.
 Knowin u had it in hands that was gentle to the touches fade.
 Not knowin where to go to find the completion that stepped out.
 Exit stage left for reasons not of owns faults yet provoked by extreme accounts.
 Forcin the purest emotion to cling to the only thing that could make the difference.
 In total defense.
 Attemptin to get at a life that would mean more than any other.
 Windin up laid out in the open in a false state of who self is as a cover.
 Crackin the shell as all the good leaks a sizzled hole in the heart.
 Unable to understand the reality of bein left in the middle of luv barred.
 Doin all one can to hold it together on anothers actions failin.
 Watchin them leave as they're bailin.
 Hurt in a way that the replacement is irrelevant to attempt.
 As total chaos of what to do spirals as if a hurricane mid vent.
 Like empty driftwood afloat the rivers top goin who knows where.
 N all u ever did was take a moment to actually care.
 Makin sure they had someone who was there like no one else.
 With the slow realization of who was truly felt.
 Sittin at the beginnin of the world's end.
 Missin in life a what coulda been so much more than friends.

Left in the middle of luv...
 Not til luv reaches the mind will nothin ever be the same.
 In true form openin the deepest layer to show the concurin tame.
 Driven to the edge of sanity teeterin on the balance of change.
 Losin the meanin of worth walkin away leavin life so strange.
 Not til its gone will the appreciation take it's toll within the heads ache.
 Knowin u had it in hands that was gentle to the touches fade.
 Not knowin where to go to find the completion that stepped out.
 Exit stage left for reasons not of owns faults yet provoked by extreme accounts.
 Forcin the purest emotion to cling to the only thing that could make the difference.
 In total defense.
 Attemptin to get at a life that would mean more than any other.
 Windin up laid out in the open in a false state of who self is as a cover.
 Crackin the shell as all the good leaks a sizzled hole in the heart.
 Unable to understand the reality of bein left in the middle of luv barred.
 Doin all one can to hold it together on anothers actions failin.
 Watchin them leave as they're bailin.
 Hurt in a way that the replacement is irrelevant to attempt.
 As total chaos of what to do spirals as if a hurricane mid vent.
 Like empty driftwood afloat the rivers top goin who knows where.
 N all u ever did was take a moment to actually care.
 Makin sure they had someone who was there like no one else.
 With the slow realization of who was truly felt.
 Sittin at the beginnin of the world's end.
 Missin in life a what coulda been so much more than friends.

Curiosity asks if u ever felt it. The way it touched u. N how it ran through u. To realize it literally ran straight through u, takin who u was with it. Standin in the mirrors edge that seems so tempting. desperately searchin for what's left. Findin fragments of shattered pieces scattered. Leavin cracks so fragile. To damn sensitive to the slightest breeze that hurts gettin back up. To wind up in the cycles circle definin character breakin down. Bled dry as new life struggles to trust anything that moves on it's own. Needin actions to speak, muted by questions that linger within that sit on the finger prints afraid to land. To be felt. To enjoy self puttin together the puzzle of self he doesn't even know how to construct. Wantin a lil help n a sharper set of eyes to watch the back. As it stands before u n u don't know how to truly open up. Willin n holdin in hand the facts in dyer need to show the face behind the masks entertainment. Diggin deep so another other than self is real. For the one behind the reflection of the glass that stares is watchin everything in sight. It's jus a wonder in the mind that lingers with the thought that matters.

the struggle

some time in the future of the moments that ended u sittin on my chest.
the weight remains of a friendships past time so tragic of gettin my best.
the memory rolls, cloud like with me dead center reachin for a dream.
the oxygen u stole jus before it interred my lungs tryin to breathe.
played like a clown I knew n I told u it'd happen as you'd fade.
outta my league isn't the fact that instead u weren't ready to stand in as I gave.
today as if yesterday lookin back, it would be said u failed simply by bein u.
as I'm left tryin to figure out if I live in the now or in my mind back then with truths.
either way the struggle will remain the highlight beside u or set a drift.
it's in the passion felt that proves it is real as also bein irrelevant that u r missed.
connected to kryptonite the power lays in ur hands of what u truly want.
guess I'm jus here til the end comes as life loses its use takin of the gloves.
wasted emotions spent carelessly attemptin to show somethin that died inside of u.
as the one thing left would question how could u jus let go of u know who........

I'm askin

if I told u.

if u were to listen for once.

of u sent me back to where u find me.

if I said without u I wouldn't feel like much.

jus moseyin around.

not knowin where I belonged.

missin the one person that made the difference.

listenin to every known sad song.

would u feel the void?

the emptiness that would kill me alive.

in need of what was shared.

the irreplaceable emotional dive.

if u were to know I touched me.

now stranded in life.

would it make shy sense as of yet?

jus to hear my heart speak ur name.

starvin in a way no other luv could feed.

findin it so fuckin hard to simply breathe without the pain.

like my mind is set on cruise control.

waitin on ur return.

livin to catch another image of ur face.

through eyes that were fixed upon u.

is it possible you'd hear the tone?

doin more than whisper the secrets I hold in the dark.

with patience unbearable feelin alone.

if I wasn't able to move on.

for reasons u couldn't understand.

jus passin time n unused.

thinkin it be nice to feel in my palm, it hand.

I'm askin cuz I wouldn't know what to do.

lost without ur reflection in my eyes.

or would I if I were.

to tell u the opposite in a lie.

so u could jus get on with the alternative.

cuz jus maybe for me there's no feelings that hide.

done n out in the world as I'm jus an afterthought.

jus to know would be nice.

so knowin won't waste mine out any others time.

as they can't comprehend y I can't luv them.

it's jus if I spoke once the moment came.

cuz I don't wanna go thru life forced to pretend.

if it wind up in overs hands.

n conversation is ask it took.

tellin me it is what it is.

would the truth come from ur lips from ur own book?


what if I said I'd miss u at the beginning of one day n it never ends?

i knew

you'll fall in luv if U ever had me.

that's what she said as I thought the same thing.

even on the reverse end.

I knew I wanted to be more than friends.

yet like I said, u wont be able to get enough.

still, we never thought we'd cave to the touch.

not this way.

the enjoyin crept up n stayed.

I seen it cuz I knew I had what it took.

the chase for the first time in my life was more than the look.

I never played cat n mouse the way I did for her.

I wanted the worth.

I had to have what she possessed.

cuz I knew without her if obsess.

I couldn't help what I felt when she was near.

it felt as if I regained the passion findin it's cheer.

that smile alone.

I woulda done anything to give the digits of my phone.

makin the interest known so I had a chance to make the difference.

oh the glory of the suspense.

y not me was the only angle in which I was willin to fall.

anything, jus name the expectations of her vault.

wantin the code to spin her mind.

left right left combo pie in together a bit of time.

n the way she looked at me, I was a goner.

lil did she know I wanted to fall in luv with her.

every night puttin a friendship up with a lil bit of charm.

n to this day I don't mean her no harm.

the work it took built somethin so rare.

bad times came faster than the good, but I cared.

provin my end of the stick holdin her weight.

as real as passion surfacin upon my face.

I knew I wanted to be closer than air removin space.

n the enjoyment that has come to this!

hearin my name released from the tips of her lips.

is a priceless moment to spend any part of my life with her.

there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her.

as the story goes

I kinda went on a lil vacations.
away from the depression of emotions.
tryin to find a lil sum sumtin.
within the mind, not wantin a piece of nothin.
makin luv instead of fuckin up my head.
stayin awake for days afraid of the bed.
I had to step back n retreat from self.
vacant n void as empty as never bein felt.
gone without huntin the reasons n why's.
keepin from the depths settled in my own eyes.
scared of the pain followin that lingered.
runnin from the secrets of luv pointin fingers.
gettin lost along the way in a different kind of paradise.
secluded from the services of passion that lied.
livin in another world weird enough to make sense.
makin the balance of relations less tense.
I went on a cruise sailin solo to the edge of the horizons drop.
off the deep end of reality, closin up shop.
I fell n wound up elsewhere mentally at the bottom.
lookin upward wonderin wtf so far from use hobblin.
wounded n vulnerable passin times window.
never wantin to return to the confusion shadow.
yet layin in the shade I chilled the breezes breathe.
with only what I could find that had no meanin to be said.
jus the driftin cluster fuck of bs set down plagued the will.
not needin to feel the truths overflow n spill.
I slipped into la la land where I found me.
alone n betrayed by my endless dreams.
n as I peep back at the yesterday's calm.
I sit in a pause flawed attempting to find a cause.
no longer defeated by the design that failed.
I'm my own prison n I'm ready to post bail.
standin in another luv'rs parade of my presence.
waitin on it to smother the smolderin fence.
crossed as lines r stepped becomin real.
n all I know is to enjoy the trip for a chance to peel.
awakenin to a new patience in a face expressed.
I wonder how long it'll take to to put her right back with the rest.
unwillin like those before I didn't wanna release.
fallin once again embeddin dirty on the knees.

the process

as if it were yesterday, emotions clung to long.
lost time gone, witness, the mirror stayed strong.
burnt out, sad songs felt the pain in a weep.
turned n smiled, went numb was the need.
lingerin drift wood, the bridge stood no chance.
candles flame raged, did a lil more than dance.
like a wild fire, it spread n chard even the smoke.
crisp, vision blurred, stingin tears dove in to soak.
downstream without a paddle, the same will never remain.
form changed, accepted by the currents undertow.
depths felt the bottom, rise like a tide outta control.
pourin out into the wide open waters, with so many fish.
swimmin for the shore, wantin the sands lit by the moons kiss.
to ease back so the fade goes, feelin it slip away.
attemptin to surface, jus to stand here today.
collected, pieced together by the minds confusion.
understandin one thing, the beginnin is the end losin.
scared to enjoy moments, released n so forgetful.
reason betrayed, left knowin the meanin of grateful.
still, time stood, balancin the teeters pause.
grounded from the opposin side, losin weight showin flaws.

under

breakin under the pressure of hands tied tightly behind the blinded back.
ripped from the roots, characters constantly under fire n repeatedly attacked.
from up n under the feet sunk in concrete, today is made to do more than stay.
every once in a while a man is forced to under go his own doings with the pain.
up n under the surface, truths sits growin a crave that feins life so still.
as the fade sheds skin n the reinvented individual comes from under the thrill.
knowin it's under the thumbs print designed to show selfs justified proof.
dead n gone, goin under with the flow til time permits him to...........


come from the under the shadows weight, refusin to lose n runnin for shelter.
gettin under the thin layer of the mind that understands how he felt her.
with patience that has opened up as reality fell under the smiles curve.
sucked beneath the wound that healed, under the scar that formed the dead nerve.
the wait under the brutal deception stands in place for the moment freed.
gaspin for the lively hood as air under the splash of water is drownin to breathe.

say to my anything under the sun.
I'm listenin