what now?

it feels i'm always on the outside. looking in on a life i either can not have or one that has ran it's course. it hurts but i refuse to be broke. tomorrow will come. tomorrow will end. the same as today! and my face will still be painted in the same place. in shades that made my yesterday. in the direction of happiness. blood from a wound that can not be seen. yet it will heal as i rise stronger once again. new faces. names misplaced. possibly forgotten. sounds of the past rearranged and playing it's game, as it repeats itself. making way for what is yet to come. unwanted but true it leads. dreams fade and lose their way in the mind. i have wound up lost. giving in to thoughts of uncertainty. i damn near have forgotten how it felt. and the reasons i won't live a certain way is my own. always peeking in. i want it bad. but something inside is giving up again. as bad as it may sound. i do not have it in me to turn away from time. finding (it), i thought i did. but i don't know if things are right in between the lines of mature minds. i am far from perfect and still have much to learn. but as i sneak a glimpse of where it is headed. i am not the only one who needs a good staring from the spitting image of the great pretender in the mirror. waiting to shit on the parade. gazing in on my life, i have went down screaming inside this time. close to the tongue. i tasted as bout as close as i have ever. now feeling alone again. i drift in a silent pause misplaced. whens it going to end? questions consume. answers hide. searching i just can not find the time to fight. following the breeze as it blows me away. floating into a lifetime of could have beens. dropping a tear for the good times as i blink a memory. my guess is, it is what it is! but what now?