my sunshine

There was a time. Once. Now left where it belong, in its place.
Lost in wonder. Alone. Without a true smile upon the face.
Back when i could not and did not want to feel. Emotionless. No one mattered.
It seemed one was not to appear. Misguided. I was broken and shattered.
A time of past memories. Rejected. Turning on any ones love.
Nothing lasts forever. Ending. Hating and feeling with a push and a shove.
I never gave that chance. Afraid. Living for the moment.
Thinking of whom? Where. My love no one ever got to truly hold it.
No connection was felt. Drought. The heart ached for knowing.
Somewhere along the lines I gave up. Defeated. No longer growing.
Shut down for safe keeps. Suppressed. Lingering within wanting more.
Seems everyone was the same as I. Selfish. From the other side of the door.
Starting over. Hard. I should have kept it real and whole hearted, for this I was wrong.
Yet, it was not time. Felt. Deep inside where people did not belonged.
Running from someone else’s fairytale. Faking. I was a silhouette that broke them.
Leaning inward ones feet move. Dreaming. One day I thought, I will bend.
Once lived a man. Clinging. Seeking the opportunity like no other.
In space that is left behind. Smiling. Creeping into the future.
Eyes were wide. Looking. But the head hung as low as it could go.
Giving true self to just anyone. Never. Waiting I played my game slow.
Stretching the truth. Lies. Flew from the mouth of making due.
Desiring that one person. Fate. Beyond all others that completed my all.
Drifting in the meanwhile. Solo. Even with someone else in love with me that was soon to fall.
A loner until she came along. Reaching. Giving more reason than I could understand.
No other could ever come close. Halted. Secretively I eventually ran.
Listening to all the soppy tears. Done. I had to go find where I belonged.
Thinking of why I do this. Over. I was never into an others played out song.
No one ever touched the sweet spot. Chance? Was the impossible of gain.
Sharing self was unheard of. Briefly. Allowing others to believe their claim.
In a time of passion. Missing. I could not honestly try, for it was not there.
It takes two to create magic that sparked the flame. Empty. I played house without a care.
Abusing loves intentions. Refusing. To ever love them back.
There was a time for this. Flirting. They thought I was their one in fact.
They could not get past me. Maintaining. Holding out for a lifetime.
Pausing to attempt expression. Living. For my very own sunshine.
She lived in me. Confused. I knew she was for I felt her.
But where, when no one was her? Blurred. Names was muted and slurred.
Years passed. Sitting. Mandy came to the mind like so many times before.
Searching I found her. Taken. I finally let her go to be with the present of the lore.
Gave a small piece of me. Left. I knew it should have never happened.
Easy to get over. Lust. For self wanted her to go away, heart was dampened.
Time came around and gave. Conversation. Like nothing I have ever known.
Immediately I knew this was it. Finally. The heart opened and moaned.
A voice spoke I so ever craved. Listening. I was just being me for once
Nerves were shaking. Butterflies. My time was here to love my one.
Overwhelmed I gave her the me like I have never done. Real. The me that no one knew.
All the years without found love. Absent. Became to be my hearts greatest joy, she is my boo boo.
Today I live in her heart. Comforting. As Mandy lives within my so called forbidden world.
It is funny when you just know. Completed. I am whole with her as my wife, lady, woman, girl.