Shoulda

I'm finding myself doing another mans daily duties n I'm not complainin one bit. For it was suppose to be my life in the makin with kids that shoulda been by me. Getting close enough they feel like my own and the have a daddy that is biologically theirs. Yet it doesn't change what I'm feeling for none of them because the way I see it, they shoulda been by me. I have three and she has six. Together there is nine. And I will stand for all of them as my own, no bloodline or not.

I'm falling deeper than I ever thought I would by any means for any woman. I swore it would take a hell of a woman to do what this impaticullar female is doing without doing a thing as I am loving it. I always knew there was something about her. Something that lived inside of me with hope, but I never knew until here recently as I have the oppertunity to live a life I dreamed of for years. It shoulda been our all the while as fate is giving us a chance to do us in a time of redefining true love.

The saddest thing I am finding I have to endure is I'll never have a chance for her to bare my child. It pains me in ways as she is filling a void and the emptiness is there. It's making my desire for her stronger by the day. Feeding a love for this woman of my dreams, my very own happiness. I'd just like to see her smile as it is me on the other end of her everything. Like it shoulda been as this time.

I have gone so long with only images flooding thoughts with and in between lovers I knew it would never work with. Lying my way along, even though I believed I'd never have a chance with my one. Dissecting all their good intentions apart and breaking down their flaws for they could never be her. I know it's been so long since I've seen her but when we talked for the first time after so many long wasted years. We knew this was our fate. For she lived with me in her the same as I did her. It's unexplainable to say the least. All I know is I have her in my arms every night and she's loving me back. I feel I've done something to deserve this and I'd do it again if I knew this were the outcome. For it shoulda been us until the end.

These are feeling leaking out as true as the can ever be felt. Uncontrolled and thrown at any ear willing to listen as they are meant to be read from a place love was created. I'd give my own life for this woman I have craved over for so long. We are one in the same. Not having to explain ours pasts to anyone that could never understand our past. Getting a glare of wtf did you just say in now a distant memory we'll never endure again. My one has pulled me from a place I felt so utterly lost in. Giving life back to who I truly am as I am a fresh breath of old familiar air flowing within her. Even after drifting apart like we shoulda never had been.